You’re seeing this guy. Everything is going great, you two are having a grand time being all romantic and in love, and then… BAM. The universe decides you two need to take a break. You start getting busier and he starts sleeping at his own place more, and all of a sudden it feels like you two are half a world away. Or, maybe you two are half a world away! Maybe one of you is super famous and filming a movie in Portugal, while one of you is sitting at a Starbucks in Vancouver writing an article about women’s health. Distance, no matter how large or how small, is the key factor in figuring out if your man is meant to stay. Luckily, there are tips and tricks you can utilize to keep him interested despite being a world apart. Getting him to miss you is an easy feat and one that will have the payoff of keeping your relationship alive… No matter where you two are at. We’ve compiled the 16 hottest psychological tricks to keep his love alive. You’re going to be the master at missing after this!
16 Have a Signature
No, we don’t mean something to give your screaming fans. While you might have a lovely signature on the back of your bank card or a brilliant talent at calligraphy and script work, that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about having a signature scent that you can put on and “train” him with. Whether it’s jasmine essential oils or Clinique’s “Happy”, choose a scent that’s both non-offensive and suits you well. If you’re someone who’s always happy and smiling, try something citrusy. If you’re as sweet as sugar, a fruity or floral blend might work for you. Whatever it is, wear it often around your guy. You’ll find that eventually he’ll start to miss your signature scent, and will think of you whenever he smells it. Bonus points if you can choose a scent common enough for it to appear in his everyday life. Notes of orange? Yes please. He’ll think of you everytime he picks up the juice carton.
15 Don’t Fast-Track It
If he’s the one that likes to make plans, then you might find you’re going to be torn when your life gets busy. Yes, it’s nice to have someone who makes plans and takes initiative. We all want someone to actively show they care. However, if he’s the only one making plans, they’re always going to be what works with his schedule best. And as soon as you get busy, you might feel awkward or unsure about taking the lead on making plans. Our recommendation is to practice before life hits the fan. Don’t agree to every booty call or “you can work on that later” date. Instead, try to be clear about needing personal time. Let your boy follow you sometimes, as well as lead. He’ll start to look forward to the dates you set, and you two will find your relationship happier and more balanced. Plus, he’ll miss you in the meantime!
14 Tone Down the Texting
We’re guilty of this too. If you and your boy are apart for a while, make a conscious effort to put your phone away. You don’t want to be watching the screen all day and night waiting for him to text you, especially if you’re one of those instant-repliers. He’ll start to wonder why you’re always conveniently ready and at your phone, rather than wondering about you and what you’re up to. We’re not saying ignore him; that’s definitely not the way to build a healthy relationship. However, we are saying that you should put your pocket computer away and focus on your work, your book, or anything else that might be helping to enrich your life. Don’t bother wasting your time and energy waiting for text messages! Do stuff that you love doing and answer him when you want. This will make the communication more meaningful, as well as inspire him to miss you when you two aren’t talking.
13 Keep it Subtle
Romance is great, but save it for a Saturday date night. Texting him on your lunch break is cute, and no doubt he loves to know that you’re thinking of him throughout the day. But don’t get too wild with it. We recommend sticking to specific instances you can point to that prove you actually thought of him. “Hey, saw a cute dog I thought you’d like. It made me think of you” is much more meaningful than “I love you so much I miss you I can’t wait to see you tonight.” He’ll appreciate the fact that you connect him to the things he likes, and he’ll start doing that too (read our next point for more details on that). He’ll also miss you more if you play it subtly rather than if you’re throwing your whole heart at him all the time. Romance loses its luster quick-- Keep it casual and you’ll not only get him missing you more, you’ll also keep the friendship that started this relationship alive.
12 Connect Yourself to His World
You hear it over and over again: Don’t lose your own interests when you start to date a man. It’s really tempting to give up the things you like doing in order to spend more time with a guy, but we promise you it’s not worth it. Not only do you need things to fill your time (and attention) when you leave the honeymoon phase of your relationship, you also want things that he can connect you with. If you have a favorite author, talk about it. If you can quote the 1990s Spider-Man, quote it! The more specific you can get with your interests, the more he’ll be able to connect you to things he sees in the world. Then, the next time he’s out walking and sees a Spider-Man poster, he’ll think of you and will start to miss you. It’s foolproof!
11 Be The Boss You Are
This should be obvious, but for a lot of people, it’s just not. Do you ever get told you’re “too much” or “too intense”? We know we’ve heard it a few times. Don’t listen! Oftentimes when people are saying that you’re too much it just means that you’ve got a lot of passionate disposition and a lot of interests and opinions. There’s nothing wrong with that! Keep being passionate about your world and you’ll find your man missing you when you’re not around. No doubt if he’s with you he loves to watch you soar and prosper. If you keep up that passion when you’re doing your own thing you’ll not only have tons to talk about later, but you’ll find that your man starts to wonder about you when you two are apart. Any good relationship wants to see each other succeed.
10 Send Pictures
This is a great tip if you two are apart for a long time. Do you and your man have to vacation separately? Are you away on a fancy contract in a far away part of the world? Sometimes it happens, and that’s nothing to be worried about or ashamed of. We find that if you’re keeping yourselves busy the time spent being apart will just fly by. Not to mention how the two of you will feel even more recharged and rejuvenated when you’re together again. In the meantime? Send him pictures. If you get yourself dolled up for a night out with friends, fire off a picture to him. If you just jumped in the lake, send a quick snapshot to show how much fun you’re having. Not only will the fact he gets to see you get him happy, but showing off your good looks and winning smile will remind him just how much he wants to be with you.
9 Facebook It Up!
On top of sending him pictures, another good way to get him to miss you is to post pictures. Show off your fun and fantastic life, and get him in the mood for joining that life once more. You and your girls are no doubt going out and having a ball while he’s away living his life. This means that you’re going to have lots of photos and fodder for posting online. While we’re not saying to make yourself “instaperfect”, we are saying that you should embrace the fine world of social media to present all the fun you’re having. He’s no doubt checking out your facebook profile and Instagram shots, as well as your snapchat story and anything else you’ve got set up. Give him something to go gaga over and make sure you’re posting all your fun.
8 Change it Up
Want to keep him excited and on his toes? One of the ways to do this is to change up your look. If it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other, try throwing on a different hairstyle, color of nail polish, or getting a fancy new haircut. If he’s used to seeing you looking one way for so long, no doubt the change will shake things up a little. And if it comes halfway through a period of time during which you’re apart from each other, that’s even better. You can tease him with hints about how you’ve decided to shake things up. He’ll start thinking about the fact that you’ve changed, and might even be really excited by it! And if he’s thinking about you, no doubt that means he’s missing you. Plus, it shows that you’re not afraid of change. And that’s an exciting prospect when he’s thinking about the future.
7 Be Independent
There’s nothing sexier than a confident woman. If you’ve got a man on your arm, great. But if you don’t, that’s even better. Confidence often ties into independence; the more independent a woman is, oftentimes the more confident she. This independence doesn’t mean forswearing all love and intimacy. There’s no fun in that! We believe independence is seen in the woman who likes to take herself out on coffee dates, or the woman who has fun going out with her friends. The relationship should enhance your life, not be your life. By going out and living your own life, you’re giving your man the opportunity to miss being a part of it. Before you can say “another drink, please” you’ll find that he’s missing you and messaging you to make plans ASAP. Just remember to take your time responding; there’s no rush.
6 Play It Cool
“Hard to get” is a troublesome phrase for a few reasons. Firstly, you’re not something to be got. No one should have ownership over another human being, and you shouldn’t be aiming for a man to get you. Not to mention the fact that playing all coy and difficult is frustrating for everyone involved. Clear communication is the way to go, not outdated ideas of who-makes-the-first-move and ‘proper’ lady behavior. However, we do think there’s space to play it cool. Rather than jumping on the first hint of romance or love, let the flirtation simmer a little. If he’s hardcore flirting with you, there’s definitely space to slow it down. Giving and taking with the flirting is your best bet; be receptive to his moves, but don’t always toss the ball back. If you can hold on to that simmering, sultry power, you’ll find that he’ll have you on his mind more and more.
5 Look Good
Easy one, right? You’d be surprised how many people don’t take advantage of this, though. There are many women out there who fall into the habit of starting to see someone regularly and putting their own looks to the side. If you and your man are in love, it’s always comforting to know that he likes you regardless of what you look like. Sweatpants and ball caps might be a comfy girl’s best friend, but they’re also saboteurs of glamour. He might like to hang out with his no-pressure-no-make-up girlfriend on lazy Sundays, but don’t let yourself think that you don’t need to ever put in any effort. You’ll feel hotter and better if you put the effort into looking good. Wearing a shirt that makes you feel special or wearing that lipstick that makes your mouth look totally kissable can easily boost your self-esteem. Which, in turn, boosts how crazy he is about you. Look good, feel good. Feel good, and your guy will miss you even more when you’re apart.
4 See Him In Person
This might be hard for some of the long-distance relationships out there, but if you’re one of those girls who’s recently gone through a breakup this tip will definitely come in handy. Okay. You were with a guy and he seemed nice. But then you discover that he didn’t like puppies or something terrible like that. You decide to break up with him, but then you start to reconsider. How do you get him to want you back? Make him miss you. A good way to do this is to see him in person once or twice. Physical contact inspires lots of memories in the body which, in turn, causes emotional reactions. This can be anything from anger to sadness to happiness to regret. Hopefully, by him seeing you, you’ll be able to get some sweet, sweet feelings of missing you started. Then you might get on the road to being back together, puppy hating tendencies aside.
3 Leave a Little Something
Whether it’s a shirt in the laundry basket or a strand of hair on the pillow, you’ve got to leave a little something to keep you on his mind. Whether this object is actually practical or not is beside the point. It could be an earring or a bobby pin. He won’t know the difference when it comes right down to it. What he will get is the gentle knowledge of your presence in his life. By leaving a token or sign of yourself around his apartment, in his car, or slipped into his knapsack (check out our next point for more details on that), you ensure that there’s going to be reminders of you while you’re away. These reminders inspire him to think long and hard about you, and will ultimately end up with him missing you. The best part? You don’t even need to do anything. Leaving a trinket is the first and only step!
2 Take a Little Something
Does he have a favorite sweater? How about a favorite shirt? If he does, take it. Not only will he probably be more than willing to let you hold on to it for a week or two, but he’ll likely start missing it halfway through. And missing you by default! We’re not condoning stealing, and we’re not saying that you should take it without asking. But there are few things sexier than a woman shrugging on her man’s favorite button-up, or sliding into her guy’s softest t-shirt and wearing it outside. If he doesn’t stop you, we say go for it. You’ll find that his soft spot for you is enough to convince him to let you keep whatever you want to keep. Maybe not forever, but definitely for the length of time you two are apart. It’s a good way to make him miss you!
1 Don’t Do Too Much
Yes, making him miss you is a good thing. It makes your relationship grow stronger, and it gets you two on the same page emotionally. Time spent together gets better after the anticipation of missing each other has been built up, and he’s going to be more inclined to make time for hangouts if he’s missing you all the time. However, that doesn’t mean you should make him miss you ALL the time. This can easily turn into emotional manipulation and end poorly for everyone involved. Make sure you stay on the side of gentle longing; the more subtle your hints and hangouts can be, the better a job you do of getting him to miss you. And the sweeter it’ll be when you two finally get to be together again.