There is a lot of pressure for a movie on the first date. Some people choose it because there is supposedly less to worry about, but on the contrary... a lot can go wrong. This is not only the first time you are meeting, but it is the first time you must sit next to each other in comfortable silence, the first time you are in the dark together, the first time you will experience sexual tension. Hand holding was revolutionized during first date movies giving everyone involved a tingly warm feeling they didn't need to verbally express (or to have popcorn thrown at them). But the wrong movie can turn this static-infused date into a disaster. Choose wisely, or forever hold your own hand.
16 The Break-Up
This one may seem obvious and unobvious at the same time. Who doesn’t love a good comedy featuring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn? They say laughing is good for your health, not to mention, your soul. However, seeing a movie with this particular title runs the risk of stirring up some strange feelings. Do we really want to think about breaking up when we first meet someone new? Sure, it’s a pretty funny harmless film, but if your guy is taking you to see this one on the first date, maybe he’s trying to tell you something.
15 He’s Just Not That Into You
He’s Just Not That Into You boasts an all-star likable cast, similarly to The Break-Up. Though they say all art imitates life, this film happens to have an eerily relatable plot: 20-somethings and 30-somethings trying to navigate their way around the game of LOVE. You might think it would actually be a good choice for a first date movie, in an ironic sort of way, but then you remember just how saturated it is with big names and how the movie reduces everyone in the cast to a basic stereotype. You then realize it’s harder to follow than it is worth watching. Oh, and when the date is over and you get home, you’ll be biting your nails waiting for that text that might never come, maybe because he’s just not that into you or maybe because he fell asleep.
The year is 2016. To say it happens is an understatement. It’s barely taboo anymore. It’s just been normalized so much in society, that you’ve become immune to the whole thing. But still, you sometimes sweep it under the rug and say “not us. Never.” You condemn the people that do it or make excuses for your partner when you find out it “accidentally” happened. Of course, referring to cheating. Whether you accidentally have a bit too much to drink at the bar and let that coworker kiss you, or just decide you’re single for the night and go home with that hot neighbor you’ve always fantasized about... You are that someone or knows that someone who has cheated or been cheated on. Now pair that with an entire movie about an affair with the oh-so inspiring message of the story being: Everybody cheats. And on top of that, let’s remember that Closer is a film about ridiculously attractive people: Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts, Jude Law, and Clive Owen. Do we really want to go on a first date and watch a movie where unnaturally beautiful people marry other unnaturally beautiful people and have beautiful lives and still find a way to cheat on each other with other unnaturally beautiful people? I think not!
Religion is something best left avoided on the first date, unless both your online dating profiles scream “The Power of Christ Compels You!” If we ignore the fact that this is a pretty graphic, not-even-fun-to-watch-in-a-crowded-theatre horror film, the title is enough to send off a red flag. This is absolutely one of the most disturbing movies ever.
Cut back and forth. Back and forth. Hot, right? Probably not! It’s a little hard to fantasize about the conversations that would happen after the movie. “So… that movie…” “Yeah… that movie… so when are you free to go out again?” “How about never!” The previously stated rule does not apply though if you both happen to be gruesome horror movie obsessed. In that case, enjoy your blood and have a great evening.
12 A Clockwork Orange
The first argument for why this movie is a great movie is usually “but it’s a classic.” Yes, this is true, and it’s a really great film, but for someone unfamiliar with the movie, it’s a little extravagant. The first fifteen minutes consists of some brutal violence and some sexual violence. It’s probably safe to say no one is going to be making any romantic gestures in the theatre while watching this one. Did we mention the government issues “drug therapy”? How about the Psychotic murder fantasies? Narcotics abuse? This film might sound like a party to some people but if you’re considering this for a first date, we’d suggest having a long hard think about why this film was suggested in the first place.
11 Magic Mike
First of all, this is definitely something you see with your girlfriends, or maybe your mom if you have that relationship, so if you’re being invited to this, it’s not wrong to question whether or not your date is gay. For anyone who’s never even seen a preview for either of the Magic Mike films, you still know the film is very sexualized. If he’s asking you to see this movie, chances are he’s hoping you get turned on so much watching Channing Tatum “ride my pony” that he gets a little piece of that after the show. It’s also very likely that when you wipe the drool and popcorn off your chin and look over at your date sitting next to you, you’ll be strangely underwhelmed.
10 Saw II (or any of them for that matter)
Do you want to play a game? It’s called Let’s See Who Throws Up First. Though these films are extremely smart and full of everything other than your run-of-the-mill knife or gun deaths, they also are chalk full of blood (and psychological fear). In order, the traps in the sequel to the popular franchise include: venus flytrap closing on your head if you fail to cut a key from behind your eye with a scalpel (and no painkillers); a pressure sensitive electrocution staircase that breaks your shins and electrocutes you when you put a normal amount of pressure on a stair; nerve gas everywhere – just because; don’t-turn-the-doorknob-unless-you-wanna-get-your-brains-blown-out through the peephole; a furnace that, well, cooks you if you get greedy and reach for the second antidote (to the previously mentioned nerve gas); a pit of needles (again with an antidote tied to one of the needles conveniently located at the bottom of the pit – happy digging) and finally a razor box designed to cut your wrists if you’re not smart enough to notice the key on top of it to get to the antidote (spoiler: she wasn’t smart enough). Probably not a great film to kick off a new relationship.
First of all, this film is Disney, which is probably not a smart first date choice, unless your dating profile is flooded with Disney quotes and photos of you in your Elsa Halloween costume from this past year. The big reason this isn’t a great choice for a first date film is simple: who wants to cry on a first date? That includes the men. Not even the strongest of manly men can prevent their tear ducts from dampening when Bambi’s mom bites the bullet. For you? You can look forward to running mascara and eye liner and on the off chance he doesn’t sob uncontrollably? He might just tease you a little bit too much about your sopping wet eyes.
8 Little Black Book
Sometimes the past just needs to stay in the past. Oh sure, Little black book is a cute little movie starring the lovely Brittany Murphy (RIP), but it’s also a movie for inventing things that are not there. Just ask any relationship expert, men and women communicate differently and just because he doesn’t want to tell you something, doesn’t mean he’s hiding something either. It’s a film that makes you paranoid and teaches you the important lesson that we should just live in the moment and not dwell on the past. But if he suggests seeing this movie with you, maybe he IS hiding something.
7 Knocked Up
This film might seem like a harmless comedy but do you really want to be thinking about babies on the first date? If it wasn’t bad enough, the unplanned (and unexpected) pregnancy occurs after a one-night stand. When you’re out there dating – or “having fun” – you know the risks but decide the rewards (fun, new experiences, great (er maybe good… okay) sex) outweigh the risks (because you’re responsible, right?). Who wants to watch a movie that pokes fun at a life-changing mistake? Just in case you’re one of those people who like to leave the option open to go home with a potential date after the date, this film isn’t likely going to put you in the mood.
6 The Notebook
This rule applies to all other Nicholas Sparks book to movie translations as well. No matter how much you want it to happen, you and the date sitting next to you are never going to be Noah and Allie. Talk about inflated standards. Chances are, he won’t climb a dangerously high ferris wheel to get your attention, nor will he write you each and every day. Just stop thinking about it. It’s not happening, Sally! Throw in the same comments about crying as mentioned in the Bambi segment. This film might just be a little too romantic for a first date. Setting yourself up for your hopes to be crushed is never a good idea. Save yourself the trouble and watch it with a girlfriend (or a tub of ice cream if this new relationship doesn’t work out).
5 Rocky Horror Picture Show
It’s astounding… time is fleeting… madness MAY take it’s toll on you watching this film. Another classic, fun-to-watch (especially if you’re going to a costumed screening) film that is different than most films you watch, to say the least. Even those who don’t LOVE musicals have the potential to enjoy this one. It’s a weird movie that you can’t tear your eyes away from. Like a car wreck. However, unless a discussion has been had prior to this, it’s not something you should risk watching with a stranger. It’s 2016, and the things that were okay in the mid-to-late 70’s are not okay now so it might be better to save this one for a later date, rather than risk offending a new date’s sensibilities.
Wait a minute, just wait a minute! This movie won Oscars. It’s got Leo in it. WHY then is this film on a “do not watch on a first date” list? The major downside to watching this film on a first date is that Rose and Jack are, similar to Noah and Allie in the Notebook, MORE IN LOVE THAN YOU WILL EVER BE! To top that off, don’t kid yourself into thinking any guy who just met you is going to willingly die for you. Never let go Jack… never let go. And if Leo not winning an Oscar for this one isn’t bad enough, it’s a 4 hour movie so it’s a bit more of a time investment to put into something that won’t last past the first date if you’re watching Titanic anyways.
3 50 Shades of Grey
Mr. Grey will see you now. Yes, yes he will. If we put the horrendously written, plastered with consent issues book aside and look strictly at the film, it’s pretty clear that this is a film about sex. Sure there are love elements and themes of growing up and losing innocence, but it’s a film that will likely make you and your date a little hot, unless you’re completely terrified by the concept of a dominant-submissive relationship. If he’s inviting you to see this, he’s probably got one thing in mind. And if you’re the one who suggested seeing this one, he’s gunna make assumptions about you too. Tread with caution around this one.
2 Schindler’s List
There is really only one reason this is on the list. Do we really want to spend our first date reminiscing about the Holocaust? Didn’t think so. Not to mention the film is long and just sad. Not a great kick-off to a new, hopefully exciting relationship in your life. But if you have not personally seen it... it is highly recommended some other time.
1 Airbud (or other animal-as-lead-character film)
This might seem like a safe film. It’s not animated, there isn’t sex or gratuitous violence, and it’s a pretty positive, happy film. Wondering why it’s on the list? Most women love a man who likes animals (and men know this) so if he asks you to see this on the first date, is it just an act? By the end of the film, you also run the risk of desiring a dog more than a boyfriend. The choice is yours.