When it comes to getting it on, there’s an unspoken agreement about what’s okay to talk about and what isn’t. Among women, we’re pretty open about what we do in the bedroom, or what we wish our guy would do with us. It’s part of bonding and trading stories with our BFFs. For most guys, however, that kind of subject matter is off the table, partly out of respect for whoever they’re doing those naughty things with and partly because they simply don’t feel comfortable discussing it, even among their best friends.
Secret desires, however, can be as uncomfortable to talk about for both men and women. Granted, some fantasies are more common than others, but that doesn’t mean either party feels more comfortable broaching the topic. Instead, those daydreams stay firmly locked inside their heads, pulled out only when they get some private time for a little solo action. To dispel any of the issues you or your SO might have with those fantasies, we present 16 of them – eight for men and eight for women – that are surprisingly common (and totally normal) even if you won’t ever admit to thinking about them yourself!
16 WOMEN: Take It Off!
Most women might hate the idea of their boyfriend or husband going out with the guys to visit a club but secretly, a lot of ladies have a fantasy about being a girl who works the pole! This common fantasy combines two major things that a lot of women use to get their rocks off: playing naughty in front of other people and having the confidence to get down to wearing absolutely nothing.
Say what you will about working the pole, but it requires a lot of body confidence. After all, you’re getting naked in front of a bunch of strangers and gyrating to music – you can’t be thinking about any potential cellulite or fat rolls, can you? There’s an amount of swagger that’s a major turn-on for women who might feel insecure about their bodies, plus the added the idea of having a bunch of men drool all over you. Playing the bad girl for once isn’t a bad thing, and it doesn’t make you any less of a feminist for wanting to turn this fantasy into reality.
15 MEN: Look, But Don’t Touch
Called voyeurism, it’s a major thing for men to want to watch ladies but not be able to actually touch them – or have them even know that they’re there! Considering how creepy this sounds, it’s no wonder that dudes have shied away from ever admitting to fantasizing about this idea!
The idea of watching a woman but not being able to physically do anything about it (to her, at least) is what happens when you’re on the receiving end of the fantasy of doing the deed in public. As the spectator, you’re helpless to change up the action, but you can get really into watching what’s going on right in front of you. Maybe it’s because of how much adult material they’ve consumed, but guys like the idea of not having to do much of anything and still getting an enormous amount of pleasure – it’s just that no one wants to talk about it.
14 WOMEN: Stranger Danger
When it comes to being catcalled on the streets, women are overwhelmingly against it. No one wants to be objectified on their way to work or while running to the bank! However, there is a common fantasy among women about getting it on with a stranger, but it’s on OUR terms. Instead of the crass, disgusting dude who yells at you from the sidewalk, this stranger is hot and mysterious, and the idea is just dangerous enough – we could get hurt! He could be a murderer! – to get us all hot and bothered.
In the safety of our own mind, this fantasy is definitely a steamy one, but it doesn’t mean we want to be pursued or felt up by men we barely know. Instead, incorporating this fantasy into a bit of role-play with your SO might be a fun way to spice things up and live out this lusty vision you’ve had for quite some time!
13 MEN: Off-Limits
It might suck to hear this, but yes, every dude has fantasized about someone they weren’t supposed to think about in that way. Your SO has enough common sense and self-preservation to know that it would be a really, really bad idea to mention to anyone about how they’ve imagined doing the deed with your BFF or getting it on with your sister. They know that no good can come from spilling the details of his saucy dream about your mom, which is why they stay mum about it!
This fantasy doesn’t mean he actually wants to go out and score with someone he isn’t supposed to, it’s just the allure of the forbidden. Plus, so many dudes are all about the chase, and that chance to compete against the odds – and convention – to get a new lady in their arms is pretty seductive. Wanting what you can’t have (or aren’t supposed to have) is a very hot idea, but you’ll never catch him copping to it!
12 WOMEN: All Eyes On Them
Getting it on in public is a hugely popular fantasy among women, because we all have a little bit of an exhibitionist streak in us. Maybe it’s from all the adult material floating around or the steamy setups in books and movies, but there’s something undeniably titillating about getting hot and heavy in a public place where you could be caught at any moment by anyone.
In most cases, women don’t want to admit this fantasy because they think it makes them sound like an amateur adult film star who’s raring to go at any moment. In reality, though, what this fantasy means is that you want other people to think you’re as hot as your partner does. This (fictional) audience might know that what you’re doing is wrong – and downright illegal – but they can’t help but keep watching because you’re so damn fine! We appreciate having all eyes on us when we’re feeling ourselves, and this illicit fantasy isn’t any different!
11 MEN: Risky Business
Even some of the most vanilla guys have a steamy dream or two, and one of the most common is getting frisky in public. However, unlike women who might be more into the idea of someone catching them in the act, guys are more interested in this type of risky business because it signifies hot passion – the kind that requires him to take you, NOW.
Doing the deed in public – whether it be a restaurant bathroom, an elevator, or in a parked car – symbolizes to him an insatiable need you have for him and what he’s packing that he simply can’t turn away from it. Sure, there’s also the added turn-on of getting caught with his pants down (literally), but for guys, it’s more about the fact that you’re so into them that you can’t wait to get it on someplace civilized. You need satisfaction, who cares if you get caught? The reluctance to admit this fantasy might be because some guys know in their hearts that they don’t exactly perform well under that kind of pressure, even if the opportunity arose.
10 WOMEN: Take The Lead
A lot of women are pretty open about wanting to be the submissive party in the bedroom, in large part due to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, which helped bring unconventional relationships into the mainstream (albeit inaccurately and with a distasteful emotionally abusive bent). However, the same can’t be said for the woman who wants to take control and play the dominant role between the sheets.
In our day-to-day lives, we women are often stuck playing the part of the person who doesn’t push too hard or ask for too much, lest we be called the dreaded b-word. Because of that repression, it’s pretty normal to want to be the exact opposite when we’re doing the deed. Being in control of our man – and getting ours before he gets his, if he ever does – is a power trip for us, one that lets us unleash our skills and assertiveness in a way that can be aggressive – and that’s how we like it.
9 MEN: All The Ladies
This shouldn’t be a shocker to anyone, but easily one of the most popular fantasies for almost any man is that idea of hooking up with a bunch of girls at once – and making it a memorable night for all parties involved.
Often, dudes will talk about how they want to get it on with multiple ladies, but the reality is that they might not have the stamina or ability to actually pull it off. If this were reality, he might be hit with a massive case of stage fright, which is why this fantasy exists purely in his mind – and in his pants. Having a bevy of beauties at his beck and call is a total turn-on because he can be an active participant or just watch what’s going on. Admittedly, more men might confess to having this fantasy than some of the others on this list, but we doubt that they’d express the worry that comes with it: that they’d likely never be able to make it happen to everyone’s satisfaction!
8 WOMEN: Gal Pals
Many women have partied hard enough and had a little too much to drink so that they might kiss one of their BFFs, but it might surprise you to know that a lot of women fantasize about taking things further – no boys allowed.
Getting it on with a girl is a fantasy a lot of women have entertained, even if no one likes to talk about it (especially while sober). For those of us who have only been with men, the idea of being with a women is alluring and also a little taboo. Plus, chances are the lady (or ladies) we’re fantasizing about are beautiful goddesses – and the polar opposite of our hairy-faced guys. They’re Victoria’s Secret models and famous actresses, women we would want to pal around with as much as we’d like to get down with. We can appreciate a woman’s beauty even if we’re totally straight, which is why this fantasy doesn’t take a lot of effort to become a favourite that no one talks about.
7 MEN: Large & In Charge
All the superhero movies that have been coming into theatres over the past ten years should give you a hint to this, but it turns out that a major fantasy that men hate to admit is being the big hero! From your regular office pencil-pusher to the plumber who unclogs your sinks, being the hero is a fantasy that few men are willing to confess, because it’s the opportunity for them to make like an action hero, save the girl, and get a nice reward for their efforts.
Firefighters, police officers, soldiers, or just your Average Joe foiling a scheme to rob a bank or destroy the world, the hero fantasy is one dudes love because it imagines them at their most macho and masculine. They feel better being the manly-man who rescues the damsel in distress. It gives them a greater purpose, even if it’s all in their head. Plus, it offers them a chance to cash in on a special thank-you from the relieved and appreciative woman he’s saved!
6 WOMEN: The More, The Merrier
A combination of a couple fantasies already discussed on this list, women are as into doubling (or tripling or quadrupling) their pleasure as men are! This type of fantasy can go a bunch of ways, but often it incorporates at least one guy, occasionally your partner at the time, but not always! (Don’t worry, we won’t tell.)
Thanks to adult films, this fantasy is partly fuelled by all the material available on those sites. A women might want to be with another woman and a man, or two men, or more than two people in general! Since getting it on is supposed to be an intimate act between two people, letting others join in on the fun feels naughty and forbidden. Plus, you get to fulfill the fantasy of being watched by the person who isn’t active in whatever’s going on at that moment. This doesn’t mean you’re gung-ho to fulfill your boyfriend’s saucy dreams, but you can imagine it just as well yourself!
5 MEN: Chasing Waterfalls
Probably in large part thanks to all the adult material that men consume, the thought of getting a little wet and wild turns them on more than it might have if they hadn’t seen it played out before. We’re not talking about golden showers here (which is a fantasy all their own, but not always so common), we mean that other watery action that seems the norm in adult movies.
The explanation for this fantasy is that a guy wants to be the reason a girl is so turned on when they’re getting frisky that she simply can’t control herself, and instead of experiencing a little O, she gets a major one. Basically, this fantasy acts as proof that he’s doing everything right – and then some. Of course, what he’s seeking isn’t always a guarantee, and isn’t possible for every woman. However, thanks to everything he’s watched, it’s still something that comes to mind every now and then.
4 WOMEN: A Little Pain
Another result of the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, we have the very common fantasy of women who would like a little pain with their pleasure. While not everyone has a Red Room of Pain and expensive toys and tools to use, this fantasy is employed more so that women can be weakened even further than simply being the submissive party.
In this kind of fantasy, a woman might not just want to be dominated, but taken, sometimes violently. Obviously, any kind of violent intimacy without consenting parties is a hard no, but in Fantasyland, everyone is consenting and having a great time! Getting tied up or beaten down just a little can get a woman hot and bothered, but make her feel guilty about admitting that she gets turned on by such things. Just a reminder: fantasizing about such taboo subjects doesn’t mean you want it to happen in real life, but that you could be open to the idea in the bedroom – with a lot of discussion beforehand, of course.
3 MEN: On The Receiving End
Without getting too X-rated in our description of this naughty little fantasy, we will say that this secret desire involves a guy receiving the pleasure from his woman using a tool he might not be comfortable admitting to.
Blame it on the heteronormativity that permeates our society, but most men are extremely anxious and downright embarrassed about confessing that they’ve thought about getting a little backdoor action – this time as the person on the receiving end. Playing with his rear entrance makes sense, however, because of all the nerve endings that are located back there, but even though anatomy dictates why he’d be into it, you’ll probably never catch a guy admitting that he’s fantasized about it, unless you’re in a committed relationship with lots of communication. Trying something new and taboo is hella seductive, and while this fantasy might throw you for a loop, it’s totally normal, even if he’ll never spill it.
2 WOMEN: Make A Movie
Despite the fact that we KNOW, logically, that making a home video is bad news and that only a lucky few become celebrities from it (ahem, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian), there’s still something about doing the dirty on camera that gets us pretty excited.
The desire to create an adult film is a surprisingly common one. We like the idea of being our own stars, and what could be sexier than watching ourselves get intimate on video? Better than headless nude Snapchats or still photos, seeing us move around in a homemade adult film is both taboo and dangerous. What if the video got leaked? What if our SO decided to post it online after a breakup? It’s titillating to think of all that could go wrong provided that it never, ever happens. Most women won’t admit to this fantasy for fear of their guy taking them up on it, but make no mistake: it’s definitely there.
1 MEN: Yes, Mistress
In our male-driven world, a lot of dudes are willing to admit that they like to get aggressive between the sheets. They like being in control and calling the shots, and since this is pretty much the norm in our society, there’s no shame in admitting it when you’re talking with the guys.
On the flip side, we have dudes who want to be dominated. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean these guys are looking for a leather-clad dominatrix who orders them to lick her boots – but some do! Simply put, some guys don’t want to put in the work and would rather be on the receiving end of all the sexy time – or pain, depending on how things go. Having someone else in charge of all the action allows him to sit back and relax, because he doesn’t have to be in the driver’s seat. There can be other deep-seated issues that fuel this fantasy, too, like a desire to be humiliated, but it all adds up to a male fantasy that never gets discussed.