Why is it that we love to drink and text? Seriously, after that third glass of wine, all you want to do is text people, and it usually seems that you are texting all the wrong people. Especially if they are men. When it comes to texting people of the opposite sex while drunk, it seems like there are just so many landmines. Whether they are acquaintances, friends, co-workers, or family members, there are just so many men in your life that you can text while drunk, only to wake up the next morning and completely regret it.
In order to avoid that feeling in your stomach as you scroll through your text messages the morning after a big night out, we’re not going to tell you to completely avoid texting any and all men in your life - though, that would solve so many problems, wouldn't it? But, what fun would that be? The 15 guys on this list though are usually the worst to text, and they almost always lead to embarrassment. While they may not apply to everyone, we just think that you’ll be much better off if you avoid texting the guys on this list. Text your bestie instead. Hell, text your mom instead. Well, that one could lead to an embarrassing morning too but you get our point. So, here are the 15 worst guys to text while drunk.
15 That Guy You Just Met
If you're out with your girlfriends, looking great and having a fun time, it may lead to meeting a charming stranger at said bar. In a world of Tinder and weirdos, that’s amazing! Now, don’t ruin it by texting him three hours later, after you’ve downed four more margaritas. Sometimes the best thing to do is give this new someone's number to your friend who will safely keep it until the next day when you are ready and able to text properly. He gave you his number so you could text him in a few days and maybe go on a date. He did not give you his number so you could drunkenly text him at midnight to have a sloppy make out session with him. I mean, he probably won’t object to the make out session but this charming stranger could be so much more than that, ya know? You will definitely give him the wrong impression of you, and he deserves to get to know the awesome you, not the slurring bar version.
14 Your Ex-Boyfriend
This one is obvious but yeah, don’t text your ex-boyfriend. Even if he is a jerk who cheated on you and you've vowed to loathe for the rest of your life, it seems that once that lemon drop shot hits your system, you can’t help but think of things to text him about. You may want to tell him off, or wish him a happy birthday (even though his birthday was three weeks ago) or ask him to return the sweatpants you left at his place. Whatever reason it may be, texting an ex-boyfriend while drunk is like opening Pandora’s box. You’re always better off just not doing it. Instead text your best friend, tell her all the things you want to tell your ex. This way it is in safe hands and you won't wake up with regret the next day.
13 Your Ex-Ex-Boyfriend
Ah, your ex-ex-boyfriend. So, this is the guy who you dated six years ago. All the wounds from the break-up may have healed but he should still be on your no-text-list while you’re drunk. You may even be friends with him now but drunk dialing someone you used to date is always sending the wrong message. He may think you want to start things up again – and, in the case that you do in fact want to start things up again, drunk texting him is not the way to do so. Basically, if you would describe him as an “ex-boyfriend” do not text him while you’re drunk. Texting him might lead to doing things you will regret the next day. You don't want to wake up next to your ex-ex and mess up your friendship or ruin any potential future you could have had together. Once again, text your friend, or yourself instead of texting any ex or ex-ex.
12 Your Dad
Honestly, if you’re out drinking, why are you texting your dad right now? What could possibly make you think that this is the best time to text your father. You need to put down the phone, girl. Sure, your father may have texted to ask if you wished your Aunt Peggy a happy birthday but you don’t have to answer him right now, it can wait for tomorrow. If you’re drunk, you’ll likely text back something that makes it pretty obvious that you’re drunk or, even worse, you may text him something you meant to text another guy and your father does not need to see that eggplant emoji. Picture the horror when you have to attend your next family dinner. Yeah, it’s great to communicate with your parents on the reg but if you’re two martinis in, save it for tomorrow.
11 Your Brother
You may be besties with your brother but texting him while you’re drunk is also a no-no, nothing good can come of it. Even if something hilarious happens that only your brother will understand, it's best left for a text message tomorrow morning. Text the funny story to yourself so that you can remember to tell him the next day, or better yet put the text into your notes on your phone. This can help you avoid any major awkies moments. Because once again, in your drunken haze later, you may accidentally text him something meant for another guy and, trust us, your brother totally knows what that eggplant emoji means. We commend you for your close relationship with your sibling but it's best to keep him on the back-burner while drinking. Keep the family dinners for fun times with loved ones, not cringing and avoiding eggplant parm.
10 Your TA/Teacher
Even if this is a fantasy of yours, you have to understand there are certain times when it could be detrimental to your life to text the wrong person while under the influence of alcohol. Your TA or teacher may be young and hip so you may have their number for whatever reason but trust us, they did not give you their number so you could drunkenly text them. Even if the lines of communication between the two of you are way open, you shouldn’t be texting them. They may be of the laid-back-I’m-your-friend type but they are indeed your teacher and thus an authority figure. They don't need to be waking up to a hookup text or to know that you have been crushing on them for years and want to know if they are single. Save whatever you are going to say for a sober email or maybe the next class you have with them. Besides, it’s super awkward to sit through a class thinking, “I drunk texted you.”
9 Your Boss
Once again, this one could ruin your career or even ruin everything you've worked for. If you are in the work force and no longer a student, your boss takes the place of your teacher. Again, he may be of the laid-back-I'm-your-friend variety but he is not your friend and you would be wise to remember. He is your employer, not your friend. He is the reason you have a job and the guy you'll ask to give you a reference when you're looking for another job. Plus, texting this guy may seem like you are coming on to him and you don't want to be considered that kind of a girl. People talk and you don't want anything like that getting out, especially if it was a mistake text that was intended for your ex. Things could get even weirder if he was into your coming on to him and you may have created a very awkward situation that you'll have to deal with. Keep it simple, write their number down before leaving the house and delete it from your phone.
8 Your Client
Everyone may not have a client but many occupations do have clients so if you fall into that category, do not text them. The issue is that if you have a client, the speed of your reply is very important. You may not have their number but you may be temped to drunkenly email them back and let them know that their package is on it's way or whatever the situation may be. Your dedication to your job is admirable but put down the phone. Your email or text will be full of spelling errors and will certainly come across unprofessional. You'll cringe when you read it the next morning. If it's after office hours, it is fine to wait until tomorrow to answer that email. You'll thank yourself later for not ruining a relationship with your most important client.
7 Your Ex’s Best Friend
Texting your ex’s best friend is usually a power play of some sorts. Maybe you’re trying to find out where your ex-boyfriend is and texting his best friend is the straightest way to answer that question. Maybe, you’re trying to make your ex-boyfriend desperately jealous and texting/hooking up with his best friend is the straightest way to answer that question. Whatever the reason may be, your ex-boyfriend’s best friend is a limb of the ex-boyfriend and you’re texting him for reasons you shouldn’t be. Put down the phone. If you still want to know where your ex-boyfriend is or make out with his best friend the next morning, go forth but while drunk, think twice if it's something you'd want while sober. You don't need to wake up to 100 texts from your ex yelling at you. Nothing good can come of it, keep your phone in your purse.
6 Your Boyfriend
Ah, the drunken text that seems safe but really isn’t. Drunkenly texting your boyfriend is for sure not the worst thing you could do but it sometimes isn’t the best thing you could do either. For starters, if you have a jealous boyfriend, he may be a little anxious about you being out drunkenly without him. If he isn’t the jealous type, that’s great for you and your relationship but you could also say something that will lead to a stupid fight. Perhaps you bring up your ex-boyfriend or how you didn’t actually like the earrings he got your for your birthday, right? If you’re having a girls’ night, keep it a girls’ night and if you do want to give him some drunken love, do it in person. That way, if you say something stupid, there won't be tangible evidence.
5 Your Booty Call
After having a few too many may honestly be the best time to text your booty call so this may seem like an odd addition to the list but hear us out. Do not drunkenly text your booty call. Yes, being three sheets to the wind and texting your booty call go together like Chrissy Teigen and being our girl crush but not texting your booty call can lead to a few amazing things. First of all, you may meet a new guy, who you might have more in common with then just… you know, getting it on with someone who doesn't want anything more. Secondly, in a world of being able to go home and binge-watch Gilmore Girls again, why have meaningless nookie? We’re just saying you could totally be home looking at Jess/Dean/Logan instead of faking pleasure with what’s-his-name.
4 Your Landlord
You might be texting your landlord for a legitimate reason but doing so drunk is going to get you nowhere, actually it might land you out on the streets for weeks to come. If he hasn’t fixed the broken garbage disposal at your place for days and days, the time to text him isn’t right now. Even if you are having one hell of a happy hour with your girlfriends and getting worked up about your lack of garbage disposal, don’t text him at this moment. Your misspelled text message is not going to get your disposal fixed any faster. What if he says that he will fix it as soon as you get home, then you have to stand there tipsy and talk to him when you get home. Save your anger for when you’re sober and send him a more polite and properly spelled text.
3 Your Co-Worker
Co-workers can become your very best friends. I mean, you’re stuck with these people for several hours a day so you probably have a few things in common. You’re able to talk about the annoying person in HR and the really cool boss balancing a tough job and a family, who you both aspire to be one day. While you may connect on many levels, this is not the person to drunkenly text. First of all, if he’s a dude, he may take it the wrong way and that would make for a very awkward Monday. What if he lives with his significant other and she sees your text and gets angry or starts to question your friendship. Secondly, that annoying person from HR may be hearing about it and you could be in for something much worse than awkwardness. You don't want to be the girl who got fired for being awkward with her coworker.
2 Your Cute Coworker
Speaking of coworkers, that guy who you think is super cute is absolutely not the person you should be texting. This is not the time to open the lines of communication and pour out your soul to him. In the case that he also thinks you’re cute, starting the flirtation via text while drunk is just not the route you want to go, think of your next day at work. You know your feelings about the texts will change as soon as you sober up. I mean, imagine if Pam just drunk texted Jim in season one? We wouldn't have had three seasons of flirting and amazing sexual tension. Let it play out how it will. Also, in the case that he’s not feeling you as hard as you’re feeling him, it’ll be embarrassing and, guess what? You’ll have to deal with that embarrassment 40 hours a week. Nope, pass on this one.
1 Your Crush
Drinking is a surefire way to get rid of those pesky inhibitions- that we have for a reason. Unfortunately, without inhibitions, you may… well, say a thing or two you will regret. Texting a crush while drunk can ruin a relationship before it even starts. You may say something that may make him uninterested, or even worse, you may unintentionally turn it into a booty call relationship. There is absolutely nothing worse than being in a physical relationship with someone you’d like to also be in an emotional relationship. Sure, waiting for him to make a move may be frustrating but rushing it while you’re drunk can put you in an even worse situation. The best thing do to in this situation is to wait until you are sober to make any risky decisions.