Ah, Walmart. Home of the rollback prices, blue vested greeters, and the longest checkout lines in existence. Although not known to be a bastion of fashion, it still provides us with…ermm, distinguishing trends anyway. Now it is not proper to make fun of people, that much is understood. Simultaneously…it’s really not proper to walk out of the house wearing clothing that doesn’t fully cover your hoo-hah and your tatas. There’s a saying that goes “less is more”, but it doesn’t always apply to every single situation. Clothing is definitely one of those rare instances where less…well, less is just not more.
Unfortunately, it’s the people of Walmart that tend to forget this rule, and it’s those people that end up forgetting to wear an entire outfit. Or maybe they purposefully left the house that way. Either way we need more eye bleach to forget what we saw. Luckily there’s usually some deal going on at Walmart and we can snag eye bleach super cheap.
You’ve probably guessed where we’re going with this – the good, the bad, and the ugly fashions of Walmart and the women who wear them. Except there is no good, only bad. And it’s definitely going to get ugly.
So if you see these fashionistas in your local Walmart, please let them know that these trends are not going to catch on any time soon; like Fetch, it’s just not going to happen (so stop trying to make it happen, ladies)!
Now which aisle do you think that eye bleach is on…
15. See-Through Leggings
Let’s just make one thing perfectly clear before we get started – leggings are never a bad idea. They’re way more comfortable than jeans and don’t come with the assumption that one has to be into yoga or pilates in order to wear them. As such, leggings, and especially black leggings, are a staple in practically every woman’s wardrobe. The only problem is when the leggings don’t fit or are made of pretty sheer material (as is the case with many cheaper leggings). This is fine when you’re standing upright, but when you lean over to pick up something or tie your shoe and…well, everyone can see the goods. It doesn’t even matter if you’re in perfect shape – when you get something made of a sheer, inexpensive material, this is exactly what’s gonna happen. Yikes. Best to avoid this fashion faux pas altogether and purchase leggings made of stronger stuff!
14. Corset Fail
At least this entry gets points for having been popular at one point in time before…right? Right? Ermm…maybe not. Aside from the fact that the corset is seemingly placed on an awkward part of her torso and is making her shoulders and upper back appear very broad, the corset is actually a dangerous fashion fad from centuries ago that was responsible for making women faint multiple times throughout the day. The corset constricts internal organs and makes it very difficult to breathe and has even been known to cause death. They say beauty before pain, but at what cost? The corset has nothing on high heels in that regard – we’ll wear the six inches any day of the week before this thing! Due to the danger surrounding this trend, we have a feeling it won’t be taking off anytime soon – no matter how hard this woman might try to make it happen!
13. Spongebob Literally-Squarepants
Are you feeling it now,
Mr. Krabs Walmart Shoppers? This one isn’t so much terrible as it is unfortunate. We all have our favorite cartoon characters – Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Winnie the Pooh, and the like. This woman’s favorite just happens to be Spongebob Squarepants, as evidenced by her coordinated outfit. Nothing wrong there, right? Except…well, the woman actually looks like him in that she has the perfect body shape for the outfit. He’s a square, she’s a square…hey, we’re starting to see why she likes him in the first place! If this outfit were on any other woman, it may not have been as fitting. But on the woman who replaced her curves with corners, it’s a literal imitation. The silver lining here is that if she accidentally finds herself at a cosplay convention, she’s ready! She’s ready! She’s ready! She’s ready…
12. Hair Or Wig? No Big.
Let’s just make one thing clear here before we analyze this “fashion”: wigs are totally fine. A lot of women wear wigs for various reasons and that’s cool. Wigs are a normal part of society. You know what’s not normal? wearing a wig that makes you look like you belong on the set of Sesame Street. Taking “Big Wig” to the next level, this woman is trying to achieve…something. We’re honestly not sure. We’ve heard of “long hurr, don’t curr” before, but this is absolutely ridiculous. Kind of makes us wish we could see it from the front because now we’re wondering if she can even see what’s in front of her. This is truly a fashion statement that will never take off, if only because we can’t imagine anyone wanting to lug that much weight around on top of their heads.
11. Downtown Brown
We’re…uhh…we’re like 99% positive that the gigantic brown patch on this woman’s shorts was once white. Like super positive. We’ve never been more positive about anything in our lives. Since when do rainbows include the color brown? It’s not like they include white either, but that’s a bit more understandable than the ridiculousness of the location of this color. Is it possible that the woman has no idea that it looks like this color was…ermm…added later? Perhaps there were no restrooms nearby? Maybe there were, but they were out of toilet paper? Or she wears a diaper and it leaked? We’re not sure, but one thing is enormously clear – that pair of shorts is extremely unfortunate. Luckily, she’s at Walmart, and the clothing is pretty cheap there so she might be able to pick up something better…and maybe not brown in that general region.
Although this fashion style called “lolita” does exist, it’s rare to see it outside of Japan or anime conventions. Her fashion isn’t really all that bad, honestly – she’s well put together, all things considered. Unfortunately, this is one of those things that will just never take off in Walmart, as Walmart shoppers and Loli-aficionados are rarely the same type of people (this is the only known recorded sighting of a Loli in Walmart, for example). Lolita clothing can be expensive – those shoes alone were probably high two figures / low three – and clothing over $20 – $30 isn’t all that common in Walmart. She also clearly cares about her appearance, as it looks like it took quite some time to put that outfit together. Most Walmart shoppers throw on a tee shirt and some comfy shoes on their store runs, so it’s not likely Lolita will make much of an impact on the Big Blue consumers any time soon.
9. (Belly) Dancing Through The Aisles
We’re not really sure what to focus on here – the belly dancing skirt with the spangles? The…leotard? Over the long sleeve shirt? What appears to be a ribbon covering the forehead? Or the ’90s style footwear with perfectly toned legs? There’s just so much going on here that we’re a bit overwhelmed. Maybe she came from an event, like a belly dancing class…from…the ’90s? We don’t know. We’re just trying to make sense of all of this. And while we admit that we’ve run to the store after a yoga class or gym session, we’ve definitely worn things that are a bit more palatable. Something tells us that she’s of the very small percentage of people that even owns such an outfit. Not like it’s a crime or anything, but, simultaneously, also super weird. Next time bring a change of clothes before heading into the store, right?
8. Humpty Dumpty
What…what is this? Like she literally looks like she’s trying to rock the Pepto Bismol Humpty Dumpty style. Wearing all pink and trainers aside, what is that white thing above the outfit? What is its purpose or function? WHAT DOES IT DO?! Is it an outfit protector? Is it a big adult diaper? Is this for a sport that no one knows about? It seems to have suspenders…so it looks like she’s not even wearing it correctly. Does that mean something? Is she too cool to wear it correctly? Do other people who dress like this wear the suspenders? And wait…do other people wear it? Is there like a gang of people who wear this as a uniform? What is this even called? So confused about all of this! Look at all these questions it generated! She’s got some explaining to do!
7. Fresh Produce Fierce!
In all honesty, the timing of this photo is really required here to gain complete understanding of this ensemble. Maybe this photo was taken during Halloween, or maybe her school’s mascot is the lion and she’s just showing her school spirit. Maybe she was in a play or something? Like the Wizard of Oz starring this woman as the Cowardly Lion? Have we exhausted all options yet? Yes? Then I guess it’s settled – she’s just plain crazy. Or is she crazy fierce? We can’t decide what the best part about this outfit is – huge fan of the tail of course, but even the furry boots make a real statement. And who could miss that fuzzy wuzzy hoodie? Absolute perfection, bringing pride to the pride. It’s hard to say which part is best – now someone take her back to the zoo.
6. Hair Scare
Wow. Now THIS is a hairstyle. The glamour. The poise. The…something. What statement this is trying to make well…we don’t know. But it’s something, that’s for sure! We’re almost positive. We’re also almost positive that she’s shopping at Walmart so she can afford all that hairspray and hair product she must surely have to use to keep her hair standing perfectly up. Like what even is this supposed to be? What was the inspiration for this? Is this another possible Halloween costume? Or a trend we’re unaware of? What is going on at Walmart that so many people come together with so many unique styles? Another funny thing about this is that usually Walmart shoppers are known for not putting effort into their looks and…well, this definitely took effort. Like hours of effort. For what purpose has yet to be decided.
5. GoGo Grandma
A lot of people think that, when you age, you should just retire to a nursing home facility or stay at home with a nurse. That you should fade into obscurity wearing outdated fashions and having short, curly hair done weekly at the hairdresser’s. Walmart Grandma here is living proof that this doesn’t have to happen – that you can wear whatever you want for as long as you want. If you want to wear a purple wig with purple boots and an all purple outfit, GoGo Grandma will totally support that! She’ll even throw in a few tattoos to complete the look! That’s the kind of grandma we’d like to become in our twilight years. Fearless, freakin’ awesome, and head to toe purple. Maybe the prune juice is the cause behind it? Who knows – it’s still totally amazing.
4. Sailing Through Sales!
Ahoy there, matey! Looking to moor in the waters of Walmart? Wanting to come ashore for those rollback prices? Searching for booty in aisle thirteen? Again, context is key here, but…you gotta wonder. Like first of all, is this a Halloween costume? If not, what’s the occasion for the outfit? Is she a pirate enthusiast? A sexy naval officer? Maybe a little bit of both? Was there a sexy navy convention next door and she’s just running to Walmart for some last minute necessities? And why is this woman knowingly posing for a photo? Most of these photos end up being hurried shots that the subject doesn’t know about. Does she know this person taking it? Or did they ask nicely and she just couldn’t help but acquiesce? Oh, to be a fly on the Wal(mart) for that surely interesting conversation!
AHHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHH!
Okay, now that we got that out of our system…
Okay no really, we’re good. But what is this?!
This is the fashion fail from our nightmares! It’s not about what she’s wearing, it’s more like…she doesn’t even look human! You know how those wax statues of celebrities at Madame Tussauds don’t look real and can sometimes seem downright creepy? WELL SHE’S CREEPIER! What’s with that stare? It penetrates the soul and sends chills down the spine. And that outfit? Not even Lady Gaga would be seen in something like that! That’s like if she and a luchador had an ugly baby and it had a baby with itself. And if that sentence makes no sense, then this entire getup makes even less sense than that. Now, if you’ll excuse us…
2. Sale Satan!
Of all the looks on this list, this one certainly took the most time to put together. Sure, she looks certifiably insane and we have to question…well, everything about her and her upbringing, but at the same time, we see that this look probably took like three or four hours to finalize. Dying the hair aside, the makeup, horns, hooves, hairstyle, outfit…all of it took a lot of effort and coordination. And this was just to go shop at Walmart, where the common uniform is pajama pants and yesterday’s makeup. That’s what we have to call dedication! She may be a Satanist, but she’s committed to the look. For that, we’ll have to give her a pass…at least, when it comes to trying. We’re still not feeling the whole hooves and horns thing though. We might need to talk about those.
While it’s obvious that a lot of these outfits and ensembles are confusing, it’s this one that perhaps takes the cake – surely that’s up for debate, but we have our reasons. For example, the rave/purple style was easy to see – weird and out of place, but still easy to see, right? But what’s with the Christmas socks? And horribly mismatched at that? And just one shoe? But not two? Red and purple is really clashing in this instance, but the fact that she’s not even wearing two shoes is definitely weirding us out. Like what happens if she steps on a piece of glass or something? Is she not even concerned for her foot’s welfare? Or did she give her shoe and one of each sock to her friend behind her so they could strangely coordinate? So bizarre.
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