With the divorce rate as high as it is these days, it's no surprise that many women know what it's like to get divorced. As sad as it is, divorce has become an almost normal trend in society. In fact, I bet if you haven’t been divorced yourself, you know at least one person who has.
And while most people who get divorced experience the painful heartache, embarrassment, and overwhelming stress that go along with the whole ordeal, everyone has a different reason for getting divorced in the first place. Perhaps one person's divorce was peaceful and another's not so much. Maybe one divorce was mutual and the other had to deal with an angry ex. Whatever the reason, though, we can all agree there's a point when we realize "it's definitely over." That's why we’ve asked fifteen wives to tell their moment of truth. Read below to find out the intimate, juicy details.
15 "I stopped loving him."
“There’s this thing happens sometimes in marriage. I don’t know exactly what causes it or why it ever has to occur but for some reason, everything in your life becomes so much more enjoyable and bearable than your husbands. Maybe it happens because you let it, you allow yourself to pull away and find an independence that was lost so many years ago or maybe people aren’t supposed to be the same person for so many years. Whatever it is, it’s not fun. I remember sitting across the table from my husband and realizing, in an instant, that I hadn’t loved him for years. What’s worse is that from the way he looked back at me, I knew he didn’t love me either. We sort of smiled at each other in a sad way as I think deep inside, we knew right away where we were headed: divorce.” Kimmy, 66, Nebraska
14 "He started spending all of his free time away from me."
“When we first met, we were inseparable. We spent every second of every day we could together. He used to leave for work at the last possible minute and return home as soon as his work day was over. If he went out with his friends on the weekend, I was always invited. If he was going on a business trip, I would fly out and join him. We were this way for years and then slowly but surely, we started growing apart. My career took off, we had kids, and our responsibilities became a lot to handle. He started spending the little free time he had alone and I stopped making the effort to be involved. This pattern continued for years but when we realized, it was too late. He started liking his time away from me more than the time he had with me and the time we spent together was no longer enjoyable, just obligatory.” Jane, 47, Kansas
13 "He stopped taking care of himself."
“He used to take pride in his career, his appearance, and about who he was as a person. He went to the gym, groomed himself, and did all he could to be the best version of whoever he wanted to be. It was as if he was always looking to improve. I was the same exact way and I still am. He, however, shifted. It seemed almost instantaneous. He lost his job and then right after that, things started going downhill. He gained 30 pounds, let go of all the motivation he had and became a shell of the person he once was. I did all I could to encourage him and be there for him but as two years passed, I became too exhausted to be the light in both of our lives. Finally, I gave up. It's harder than anyone can imagine loving someone who doesn't love himself.” Shelly, 36, Maryland
12 "All my worst nightmares came true."
“I fell hard for him and we jumped into things a lot quicker than I like to admit. Everyone warned me that he wasn't trustworthy and that he wasn't exactly the person I thought he was. For some reason, everyone could see that he lied right through his teeth except for me. I refused to see their points and kept blinding myself with excuses and the love I had for him. I'm not sure the exact moment when I woke up and realized that everyone was right: He was far from the person I convinced myself he was but I started to catch onto the fact that he was a liar. He was dishonest about almost everything- his job, his feelings for me, and even his childhood. It took me a long time to stand up for myself and get out of the marriage but not that I have, I never want to look back.” Katie, 29, Idaho
11 "He had an affair."
“We had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship. We were always passionate, impulsive, and at times, irrational. For a long time, I liked that because despite everything that happened, all the fights and separations I always trusted that he loved me and only me. That's why it was so shocking when I discovered he had an affair. He left his email open on his computer and I found a correspondence with another woman. I think I could've forgiven his slip-up if it was a one time thing. After all, we were at a bad place. I was feeling lonely myself and even contemplated being with someone else. However, he signed the email "I love you," and then his name. When I read that, it was the end. It basically canceled out our entire relationship and made me feel like I was the crazy one. I packed my bags and left right after.” Shawna, 47, New Orleans
10 "The only thing we had in common was our kids."
“Growing up, my parents used to ignore each other. They got married and had kids because it was what you were supposed to do at the time. That always made me sad so I promised myself I would never end up repeating their mistakes. The myth is true, though. History never fails to repeat itself. One day, my family and I were eating dinner when I realized, it has been weeks since my husband and I had communicated about anything besides our children, who were now almost grown. We would sit, dinner after dinner, and never acknowledge each other. We were living completely separate lives only coming together for our children. Because I don't want my kids to grow up and do the same thing, I filed for divorce a few weeks later. It's not that we never loved each other, it's just that we both fell into our "parts" and lost touch.” Lin, 52, Florida
9 "He didn't get along with people I loved."
“He was always difficult. That's what I liked about him. I met him at a time in my life where I was desperate to be saved and he saved me. He was controlling and overbearing and as embarrassed as I am to say this, I liked it. What I didn't like was how he tries constantly to pull me away from my family and friends. He endlessly tried to convince me that the people I loved were out to get me and that he was the only one who actually cared about me. I almost fell for his trap and it pushed my mother into a depression. It wasn't until my sister called me crying to explain how upset my mom was that I realized how toxic he had been. Two years later, after he continually spoke poorly about anyone I knew besides him, I gave up. I want to be with someone that knows how to share me with other people.” Jenny, 40, Virginia
8 "He refused to try."
“We were together for ten years and as anyone who's ever been in a relationship knows, it's really hard to be with someone for that long. It's not that you stop having feelings for each other, it's just that both people evolve and change and it's important to work on maintaining the bond you used to have. Because we lost touch and didn't make an effort, we started to take advantage of each other's companionship. We didn't laugh like we used to or comfort each other like we once had. I started to grow lonely and sad. So, I suggested we try counseling to get back to a good place and work on ourselves. He refused. He was completely against putting the work that we needed into our relationship and that broke my heart. I couldn't be with someone who couldn't make time for my own happiness.” Jackie, 40, Pennsylvania
7 "He didn’t want to change."
“I know now that trying to change someone will ultimately be a disappointing quest but of course, I had to learn that the hardest way possible. I knew my husband had a gambling addiction when I married him but I convinced myself it was just an immature behavior that he would grow out of. Well, guess what? He didn't. Instead, he got worse. I tried everything. I forced him into therapy, I controlled our finances, and I even spent night after night trying to cure him myself. Nothing worked and he was in such denial, he never fully committed to recovery. One night, he left when I was sleeping, practically drained our savings account, and disappeared for three days in Las Vegas. By the time I had figured out where he was, I already had my bags packed. I was done trying to change someone who didn't think he needed to change.” Peggy, 60, New York
6 "I cheated."
“I had never been a cheater before in my life. I had dated cheaters and promised myself that I would never be so cowardly or hurt other people the way I had been hurt. This is why I knew something was really wrong when I found myself cheating on my husband. I'm not 100 percent sure how it happened. All I know is that I was beyond lonely and unhappy. After we got into a huge fight (a regular occurrence), I left and went to a bar. I ended up going home with a stranger I met as a sort of cry for help. I knew I needed to do something that would totally sabotage us and our trust. I did and we ultimately got divorced. I know now that when I act out of character, it's because I need to make some major changes in my life.” Bridgette, 55, Louisiana
5 "Career became more important."
“Since as far back as I can remember, I was a go-getter. This is why it makes sense that the person I ended up with was the same way as myself. For both of us, our careers were the most important things in the world and we refused to compromise. We were doctors so we worked really hard to get to where we were and took pride in that. Then, when I turned 40, I started to notice how lonely I was and began yearning for more. He never had this awakening. As more time went by, it became clear I had to make a choice: I could either have a family and a partner or stay with the man who loved his career more than me. I decided to take the first option, took some time off of work, and reconnected with people I had lost touch with. He was promoted.” Colleen, Illinois, 47
4 "He was overbearing."
“When I first started dating him, he supported me and encouraged the person I was. Well, that's what I thought at least. I guess, thinking back, he was always a little bit overbearing but it definitely got worse with age. When things were at their worst, he controlled every aspect of my life. He would get angry if I wasn't home when he needed me to be or if I didn't finish something he assigned me to complete. He even got jealous of my friends, my employees, and my family members I spent time with. One day, I had an anxiety attack because I was caught in traffic and knew he'd be mad at me for returning home late. That was the last straw. I couldn't live like an abused bird in his cage. I turned my car around and started living with a friend while we divorced.” Sarah, 31, San Fransisco
3 "I couldn't stand his family."
“No one really understands this unless they've been with someone who has a terrible family. And I don't blame people who don't understand, it's an odd thing. However, it happens and when it does, it's awful. I didn't get to know his family before I married him (mistake number one) so I was shocked when I finally did. There was not one person in his family that I could stand. They were manipulative and guiltless. Every time I was around them, I was miserable. I honestly left feeling as though I had a piece of my soul ripped out because they were so mean. They would critique me as if I was a child and it drove both him and myself absolutely insane. Still, he couldn’t stand up to them. Finally, they got what they wanted and drove a wedge between us. We got divorced after 2 years of marriage.” Marlina, 27, Iowa
2 "We wanted different things."
“In retrospect, we rushed marriage. We were young, insane, and crazy about each other (and by that, I mean we had a really time between the sheets). Still, I loved him and I know he loved me... but sometimes that's really not enough. After 5 years of marriage, we decided we wanted different things and couldn't come to any compromise. He wanted to move to the suburbs and start a family and I wanted to stay in the city and keep living how we were. I loved our independence and I wasn't ready to take on the different responsibilities he wanted me to- I wasn't even sure if I wanted to or if I ever would. It was painful, but we ultimately got divorced. I still think about him a lot and wish that we could've gone back and talked more about our futures before we settled down.” Georgina, 33, Boston.
1 He Changed
“I thought I knew him when we got married. He was my best friend and we told each other everything. For a long time, we were blissfully happy. That is until he started acting strangely. He stopped opening up to me and began spending more time with friends or people I didn't know. He was always agitated and couldn't even find the words to explain why. He even started acting strangely around our kids. This went on for years too long and it got to a point when I realized I couldn't keep living my life how I had been. It was literally as if I was living with a stranger who had no interest in getting to know me. All he wanted to do was ignore me for as long as he could. When I confronted him about divorce, he was relieved. Turns out, he had felt the same exact way as me but was too afraid to say anything about it. Go figure.” Micah, 50, Indiana