As if you didn’t feel you were weird enough already about whatever life style or wardrobe or fashion tastes you have, now we’re going to explore the weird thoughts you have while in the shower. Of course, we have weird thoughts throughout the day – all the time, in fact. Whether in public transportation, in our own cars, in the line at the supermarket, or during a movie, odd thoughts pop up at any given time. It’s part of our nature. Humans are weird and we’re wired to be weird, so rather than shun it, accept it. Let those weird thoughts run wild. Besides, weird thoughts have led to great inventions, so you never know if your next success might be one that’s thought about whilst showering.
Some of the ideas that pop up while in the shower could turn out to be the best ideas we ever had. Perhaps our brains run wild in the shower because it is one of the few moments wherein we are truly alone. It’s a quiet time for cleansing and reflecting. However, some thoughts are more bizarre than others, and that’s cool. No worries there. You shouldn’t be weirded out by them. There are probably other people who’ve thought the same thing. And with 7.5 billion people, others are bound to be just as weird as you are. In that sense, having these thoughts is no longer weird, it’s normal. Therefore, you should just embrace those thoughts. See if any of these thoughts sound familiar and have a good laugh knowing that other people probably thought the same things.
15 How does my body look while under the shower?
Unless you have a bathroom filled with mirrors, then it’s almost impossible to know what we look like when we’re showering. Sure you can snap selfies or set up a tripod and take timed shots, but even those pictures are not as accurate as what we see from our own point of view. Those mediums are always slightly distorted, unfortunately, and we can actually never know what we really look like when we’re showering. We look down and say, “This is my body being showering from this perspective,” but that’s all we got. We can’t see the back of our buttocks. We only get this strange bird’s eye view of our body being showered. It’s times like that we wish we have another set of eyes at the back of our head. It’s enough to frustrate us if we let it. So don’t. Just shower and get on with your day.
14 How do people even get it on in the shower?
Movies can sometimes make us envy shower sex. Decade after decade, there’s at least one movie with a smoking hot shower sex scene – and we’re not even talking about X-rated movies here. Hollywood definitely had a hand in making us curious about doing it in the shower. Regardless of how good it looks, do you really think it’s as effortless as the movies make it seem? Look at your shower. It’s nothing like the showers constructed by and for Hollywood. It’s probably entirely too small, there’s a little mold in the corners, and nothing about it is sexy. The showers in movies are something altogether different. They’re usually larger than life, spotless, and even inviting. Perhaps in the beginning you did manage to do it with your partner, and maybe you were even successful. But that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable for all parties involved. The positions are limited, it wastes tons of water, and after some time, the body can only do so much standing up. Do yourself a favor, get a room like the rest of humanity and call it a day.
13 Is a serial killer going to come in here and murder me?
Don’t act like you haven’t thought this at least a few times. The worst to imagine this scenario is while showering at night. If you live alone, just don’t shower at night, period. But even in the day, that imaginary serial killer coming to get me in the shower lurks inside of us –it’s almost inevitable. We can blame this fear on one person and one person only – Alfred Hitchcock. His movie, Psycho, injected fear and panic into women around the world and continues to do so to this day. As if being a woman in the world isn’t tough enough, now we’ve got to feel vulnerable in our own homes. Being naked is what makes the scene more vulnerable, though, so it’s understandable for you to feel that way in the shower. If you’re that scared of a serial killer surprising you while you’ve got shampoo in your eyes, make sure you defend yourself in your own by having an alarm system, a dog, or your own weapon nearby. Of course, this is all just in case. It’s highly unlikely that anything will ever happen, but for protection and peace of mind, be armed in the shower if you feel the need to.
12 Is there a deadly spider lurking nearby?
This fear can be blamed on another Hollywood flick, Arachnophobia. That shower scene put thousands of women in a panic and kept them from showering for days. Of course, an infestation isn’t likely to happen. But what could happen is that there’s a little one somewhere in the corner of your bathroom, ready to pounce the second you’re completely naked in the shower. Right when you’re about to squash them, remember that spiders have a sixth sense. They know when someone fears them and they feed off of that. So rather than be scared out of your panties about spider, be brave and do a corner check prior to getting into the shower. Remember to look not only in the ceiling corners, but behind the toilet, under the sink faucet, behind the shower head, down the drain, and in the corners of the floor. Leave no spot unturned, leave no spider left alive to bite you with some deadly venom that will start or end your day very, very badly.
11 If I slip and fall there’s no one to help me, I’ll lay here for hours, maybe days.
There’s no denying that a shower is slippery. Hence, manufacturers sell no-slip barriers at the bottom of the shower. They’re ingenious inventions, in fact. After all, showering is dangerous. The fact that the floor, when wet, becomes slippery is not fun at all. Someone really needs to reinvent the shower and bathtub considering we’ve all slipped at some point. And we also slipped so hard that we came so close to falling or we have fallen – and in both cases we scared ourselves silly. The flash of breaking a bone or knocking yourself unconscious is enough to convince anyone that baths are the way to go. People have admitted the fear of death or paralysis as a result of a shower slip and fall. That’s some serious fear. All this means is that we need to be extra careful when showering and pray to the shower gods that nothing bad happens while we try to clean our bodies in order to be presentable to the world, for cleanliness’ sake.
10 What if the power or water goes out mid shower?
It’s natural to get scared when the power goes out – especially when we’re in the shower. The first thought that pops in our heads is that someone had cut the power in order to get into the house to do us harm. It’s a logical fear, isn’t it? Just say yes. Ok, so now that we agree that the power going out means a murderer planned our deaths, what about when the water goes out? This is equally terrifying. We’ve all seen shower scenes when the girl has shampoo in her hair and the apartment’s water goes out. The horror! How will she get the water out of her hair? How will she be able to style her hair and make it to work or her appointments on time? This sounds scary enough to make you want to have a reserve bucket of water just in case of emergencies. So be warned, be advised. It’s not a bad idea to have some alternative power source like a solar powered flashlight or some candles in your bathroom along with some sort of water reserve nearby, too. Be prepared. Shower time is no joking matter.
9 What if the entire shower area falls into the apartment below?
While this is highly improbable, since we’ve seen it once or twice in the movies or in cartoons, we still think it could happen. Sure, it’s possible. The chances of this happening are about the same as a spaceship landing on your house while you are showering, too. Just about anything is possible, and the stranger the possibility, the more likely we are to worry about it. Yes, it’s strange to think about the shower falling through to the apartment below, but given the state of your building, this scenario might not be so far-fetched. Also, consider the exact opposite. What if the person’s shower from the floor above you falls into your apartment? We’re taking things a bit too far, here, but for the sake of the article, let’s push the envelope. All jokes aside, be sure that you ask questions about the state of your building and the last time any showers have fallen through floors or ceilings. You know, just to be on the safe side.
8 Did I lock the front door?
Some of us have strong OCD tendencies, if not legit OCD. That’s fine. No one is judging you. We double check locks and that’s for our own well-being. But sometimes we go too far. We can’t even function properly because we’re so paranoid. Yet, when it comes to showering, that fear seems even more present and feels ten times stronger. Again, being naked is the most vulnerable state we can be, so thinking about someone walking into our place because we weren’t careful enough to double or triple check the lock on the front door is terrifying. The sheer thought is enough to make us want to shower when someone is home with us or to never shower at night (like never, ever). Before you take a bath, you can check the door a few times, fine. But get in and out of that shower within several minutes. Not only will you save your life, but you’ll be saving water, too. Mother Earth will thank you and reward you with keeping you safe from people who go around checking doors to see if they’re unlocked.
7 Is this shaver too rusted for use?
The old razor debate is a classic one. After countless times asking ourselves the question of is it safe to use or not, we should be smarter about the situation overall. The truth of the matter is we shouldn’t be too worried about how sharp the razor is. Instead, we should be more mindful of where we put it. Most of the time, the razor stays in the shower, resting on a ledge, and staying wet most of the time. Because the shower area is semi-humid, the dampness and warmth will make it rust faster than if the razor is dried off properly and set in a cool, dry place. We also keep using the razor way past its shelf life. We can’t remember when we started using it and that’s a problem. Using a rusty razor is dangerous. You can tear the skin, cause infection, and cut the skin in a very uncomfortable way. So until when does the rusty razor stop getting used? When in doubt, toss it out. No questions, no debate, no maybe this last time. Get smart and just get a new one.
6 Why does our singing sound much better in the shower than out of it?
Our shower voice is enough to make the judges of any singing competition fall on their knees, begging and crying for us to sign a contract. We are the queens of shower karaoke. The acoustics in all bathrooms is so on point that no matter where we shower, we’re going to be singing. It’s a no brainer. Why wouldn’t we sing in a place where our singing voice is out of this world? Sadly, when we sing outside of the shower, even with the music playing in the background, our voices sound drastically different. Then we think, “If only they could hear me sing in the shower, then they’d know what an amazing singer I truly am.” Wrong. It’s the design of the bathroom, the porcelain, and the reverberation of the small space that makes your voice sound that way. Do not think for one second that your shower voice is your real voice. It isn’t. However, you could still improve your singing with some voice lessons. So if you’re in love with your shower voice, try to practice so you could really brag to those music executives.
5 Which shampoo bottle is the best weapon?
Not only do we get so paranoid while showering, we begin to look at everything around as potential tools to help us survive. We begin to evaluate which bottle is the best weapon, we wonder if the plastic is strong or resilient enough to knock someone unconscious while we call or scream for help. We start to inspect the razor, the handle on the loofa – everything is fair game when it comes to survival. Then another thought pops in our heads while we hypothetically prepare for an intruder. We wonder what all of this stuff is we’ve collected in our showers is. Some of the bottles are so old that the labeling has peeled all the way off, some bottles are small and while they seem like facial washes, they aren’t. What we realize is that we have a seemingly bizarre collection of products that we don’t really use, or we started using but stopped because we found a replacement product. We realize we’ve got to cut back on shower supplies and use what’s there, whatever the cost.
4 Should I be using this down there?
Shampoo or facial wash as body wash? Sure, why not? Come on, they all serve the same purpose – to clean. Plus, if you look at the ingredients, they are almost identical. When you buy a feminine wash, it’s really no different than a body wash. They are selling you a gimmick, a fake product that costs a little more than a body wash or a bar of soap. So technically, yes, it’s all safe to be used down there. However, that doesn’t stop us from asking the question each and every time. Relax, none of those products can cause you harm (unless you are allergic). But before you use any of them, be sure to know what your allergies are. Also, shaving gel and creams are great, but if you run out, you debate on using shampoo as the shaving agent. Instead, use conditioner, it will leave your shaved area silky smooth and you might never have to buy a shaving cream or gel again. Remember, most products are almost identical, so don’t be afraid of using shampoo on the hair down there. All you’re really doing is being resourceful and keeping your shower shelves neat and organized and free from mold.
3 Should I get out to pee? Nah
People have analyzed the bathroom drain to death. For those of you that don’t know, all drains lead to the same place. Unless your house has a separate drainage system, don’t feel bad about relieving yourself in the shower, because it really just like using the toilet. Of course, you don’t want to do your other business in the shower considering it won’t fit in the drain. Plus, soiling yourself in the shower room defeats its purpose anyway. But you can make an exception for peeing since urine is made up differently. It’s antiseptic, actually, and although it’s a waste product, it’s not as harmful, messy, or dirty as is poop. So don’t feel bad about peeing in the shower, and anyone that says it’s gross doesn’t know what she/he is talking about. And the real truth is we all do it, even if we swear we don’t or if we’re neat freaks. After all, getting out of the shower to pee seems like a big waste of energy. And cleaning up all that mess on the floor and toilet seat afterwards hardly seems worth it.
2 OMG, I'm gross!
Ladies, we bleed. No need to sugarcoat it. It’s what our bodies do at that time of the month, and it’s natural. So, if you enjoy watching blood flow out in the shower, well, good for you. You’re embracing the natural processes of your body because, let’s keep it entirely real here, the female body is full of magic every single month. Sure, some flows are stronger than others, but whatever. Let it flow, no big deal. There’s no shame and no point in hiding our blood any longer. Just like peeing in the shower, letting ourselves bleed in the shower is totally acceptable. To be honest, it’s a relief. Sometimes it makes cool swirly patterns or turns a light shade of red or pink that’s pretty enough to paint with. It’s not gross at all. You’re not alone in thinking this, and screw anyone who tries to make you feel gross for bleeding in the shower. That’s like saying you’re gross just because you’re a woman, and we all know that ain’t true.
1 Hello, Mr. Showerhead.
So you’ve got the house to yourself or a little extra time on your hands. Well, use that time wisely and give yourself some well-deserved pleasure. Self-pleasure is healthy. It keeps us connected to our own bodies, what we like and dislike. It reduces stress and decreases blood pressure and cortisol in the abdominal region. It increases feel good chemicals in the brain. It also makes us better lovers. Self-pleasure in the shower should be done on a regular basis. There’s nothing to hide because why hide behind something that makes us feel good anyway? Feeling good is nothing to be ashamed of, and we should do it more often. So however you get off in the shower is up to you, but the shower head is an excellent place to start and finish. Your entire day can change with a quick little rendezvous with the shower head. You’ll definitely have a spring in your step and a smile on your face. And who doesn’t want both of those things?