Contrary to what you might have been told, being ugly has little to do with how you look on the outside. While a pretty face and toned body might make somebody physically attractive, certain behaviors and attitudes can erase the importance of those things in a heartbeat.
Men are often portrayed as being visual creatures only concerned with what they can see. There’s no denying that a lot of men do get hooked in by the way somebody looks, but it’s not true that personality counts for nothing. In actual fact, there are a bunch of little things you can say and do that will make him forget all about how good you look!
Some of it comes down to confidence, some to self-care, and some to good old human decency. Here are 15 ways you’re making yourself ugly that have nothing to do with makeup, hair products or going to the gym.
15. Mean Girl
No matter what you look like, being mean to other people is ugly. Unless you’re dating a psychopath, your partner is not going to be turned on when you treat other people badly. There are a whole bunch of reasons for this—the way you treat others is often a reflection of how you treat yourself, it’s an indication of what you could treat your partner like in the years to come, it shows you’re lacking in attractive qualities like kindness and selflessness and at the end of the day, it’s just embarrassing for the people you’re with.
Rudeness makes everyone involved feel uncomfortable, and the person perpetrating it doesn’t come off looking the best. So when you’re trying to be more attractive, make sure you’re being polite and kind to those around you. Being a bad girl might sound like fun, but failing to be a decent human being will never be a good look.
14. Drowning in Insecurity
You’ve heard it a million times: confidence is what makes people shine. It might be a cliché now, but that’s because it’s true. People who are confident have a certain allure about them that others are lacking, which is why you might often be told to fake it until you make it. So logically, if being confident makes you hotter, the opposite is true too: being openly insecure makes you significantly less hot.
Don’t try to get rid of your insecurities altogether, because that’s not going to happen in a million years. Even Beyoncé has insecurities! The difference is she focuses on what she loves about herself and doesn’t let everyone know what her insecurities are, so she appears confident. All you have to do is stop letting your flaws consume you—don’t talk about them in front of people, don’t compare yourself to others and please don’t put yourself down. Just be kind to yourself and try your best to accept who you are.
13. The Green-Eyed Monster
A little jealousy in a relationship? Healthy and kind of hot. Overwhelming jealousy that casts a dark cloud over everyone and everything? Ugly. Letting your partner know that you’re really jealous isn’t a good idea if you’re trying to make yourself look more attractive. Sure, you don’t want them to think that you couldn’t care less about them, but at the same time, you don’t want to be totally green-eyed. That includes demanding to know every little detail, setting out rules to stop them interacting with other people, and freaking out over things like Instagram likes.
Jealousy really stems from insecurity, which we’ve already established isn’t enticing. By acting overly envious and assuming that he’s always off looking at other girls, you’re showing him that you don’t have a very high opinion of yourself (otherwise he’d be looking at you, right?). We all feel unnecessary jealousy inside from time to time, but be a cool cucumber and don’t act on it.
12. Ain’t Saying She’s a Gold-Digger But…
Every couple is different, but generally, relying on him to pay your way every time makes you less attractive. Some people might be into the traditional system of a man providing for a woman, but the likelihood is your guy works hard for his money and doesn’t want to have to spend all of it on you… Sugar daddies excluded.
It can be romantic if he pays for a few dinner dates or buys you nice things on your birthday, but the reality is it’s 2017, and totally relying on another person financially is a turn off, no matter who you are. Maybe once upon a time as a woman you weren’t able to work so you had to rely on your man to buy everything for you, but that’s not the case anymore. Independent women who have their sh*t together are attractive and much better off in life.
11. Who Dressed You?
Take our advice on this one: if you’re not comfortable wearing something, it usually shows. Even if you’re stepping out in the exact same thing that Kim Kardashian wore in Paris, or that the shop assistant said it would make you look like a knockout, the whole effect is going to be ruined if you don’t feel good in it.
It always comes down to the same thing: if you’re not comfortable and confident, then you’re going to make yourself seem less attractive. Women often feel compelled to wear things that make them feel insecure—it could be a particular cut of dress, something shorter than they’d like, something longer than they’d like, or even something physically uncomfortable like a corset or ridiculous heels. As a rule of thumb, stay away from anything that you can’t sit, stand or walk in, or that makes you want to bring a really long coat.
10. Pinocchio’s Not Pretty
Science can back this one up for us! A 2006 study showed that both men and women are put off instantly when someone they’re otherwise attracted to is lying. According to the study, the participants were more turned off by people who were liars than by people who were dependent and needy, and people who were unintelligent, which is saying something!
The funny thing is that many people are tempted to lie to make themselves seem more attractive, but that’s a total trap. A lot of the time, when you lie about things like your age or your job, the answer is obvious. Other times, the truth will eventually come out, and then you not only seem uglier but also have to deal with the repercussions of your lie. For best results, try to tell the truth. Hiding it suggests that you’re uncomfortable and insecure about reality, and can’t be trusted.
9. Shallowness Is Out
Characters in movies, books, and TV shows who are superficial aren’t usually well-received by the audience. Generally, humans appreciate people who have a little depth to them. It works the same way in real life: acting superficial is a good way to make yourself seem ugly, even when you’re not.
People are usually labelled superficial when they seem to only care about vain or empty things like what they look like, how many likes their pictures get or how much money they make. Obviously, you can’t help being into what you are, but if you are a shallow person, it’s not going to do you any favors. It’s okay to put effort into how you look and how much money you make, but also remember to let your other interests and passions shine, or you’ll end up coming across like the blonde star of a ‘90s teen comedy.
8. Don’t Get Too Big for Your Britches
Drawing the line between confident and arrogant can be tough, but it’s important. While people usually become unattractive when they’re insecure, they also lose some of their appeal when they go to the other end of the scale and become arrogant and cocky. Both will make you seem ugly, so take care not to tip too much to either side!
A confident person believes in themselves and accepts themselves, but doesn’t feel the need to boast about it. If you’re confident you accept compliments and don’t deny your achievements, but you’re still gracious and interested in other people. An arrogant person, on the other hand, believes they’re better than everyone else. They think the world revolves around them and love to hear about how fantastic they are. Usually, they also have no idea that by acting that way, they’re actually repelling the people they’re interested in, rather than enticing them.
7. Slothing Around
Finding laziness unattractive might come down to simple biology. If you appear to be lazy, your significant other or someone you’re interested in might subconsciously think that you’re not a good candidate for a life partner, since you won’t be helpful in any way. One study conducted in 2004 required students to rate each other on attractiveness (as well as other traits) at the beginning of a six-week archaeology course, and at the end. The researchers found that if students had proven to be lazy, they were rated as less attractive than they were at the beginning of the course, before the others knew how helpful or lazy they were.
Don’t feel like you have to always be rushing around and can never take the time to let your hair down around somebody you like—you’re still human! Just know that constant laziness that occurs all the time (not just on Sunday mornings) is taking away some of your appeal.
6. Neglecting Your Bod
Failing to take good care of yourself is another way to turn somebody off you and make yourself seem less attractive. You could be doing this in a number of ways—eating foods that are bad for your skin, neglecting to exercise, and taking part in unhealthy things like smoking, drinking, and other bad substances are examples. Obviously it’s okay to do some things in moderation, but if you’re constantly putting your body in harm, it isn’t a good look.
It’s true that neglecting your physical health comes with side effects that make you less physically attractive, but that’s not what the core of the problem is. Like we said, how you feel about yourself makes so much difference to how others feel about you. If you don’t look after yourself, they could get the impression that you don’t actually love yourself. And if you don’t love yourself, why would anyone else?
5. Forgetting the Shower
Hygiene is another big factor that helps to determine how attractive others find you. Generally, failing to stay on top of hygiene can make even the best-looking person ugly. This includes things like forgetting to brush your teeth, not showering often, not looking after your skin, hair or nails and not taking care of other personal issues that need instant addressing (which we won’t get into!).
This is just logic: if you don’t smell good, you’re not going to be very enticing to other people. But again, it also suggests that you don’t have a high opinion of yourself since you don’t care enough to take care of the basics. Things do get more relaxed and comfortable between people as you move closer together, but there are still some hygiene essentials that need to be taken care of, whether you’re single, newly dating or heading for your 50-year anniversary!
4. Who Does the World Revolve Around?
Being selfish isn’t attractive on anybody. Looking out for other people comes under the umbrella of being a decent person, and while you’re not technically required to be selfless, you do tend to come across better if you are! Constantly worrying and talking about yourself and treating others and their problems like they don’t matter tends to make other people dislike being around you, and will also paint you to be ugly in their eyes.
We’re not saying you have to give up your life and move to a convent or join the Peace Corps. You still want to make sure you’re loving yourself, taking care of yourself and standing up for yourself. But where you can, keep in mind that other people might need your help or even your attention too. Making sacrifices for other people definitely makes you look better (but don’t let that be the only reason you do it!).
3. Stand Up Straight!
Who would have thought something like posture could affect the way people see you! According to research published in 2016, there are certain types of body language that make you less attractive. Contractive positions are usually the culprits—this involves things like hunching your shoulders or crossing your arms. In one study, researchers created a number of profiles on a dating app for men and women doing both contractive and expansive poses. In the end, those who were pictured in expansive poses, with their arms open or reaching out to hold something, were more popular than those in inward positions.
The theory behind the power pose is that by expanding your body, you feel more confident and powerful than you actually are, and by retreating inward, you make yourself feel more insecure. This applies to both men and women, so remember how you’re standing the next time you’re trying to catch someone’s eye!
2. Negative Nelly
Negativity is a no-no when it comes to making yourself more attractive. Basically, people tend to find you attractive when they feel good around you, and people who are always down in the dumps and complaining don’t make others feel good. Rather, they tend to pass on their negativity and bring people down, which causes them to appear unattractive, even if their faces are symmetrical and their bodies are toned.
We all have negative thoughts every now and then, but try not to focus on them. And if you can’t help but focus on them, don’t talk about them all day long. Everyone needs to vent occasionally, and you’re entitled to a bad day. But there’s a difference between someone who’s mostly positive in a bad mood, and a perpetual pessimist who sucks the fun and smiles out of everything. Brainstorming things to be grateful for, even if it’s just the air you’re breathing, is a good start to a positive attitude.
1. Mumbling & Grumbling
Whining, complaining, grumbling—whatever you want to call it—is one of the most unattractive things you can do. It completely ruins any positive attitude that you have tried to set for yourself, and makes you seem lazy and entitled. Basically, people figure that if you weren’t being lazy, rather than complaining, you would get up and do something about it. Being productive and proactive is a turn on for most, and will make you seem more attractive no matter how you look on the outside.
Aside from making you seem lazy, whining is also painful to be around for extended periods of time. Most people don’t enjoy listening to someone who sounds like a broken record going on about things that they’re not going to change. Of course you’re allowed to have a vent and get things off your chest, but try not to make complaining a regular habit!
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