We’re always testing him out, right. Watching what he does and says, studying the hell outta him and back, and evaluating every step and gesture he makes. We’re not trying to be nosey, we’re just trying to understand him and get to know him better; we want to get to know him, the real him, the him that might become boyfriend or even husband material. In order to know if he passes the good guy test, you’ve gotta look beyond the surface stuff, the stuff that society says a man should have, and look at the stuff a man should have according to a down-to-earth female standard. Men can be tricky. They can put on a show so that we become fangirls or a stunned audience. They can change their behaviors so that we give them what they want. But we have to be smarter than that and before we even think about liking him any further, any more than we already do, we need to know what he’s about –inside and out. This requires some time and a critical eye, but with the guide below to help you, you’re sure to spot his goodness if he’s really got it.
15 He Lends a hand
If he’s worth anything, he should do the basics. And even better if he does the basics without you having to ask or look for it. When he lends a hand, he’s anticipating what you need and your next move and your next emotional moment. Lending a hand, be it the smallest of small things, means something huge to us. It can be taking out the trash or washing the dishes. It can be making the bed and arranging all the pillows in the way you like. It can be spring-cleaning with you or cleaning out the closets. Whatever it is, if he’s there by your side without complaining, griping, or whining –he’s a good guy and a catch. Most men sit idly by while women manage all the little, undetected things that make life run smoothly. The fact that he recognizes this means he’s into you and he’s into making things easier for you; that perception isn’t too common, so treat him good, girl.
14 He's Understanding
We have our moments, ladies. We can be dramatic and then overly dramatic. We can transform from sweetheart to break-your-face-and-your-heart in seconds. We cry at the drop of a hat and get all annoyed by breathing. We are unique creatures, but lovable nonetheless. If he gets that and doesn’t try to control your feelings or, worse, blame everything on either your period or your family, he’s good to go. Being understanding should be an unspoken rule between partners, but unfortunately it isn’t. Men are not trained in the art of compassion, therefore, if he’s showing some Buddhist level compassion and doesn’t judge you for all your mood shifts and swings, then he totally understands you, women, and the human experience in general. It’s a miracle to find someone so tuned in to the human experience and at the same time so humble about it. If he’s showing these signs, he’s a keeper.
13 He Cries in front of you
Crying is not a sign of weakness for men or women, although society says that women are more inclined to cry, that’s simply not the truth. Both men and women are prone to crying, it’s a matter of how we’ve been conditioned to the act itself. Men have been taught to hold back those tears and man-up –whatever that means. Men have been told that tears are for babies and weak things and women –as if. If he’s been taught and told differently, first of all, thank his family or whoever raised him and second, never ever put him down for crying. The fact that he’s vulnerable enough to share that part of himself, the part that society says makes him a defunct man, says that he’s not what society says he should be and he’s more of the man he thinks he should be. And crying is part of that man. Be warned, some psychopaths have been known to squeeze out some tears as a form of manipulation. Recognize the difference between compassion and crazy.
12 He's Close with his Fam
How is his relationship with his family? This is not to say he’s gotta be a mama’s boy or even super duper tight with his siblings. Nope, not at all. But it does mean that he should be relatively close with them, know some important things about them like birthdays, jobs, and some random pieces of information like favorite food or drink. The guy who’s close to his family is a guy who cares about creating bonds. Maybe he didn’t have the best childhood, but perhaps he still puts in the effort to be close to his nuclear family; proving that he understands struggle, and forgives and forgets. If he is estranged from family, that should raise a red flag. It might be warranted in some situations, but most things can be forgiven and the possibility to heal is always present if we allow it to be. The relationship he has with his family will show you his character and what type of family man he’s set on being in the future.
11 He's kind to Strangers
The way one treats family is one thing; after all we’re taught to love and respect family and thus are pretty much forced into doing it regardless of circumstances. However, the way one treats strangers speaks more about his character than almost anything else. Some will say treating strangers well doesn’t matter because, I don’t know them and they aren’t anyone to me, they aren’t my family. But that’s where people are wrong. We are all family –we all come from one thing, one energy. Even if the person isn’t part of our immediate family or the family to whom we were birthed, that person is still a relative because we are all human beings, race and religion are social constructs made to distract us from the truth. Everyone is related and all people are family. If he treats strangers nicely, he’s got a good heart; and while he might not recognize this universal fact, he surely has a good sense of what’s right and wrong and has a heart. Plus, gentleness to strangers can speak volumes and change lives; there is power in kindness.
10 He Likes Babies and animals
He does not have to be all the way into babies or animals, but he should treat them nicely. If he’s all against babies or animals and/or baby animals, then that’s a warning sign of a guy who’s bought all the hype of what it takes to be a man. If he swears that stuff is for girls and sissies and homosexuals, then that guy needs to be taken out with the trash. Babies and animals are creatures made with certain features so that we instinctively fall in love with them –should he not be so drawn to this magical element, then he might be a tough cookie, a rock, or a non-human. Either way, a guy who cannot at least appreciate the cuteness and miracle of both baby and animal is not a guy you want hanging around and surely not a guy you want to make a permanent part of your life. Unless, you, too, are not into babies and animals, and in that case, you’d best to pick someone equally as frigid and distant.
9 He Trusts You
This works two ways. If he trusts you and if you trust him. But let’s focus on him trusting you. Some guys out there are really insecure. They want to know where you are at all times, they call and text and if you don’t pick up it’s a problem, they want your passwords to all your social media accounts. That stuff stems from some dark place –either he’s utterly immature and insecure or both or he has a trauma concerning trust from old relationships. However, if he doesn’t do any of those things and lets you live, like really lets you be a person and a woman and an individual –he’s golden. Men think women should be tamed and tied down. But that guy who’s evolved and enlightened will recognize such talk as antiquated and barbaric. Women, like men, have the right to space and that space includes trust. Of course, it also helps if both are into building trust from the jump off.
8 He Listens
Ladies, ladies, ladies, we talk –a lot; and sometimes we talk way too much. And that’s cool. That’s who some of us are and there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as our talking isn’t shaming or hurting others, we have the right to talk the ear off an elephant. Some of us aren’t big talkers, but when we do decide to talk, let it be known that what follows next should be listened to and listened to closely. If he’s into listening to you and doesn’t try, like some heathens, to shut you up or edit you or censure you, then he’s definitely a good guy. Men might feel threatened by a woman who talks too much or has ideas; if that’s the case, let him go. But if he understands that your mouth and voice were also created for the same reasons as his –to express oneself and enjoy the act of expression, then you’d better hold him tight and talk all night.
7 He's Giving
The saying goes that giving is better than receiving. And while many of us will agree, there is still a large percentage of people, we might call them selfish, who disagree. Giving is an act that comes from the heart and if done right giving comes with the intention of not receiving. However, that being said, some give with the assumption that something should be given in return. That is not called love or compassion, but that is called exchange and bartering and that is what turned our society into the capitalist machine it is today. You give me something, I give you something –we call it even and have a nice day. Relationships don’t work that way, at least they shouldn’t work that way. If he gives to you and there is no indication, through verbal or non-verbal cues, that he’s looking for reciprocity, he’s been trained well in the art of love and respect.
6 He's Good With Words
Words are weapons, don’t let anyone tell you different. That old b.s. saying, 'sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me' is straight up b.s. and a lie. Words hurt, they cut deep and people use them to cause damage. We’ve all been guilty of using words to hurt others, whether a loved one or a stranger. We know words hurt, there’s no denying that. If he’s careful with his words, if he bites his tongue during intense fights, if he quickly repents for saying some nasty words and tries his best to not repeat such behavior –he’s a good guy. It’s not easy to control ourselves and even less so during intense spats. Watching what we say, when we say it, and how we say it means that we are in touch with the power of words and our partner’s feelings. All that stuff is good stuff and material that makes for solid partnerships that last a lifetime.
5 He Loves your body
Of course, the physical isn’t everything in a relationship, but let’s be honest, it is a huge part of any romantic relationship. It’s undeniable. Our connection is primarily based on chemistry and pheromones because science and evolution. That being said, if he loves your body regardless of social standards and doesn’t police your body, he’s more than a good guy. Guys are physical, no doubt, so it’s very easy to please them. But as women, we can be hard on ourselves and our bodies because of capitalism and social order. So if he’s all about your shape, whatever shape you have, and truly adores the body you have and shows it, that’s a diamond in the rough. Today, most men are looking for a certain look as a result of social media and filters, but the man who can appreciate all the glorious varieties that exist and can really get into your shape and size is a man to brag about.
4 He Loves your brain
We want to be loved for our bodies, but respected for our brains. Or is it the other way around? No matter, the point is that we want to be valued for both the physical and mental parts of our beings. If he’s into talking to you about all kinds of stuff and doesn’t belittle you or hush you up, then he’s a genuine guy. Men and women should be able to vibe off of each other’s brains, after all it’s the center for all things good like feelings and orgasms. Maybe he wants to hear you talk about how much you love whatever hobby you’re into, maybe he want to hear you read your poetry, maybe he wants you to teach him about something. All of those things are dope and he gets big-time extra credit for not being an immature punk and recognizing that women have things to teach men, too.
3 He Supports your projects
It’s one thing to take interest in someone else’s interests, it’s another thing to fully, whole-heartedly, and selflessly support another person’s projects. Our projects sometimes feel like solitary bubbles where we dwell. And these bubbles are not easily accessible to the outside world or maybe the outside world doesn’t even know even to look up and see that there’s a really beautiful, cool bubble floating just above their head. Should he see the bubble, admire it, and have access to it, that’s a man who’s down for you and understands the value of support. Sometimes we feel like the only ones who believe in our projects and in some cases that might be true, but then he comes along with praise and adoration and constructive criticism and optimism and genuine feedback. Then you think it must be a show, he must be doing this to get something out of it –just stop right there and realize that someone that into your project is that into you. And he’s just a good person overall.
2 He Accepts your interests
He does not have to be into what you’re into, not at all. And to be honest, that might be boring. While some couples revel in having everything in common, others flourish under the pretense that variety is the spice of life. Maybe you’re into something that he’s totally not into; and instead of making fun of you, degrading you, or even shunning you for pursuing your interests, he tells that he thinks it’s cool you’re into such and such thing. That’s the mark of a real human being, a human being who has mentally, emotionally, and spiritually advanced beyond all expectations. That’s the mark of someone who gets the human experience. As couples we don’t have to like the same things nor should we feel pressured to like those things our partner likes, on the contrary –we should feel free to do what makes us feel good and our partners should respect that, period.
1 He Supports your dreams
We have all got dreams. And while some of you are still talking about one day, one day, one day, others are putting one foot in front of the other, being pro-active af, and making dreams happen. It’s a tough road and anything worthwhile is worth putting time and energy into. If he sees how passionate you are about your dreams and despite all odds and criticism and funds and situations and life, he’s all like, 'Go for it, babe –you got this, I believe in you,' he’s one to take home to mom and dad. He’s one that will make your heart melt and then tell you to rebuild it again because you have dreams to reach and stars to make and all that magic to produce. Support for even the most far-fetched dreams is vital and really makes or breaks relationships. If he believe in you in a real way, he’s a real man.