At this point, the idea of a girl obsessing over a guy has become so common it’s almost cliché. Every romantic comedy or television show has likely included at least one scene where some girl is wondering why her crush hasn’t called her, what she’s done wrong, and so on and so on. I mean, Carrie Bradshaw practically made an entire career out of it! We couldn’t help but wonder… why do women spend so much time and energy on guys who are just not worth their time?
The most intelligent, independent, incredible women can sometimes be reduced to silly schoolgirls over some stupid guy. Who knows why? Let’s just say that the heart and the brain aren’t always on the same page. Whatever the reason, as much as you might hate to admit it, every girl has likely obsessed over a guy at some point in her life – and it’s not a good feeling! You know it’s silly, you know it doesn’t make you feel good, yet you do it again and again.
Just can’t seem to get him out of your mind? Here are 15 ways to stop obsessing over him, because trust us – he’s not worth that much of your time.
15 Figure out why you’re getting so worked up
Everyone knows the common saying – where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Now, where there’s an obsession, there’s likely a deeper reason that you might just not be ready to admit to yourself. Perhaps you’re obsessed with finding out why he doesn’t want to spend more time with you because your self-esteem has taken a hit over the years and you don’t believe he would want to spend time with someone like you. Perhaps you don’t even like him so much, it’s just that you really don’t want to be alone and figure even he is better than no one. Perhaps a part of you knows he’s a bit of a playboy who is constantly chatting up other girls, so you think by somehow tracking that and asking him who he’s been talking to he’s going to stop his Casanova behaviour. Whatever the reason, in order to curb your obsession you need to sit down and think about what you’re so afraid of.
14 Remind yourself that he has flaws too
No one is perfect, but it can be very, very easy to end up looking at your crush or your ex through rose colored glasses. You conveniently somehow manage to ignore all the things he’s done that drive you crazy, and instead focus on everything he’s done that makes him the perfect guy. News flash – you’re not giving yourself the whole picture if you’re putting a magnifying glass to his ‘pro’ column while sweeping his list of cons under the rug. It might feel mean spirited to sit down and make a list of the reasons someone isn’t that great – I mean, who wants to have a moment like Ross and Rachel did on Friends where she ends up crushed to see his comments that she’s “just a waitress.” However, sitting down to write exactly what is not so great about him can make you realize that you’re putting him up on a pedestal, and that he’s not actually the perfect man you think he is.
13 Turn to a friend for some perspective
Sometimes, it can be tough to really get the whole picture when you’re tangled up in something. There are emotions and feelings involved, there’s a history, and it’s tough to extract yourself enough to take an objective look at the situation. That’s where friends can help. If you find that you’re just unable to stop obsessing over him, sit down and have a chat with one of your girlfriends. Present the fact that you’ve been obsessing over and chances are she’ll be able to tell you whether you need to calm down, take a step back, and stop obsessing needlessly over nothing, or that you need to confront your guy because he’s acting like a bit of a scrub. It’s true that two heads are sometimes better than one, and the advice of your trusted friend can be invaluable in a situation like that. Plus, chances are she’s had her own experiences and expertise to draw upon.
12 Go work out
We know, we know – when you’re busy worrying or obsessing over something, the last thing you want to do is slip on your running shoes and go sprinting around the block. However, exercise can be a hugely beneficial tool to handling stress – and that includes the stress of obsessing over someone! Plus, as Elle Woods says, exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy… and happy people just don’t needlessly obsess over people. We’re not saying you need to go hit the weight room of the gym and start trying to bench press your body weight in order to deal with your emotions. Even just putting on some tunes and dancing around your apartment, or going for a walk around the block, can be extremely beneficial. Get the blood flowing to all your limbs and it’ll stop rushing straight to your brain to fuel all your obsessions. And that’s not even considering that exercising actually does something positive for your health, unlike obsessing, which just adds stress to your life.
11 Stop communicating with him
Okay, let’s be honest – even if you’re desperately waiting for him to call, no girl wants to pick up on the first ring and make it to look like she’s been waiting by her phone. When you’re always available and accessible to him, when you’re always reaching out and trying to communicate, it puts the power in his court. It means he gets to communicate whenever he feels like it, because he knows you’ll always be there on the other end. Alternatively, if you’re texting with him a hundred times a day, it can be tough to tame your obsession because, well, he’s always there! You’re constantly talking to him! If you feel like you need to take a break and stop obsessing over him so much, try to enforce a self-imposed communication ban. It’ll help give you some of the power in the situation back and you won’t feel like you’re always at his beck and call.
10 Or start communicating
We know, we know, it seems a little bit confusing to suggest that you both communicate more and communicate less when you’re trying to stop obsessing over him. However, you need to consider that every situation is different. If you’re unable to stop obsessing over him because you’re texting back and forth every hour, then putting a stop to communications can help you get some much needed distance. However, you also don’t need to be waiting by the phone for his highness to decide to reach out to you when he’s ready. We’re not saying you need to call him every half hour asking why he hasn’t been calling you. If you’ve been waiting to hear from him for forever, though, or you have an important question you’ve been wanting to ask him or something important you’ve been wanting to say, you don’t need to wait for him to make the first move.
9 Do something that doesn’t involve electronics
Let’s face it, scrolling through your Instagram feed or getting sucked into the latest season of your favourite show on Netflix is a fairly passive activity. Sure, you’re engaging with something, but your brain also has ample time to wander and start obsessing over other things besides what’s on your screen. Instead, take some time and separate yourself from passively distracting yourself with electronics and instead actively distract yourself by doing something that involves your full brain power. This could involve reading about a new subject you’re interested in, working on a creative project, coming up with a new training plan, finally learning that language you’ve been meaning to learn since high school, figuring out how to make that DIY project you’ve had your eye on for forever, whatever. Just do something that requires you to be fully focused on the task at hand rather than something that allows your mind to wander and eventually start obsessing all over again.
8 Look at your other options
Look, we hate the phrase ‘there’s plenty of other fish in the sea’ just as much as you do, but there’s some merit to it. When you’re obsessing over a guy, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that he’s somehow the only guy out there for you, that if things don’t work out you’ll be alone and miserable forever. Stop! Take a look around! There are tons of great guys out in the world, but if you’re always obsessing over the same one, you’ll never get a chance to meet them. We’re not saying you should go out and cheat if you’re having relationship trouble and you feel like he’s going to pick up and leave you soon. We’re just saying, if you’re obsessing over a relatively new relationship, or even someone you don’t know that well, take a moment to consider that he’s not your only option in the world – there are plenty of other guys out there. So, if things don’t work out with your current guy, it’s not the end of the world.
7 Remember your previous ridiculousness
Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20 – but you wouldn’t always think so, consider how many of us are prone to act. While you’re in the thick of things, it can be tough to get some perspective and realize that you’re being silly. However, if you pause to remember all those times you may have obsessed over your guy in previous situations or previous relationships, you can usually recognize that, well, it was a little bit pointless. You’re obsessing didn’t actually change anything for the better – it just made you miserable and made you feel awful about how things were going. It can be tough to draw upon your past experiences when you’re in the middle of things, but try to recruit past you to tap current you on the shoulder and tell her you’re being stupid. Designate a friend to remind you of what you did in a previous relationship and why it was a waste of time. Whatever works – just try to refrain from repeating the same mistakes and behaviours over and over again.
6 Take yourself on a date
If you’ve put all your plans on hold in the slim hopes that he’ll pick up the phone and decide to whisk you off on a romantic date straight out of the movies, just stop. You shouldn’t give power over your own life to someone else, and your plans shouldn’t depend on whether or not he decides he wants to spend time with you. If you’re obsessing over a guy because he said you should hang out on the weekend but then hasn’t actually called to make concrete plans, or because he keeps shrugging off the plans you’re trying to make, just stop. You don’t need that. Instead, take yourself out on a date. Go stop by that adorable coffee shop you love for a frothy latte, browse through the bookstore, go for a walk in the park, try out that new restaurant you’ve been curious about, indulge in a little retail therapy, whatever makes you happy.
5 Stop social stalking
When most of us think of the world ‘stalking,’ we think of someone lurking around in the bushes and hiding behind newspapers and clothing racks as they track the object of their obsessions around on their daily activities. However, social stalking can be just as bad! In this day and age, it can be easy to track someone based on what they’re posting on their social media feeds – you can see that they checked in to that restaurant with an old flame, you can see their selfie with a group of friends at a party, you can spot a new outfit that they share on Instagram. If you’re obsessing over someone, though, keeping tabs on them via social media will only make the matter worse. You’ll get sucked into a rabbit hole looking at his posts from months and months ago, uncovering previous girlfriends and needless information that you really didn’t need to know. Don’t run the risk of embarrassing yourself by liking something from two years ago, and just stop social stalking him.
4 Spend more time with friends and family
Everyone knows the kind of people who immediately put all their time and attention into their relationship the moment the going gets good. Suddenly, they’re loved up and doing nothing but hanging out with their new squeeze. However, when things get rocky, that means they often have no one to turn to in order to deal with the problem, and instead end up obsessing endlessly. Don’t let that happen and don’t cut yourself off from other people in your life that are important to you. A guy isn’t the only thing that can make you happy. If you’re feeling miserable because he didn’t call when he said he would, and find yourself obsessing over your previous conversation, take some time to spend the day with friends or family. They can instantly cheer you up, and prove that you have plenty going on in your life without that guy you’re obsessing over.
3 Find a hobby you love
Sometimes, a woman obsesses over a guy because he’s pulling some shady maneuvers and messing with her head. However, sometimes you might be inclined to start obsessing way more than what is healthy simply because you have a bit too much time on your hands. You may find that you’re simply waking up, going to work, going home, and then lounging around in the evening obsessing over him. Stop! Keep yourself busy by taking up a new hobby and spending your free time doing something you truly enjoy, and you’ll find that your minds drifts to him less and less. Everyone likely has at least one activity that they’ve always wanted to take up. Maybe you love art and have always wanted to learn how to paint – take a class! Maybe you’re dying to get in good shape, and finally stumbled across a great workout class that you enjoy participating in. Whatever your passion and whatever you enjoy, chances are there’s some type of hobby related to it that would help take your mind off things and brighten up your life.
2 Have a chat with yourself about how amazing you are
Okay, we know this one sounds a little bit cheesy – but it’s important! When you’re obsessing over a guy, it can be easy to put him up on a pedestal as a perfect man while lowering yourself to someone who probably isn’t worthy of his attentions. Sure, it doesn’t feel good when you think you had a great date with someone and then they don’t call you back. However, you need to realize it has absolutely nothing to do with who you are as a person. When you find yourself obsessing and wondering if it’s all your fault, that it’s all happening because you’re just not good enough, take a moment and have a chat with yourself about how amazing you are. Remind yourself that you’re an intelligent, beautiful, interesting woman, and no guy, no matter how great you think he is, deserves to be taking up 100% of the space in your head.
1 Introduce some distance into your relationship
Most girls have likely given relationship advice to their close friends, or helped them stop obsessing over that worthless guy who you knew wasn’t good enough for them to begin with – so why is it so tough to do the same for yourself? The answer, quite simply, is distance – it’s hard to see a situation in full when you’re living it. While you may not be able to get the same perspective on your own relationships as you are your friends’, seeing as you’re involved in them, it can be hugely beneficial to create a bit of distance. Take a step back, stop seeing him quite as often, and chances are you’ll be better able to assess the situation and figure out why you’re obsessing and what it’s even accomplishing. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder in strong relationships, but it can also help expose the cracks and make you realize what’s truly going on in a given situation.