No one wants to be seen as “desperate.” When it comes to dating, acting desperate is basically the kiss of death. Sometimes it seems like the more you want a guy in your life, the harder it is to actually meet a good guy. Why is that? Well, when a guy who is actually worth dating can smell desperation, he tends to run in the other direction. Think about it: do you find it attractive when a guy seems totally desperate for any girl who will pay him a speck of attention? We’re going to go ahead and assume that the answer is no. So, if you’re feeling desperate, how do you deal? How do you chill out and try to play it cool while meeting guys? Lucky for you, we’ve got your back, every girl has been there before! Here are 15 ways to keep your desperation on the DL.
15. Flirt With A Few Guys
If you focus all of your time and energy on one guy, he’s going to pick up on your desperation pretty early on! Trust us, when you’re constantly texting and trying to hang out with one dude, he’ll know that you’re desperate. Does that mean you should always be playing the field, even if you’re only really into one guy? No, not at all! But when you’re just getting to know a guy, you shouldn’t put all of your eggs in one basket. Keep your eyes open, because you never know who else might walk your way. But this doesn’t mean you should be flirting with every dude who crosses your path, either. Just keep in mind that there are plenty of fish in the sea, so while you’re single, don’t run after one guy with all you’ve got. Keep your options open and keep it casual, it looks way more chill.
14. Turn Off Your Phone
We all know that one girl who is ALWAYS texting a guy. She’s always “talking to” someone, and she is GLUED to her phone. You probably have a friend that simply cannot put down her phone while hanging out. There are so many ways to meet guys these days, from apps to social media, that it can seem like we need to be attached to our phones all the time to land a guy. Well, we’re here to set the record straight and let you know that is absolutely false. In fact, being attached to your phone all the time, constantly texting, and contacting guys on different apps makes you look super desperate to everyone around you. Instead, why not relax and just put the phone down? Seriously, limiting the time you spend on your phone will help you relax and feel more content with your whole life, not just dating.
13. Play Hard To Get
Alright, we don’t always advocate playing hard to get, but there are definitely times when this tactic can be extremely useful. Look, if you already know that a guy likes you, and you like him as well, there’s really no point in playing hard to get because you’ll just confuse him and waste time. Now, for a different scenario, let’s say that you’re totally single, but you’re ready to mingle. In fact, you’re feeling a little desperate for some male attention. When you click with a guy, it might be tempting to just throw yourself at him, but that will only make your desperation super obvious and cause him to run away. Instead, hold back a little bit at first. Don’t let him know how strongly you feel until you’re sure that things are headed in a good direction. If you throw yourself at his feet, he’ll think that you’re desperate!
12. Stick With Your Girlfriends
If you’ve been feeling desperate lately, we’re going to suggest filling your schedule with plenty of girls nights. Your girlfriends are always the best distraction from the crazy dating scene, and right now, you need them more than ever! Seriously, your girlfriends are more valuable than any guy will ever be. They’ll always be ready to listen to you vent about guys, or hang out with you when you’re feeling lonely and rejected. Plus, they always have the best advice for dealing with a guy when you just have no idea what to do. If you have been feeling desperate for a guy in your life recently, turn to your girlfriends before you jump into anyone’s arms. Let’s be honest, they will always be there for you when a guy won’t, and they will always warn you if you’re going to do something that might not be in your best interest.
11. Get Off Social Media
We all know that social media can be a ton of fun, and let’s be honest for a second, we all love to show off when something good happens in our lives. But if you’re desperate for a boyfriend, or even just a casual fling, you should really think about limiting your time on social media. Why? It just makes that desperate feeling worse. First, you’ve got to scroll through pictures of couples tagging their photos with #relationshipgoals and girls posting about their #mancrushmonday. Then you’ve got to see engagement announcements on Facebook. Next, you’ll find people tweeting relationship advice on Twitter, which will only make you feel inadequate because you’re not even in a relationship. And watching some girl’s Snapchat story in which she shows off a date with her boyfriend won’t help your situation. Seriously, when you’re feeling desperate, it’s definitely time for an extended social media break.
10. Dress Casual
Sometimes when we find ourselves wishing we were in a relationship, we start thinking of ways that we can appear more attractive to men. It sounds silly, but the key to finding a good relationship is really just to be yourself. Dressing up and wearing a ton of makeup can actually be a turn off to some guys. Different guys like different things! But honestly, girls usually notice each other’s clothing and fashion choices more than guys do. Expensive labels and skimpy clothes may not always attract the kind of guys you actually would want to date. Please don’t feel the need to dress up every single day just to get male attention, especially if you’re more of a laid-back, low maintenance type of girl. You do not need to go out of your way to dress up just to please guys. Honestly, it’s a clear sign of desperation!
9. Lay Off The Makeup
This goes right along with dressing casually. Many girls think that wearing more makeup will cause men to find them more attractive and that this is a major key in getting attention from guys. Once again, the type of guys who only like a girl when she’s caked in makeup are not the kind of guys you want to be dating anyway. Plus, a girl who is comfortable and confident going bare-faced or wearing just a little makeup is often more attractive than a girl who always needs to wear a face full of makeup. Now, if you love makeup, that’s totally fine, and there’s nothing wrong with that! The key here is to wear makeup that makes YOU feel good and if that means “no makeup,” that’s great too! If you’re putting on a thick layer of makeup every day because you’re desperate, you’re just going to look silly.
8. Resist The Urge To Double Text
We all know how tempting it can be to double text. Look, you asked this guy you’re crushing on if he wanted to hang out, it’s been an hour, he’s still not responding, and your mind is racing. Maybe he dropped his phone and it shattered. Maybe his phone is just dead. Maybe it’s on silent. Maybe he saw your text but decided he can’t stand you and would never want to hang out in a million years. Either way, the silence is just killing you, and you need answers now before your brain invents another wild scenario. So, what’s a girl to do? Send another text, of course! But before you double text, stop and think it over. If he likes you, he’ll answer. If he doesn’t, he’ll ignore you, and you will be free to go out there and pursue another guy who DOES feel the same way.
7. Get A Hobby
One reason that we may feel desperate for a relationship is a lack of happiness in other areas of our lives. Often, we get so caught up in waiting around for the right guy that we neglect other things we could be doing. Could that be the reason that you’re feeling desperate? Are you actually desperate for something fulfilling to spend time on? Maybe you don’t really need a relationship, maybe you just need a hobby that you feel passionate about. Seriously, staying busy with other meaningful activities is one of the best ways to work on those feelings of “desperation.” Even if it’s something as simple as reading good books, writing in a journal, learning an instrument, or getting into a new workout plan, finding a fun hobby will definitely help clear your head. Remember, desperate guys and girls are usually missing something important in other parts of their lives.
6. Limit Your Time On Tinder
Even worse than other forms of social media? Tinder. Tinder can be super convenient for meeting guys, but let’s be honest, this app can definitely fuel our feelings of desperation like no other. First of all, it’s no substitute for meeting a guy in real life that doesn’t mean you can’t have a successful relationship with a guy that you meet on Tinder, but getting to know him will certainly be a different process! And second of all, it gives us the impression that we might never find something real because we’re always making shallow connections. Our advice? If you’re feeling desperate, it’s time to delete Tinder, at least for a little while. You’ll constantly be swiping out of sheer boredom or feelings of inadequacy, and that is not the best way to meet a guy and start a healthy relationship. Just focus on having a good time offline, and the right guy will appear.
5. Don’t Rush Things
This kind of goes hand in hand with playing hard to get. When you’re desperate, your mindset is different when it comes to meeting guys. Let’s say that you’re comfortable and secure with your life and you don’t feel a strong NEED for a relationship, but a good guy happens to come along anyway, great! You two can take time to get to know each other, chill out, and have some fun, and if it works out, things will happen in their own time without either person forcing it. But if you’re super desperate and you happen to meet a guy who you really connect with, you might try to jump into something serious right away. You might be tempted to tell him that you love him, that he’s the one, or that you want to make things official before either of you are really ready. Slow down and see if it’s meant to be!
4. Stay Cool At Parties
When you’re trying your hardest to meet a guy, you might feel the need to be more social than usual. That’s understandable, and it’s a smart move. You’re not going to meet guys if you’re just sitting in your room by yourself all day! So going out and being more extroverted than usual can help you meet some new people. However, going to parties is not always the best way to meet new guys. Sure, you might meet someone great, but you also might make a fool of yourself, especially if there is drinking involved. If you do go to parties to meet guys, make sure that you have at least one good female friend with you to be your wing woman, be mindful of what you drink, and don’t feel like you need to get up and dance on tables to attract attention from guys, seriously, that’s a pretty desperate move.
3. Remember Guys Aren’t Everything
If you’ve been feeling desperate lately, you may have stopped focusing on things outside of guys and relationships. This is super unhealthy. One of the best ways to fight those desperate feelings is to simply remember that guys are not everything. Guys are not the most important things in our lives. Yes, a great relationship can really make your life better, but if you cannot be happy while single, you may not be happy in a relationship, either. Happiness has to come from inside of you, not from some guy! Come on, girls, we’re better than this. Disney movies may have taught us that sitting around waiting for Prince Charming will pay off in the end, but they call them “fairytales” for a reason, they’re just stories, and that’s not how real life works at all. Fake it til you make it-start acting like you don’t care about guys, and eventually, it will be true.
2. Ignore Women’s Magazines
Sometimes when we’re wondering how we can meet the right guy, we will turn to any source for advice. Often, we will pick up a women’s magazine and flip through the pages to find some insight on dating. Reader beware, these magazines will give you the worst advice imaginable! Let’s think about the purpose of women’s magazines for a second. If you felt happy, confident, and secure in your life, would you ever feel the need to pick one up? Maybe for some makeup tips, but that’s really it! You wouldn’t give their dating advice a second thought. This means that they NEED their readers to feel insecure and desperate in order to keep selling magazines! Therefore, they will give you bad advice so that you will keep wondering what you’re doing wrong, and will come back for more advice. Put down the magazine and talk to your mom or best friend instead.
1. Be Patient
Our world moves so fast these days. We all want instant gratification, and we feel more impatient than ever. Technology and social media make it seem like life moves along at a crazy pace, and like everyone else is living better lives than us. Our generation definitely seems to have a bit of a problem with impatience because of this. Sometimes, we just want to snap our fingers and get what we want. This absolutely applies to relationships. Think of all the people who don’t even bother going out and putting in an effort to meet someone they’re attracted to in real life. Instead, they just scroll through Tinder and look for someone they can hook up with right away. Didn’t your parents tell you that patience is a virtue? This is especially true when it comes to dating. At the right time, the right guy will come along, and everything will make sense!
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