Sometimes change sucks. I am not talking about a change of scenery or a change of clothing style. I am talking about the kind of change that hurts, such as changing your normal routines because your best friend no longer has time for you. There is an immediate, desperate fear of loneliness when you learn that your best friend if getting serious with a new guy. You can’t believe that they are already talking about moving in together and it feels like the end of the world to you.
Friends come and go. It’s a part of life and, honestly, not all friendships last until death. Most people grow apart, grow up, or move away. Friendships change. There may have been a time when you and your friend talked every day, but with a new guy in the picture, those phone calls may dwindle down to once every few months or they may cease altogether.
It would be all to easy to blame your best friend for a change in the relationship, but really it is just how things go. You have the choice to either move past it, be angry about it, or you can walk away from the situation completely and start over.
15 How Would You Want Her To React?
She has been your best friend since 2nd grade. The two of you have survived each other’s crushes and boyfriends in the past, but this time it's different. She is head over heels about this guy she has been dating for the past few weeks and now it looks like things are going to get serious.
She slowly starts to pull away from you and now her schedule revolves around his. He comes first and you feel your long-time friendship slip away right before your eyes.
Before you react or say something to her that you might regret in the future, think about how you would want her to react if the situation was reversed. Would you want her to be angry at you for finding the love of your life? Probably not, right? So, before reacting give the situation some serious thought. Just because she has a full-time man in her life doesn’t mean that your friendship is totally over.
14 Accept Your Hurt Feelings
She has been your best friend for years. The two of you do just about everything together. Heck, you even refer to her as your platonic wife and you have often joked about getting married for the added health benefits. Now she has met the man of her dreams. You know that you should be really happy for her but you can’t help but feel a little hurt. It sounds like you need some alone time.
Don’t shove the hurt feelings down and don’t spend your time choking on the pain of letting go. Shut yourself up in your room and have a damn good cry. Let it all out, all the gloom and fears of never finding this good of a friend ever again.
After you have had a good cry, pull yourself back together. Just because she has a new man in her life, it doesn’t mean that the good times are over. Sure, your relationship will change now, but there will be other friends and more great times ahead.
13 Don’t Lash Out At Her
She tells you that she is sorry, but she can’t do Wednesday yoga class or Friday night bar hopping any more. She simply does not have time to do these activities with you now that she has a new man. And those plans the two of you made to spend a week at the beach? Well, she is going to do that with her boyfriend instead of you.
By the time she is through, you are seeing red. You want to holler at her, tell her she is a poop head, and that you will be so much better off without her. You are so pissed right now, but don’t lash out at her.
If you find that you are simply too angry to say anything nice right now, then you don’t have to say anything at all. Simply turn around and walk away. You can find someone else to take yoga classes with you, hang out with on weekends, and go to the beach with. She is not worth the outburst.
12 Let Her Go
While she hasn’t ditched you or told you directly that she no longer wants to be friends because of her new man, every time you try and get together with her she has a new excuse not to see you. She often ignores your text messages and your calls are usually sent directly to voice mail. There have even been a few times when she has agreed to hanging out and then she never shows up.
Your best friend is now your ex-best friend. It sucks that she has been messing you around instead of coming clean about wanting to spend her free time with the new guy, but there is no point in starting a fight over the situation. Your solution is actually very simple: let her go.
If your best friend is sending the obvious ex signals, step away completely. If she isn’t good enough to talk to you and tell you how she feels about your past friendship then, honestly, she is not worth your time. Move on.
11 Give Her Time To Reach Out To You
You know with absolute certainty that she is making the single biggest mistake in her life by ditching you for some guy. She, on the other hand, is convinced that she is doing the right thing for her new relationship. The only thing you really can do here is to give her the time and space that she wants and see if she reaches out for you again. If she does, then great. If not, it is her loss.
While it sounds harsh, women have for centuries walked away from their childhood friendships and their best friends to enter into a new life phase called “the serious relationship.” It is just the way things are for some women and there is little you can say that will change their minds. The best you can do is respect her wishes and hope to goodness that she comes to her senses.
10 Meet New People
With your best friend now out of the picture you are probably feeling pretty lonely, right? It is time to stop feeling so darn sorry for yourself. Get yourself out of the house and start mingling with other people.
Don’t turn to the old back up friend. Instead, really go out of your way to meet new people. Check your local newspaper for local events and start attending at least one a month. Check out your local library or search online for local clubs on things that interest you. There are book clubs, gardening clubs, hiking clubs, and more available for you. Of course, if nothing thrills you, start your own club.
The whole point is to meet new people and have a good time. You don’t need to grab a new best friend right away. Simply get to know new people and see if there is the potential for a new best friend.
9 Stop Texting Every Day
Don’t be the pest and don’t be the stalker ex-friend. Yeah, you may think that texting her every day just as you did before she got herself in a relationship is a great way to show her that you are there for her, but in reality you are probably getting on her nerves.
Think for a moment. If you were in a new relationship with a great guy, wouldn’t your heart skip a beat every time a text came through and you thought it was him? Now imagine how you would feel if most of those texts were from your girlfriend and you knew that if you didn’t respond right away she would either be hurt or angry. The pressure would be rather intense, don’t you think?
Hold back from texting your friend all the time now that she is with a new guy. When you do text her, don’t expect her to respond right away. She may be busy or might be having some personal time with the new guy. She has a new person in her life to focus on.
8 Wish Her All The Best
While many friendships continue through new guy relationships, there are times when a best friend will feel as though she has to choose between you or the new guy. You will more than likely be let go so that she can explore her new life path.
While you may be angry at her for it, don’t let that stop you from being a good person. When she breaks up with you, wish her all the best. If you throw angry words at her at this point, it will only make you look like a jerk and validate her reasons for ending the friendship.
After all is said and done, spend some quiet time working through your feelings. If you have friendship trinkets and photos, spend an evening sorting through them and then pack them away into a memory box. Don’t shred them or light them up in a bonfire. You may want to look back on the friendship years down the road.
7 Do Some Soul Searching
It can be hard when a best friend moves on to a long-term relationship with some new guy, but think of all the benefits you get. You will now have more free time to yourself and, probably, a lot less drama in your life. Take this precious time to do some soul searching. Reevaluate the path you are on. Are you working where you want to work? Going to school where you want to take classes? Spend some serious time examining your life.
While you are at it, how many personal goals have you reached so far? None? One or two? Take the time to examine all your life goals, work goals, and education goals. Redo them if you need to and set new goals for yourself. Without your best friend in your life, you can now focus on your wants and needs. It is time to start building the life you want.
6 Know That It’s Not Personal
Just because she found some new man to be in her life doesn’t mean that you somehow failed her. In fact, it probably means the opposite. If your best friend is now spending all her free time with the new guy, don’t take it personally. Sure, being best friends means being there for each other, but it also means understanding when one of you wants to be involved in a romantic relationship.
Best friends can do a lot, but a best friend can’t replace the love of your life, with the sex included as part of the package. A best friend can’t be everything.
Instead of taking the whole thing like a personal insult, think of it like this: You helped prepare her for a long-term, meaningful relationship. You helped give her the nerve she needed to be with that guy, so feel happy for her and proud of yourself.
5 Do Some Volunteer Work
Seriously, if you are looking for something to do now that your best friend is seeing a new guy, consider doing volunteer work. Make the world around you a little better by donating your time to help out with local charities. This could mean teaching an adult how to read, taking the dogs at the shelter out for a walk, or even donating time to the local library and learning how to shelve books.
If you want something more challenging, sign up for volunteer training at the local crisis center, learn how to help victims of abuse, people who are suffering from depression, and help rescue animals in need with the Humane Society.
If you are a little less hands on, there are always charity walks, runs, and bike rides you can join. You can get yourself in shape while also helping to raise money for worthy charity groups.
Any volunteer work will help you get your mind off your recent loss and will introduce you to new people and potential friends.
4 Keep Your Nose Out Of Her Relationship
As a good person, you instinctively know that you should mind your own business and keep your nose out of your best friend’s new relationship. It is none of your business what they are doing right now, how often they go out, if they are doing the naughty, and all those other sorts of things. If she wants to share that kind of information with you, then fine. Otherwise, don’t force it out of her. She might become uncomfortable hanging around you or she might get angry at your behavior. It’s best to hang back and let her tell you what she wants.
On the other hand, if you sense that something bad is going on, such as abuse, say something to her and let her know that you are there for her if and when she needs you. Make your offer and, once again, back off. If there really is a problem, she will probably appreciate your gesture and offer for help.
3 No Double Dating Unless It’s Real
Let’s say that your best friend has a new man in her life and while he is a great guy and always invites you along on their dates, you don’t like being the third wheel. It’s uncomfortable, especially when the two of them are kissing.
So, you think it through and decide that you should grab a quick boyfriend so the two of you can go on double dates together. This could be bad or good. If the guy you are going to start dating is a schmuck, the double date thing just isn’t going to work. Don’t settle with a Mr. He’ll Do For Now.
If you want to do the double date thing, place yourself in a real relationship with a great guy. It can be done, especially now that you have more free time. Find the man that is perfect for you and bring him into your friend circle. Double dates are great when they are real.
2 Explore New Hobbies
Ever since your best friend has hooked up with this new guy you have found that you have got way too much time on your hands. She is not coming over to hang out anymore or watch movies with you. The two of you are no longer killing time baking fattening desserts in the kitchen or causing trouble at the local diner.
Instead of just sitting around watching the time tick slowly by, think about trying out a new hobby.
A hobby can be anything you think you will like. You can start collecting things that interest you, such as buttons, artwork, or even coffee mugs. You could try your hand at knitting and join a local knitting circle. There is also macramé and beading – you can make yourself awesome jewelry. If none of those things thrill you, visit your local library and check out the books in the non-fiction section. It will be loaded with ideas for hobbies, from crafts to plants to sports.
1 Be An Adult
It has always been just you and her. All of your previous boyfriends and all of her past boyfriends were second compared to the friendship the two of you have had. Now a new guy has come into the picture and your best friend no longer has time to hang out with you. In fact, you think that her new man doesn’t like you and is intentionally preventing the two of you from chilling together. It pisses you off to no living end, but you have to hold back. This is your friend’s relationship with this guy and not yours.
Instead of getting into a petty and time-consuming tug of war over your best friend, be the adult in the situation. Don’t lash out at him or her. Simply handle the situation as maturely as you possibly can and be prepared for the end. If she ends your friendship for a new guy, then walk away and move on.