Let's face it, guys love to shield their emotions from the world and it's pretty frustrating (to say the least). If you've ever dated an extremely guarded person, you know how completely annoying it is. You can never be as vulnerable as you want to with them. You never truly know how they feel, what upsets them or what makes them happy. But you've probably figured out that guys can be even more emotional than we are. Would you believe that a strong, bearded man could be weeping inside at the thought of a puppy dying when we’re holding our composure with ease? Well, this is 100 percent true. In a study, 15 men and 15 women were shown different images depicting emotions while strapped to skin conductance electrodes that measured their reactions. It turns out that the men reacted twice as much to the images as the women did, thus proving that men are actually more emotional than women. The strangest part of this experiment? When both groups were asked to rate how emotional they felt looking at these images, the women rated themselves to be much more emotional than the men did. So although men are more emotional, they do a better job of hiding it. As you can imagine, this makes it extremely hard to get a man to open himself up to you and share those emotions. Luckily, you can actually get your guy to open up to you. Here are 15 ways.
15 Never Pressure Him
If there’s one thing that will make a guy slam the door to his feelings shut, it's pressuring him to open up to you. Guys are pretty defiant creatures and they will really hate you if you try to force info out of them. While most women love sharing every bit of their lives with their loved ones, guys would rather keep certain things to themselves. If they really don’t want to open up to you and you keep pressuring him to do so, it’ll never happen and you even risk ruining the relationship with him altogether. Getting him to open up has to be his decision and not something that you make happen. Just imagine if he tried forcing you to do something you weren’t comfortable with. It would more than likely prevent you from ever doing it in the first place because you didn’t like being pressured.
14 Compliment Him Often
This might not seem like it has anything to do with getting a man to open up to you, but it actually does. Men fear rejection more than pretty much anything else. When you prove to him that, yeah, you're still really into him, he's going to feel relieved and feel better about letting his guard down. If he's more insecure, it’s going to take him a lot longer to open up to you because he already doesn’t feel that he truly “has” you. Boosting his self-confidence can work wonders in getting him to finally open up to you and your relationship will actually be stronger when he feels that you really do care for him. The best compliments to give him are the ones that compliment his personality and his morals. Those are far more linked to his true emotions than any physical traits he has.
13 Stay Calm
Definitely, remember this if you really want him to open up to you. If you're super calm when the two of you are having a deep, real conversation, he's going to get more emotional than usual. You should be calm whenever you're together, though,because if he sees you randomly blow up at little things that he does, how could he ever expect that you’ll not freak out at something he confides in you with? Not only will staying calm help your relationship be healthier, but he’ll feel a lot better about opening up to you if he knows you won’t make a huge deal about it.
12 Speak Less, Listen More
If you're the kind of person that always interrupts others in order to put your own two cents in, well, this is going to be pretty hard for you. You really have to listen to your boyfriend and truly focus on what he's saying. Don't just tell him what you think right away. Sure, you can always give him your opinion and have a conversation about it, but you have to listen first and comment second. By doing this you’re showing him that you’re willing to take in all of the information that he gives you before forming an opinion about it and this will grant him some relief when it comes to sharing personal stuff with you. He won’t feel as though you’re going to take a small piece of it and then not understand the rest.
11 Ask Him How He Feels
Honestly, some guys just suck at communicating their feelings and it has nothing to do with not wanting to open up to you. Most guys don’t tell you about a situation and then add, “it made me really sad.” And you might not understand why he’s so upset about something unless he shares the details with you. So instead of asking more about the situation he’s telling you about, ask him about how that situation made him feel. If your man is particularly terrible at this then ask him if it made him feel specific emotions. For example, if he played really poorly during a sports game ask him if the loss made him feel mad or if his own playing made him sad. This will give him a general direction and he can fill in the rest. The great thing about this is that he may be opening up to you without even realizing it. You're so sneaky!
10 Open Yourself Up To Him
This isn’t a one-sided game. You can’t expect him to share all of his deepest, darkest secrets when he doesn’t know a single thing about your personal life or how you feel about anything. You’ll only get him to open up to you if you actually show him that you can be vulnerable, too. You have to prove to him that you’re willing to share personal stuff about yourself before you can expect that he’ll feel comfortable sharing the same kind of things with you. And don’t you dare pretend. He's going to tell when you're not being sincere and that's just going to stop him from ever telling you how he feels about anything in the future. Do this often and you’ll find that he’ll be willing to make the relationship fair by giving you some of the information you want, too.
9 Make Sure He Knows You’re Always There
Some guys are plagued by the overwhelming feeling that they need to be "the man." Society has told him that they can’t show any emotions and they have to be the strong one in the relationship. So really, it's no wonder that your boyfriend shuts down emotionally. You have to let him know that you’re there for him to lean on. You have to show him that you’ll always be there when he needs someone to talk to and someone to rely on. So whenever he’s in a bad mood or upset for some reason but won’t tell you why just tell him that if he wants to talk you’ll be there. This doesn’t pressure him to open up but informs him that you do want to help if he’ll let you.
8 Be Understanding
Make sure he gets that you really do understand his situation and whatever it is that’s bothering him. When a guy feels like he’s on his own and that nobody else understands what they’re going through, he's going to shut down and want to be alone. This means he’ll never open up to you if he doesn’t think you’ll get what’s going on in his head. He might think that there’s no point in telling you because you just can’t relate and therefore can’t offer him any helpful insight. If you want him to open up to you then you have to make a point to let him know that you understand. You can even go as far to tell him a similar situation that you were in and how it made you feel. This shows him that you really do get it and he’ll feel better about sharing his thoughts with you.
7 Feel His Excitement
It's pretty rare to see a guy get super emotional, but when he does, it's because he's elated about something that he did. He maybe got a promotion, hit a home run at his baseball game, or won some money on a scratch off, you have to be there to boast with him and talk him up to himself. His emotions are going to be on high alert when he's psyched about something, and he'll probably share something with you that he otherwise wouldn't. Get excited with him and give him a real reason to tell you what's up. You're proving that you're empathetic and will share his good times (and bad times, too).
6 Don’t Nag Him
We're pretty sure every guy on the planet says this is the number one reason he and his girlfriend fight. She nags him to do something and he just doesn't do it. So you should definitely avoid nagging him to share his feelings with you (but don't nag him about anything else). He's going to think he can never make you happy and that he's not good enough for you. He’s never going to want to share his true feelings with you if he knows that you could just nag him about those later down the road. Find different ways to request him to do things instead of nagging and you’ll find that he’ll be more willing to open up to you and give you an inside look at what’s really going on inside his head.
5 Be Careful When Sharing Opinions
No, we're not suggesting that you should never have an opinion about something because that would be super lame. But you should always show that even though you have your own feelings and thoughts about something, you totally understand that others feel differently and you are totally open to other points of view. If you have a negative opinion about something really important to him and make it known that you will never feel differently, he will never share his opinion if it’s something you don’t like. He’ll never feel comfortable enough to do so because he’ll be afraid that you’ll get angry or judge him. A great way to do this is to state your opinion and then say something along the lines of, “but I can understand that other people would feel differently.” Even though he might not feel differently, he will feel more comfortable about sharing other things with you, too.
4 Be Trustworthy
This won't just automatically happen -- you have to be the one to put in the work to ensure that he does trust you. Otherwise, he'll never want to share anything with you. You would never walk up to a stranger that you obviously don’t trust and tell them something deeply personal, right? Well, guys are no different. Since emotions are such a big deal to men, they’re going to want to ensure that they can trust whoever they’re sharing them with so they know nobody is going to tell the guys that he’s really a big teddy bear who cries at the site of puppy dogs. Trust is something that is built from being open and honest with someone. So don’t lie, don’t cheat, ad don’t give him any reason to think that you’re untrustworthy.
3 Ask Him Why He's Holding Back
The truth is that even if you do everything right, he might still have reservations that make him hold back how he’s really feeling. If you’ve tried just about everything and just can’t seem to reach him, just flat out ask him if he’s having any reservations about you. Ask him if there’s anything you can be doing to help him feel more like himself around you. Not only will you increase your chances of figuring out how he’s feeling, but you’ll also let him know that you feel kind of distant because he's not opening up to you. He might have had some experiences that made him more guarded and you may have to put in some extra work in order to show him you won’t treat him the same way.
2 Choose The Right Time
Timing is everything when it comes to getting him to finally open up to you. If he's mad or depressed, he's really not going to talk about his feelings. You have to wait for the right moment before you can expect him to really talk. The best time? Usually, when he's in a really, really good mood. Even if you ask them about something that could be sad or something you know might make them mad, they’re much more willing to talk about it when they’re in a good mood. That being said, watch how he responds when you ask him during different times and adjust your strategy for the next time. AKA, if he gets frustrated with you asking about that stuff when he just gets home from work, try asking before bed or in the morning.
1 Be Patient
Everything in a relationship takes time. You build trust, get to know each other, become intimate. It all happens at different rates, not all at once. Getting him to open up to you is really no different. Be prepared for it to take a long time and wait for him to be ready to open up to you. Every guy is different and then all trust at different rates. Some guys will pour their heart out to you on the second date and others may takes months before they’re comfortable enough to share those deep personal thoughts.You should definitely be patient and realize that just because your ex-boyfriend let you in awfully quickly it doesn’t mean your new man will do the same. If you sit back and let things run its natural course you’ll find that he'll start confiding in you more and more and pretty soon he'll be 100% open.