Whether you're addicted to texting or think it's just a necessary evil, you have to admit that using your iPhone is an absolutely massive part of dating. Back in the day, you didn't text someone you had a crush on or had just started to date... because, well, texting didn't exactly exist. Or if it did, it wasn't as prevalent as it is today, so you never took that much notice of it. You actually spoke on the phone to the guys that you dated (yeah, what a concept) and you didn't judge people based on what words they sent you on a tiny little screen. But oh, how times have changed. It's impossible to make plans, chat, and generally keep in touch without your beloved iPhone. Seriously, just try. So when you start seeing a guy who seems to be the worst texter in the world, it can be pretty tricky. It can feel like things are doomed from the start, to be honest. Yeah, you really do get that dramatic about it. But you don't have to dump the guy. You can totally get through this. Here are 15 ways to decode a bad texter.
15 Don't Play Games
The thing is that sometimes a guy who is really bad at texting is honestly just doing it on purpose. He's playing games and he wants you to play along. So guess what? Don't do it. Just don't. You're no better than him if you play games and get just as immature and lame as he does. Don't send him lame one-word answers that seem super passive-aggressive and even kind of rude and mean. Don't wait an hour before replying (nope, not even once in a blue moon). Don't sound really vague because you think you sound more mysterious and attractive. If you're a terrible texter yourself, well, you can't exactly complain about him. So don't be just as bad as him. Forget the games, leave any uncertainty behind, and always say what you mean and what you're thinking. No one will ever be upset with you for being honest.
14 Be Realistic
The truth is that there are only so many types of conversations that can take place between two phones. You can't expect romantic soliloquies every time you open your phone. Sure, that would be great, especially if you are a hopeless romantic, but that is probably not happening. Actually, nope, that is definitely not happening. Sorry to break your hopeful bubble. If you can keep your expectations in line and be realistic, then you might realize you can handle this guy's bad texting habits. Remember why you're even texting him in the first place. There are two main reasons to text guys: a.) to make plans and b.) to chat and be friendly and get to know each other a bit better. You're super used to chatting over messages since you're a millennial and that's just what we do. So remind yourself of the point of texting and that will help.
13 Read Between The Lines
No one's perfect, nope, not even you. That means that even you don't always craft the most beautifully worded text messages (even if you think that you do). Sometimes people quickly respond to a text when they're walking to work, when they're on the subway and magically manage to get a few glorious seconds of cell service, when they're waiting for a meeting to start -- you get the picture. The list goes on and on. Just because this guy doesn't always send you flowery, well-written paragraphs doesn't mean he doesn't like you or that he's a bad person. If you can read between the lines, then maybe his one-word responses aren't always so bad. Maybe he really does mean "cool." He could be a man of few words, and after all, aren't those kinds of guys so mysterious and hot? Yeah, think of it like that and you'll be totally fine.
12 Don't Jump To Conclusions
The thing is that everyone texts in a different way, and that means that everyone responds in a different way. Some people are super quick at responding and others? Not so much. Not even remotely close. Do not freak out every time you have to wait a bit to hear from this guy. It does not always spell doom for your growing relationship. He could honestly be busy, at work, on the subway, buying groceries or running another type of errand, watching TV with his phone in another room... Seriously, there are tons of reasons why he might not be surgically attached to his phone right at this very moment. So do not jump to conclusions about what this could possibly mean. It honestly might mean absolutely nothing at all, and then you are going to feel pretty silly for worrying so much, and that is not going to help anyone.
11 Focus On Real Life
The thing is that you shouldn't be so focused on how a guy texts because it's not the most important part of a relationship. If this guy is super silent via text and doesn't talk much in person, well, there's not much else to say. That would be a real problem because, of course, communication is a super key part of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. There's absolutely zero point dating someone who can't talk to you. But if this guy is super chatty in person and you have a strong in-person connection and chemistry, then maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe he just honestly and truly hates texting and that's all there is to say on the matter. There's nothing wrong with that. You have to ask yourself, do you want a real relationship or one that takes place only through your phones? Yeah, exactly. You probably want the first option.
10 Spend More Time Together
Sometimes when you're insecure about a guy's texting behavior, that means you need to hang out more. You might be wondering how he feels about you and if there really is something between the two of you. So why not take things offline where it actually matters? That will leave any thoughts about his texting style in the dust. If you realize that you don't have a very strong connection when you do hang out and don't seem to have anything in common or even anything to talk about, well, then you have your answer. But if things are fine and you really have a lot of fun together, then you don't have to worry about anything else. The closer you get and the more serious you become, the less time you're going to spend apart, so you might barely text from then on anyway. And then you won't even care since it won't be relevant.
9 Go Down Memory Lane
Okay, so you're totally and completely freaking out about texting this guy. But you need to ask yourself if this is just what you always do when you like someone. Maybe you always think the guys that you like are bad texters and you never think they meet your sky-high expectations (that really no one could ever meet). It's worth thinking about whether this is just you or if it's actually happening. Think about your exes (real boyfriends and almost boyfriends both count) and whether they really were stand-out texters... or if they did the same stuff this guy is doing. It might be an enlightening experience. It might tell you all that you need to know and you might realize that you're worried for zero reason at all and that you should just enjoy the experience of dating this new guy. Otherwise, why are you even seeing him at all?
8 Cut To The Chase
The truth is that you might not want to try to engage this guy in a text messaging conversation anytime soon. You might just be asking for total and utter disaster. If you hated talking on the phone, for example, and he insisted on calling you every night, you wouldn't be too happy, right? Exactly. You would be mad at him and frustrated and annoyed, and you would feel like he didn't care about your thoughts or feelings. If you're texting someone who's not the greatest at communicating this way, it's kind of silly to have long, drawn-out conversations. Instead, cut to the chase and say exactly what you want. If you're making plans, suggest a time and place and you will totally be surprised at how fast things are set up. Soon he'll realize that you respect his texting wishes and that you want to make things as easy and painless as possible. And he'll be really happy about that.
7 Show Your BFFs
When in doubt about what's up with a new guy in your life or when you have any sort of boy problem, you definitely should enlist help from your best friends. They know you and they know the kind of guys that you've dated and they also know how you tend to think and feel and act when you're just getting into something new with someone. They might even know this stuff before you do. Hey, that's what friends are for. Sure, you might feel a little high school showing your friends text messages from a guy. Well, if you even had a cell phone as a teenager. But there's a reason that this strategy is so useful: because sometimes you're blinded by your emotions and can't see things for what they are. Your friends will set you straight and you'll never have to worry about this kind of thing ever again, whether things work out with this guy or you date yet another bad texter.
6 Stop Texting Him
This is honestly the best way to see if a guy has what it takes to date you or not. If you don't text him, would he text you? Are you the only one contacting him and keeping this new relationship (or whatever it is) together? If that's the case, well, you'll find out soon enough. And you'll be free to find someone who can text like a normal human being. Because while texting is by no means the most important part of a relationship, it's definitely a part, and it's the simplest way to communicate. If you're meeting your boyfriend for dinner or drinks and are running late, it's easy to just send him a quick text message and tell him you'll be at your fave bar ten minutes later than the time that you guys agreed upon. You're not going to call him. That would just be weird. People don't exactly call people anymore unless it's business-related or something like that. So this is an interesting exercise.
5 Consider What's Going On
The truth is that sometimes you think a guy sucks at texting... but he really just isn't all that into you. That could honestly be the case here. It's okay, though. Here's how you can tell if he likes you or not: if he communicates in some way, shape or form. Maybe he doesn't love to text but he still does it. He still sends good morning or good night text messages that make you swoon, and he still tries his very best to communicate and make you laugh. Or maybe he's on his computer all day long at the office (like everyone, basically) and he likes to send you sweet Facebook messages. Or maybe he really does call you once a day when you're not together. This all counts, so don't worry too much if he just doesn't prefer to communicate via text. It might not mean anything all that much, and it might not be break-up worthy.
4 Ask Him
Sometimes you should just go straight to the source. If you're worried that your new boyfriend (or the guy that you just started seeing but hope will someday soon be your boyfriend) isn't texting you or is bad at texting because he doesn't care about you, then you should confront him. Be super sweet and polite, of course, because freaking out is only going to make matters worse, and you don't want to upset him. Maybe make a joke of it because the truth is that a lot of guys really respond to humor a lot more than stern, long drawn-out talks (and to tell you the truth, so do most girls). Joke that you get the feeling he's not super into texting you. See what he says. He might laugh and apologize and say he's not very good at replying to messages. Or he might say that he's not sure this is working out. Hey, at least you'll know.
3 Get Advice
Hey, there's no reason why you can't think about this a bit more. Do some detective work and ask your family and friends if they've ever dated a guy who didn't seem to love texting. They might be able to tell you some good ideas and solutions for this annoying and frustrating problem. Or they might set you straight and say that there's no reason to think about texting at all and that you should focus on whether or not you like this guy in the first place. Maybe you're unsure about how you feel yourself and you're using this whole texting thing as a big fat excuse. Sometimes we all tend to fixate on a problem that doesn't even exist because we're insecure or we're worried about something else entirely. Maybe something about this guy is honestly giving you a really weird, creepy vibe and you're hiding behind this whole texting issue. Figure it out soon so you can get on with your life, whether he's still in it or not.
2 Experiment
Why not do a little experiment? Text this guy once a day. And that's it. See how he responds. See if he even responds. See if he steps up his texting game once and for all and starts talking to your first instead. If nothing happens and nothing changes, then you might want to admit that he might not like you as much as you like him. And you might want to admit that you need someone who can communicate a lot better and more often. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You don't have to feel guilty about rejecting someone or deciding that you don't want to date them after all. You have to be all in, 100 percent, or it's not going to work. It's like with your career: if you don't love what you do every day, you should find something else, because you need to really and truly care about it.
1 Live Your Life
Sometimes all a girl can do is put down the phone and live a little bit. If you really don't know how to make heads or tails of this guy's texting behavior, then why do you? Maybe some things are better left unsaid and some mysteries are just better left unsolved. Do yourself a favor and get out of your own head for a little while. Go to a movie (or watch one on Netflix... which is probably what you were going to do anyway, right?). Go outside for a nice long walk. Cook something new or bake up some gooey and melty chocolate chip cookies. Focus on work. Go to a barre or yoga class. Basically, forget all about this guy for a little while and live your own fabulous and amazing and special life. You just might see that when you return to reality, he sent you a text message. And if he didn't, well, that's totally okay too.
