It can be hard to understand somebody's vibe through a message. For example, you ask your friend about plans you made and she says, “K. That's fine”, you could interpret that as shady and construct an angry message to send back to her; whereas in reality everything is genuinely fine and she wasn't throwing shade at all. Oops! It's just that it's hard to know what people really mean when you're messaging. Maybe we should start picking up the damn phone every once in a while, or even reinstating the antiquated practice of meeting face to face – gasp!
There are no messages that you analyze more than the ones you receive from somebody that you're into. They can do something as simple as ask you how work's going and you go crazy working out every which way you can interpret that message. Does that mean they're interested in me!? God forbid they ask you what you're up to. You immediately interpret that as they want to do you right now.
Joking aside, it is difficult to tell what's really behind messages. So we've come up with some sure-fire ways to judge if someone's not really feeling you through the messages they send. So you can move on and start messaging somebody else.
15 It's all about them
If you think the person that you like isn't so into you, you'd expect short messages from them, right? You'd expect quick, one-word answers because they can't be bothered messaging you. But that's not always the case. They might send you long messages because they just enjoy talking about themselves. For example, you ask about their weekend and they give you a full play-by-play of all the cool stuff they got up to. There's so much detail they'd tell you about their bathroom breaks if they weren't trying to play cool. Don't be fooled into thinking that this means they're into you. They could just be enjoying the fact that you're into them, and you'll pay attention to them. Truth be told, you could be any Tom, Dick or Susie and they'd dish out all of the same info because they're into themselves and just want to talk.
14 They never ask you Questions
When you're messaging somebody, asking questions is a common courtesy. When somebody messages with a “Hey, how are you?” you have to reply with a “Fine thanks, and you?” You know you've got a problem when the other person simply puts “Yeah, I'm good thanks.” You tell yourself that's cool and just carry on and ask another question, “How's work?” And they blab on about work still without asking you a question. You wind up asking question after question, and feel like you're holding an interview with this person. Unfortunately, they're just not interested in what you have to say. When you like somebody, you want to ask them questions because you're curious about them, about their thoughts and what they have going on. So, if they were into you then they would be asking just as many questions as you are.
13 They use friendly terms
It's possible to tell if you've been friend-zoned through messages too. You'll fire off a message to the guy or girl you have the hots for and they reply with something like, “Oh hey bud, how are you?” You just think ugh, bud!!! You don't want to be their bud, you want to be their bae. Your stomach drops every time they refer to you as “bud”, “pal” or mate. Not good. And you want to think that perhaps they're just trying to play it cool and that they might still like you. But, I'm sorry honey, they don't. They're sending you a clear message and you just don't want to see it. If they liked you they'd be calling you “babe”, not a term that's pretty much the same as calling you “bro”. Can you imagine if they actually did call you “bro”... then you'd really know that they aren't feeling you.
12 They talk to you when they're bored
Unfortunately, this person that you're feeling only gives you the time of day when they clearly have nothing better to do. You might send them a message and they don't reply for a long time, like two hours. Jk, they don't reply for like a week or something and you know that they've seen the message because all of these messaging apps kindly tell us so. Then all of a sudden they message you out of the blue and you know it's going to be something really stupid like “hey”, just “hey” and nothing else. And because you're into them you probably get all excited and say “hey, whatsup? How are you? What have you been up to?” Then they'll say “not much”, or rather subtly just tell you, “not much, I'm bored.” You need to know that this means they're not into you. They're just passing time until somebody more interesting comes along and they'll talk to them instead.
11 They talk to you when they're drunk
If somebody only messages you when they have had a few bevvies then you know that they're only after one thing. They message you during the early hours on a Friday night / Saturday morning telling you to come over and hang out or have a drink with them. It's not as if it's difficult to crack that code, but maybe they're even more upfront with you and just ask you to come over and get naked with them! It feels pretty good if the person you're into sends you such a message, you feel like they want you. But, if they don't message you when they're sober, then they aren't seeking any type of relationship with you, they just want to bone. I don't want to sound too harsh, but it might just be the case that you're a last resort when they're drunk and lonely. You don't want that, you're better than that!
10 They never message first
When it comes to messaging you're the one putting in all the effort because basically the other person just doesn't care. You message the person you like on the daily or maybe every few days. It might just be a casual “How are you?” But let's be honest, you probably send them all kinds of crap like links to YouTube videos that “remind you of them” or something cheesy like that. It's really not reciprocated. Just scroll through your chat and you'll realize that you're the one who started the conversation every damn time. They answer you out of politeness or because they genuinely want to talk to you but only as they want to be your friend. But they're not thinking about you enough to want to message you first. Whereas, you're messaging them all the time and finding any old excuse to do so because you're into them.
9 They don't flirt back
C'mon girl. You can't be that stupid. You have to know that they don't want you if they aren't responding to your advances. Let's say you're messaging somebody and they ask, “How are you?” to which you reply, “Much better now I'm speaking to you babe,” with a winky emoji and they're just like hmm... Or you tell them they were looking fine in their vacation photos and all they say is “thanks.” It's all one way when it comes to flirty messages. You'd like t think that they're just not picking up on your flirty vibes. But the thirsty emojis you keep sending are pretty obvious. 100% they have noticed you flirting and they aren't flirting back because they don't want to lead you on. So, they're making a conscious effort not to flirt with you over messages, they're trying to send you a sign without just coming out and saying that they aren't really feeling you.
8 They haven't responded to your last two messages
If they haven't replied to more than one of the messages that you've sent them, they just don''t want to speak to you. Sure, somebody can forget to message back and that might be the case for the first message that you sent them. It's easily done when you're a busy person. But when they don't reply to the second message you sent them a day or two later then they really aren't interested. DO NOT send them any more messages or call them out for not responding to you. That crap is just way too intense. Put yourself in their shoes -if somebody sent you like eight messages that you didn't respond to, you'd be like WTF, get away from me! If you send more messages it makes them even less likely to ever respond to you in the future. Just leave it, don't waste your time because they're obviously not into you.
7 They tell you they're busy
This is one of the oldest excuses in the book for not messaging you or going out with you. Maybe the person you're into is speaking to you but not nearly as often as you'd like and they tell you the reason is that they have so much on at the moment and don't have the time. It's even worse if you guys organize to meet up and they message you before to cancel because they're “just too busy”. I'm going to go ahead and say that nobody is that effing busy that they can't send a little text every once in a while (unless they're a neurosurgeon or something). It's frustrating but you just have to take the hint and leave them to do whatever it is that's apparently making them “sooo busy”. If they really do want you then they'll hit you up. But they probably won't so it's just time to move on and get busy with somebody else.
6 They say they'll message you later... but never do
It's soo annoying. When someone does this it keeps you hanging on, waiting around for them to message you. But the truth is this is another excuse people use to get you out of their hair. You see that they're online so you send them a message, “Hey you! How have you been?” and they're like, “I'm just doing something right now, I'll speak to you later.” Why the F are you online then! If their answer is super vague like this example then they're trying to brush you off. Or if they give you an answer like this then they're hoping you'll just go away altogether. They're hoping that you'll get tired of messaging them so that they don't explicitly have to tell you to go away because they aren't really interested in speaking to you.
5 They see your messages but don't reply
Is that not the most brutal way of realizing somebody just isn't into you! On pretty much every form of social media you can tell if the other person has seen your message or not. Those two blue ticks pop up on WhatsApp or you see their profile pic in a little circle next to your message on Facebook messenger mocking you. And quite often there's a timestamp too to tell you exactly when they saw your message and decided not to reply. Or exactly when they saw your message and decided to leave it until later by which time they probably forgot to reply. The mystery of “have they seen my message / haven't they?” has been taken out of the equation. So you don't have to wonder. There's a harsh telltale sign that they don't want to speak to you because they're not into you.
4 They don't try to impress you
When you're into someone you try to impress them because you want them to like you. So if they aren't bothering to impress you they aren't really bothered if you like them or not. Messaging doesn't just involve writing to each other anymore. You can send pictures and voicenotes etc. So, the person you're into might send you pictures of them pulling a face or Snapchats of them sat on the toilet and it's pretty clear they aren't going to impress you with those pics, gross you out maybe. If they were trying to impress you they'd be sending pics with their shirt off lay in bed or with a nice filter on top of their pouting face. Obviously they're not doing this because they aren't trying to make you crush on them because they're not crushing on you.
3 Their answers are vague
The person you're into is giving vague answers to your questions because they don't want you to know too much about them. You message with a normal question such as, “What did you do at the weekend?” and they respond with something like, “Not much, just hung with friends.” Obviously there are no specifics there, they aren't telling you where they hung out etc. Or you ask them something like, “What are you doing for the holidays?” and they say, “Not 100% sure yet.” You're getting these kind of responses because they don't want to let you into their life. If they were into you, they'd be sharing every detail and asking about your plans too. But they're not giving too much away to you because they don't want you stalking them and/or they don't want it to lead onto more chatter because they can't be bothered chatting to you.
2 They make vague plans with you
They won't make solid plans with you because they're waiting to see if a better offer comes up. You might message them and ask if they want to grab dinner this weekend and they're all like, “Maybe, I have a lot of stuff to do at the weekend.” They never set a specific date and time to hang out with you. They might not be sure if they're into you or not, they're not sure whether they want to go out with you. So they aren't going to say no, they're just going to wait and see how they feel. Or they're into someone else and they're waiting to see if they can hang out with that person on Friday. If their crush messages then they will drop their plans with you in a heartbeat. Is it worth waiting around to see if they will maybe go out with you? Nope.
1 You just know
The stuff we've talked about already doesn't always mean that somebody isn't into you. For example, if the person you're into messages you saying that they're busy at the moment then it isn't a huge deal. They might be genuinely busy at the moment and something could still come of the budding romance. A couple of weeks later they might message you because they have more free time and can meet up. But don't count on that happening. Don't save yourself for that person. Get on with your own stuff and if it happens, it happens. Only you know deep down what the vibe of someone's messages are. Don't try to kid yourself, trust the gut feeling you get when you read the messages. And know that if they do several of the things we've talked about when they're messaging you that they're definitely not into you.