Remember the way we thought life would be because of Disney princess movies? Well, it did't turn out like that for all of us. We were so young and naive to believe that our hair would blow in the wind that perfectly and that our perfect partner would be waiting for us at the end of it all.
When we talk about Disney princesses, we aren’t necessarily talking about the modern princesses. In fact, Frozen seemed to be an apology from Disney for all the lies they fed us and everything they got wrong in their previous princess movies. The truth is that they certainly got quite a few things wrong and it led to us having some preconceived notions about how wonderful life would be. Yeah, I'm still talking about the fact that my hair does NOT blow in the wind like that of a goddess.
We don’t mean to offend Disney and their lovely princesses. We love our Disney princesses. The only problem is that they set the bar very high. Finding out that we wouldn't grow up to look like Disney princesses was a tough pill to swallow. Yep, still talking about the hair.
Below are the 15 life lessons that Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine and Pocahontas taught us - that ended up being completely false. It's not all about the hair, but it is a little about the hair too.
15 A Relationship Based On A Lie Is A-Okay
We could technically blame this issue on several romantic comedies but it’s a Disney issue too. Many of the relationships are based on a flat out lie. Let’s take Ariel. She’s a mermaid, who trades in her fins for legs because she wants to be where the people are. Her obsession with the human race seems to stem also from her crush on Prince Eric but that's a whole other issue. In the end, she ends up with Eric, who is apparently totally cool that she’s a mermaid and lied to him about it. You'd think there would be, like, some backlash but nope.
There’s also Aladdin, who was a scavenger but, with the help of his Genie, pretended to be royalty so he could woo Jasmine. Now, Jasmine was a total smoke show so we get his desire to hook up with her but lying may have crossed the line. Jasmine was totes okay with that though. I’m sorry but a scavenger lying to a princess so he can woo her is not cool. In the real world, he'd probably end up in jail. He certainly wouldn't end up getting the girl.
Either way, it seems like all is fair in love and lying... even though it totally isn’t. If you straight up lie to a dude when you meet him, don’t expect him to be coolsies when he finds out the truth.
14 There Is One Body Type (And It's Perfect)
One thing we all learned watching the Disney princesses is that there is one body type. Just one body type, ladies! It is a teeny, tiny waist. I’m talking a waist so small that someone could wrap a hand around it. Also, long, thin limbs. A bust. Basically, a Barbie.
In the recent years, a few quirky graphic designers have released photos of what the princesses bodies would really look like. That is great and all but as children, we are shown just one body type. Just one!
Furthermore, we were only shown one race until the introduction of Jasmine in 1992. While Disney has made strides to showcase a better range of races in the past years, they still only show the same thin body type. For the record, these princesses would be doing juice cleanses and Tracy Anderson workouts all day to maintain these shapes. That’s the part that Disney doesn’t show up. The other part that Disney doesn't show is that girls and women come in all different shapes and sizes.
13 Singing In Public Is Cool
According to Disney movies, we all have a voice like an angel. Let’s clear that lie up real quick: not all of us can sing. In fact, some of us can't hold a single note. Since every princess can sing like a goddess, it seems like a beautiful voice equates femininity, which isn't true at all.
Also, if you are one of those girls who can hold a note, don’t go around singing all the time. Disney makes it seem like singing is coolest thing to do everywhere. In Disney movies, you can sing while walking down the street. In fact, people will join in with you like it's a normal daily activity. That is totally not how it will go down. No one will join in. People will give you odd faces and probably tell you to stfu. Keep your concerts to the shower or in the car, unless you’re Beyoncé. In which case, sing wherever and whenever you want.
12 All Animals Are Your Besties
We’re all about dogs. I mean, most of the time I spend on Instagram I’m looking at dog memes. We’re down with both dogs and cats, and especially puppies and kittens.
What Disney taught us was a little different than just loving cats and dogs. According to movies, every animal in the world is our bestie. Birds would just come perch on our fingers. Nope, Disney, birds are more likely to shit on you and seagulls will steal your food. Plain and simple. Ariel would splash around with an uptight crab. In real life, Sebastian with pinch you. Oh, and Jasmine had a pet tiger. Just so we all know, tigers are not a suitable pet.
Disney made it seem like all of the earth’s creatures would be our besties. That is not the case. Dog, cats, maybe fish? Sure. Tigers and crabs? Nope, no thank you.
11 You Should Change For Your Man
This is a biggie for The Little Mermaid, a movie basically all about the sacrifices Ariel made to be with Prince Eric. We get it to some extent because he is one of the sexiest princes in the Disney universe but, come on. Disney, don’t teach us wee girls to give it all up for some man.
In the course of the film, Ariel gives up her flippers for some legs. This is before she even speaks to Eric. They fall in love and in the end, she decides to give up her fin (and whole underwater life) forever to be with Eric. If we are just willing to give up everything that makes us who we are, we will find true love.
Hell to the no, Disney. This is a horrible lesson to teach girls. Also, if I was a mermaid, I wouldn’t be giving that up for no man!
10 Your Makeup Will Always Be Perfect
This is the same problem with most action films. Our make up is not perfect all the time. Uh, Ariel swimming in the sea? Yeah, that mascara is going to beverywhere. Aurora taking a super long nap and then waking up with her lipstick still on? If that could actually happen, all I would want to know is what brand of lipstick she used. With that advertising, The Sleeping Beauty Lip Kit would sell out faster than Kylie’s Lip Kits. Jasmine riding a carpet through the sky? Yeah, my contour won’t even stay perfect if I ride with the windows down.
You get out point. How these princesses always looked so fierce is beyond us. If we’re running around, swimming or napping, our makeup is bound to get smudged and roughed up.
9 Your Hair Will Be Long And Blow In The Wind
Now, the hair issue. What vitamins do these princesses take? I would seriously love their long, perfect, princess hair. Of course, the first two princesses – Snow White and Cinderella – had shorter hair but as of lately, it seems that long, beautiful hair just comes so easily to these ladies. Even Elsa was rocking some long, perfect hair in Frozen and that was one of their more realistic portrayal of princesses.
Also, how is it that their hair is always perfect? Ariel never deals with pesky beach waves that look a little less Sports Illustrated and a little more real life. Jasmine’s hair looks perf even after her magic carpet ride. Pocahontas sings with all the colors of the wind and looks like she’s Beyoncé in a music video. Uh, I guess Pocahontas isn’t wearing any lip gloss because long hair + wind + lip gloss = disaster.
Disney, we don't always have perfect hair and we don’t know why you promised us such a thing in your films. Coming to terms with not having princess hair (otherwise known as The Bachelor contestant hair) was one of the most challenging parts of growing up.
8 Rich, Powerful Men Are Always Attractive
According to Disney, every rich and powerful prince is a hottie. We’re not saying that the leading men should be gross looking or anything, but we just feel like maybe it’s a little misleading to let us think that all rich and powerful men are total hotties.
In Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and The Little Mermaid, all the princes are very attractive. I could wax poetic about Prince Eric. Is it odd that I find a cartoon character so very attractive? Uh, moving on. These hot princes are also rich, powerful, kind, respectful and assumably well educated. This set the bar super high for guys in our future.
At least, Beauty and the Beast displayed a different kind of prince… he was a beast after all. Oh wait, in the end, he turned out to just be another handsome, rich, powerful dude. Thanks, Disney.
7 Women Wake Up Like This
Remember when Disney made it seem like we would wake up and just look like delicate, little flowers? In real life, it's not even close. Like before we have a chance to put on some makeup, we do not look like that. We do not magically wake up looking like goddesses. We understand that these are cartoon characters, but couldn’t they have at least not had Snow White waking up with perfectly applied lipstick? They could have had her waking up with some smeared mascara. It's completely unrealistic. In fact, if she went to bed with that lipstick on, it would be smudged all over and she'd wake up looking like the poster girl for a walk of shame. You hear that, Snow White?
Also, what is up with the delicate stretching of the arms and cute, little yawn? Waking up is filled with grunts and cries as we drag our unmade faces out of bed. And sometimes even a fart....
6 Glass Slippers Are A Real Thing (and small dainty feet)
Of all the fake things the Disney princesses set us up to believe, the whole glass slippers being real may have been the meanest. How chic did Cinderella look prancing around in those glass slippers? It was the shoe to end all shoes. Every girl would wear them... if only they were a real thing.
Of course, some of us can now blame our shoe obsession on Cinderella. Because we can’t have glass slippers, we lust after Jimmy Choos. Whether that's true or not, that's out story and we're sticking to it.
Also, the gowns are pretty unreal too. Sure, they don’t necessarily wear these dresses all day, err day. When they do wear them though, we’re dying for a chance to wear a dress like that. As women, we do get a few opportunities to wear gowns: proms and wedding. Why aren't there balls in real life?
5 A Kiss Solves Everything
According to Disney, a kiss solves everything. Bite a poisonous apple? A kiss will solve it. A spell makes you sleep for 100 years? A kiss will solve it. Want to be a human instead of a mermaid? A kiss will solve it.
We’re totally down for kisses. Kisses are awesome, however they don’t solve everything. If you’re fighting with your significant other over who will do the dishes, a kiss will not solve this. After your make out session, the dishes will still totally be there and one of you will have to do them. Also, if you’re poisoned in real life, a kiss is 100% not an antidote. Please, have your boyfriend take you to the nearest hospital. His kiss won’t help you, girl.
4 Bikini Tops Are Suitable Clothing (and we should look like that in them)
This is more specific to Ariel and Jasmine but bikini tops are not clothing.
Ariel rocked a purple seashell bikini and she totally pulled it off, but we’re not sure why King Triton was just down with Ariel wearing seashells as a top. When her sisters are pictured, they are also in seashell tops. We just think King Triton was a bit more overprotective than to let his daughters out of the house (or giant shell) wearing seashell tops. Surely, the king of the sea could have thought of something else to wear.
Jasmine was straight up on land and rocked a teeny crop top. While the other women pictured in Aladdin wore similar clothes, they were common folk. You’d think that the princess would wear something different and a bit less risqué.
Apparently the Sultan and King Triton were down with their teenage daughters showing a lot of skin. When you try that in real life, the likelihood of making it out the house in that outfit is very slim.
3 Everything Works Out In The End
There’s a popular John Lennon quote that goes, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not, it’s not the end.” We like this sentiment, but it’s not exactly how life always is.
In the Disney films, the righteous were always rewarded for their good behavior and the evil were punished. According to that, if you’re a good person, you’ll get ahead in life. Well, not exactly. Sometimes the ruthless do actually succeed, which is one of the worst lessons in life but thus is capitalism.
Believing in karma can help, as that would guarantee that the baddie may be succeeding now but will get theirs in the end. That's nice and all but it can be hell to watch the girl who takes credit for all your work get ahead while you don't. In real life, being a sweet, moral princess may not always help you get ahead. Sometimes, things are not fair and are not okay. Ugh, we like the Disney world better.
2 Villains Look Like Villains
In every Disney princess film, you knew who the villains were right off the bat. The princesses looked innocent and wore lighter clothing while the villains… did not. In Snow White, the Evil Queen’s face is very made up and she rocks black and purple clothing. This is the same case in Cinderella. And Sleeping Beauty. And The Little Mermaid. Apparently, all villains shop at the same store. In the cases that the villain was a man, he clearly looked like a villain too. Absolutely no one thought Jafar was going to end up being a good guy. Did you see his facial hair?
Obviously, Disney does this so kids’ little brains can easily differentiate between the heroes and villain. We get that but the issue is that, in real life, villains do not dress in all purple or apply a lot of dark makeup – or maybe they do depending on how you feel about The Kardashians.
Villains come in all shapes and sizes and can sometimes look like a harmless friend or lover.
1 We Need Men To Save Us
This is the biggest lie that Disney taught us. Well, this and the whole princess hair thing. We’re still not over the hair. What conditioner do they all use?
Moving on though, every princess had a prince save her in some way. Snow White was literally dead until a kiss from a man saved her life. What kind of a lesson is that? Cinderella was going to spend her life cleaning and being besties with mice until a prince saved her. Well, a shoe kind of saved Cinderella, which is actually a decent lesson. A good shoe can totally turn a bad day around.
These princes were there to scoop up the princesses and save or change their dreadful, single lives. Recently, Disney has been making strides to create princesses who don’t need a man. We applaud that, but it doesn't change the fact that the princesses we were raised with very much did need a man to rescue them. Waiting for a man to save your life is no way to live.