When we first start dating someone, we’re wearing what we refer to as “rose-colored glasses,” which are the blinders we figuratively use to see the person we’re now with. Those first few months spent in a brand spanking new relationship are considered the honeymoon phase, so nothing your new significant other does is irksome or out-of-place. But as we start to really get to know the new person in our world, we start to see little quirks that begin to bug us, and if we’re really lucky, we’ll get over them because our love for this new guy is more overwhelming.
But how do we know they’re actually a good guy? We’d like to say we can tell right off the bat if someone is a decent human being in a relationship but our rose-colored glasses tend to prevent us from seeing them who they are. However, there are certain things that he does that will tell us, flat out, if he happens to be a good guy are not, and there are things he might do that scream “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!”
Here are 15 ways you can tell if you’ve fallen for a good and decent man, and 5 massive red flags to look out for.
He's A Good Man:
Self-confidence is a huge must in any relationship, and if you’ve found a man that constantly finds little ways (or big ways) to do this on an everyday basis, you’ve found a good man.
Little things like telling her that she’s beautiful — even when her hair is up and unwashed in a ponytail, and she’s donning the sweatpants and sweatshirt — are always a huge plus.
It builds up her self-confidence in huge ways. Remember that’s it’s always the littlest things (and compliments) that make the biggest impact so he should try to go out of his way to do so every day.
This is actually a big thing. Why would a woman want to be with a guy who only feigns being interested in her future goals and dreams? Or, worse even, laughs at them? A good boyfriend will take an interest in your dreams and hang on every word you say when you’re discussing them with him.
He’ll be engaging and an active listener and, more importantly, remember your dreams. This is how you know he’s taking you seriously. His presence in these sort of conversations is dire to the future of your own relationship (and any mutual dreams that arise).
If you’re in a relationship, chances are you’ve moved from saying “I” when talking about things or future plans, to “we” to include your significant other. So the dreams you once had for yourself become a joint effort if you’re in a relationship with a good man.
A decent person will boost you up and help you achieve these particular dreams you have.
This is quid-pro-quo in any relationship so if he’s helping you achieve your dreams, you need to do the same thing for him, otherwise, the relationship is unbalanced and stuck on the wrong side of a one-way street.
When a man is able to show his vulnerable side in a relationship, his emotional IQ tends to be rather high, which is a great thing. “When looking for a boyfriend, women want someone who shows they’re able to cope with the emotional rigors of a relationship,” EHarmony states.
“This means sensitivity, thoughtfulness and an ability to communicate effectively.” If a man opens up and shows his vulnerable side that leads women to do the same thing (especially if she’s been hurt in the past and really doesn’t show vulnerability all too well) which makes for a more balanced relationship.
This is a HUGE and important item on your “good boyfriend” checklist: kindness.
Kindness to all people and animals, really – children included.
“He’s kind to everyone,” Glamour magazine states when talking about what makes a decent man.“Not just to you on your best day but you on your worst. Same goes for the waiter who brought the wrong appetizer, his coworkers, his family, and pretty much everyone.”
Plus, animals. ALWAYS animals too. You know your heart melts when you watch him play with a puppy or your toddler niece.
It shows he has patience, with is a quality you want in a man.
You never really thought about having a muse as a boyfriend, but in reality, it’s one of the best things you could ask for when looking for a partner to spend the rest of your life with.
When you’re with someone who inspires you every day, the feeling is practically euphoric. It could be that he inspires you in your work, or in your life in general – maybe he inspires you to get out and do things that you were once afraid to do in the past? Maybe he inspires you to travel more? As long as he’s inspiring you, it’s a pure blessing.
Honesty is the key to any relationship: if you don’t have trust or honesty, you have no foundation for a stable relationship.
You want to know that you completely and utterly trust the man you’re with, because if you don’t, what do you have?
If the man you’re with seems like the secretive type and is not really open with you, you’ll spend all your time being paranoid about where he is and who he’s with. A girl has to be able to trust her boyfriend in order to give her heart completely to him otherwise she risks going through some sure-fire heartache.
It’s important that a woman feels safe in her environment, especially when she’s in a relationship. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. A good man will go out of his way to prove that he can build that sort of environment around the woman he loves.
In order for a woman to feel safe, she has to know that she’s able to be vulnerable with a man with fearing any sort of judgment on his part. That’s the most important sort of safety there is (mainly cause, well, a great deal of us can take care of ourselves and don’t require physical protection).
We all remember this scene in As Good as It Gets: Where Jack Nicolson’s character – a crabby writer plagued with OCD and bad manners – falls in love with Helen Hunt’s waitress character. He goes to great lengths to improve himself so he’ll be good enough for her.
That's the type of guy who shows how much you mean to him — enough to want to be a better version of himself for the sake of you.
His famous line “You make me want to be a better man” speaks volumes about how he feels for her. When a good man falls in love with a woman, he goes the distance in order to prove himself good enough for her (even if he is already) and she takes notice.
Words tend to be pretty and hold a great deal of water, but they really are empty declarations if they’re not followed up by actions. Saying “I love you” and actually proving it are two different things entirely.
If he’s in love with you, he’ll go out of his way to prove it and make an effort to prove it to people around you two as well (like your friends and family). He makes the relationship actually work and not on the prowl for something better. Because in the end, it’s all about who is giving it all in the relationship.
When two people compliment each other, they make each other honest. More importantly, they WANT to be honest with each other. Secrets and lies can completely crush a relationship to shreds. “Trust is one of the most important components of your relationship,” New Love Times says.
If he trusts her, then she, in turn, will be honest with him.
“Strong trust between you two will help you be confident in your relationship. Stop playing the blame game or doubting her motives or intentions. If she loves you, she will always choose you.” This is always the case if she’s in love with him.
Laughter seems to cure everything and breaks the tension in heavy-handed moments. And when a guy can make a girl laugh and smile, she will give him the world in return. “Love has a way of warming the heart and infusing people with happiness,” New Love Times muses.
“As her boyfriend, you should be striving to find ways to make her happy. This could be something like randomly texting her to tell her that she is on your mind or call her up to let her know you love her.” A woman will turn to mush in the hands of a guy who constantly makes her smile.
In a group of close friends, you always know that if you get into some sort of trouble, your friends will always have your back, no questions asked. That’s what good friends do. And that’s what good boyfriends do.
No matter the situation, a good man will have your back because it shows loyalty in really dicey situations.
Even in the simplest, trivial situations, he will stick up for you and stand by your side. And like in any stable relationship, it’s a two-way street: She needs to be by his side when his back is against the wall in order to help.
This always seems to happen at one point in our lives: when we’re in some sort of argument and our tempter has flown out the window, we will say something we immediately regret. It’s referred to as hitting below the belt in a moment of weakness in order to “win” a fight.
This really isn’t winning. A good man will be able to figure out a way to resolve an argument without saying something that hurts his girlfriend tremendously. And, in return, she’ll do the same for him. It’s never good when a couple has an all-out war because one of you said something horrible.
If a secure man is in love with you, he’ll never let you forget it – not for a day, not for simply two seconds. He goes out of his way to so.
Life is tough and there is a lot of pitfalls along the way: his love shouldn’t be one of them.
He can do this by simply giving the woman he loves his time and makes her a priority every day. Tell her that you love her daily and surprise her every once in a while. A good guy does this, and a woman will never doubt his love.
5 That Mean Trouble:
As we said before, there can really be no relationship unless there is a foundation built on trust. If a guy is way too private in a relationship, that can be considered a red flag. “To make a relationship work, you need a sense of the areas for growth,” Psychology Today says.
For some people, it takes time to open up, but if you’re still waiting on him to open up even though you’ve been in a relationship for a while, chances are he won’t and it will make you feel isolated. This can be a massive warning sign of rough times ahead.
No one, and I repeat, NO ONE likes to believe they’re in a relationship with a narcissist. The truth is, they exist, and there are more of them than we like.
Sure, all of us have a touch of narcissism in us (selfies wouldn’t be a thing today if we weren’t)...
But if he’s constantly making it about “him” at every turn, and he leaves absolutely no room for you, you need to run for the hills.
This is a gigantic red flag and a sign that he should be signing up for a reboot of Jersey Shore instead of dating you.
We’ve all been in that relationship where don’t crack a guy’s Top Ten List of priorities. You find that you tend to come after “oil change” and “get caught up on Fortnite with Brad” and even then, he’s not giving you his full attention.
It just goes to show you that he simply can’t make time or, even worse, won’t make time. You’re the one constantly working at keeping the relationship afloat because he simply doesn’t care. If this is the case, this is a huge sign that you need to bail on the relationship altogether. It’s just not worth it.
In any good and stable relationship, the needs of both parties are being met – it’s never about one person’s needs over the other. However, it the guy a giant red flag himself, he won’t give two hoots about the needs of the girl he’s in a relationship.
His needs will always come before hers, and he won’t be afraid to admit it out loud.
There really is no possible future with a guy like this – if you think about building a family with someone like this, what would that even look like? He will constantly put his own needs ahead of his family, and that’s not stable.
When you’re in a brand new relationship, you can see quick, fast, and in a hurry, if a guy is worth your time based on his communication skills. If he’s constantly going out of his way during his day to reach out to you, it’s a great sign!
But if you’re the one that constantly attempting to get him on the phone (or even answer a simple text) it’s a huge red flag. It means he simply doesn’t care enough to reach out to you, or (even worse) he’s making you work for it to see if you actually will.