There is an air about older women that can strut their stuff, talk about the stock market, and make young men turn their heads for a double take. Older women are sexy, powerful, and seemingly wise. But what does that mean for the younger gems? What tricks can they learn from the cougars of the world?
At 42, I am at a classic cougar age where I could be tempted by the younger men who tend to stare for just a little too long in my direction. It is the all knowing confidence and self certainty that attracts them, and I wish I knew about this when I was younger.
Attracting a man isn’t all about your looks. It’s about style and how you sell yourself. If you sell yourself cheap, don’t be surprised by what you attract. However, if you pull back just a little, find your confidence, and teach yourself to become a sort of Jill-of-all-trades, the men you attract will be from a better class and ones who are looking for stability and commitment.
I know. It sounds like lecturing and maybe a bit like your mother, but it's true. What you think of yourself and how you treat yourself shines through and the guys pick up on it.
Let’s face it. Most men crumble in the face of relationship pressure. It is the pressure to settle down, the pressure to get married, and the pressure to have children that can send men running in the opposite direction. With cougars, men don’t have to worry about relation pressures, or man-traps, as some of the guys call them. To be like a cougar, don’t bring up the topics of marriage, settling down, or having children. Take that pressure off him and he will ease up and feel more loving towards you.
Do you want to know how to really attract a man looking for commitment in the long run? You put on some class and your best behavior. Sure, the party girls might go through a lot of boyfriends, but they pretty much come and go and don’t stick around for more. Men want a woman who can hold her own, who doesn’t go out, get trashed, and go home with any guy that happens by. Dress with a touch of class (think Audrey Hepburn) and keep your drinking in check (no one likes a lush). Act reserved and be in control of the situation, and you will start to attract the right kind of man.
Believe it or not, older women give the younger fellas a lot less drama than, say, the 20 year old woman who is just starting to get her legs under her. While there are always exceptions to the rules, cougar don’t usually start up a drama fest with a gaggle of girlfriends - something guys really hate. To date like a cougar, cut out the girlfriends. You can find time to hang out with them separately. But when you are with a handsome somebody, tone your feelings down and don’t break out into a bitch fest about your job, co-workers, or friends. Talk about things that don’t get you upset and keep the tone even. Guys think women are nuts for a reason. Prove them wrong.
Older women don’t have time to play games. He is either into her or he’s not. If not, she will let him go. If he is, she will rock his world. She’s got things to do, a life to experience, and she would love to have a friend and companion to join her on the ride. When it comes to dating like a cougar, don’t waste your time or his. The both of you are either interested in having a good time together or, if one of you loses interest, then it is time to move on. Not all things need to be fixed and sometimes the best life experiences are gained when we stop playing games and learn to live life.
Knowing what you want goes hand in hand with not wasting time. It doesn’t matter what age you are, you should always pay attention to what you really want in life. As we get older, we women gain more insight into what our wants are because we have fewer family responsibilities. If we have kids, they are mostly likely young adults and on their own. We are often divorced, at least once. Our siblings and parents are just folks we visit during the holidays and the family drama is sparse. Suddenly, we can focus on ourselves. Take it from someone who spent her youth as a mother - figure out now what you want and constantly update your wants as your situations change. You will be stronger for it, and strength is attractive.
Cougars have more spending money than many younger women, and that means they can pick up the tab now and again. Men appreciate this immensely. Even if it is a small meal, start picking up the tab more often to show him that you are willing to pull your own weight in a relationship. Men get stressed over the idea of having a girlfriend that they can’t afford. Instead, let him know from the start that you have an equal standing in the relationship and that means you are willing to take him out for dinner every now and again and treat him like a prince. Hell, buying him a bouquet of roses might just send him head over heels for you.
Any cougar will tell you that her life experiences are what make her unique. She can relate to others and she can whip out awesome advice. Of course, you don’t have to wait until you are in your 40s and 50s to begin reflecting on your personal experiences. Live your life now, while you are young, and begin learning as you go. Observe other people and spend a few minutes each day reflecting on what you’ve witnessed. Everything you do and see are a part of your life expriences, and you don’t need to wait until you are older to start flashing off some of your new wisdom.
Love your body because you are going to be living in it for many years to come. The fact is, no one is perfect and we all have our weak points, including men. Cougars quickly learn to forgive their flaws and work with them. They are less self conscious, more willing to ditch the bed sheets and keep the lights on. Men are visual creatures and love a woman who isn’t trying to hide her flaws under the sheets. Get naked and get comfortable in your own skin. Celebrate your uniqueness.
Pregnancy is mostly a non-issue when men date older women. While women in their 40s are in their sexual prime, they often do not want to be burdened with children at a later age. For them, sex is for fun, not procreation and steps are taken to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Women of all ages should take charge of their bodies. No one wants a whoops and men don’t want to get trapped into fatherhood before they are ready for it. Instead, start keeping track of your menstrual cycle and don’t rely on him to bring the condom. Keep a box of your own condoms or surprise him by donning a female condom.
Yes, you can. You can be the one that approaches him, first. You can initiate that first kiss. You can grab his hand and lead him back to your bedroom. As you get older, there is less time to waste on waiting for him to make that first move. Instead, cougars take control of their destinies and become assertive when it comes to getting what they want. The worst thing that can happen is that he turns you down. If that is the case, you move on to the next one without missing a stride, because life is way too short to fuss over someone who isn’t interested in you.
There is far less commitment involved when men date older women. Usually this is because she already knows what she brings to the table in a relationship and he can either accept that or move on. Older women are also less likely to push for marriage and the “L” word doesn’t pop out automatically on a second date. Giving a relationship the time to build is the motto of the cougar. If it is going to work out, it will. If the two of you are not right for each other, that will become apparent soon enough and then you can both let go and move on to greener fields. There is no point shackling yourself to someone who might make you miserable a few years down the road.
Cougars know a thing or two about kink and aren’t afraid to take things a little further. Men love this. Not only is she in more control, those awkward moments of should I or shouldn’t I disappear as a couple becomes more open and secure about the things they want in the bedroom. You can build up this same atmosphere simply by talking with your partner about the things you want or are interested in trying out. Let him speak, too, and together you can build a better relationship based on trust and a few quirky kinks.
Being in control of a relationship is one of the fabulous reasons why older women date younger men. They get to make more or all of the decisions in the relationship, from choosing the restaurant to picking the night’s special events. Fact is, you can be in control all of the time, no matter what your age. When you enter into a relationship, step up to the plate and make your own decisions about what to do, where to eat, and what to do in the bedroom. Real men appreciate not having to be in control all the time and will love letting you take over for them.
Older women have been through it all. They have had the failed relationships, they understand work troubles, and they know all about family drama. When a guy makes the effort to talk to them about some of his problems, they listen and do their best to give him good advice. Younger women can easily do this, too. Instead of gabbing about your day, take a moment to ask him about his day. If he seems troubled, ask him what’s wrong. Listen to what he says, and then pull from your own past experiences and the experiences of friends and family to give him some good, solid advice.
Cougars have experience in the bedroom, a trait younger men can really appreciate. You don’t have to go out and sleep around with numerous people to gain this experience. Instead, watch a few steamy movies. Learn about the art of seduction, read the Kama Sutra, and anything else that tugs your interest. Learning and studying new techniques is the perfect way to boost your own sexual confidence and this will show in the bedroom.