Friends are the family that we actually choose to keep. We’ve all faced tough situations in our inner circles. Friendship is a two-way street, and both people have to be dedicated in order to make it work. It’s just like any relationship: two people have to be invested, or it will all go up in flames. Breaking up with a bad boyfriend is easier than breaking up with a bad best friend.
It’s awkward and painful, and most of the time, we just ignore it for as long as possible. Nothing hurts more than knowing you’re in a one-sided friendship. Don’t be ashamed. We’ve all been there. The truth is, you have to cut the negativity out of your life. You will feel so much lighter and better in the end.
That doesn’t make it any better, though. When it comes to friends, we’re way more interested in giving second and even third chances to make things right. And why not? At some point, you had some kind of love for this person, right? Some friendships are like romantic relationships that are doomed, but you’re not sure when to pull the trigger. There’s never a perfect time to tell someone that they’re the problem and that you can’t pick up the pieces anymore. Read on to find out how to know if your BFF friendship is bull.
15. They Were Unsupportive During A Sensitive Time
Yeah, you’ve been there. Something completely disastrous happened in your life, and you looked to your best friend for advice and a shoulder to lean on. Then, you were cut down by their harsh words and maybe they even told you to get over it. Friends need to support one another no matter how mundane a situation might be.
If you find yourself rather silent in your moment of need, and you’re unable to blurt out whatever you are feeling, then maybe you’re trusting the wrong person with your feelings. Friends are supposed to pick you up when you’re feeling down, not to kick a dead horse around. There’s a fine line between being unsupportive and showing some tough love. Learn the difference!
14. They Didn’t Show Up At An Important Event Of Yours
Maybe you won an award, or got a promotion, or even started a non-profit. Woo hoo, it’s time to celebrate! And who better to party with you than your most trusted friends? But, of course, you probably have the one best friend who’s just “too busy” to show you any love. Or didn’t even text you about the situation.
If someone shows that they don’t care about you, you better believe it’s because they really don’t. There are, of course, always good excuses, but if this person cancels on you time and time again, and can’t even show up to support you, then it’s time to cut ties. You need to focus on the friends that always show up for you no matter what. Whether it’s a funeral or a celebration, a good friend always shows up.
13. It Was Always A Competition
There is nothing wrong with a little friendly competition. Our friends can have a great way of motivating us to work harder and pushing us to get ahead. However, then there’s the so-called “friend” who is always trying to one up you. You just can’t seem to get ahead without them trying to shut you down every step of the way, or without them trying to prove that they are better than you.
True friends inspire and don’t compete. If your best friend seems like the kind of person who wouldn’t mind kicking you down a notch, then that’s a major problem. The only way to fix it is to cut them out of your life immediately. Surround yourself with friends that enliven you instead.
12. They Go MIA On You At A Drop Of A Dime
Do you have a friend that you can never seem to get a hold of? They don’t read your text messages, they don’t bother to respond to any Tweets or any FB messages, and forget about them answering a phone call. But when they have news, they immediately text you about it for hours on end. This isn’t a coincidence, and these days, it’s rare that people go days without checking their cell phones or any social media profiles.
You are purposely being ignored. This person doesn’t think about you or your problems as a priority. In fact, consider yourself their sounding board. You better be available at the drop of a hat for them, but never expect the same courtesy. Does that seem to fair to you?
11. It Seemed All For Show, Snapping Selfies With No Substance
You may be number one on their Instagram feed, but you’re not the number one priority on their list. We’ve all been there. Have you ever had that friend who follows you all over social media, but your relationship with them is totally different when you’re in person? You can’t even remember how this all started.
A friendship without substance is doomed to fail because it’s not a real friendship. Stop playing nice and call it what it is: an insta-friendship. It looks pretty on your feed, but there’s just nothing there when you get down to it. It’s okay to keep the pictures and the memories, but dump the person and find a real friend who fulfills your needs. It’s not that hard to find someone genuine to befriend.
10. There Was No Meaningful Conversation Between You Two
Did you guys ever talk about anything… important? Really think about this. It’s natural for us to want to tell our best friends anything and everything. We trust them with our crushes, and our secrets, and even our family troubles. Why? Because we know they’ll never throw it back in our faces. They are always there to listen to us and give us feedback and make us laugh.
Why don’t you tell your best friend this kind of stuff? Could it be that you don’t trust them? There is no relationship without trust, and that goes for friendship, too. If there are only a couple of key subjects that you speak to your friend about, but you realize that you two never have any actual meaningful conversations, then it’s time to move on to bigger and better friends.
9. They Were Constantly Needing Secondary Stimuli
You should always be number one. We get it, our best friends have lives of their own, too. However, if you’re constantly trying to hold a conversation and they simply nod while swiping left and right on their phones, then you better believe that their phone is more important to them than you. When you’re with your friends, it’s important to be engaged.
Sure, we all have trouble letting go of our phones, but this is not an appropriate habit. You don’t really think they’re actually listening to your sob story while they’re on Tinder, right? Don’t let this get to you. Tell them to quit it, or find another friend to ignore. You should always have their attention, and they should always have yours as well!
8. You Were Rarely Seen Together
Secret lovers? Okay, there’s always a weird story behind these relationships. But secret friends? That’s not really a thing, you know. Your conversations are endless, and you always spend time at each other’s places. But when it comes to getting out of the house for some fresh air, they always bail. This is not normal. Is it dangerous for them to be seen with you or something? I highly doubt it!
This is worse than a guy continuously snubbing you after a few hookups. This is supposed to be your friend. That rings true in public, and in private, too. If this is the case, end it quick and run. This is a bad sign of having a terrible friend. No terrible friendships allowed!
7. It Was All On Their On Terms, Their Schedule
How do you know when you’ve been cast aside? Well, for one thing, your time and availability are irrelevant. You are supposed to live according to your friend’s schedule. This is a horrible way to have a friendship. They want you to forget about your schedule and your responsibilities. And if you don’t abide by their terms, boy, do you get an earful. It’s time to ask yourself: “Is this my friend or some self-proclaimed diva?”
I’ll help you out here. It is usually the latter! Friends may come and go, but this one in particular needs to stay gone. What matters is what’s best for you. And having a friendship that is on someone else’s time and terms does nothing for you at all. It adds to your stress level and takes the fun out of the friendship.
6. They DEMANDED Your Attention At Any Given Moment
Me, me, me. Or, more like, them, them, them. At what point did everything become about your so-called best friend? It’s one thing to have an emotional crisis once, and need your best friend by your side. But when this becomes a weekly or even daily habit, there’s no going back. You are suddenly in demand with your friend for all of the wrong reasons.
Everyone needs attention, sure, but at some point, enough is enough. You can’t spend every waking moment at this person’s beck and call. That’s just not fair, especially if they’re not there for you in the same way. It’s okay to say “no” to some things in friendship. And it’s okay to say “no” to reoccurring drama in a friendship as well!
5. The Friendship Was An Inconsistent Roller Coaster Ride
Every relationship has its highs and lows. That’s a given. But if your friend is giving you knots in your stomach? That is such a bad sign! You always tried to hang out, and get together for a coffee date, but they never reciprocated. It’s as if you’re doing the chasing in this relationship!
Rollercoasters are fun, but a rollercoaster of a relationship is the opposite. It pulls you apart from the inside and makes everything feel wrong. Well, that’s because it is wrong! If you ever felt like this friend was pushing you away and pulling you back in countlessly, and you cut off, then props to you. You did the right thing. Clearly, you and this person make a toxic team.
4. They Always Criticized You
It’s one thing for my mom to pick on my outfits and makeup preferences, but it’s a whole different story for a friend to do so. There is a difference between someone being honest with you, and someone just criticizing you for the heck of it. If your friend is doing the latter, it will only get worse. If you’ve felt constantly criticized by your best friend rather than lifted up, then this red flag can’t go any higher!
If you’re listing off problems, then at least have a solution ready. But that’s not what your friend is interested in. Instead of trying to help you look and feel your best, they were constantly picking on you and making you feel worse about yourself. You deserve so much better!
3. You Had To Filter What You Said
If you have to watch what you say around certain people, then why even bother speaking to them? The point of having your best friend’s ear is to be able to say anything you want without being judged or humiliated. The moment that you start watching your words is the moment you should pick up your things and run!
Just get as far away as possible, and instead, surround yourself with people that you can speak freely with. You’ve got some great things to say and I guarantee if they wouldn’t listen to you, you’ll have no problem moving on and finding a better friend to confide in. Don’t worry about them getting overly sensitive or getting negative feedback about your thoughts and feelings. Your feelings are just as valid as theirs are.
2. They Brushed You Off
It’s hard when you invest your time and energy into a relationship with your bestie, and it just seems like a disaster. You are giving all of yourself here, as you should, but you are getting nothing in return. In fact, they don’t have any respect for you and can easily just brush you off. Well, that’s not right. Who died and named them Queen Bey?!
If someone can brush you off so easily, then you should be able to do the same thing. Forget about them and focus your energy and time on a new or existing friendship. A friendship with someone who actually values you as an individual, not just someone to text about the latest office gossip. Real friendship is on the way!
1. They Were Always So Dramatic
Okay, we’ve all been there. If you haven’t had an overly dramatic moment, then you’re just lying to yourself. We’re human. We blow things out of proportion all the time or make mountains out of molehills. It happens. But if your bestie is consistently doing this, then do you know the drill? Do I even need to tell you?
Bring it up casually, and try and tell them to tone it down. However, I must warn you, once a drama queen, always a drama queen! That’s just usually how it goes. If the drama keeps on coming, and you’re simply dreading it, then why bother? Break up the friendship and get rid of the unnecessary drama. You can’t let other people’s dramatic antics weigh you down!
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