15 Times The Breakup Isn't Your Fault

There are a million and one reasons why a relationship can come to an end. And with all the sadness and anger involved both you and your partner start shifting blame. They might blame you, you might blame them, you might blame yourself. This is all part of the process when grieving the loss of a love. Both of you are trying to come to terms with what went wrong.

Quite often people think they know what went wrong and think they know who is to blame. But all of the intense emotions are messing with your senses. You might think you're to blame but in actual fact you're not. Maybe the blame needs to be shared or maybe nobody is to blame at all because things just weren't right between the two of you.

There are a few cases where you are absolutely to blame for the breakup, for example if you cheated on your significant other. You can't hold yourself accountable forever though, so you eventually need to forgive yourself, learn form your mistakes and move on. But there are also some instances in which you might be perceived as the one to blame but really you just made a silly mistake. If a relationship is meant to be you can work things through together.

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15 They Cheated On You

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You might be thinking Hello Captain Obvious right now, but sometimes when one of those shameful pigs cheats they have the gall to blame you for their actions. They might say that you started to become distant or that you weren't giving them enough loving and thus they were “forced” into the arms of another. And if they manage to persuade you that this was the case then you might start to blame yourself. Don't do it! You made a commitment to be true to one another and their infidelity was a major betrayal. They have broken the promise they made to stay faithful to you – you aren't the one that has done something wrong. Do not ever think that it is your fault if you're faced with a situation such as this. It is not your fault that your partner cheated. If they wanted to experience something new with someone new then they should have told you so and moved on.

14 They Sent Flirty Messages To Other People

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For the exact same reasons as above, you might be conned into thinking that this form of betrayal is your fault i.e. your S/O was forced to connect with other people because you weren't paying them enough attention. This is something that happens often. And when your boo is caught out they might try and make you think that they haven't actually done anything wrong, they might even get you to start pointing the finger at yourself. They haven't actually gone out and cheated, so what's the harm in a few messages? But let's be honest, it is almost as bad as going out and getting it on with someone else. The fact is that they are giving their time to someone else. Sending flirty messages constitutes an emotional betrayal. The energy, the sweet nothings that should be reserved for you and you only are being directed towards someone else. It's sickening, and again your trust was broken.

13 You Argued A LOT

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If you break up with somebody because of a series of heated arguments you might find yourself backtracking soon after. You might wonder if you two still could have made it work because all couples do in fact argue. Well, the truth is, yes, all couples argue. But not all couples have massive blow-outs that consistently wind up in both parties feeling like crap. If this is the case for you then you need to know that it isn't something all couples just endure. Too much arguing means that your relationship just wasn't working, it was actually toxic. People can only handle so much before they break. Arguments with your partner can affect your work life and your social life, so it's not worth it. It got too much and you got out, therefore you made the right choice. You are not to blame, if anything the blame is shared because it takes two to argue.

12 They Were Too Overbearing

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If your significant other is a fool they will turn their own issues of jealousy into something that's your fault. That often happens and the we often fall for it. They say they wouldn't need to be so overbearing and protective if you didn't go out with your friends so much or flirt with other guys. You might agree with them and try to change for them. Or you might think, eff you and break things off. The latter is the better idea because if somebody lets the green eyed monster take over it doesn't necessarily mean that you are doing anything wrong. You were just being a normal person who hangs out with their mates and the so-called flirting was probably you just being friendly. You're not to blame for another person's unfounded paranoia. You are allowed to go out, your friends are not the problem, your partner in this case is the problem.

11 They Said You Were Needy

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So, you texted your guy or gal a lot. You felt the need to send a text every hour or so. And you wanted to see them as often as you could, so you would ask them to come over or if they wanted to go out for drinks or dinner on the regular. Because of this they called you needy and broke up with you. In my books, that is an absolute cop out of an excuse, and most people will agree. What's wrong with wanting to see the person that you're dating? It's actually quite normal. If they were truly into you, if they truly wanted to be with you, then they would have wanted to see you as much as you wanted to see them! Perhaps, they just weren't ready to be committed to you which obviously involves committing their time and energy to you. Or it's a BS excuse and there's really something else going on. Either way, that's not your fault, so don't blame yourself for being a caring individual.

10 You Simply Weren't A Good Match

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Maybe things didn't pan out the way you were hoping because you two just weren't right for each other. There was no harmony, you just didn't fit, you were different people with different goals and ideas about life. Or you just seemed to drift over time. You might feel guilty or stupid and think that you made a mistake in this instance. You think you should have known from the start that things weren't going to work out or at least should have realized sooner that you two weren't meant to be. Thus, you wasted a load of time on the wrong person. But there's no point in thinking like that. Sometimes, circumstances change and people change. You weren't to know that you guys would end up being so wrong for each other. At least you tried something, it just didn't go as successfully as you hoped and you can learn from that.

9 You Made A Silly Mistake

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The mistake could have been absolutely anything. You could have looked at somebody else and said they were hot which irked your S/O, you could have embarrassed them with your drunken antics in front of their colleagues, you could have discussed a personal story about bae with your friends which you thought they knew about but they didn't... So you did something really stupid but it wasn't something major. Relationships require forgiveness and if your guy or girl can't find it within themselves to forgive a silly mistake then that's not your fault. Most couples can recall a time when their partner accidentally embarrassed them. Perhaps, they have had experiences in the past that have given them trust issues or other anxieties which you brought to the surface with your misgiving. If you didn't know it would be such a big deal to them that's not your fault eitherand don't for a second think it is.

8 You Said Something A Bit Too Harsh

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So, in the midst of a heated argument you said something really mean to your S/O and they got rid of you for it. This is another instance in which you clearly made a mistake that you're now regretting. We say things we don't mean when we feel hurt and angry. Your boo should have been able to understand that. At the very least they should give you the opportunity to explain what you said and why you don't actually think that mean thing about them. You're only human after all. If you weren't a bully or abusive in general then it was just a mishap that shouldn't happen again. This is also a situation that many couples can say they've experienced. It is common for couples to get into heated arguments and once in a while something mean slips, now most of the time it's nonsense that comes out, if you were dumped for that then consider yourself lucky for getting out of the relationship now.

7 Things Moved Way Too Quickly

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You met a special someone and fell for them immediately. Before you knew it you were changing your relationship status on Facebook and adopting a dog together. But it didn't take long for things to go sour as you started arguing, getting jealous, realizing they didn't share the same values as you or something similar. You may be reprimanding yourself now for getting into something with someone and letting it get so serious so quickly. But that just happens sometimes! It can be intense and beautiful until it's not anymore, until it gets fiery. But all in all, it just goes to show that you had a lot of passion for one another and I'm sure it was a brilliant experience while things were good. The breakup in this case wasn't your fault, things just needed to go differently, to go a bit slower for it to work out in the long run.

6 You Found True Love... In Somebody Else

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I guess this is pretty controversial. If someone you were dating broke up with you because they found someone else you would likely be furious and more than a little heartbroken. So you understand that this isn't the best scenario in the world. However, if you fall for somebody else and you know it's real and not just a lust thing, then you really can't help it now can you. There would be no point stringing your current partner along while having feelings for someone else, that isn't fair to you or them. That would be much worse for them in the long run and eventually they will come to appreciate that fact. If you did the right thing, by telling your current boyfriend or girlfriend before making your move on the other person then you haven't done anything wrong. It's always worth going from something average to something amazing in matters of the heart.

5 You Wanted To Be Single Again

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You started to get bored with the monotony of being coupled up and this is a harsh reality of relationships. It does happen. There was a slump in your relationship and you couldn't picture getting that excitement back. You made a few attempts to get that spark back. Or maybe you got tired of having responsibilities and having to answer to somebody other than yourself. There's nothing wrong with that at all. It's you who gets to decide what you do with your life because only you know how to make you happy. What else were you going to do? Stay stuck in a dead end relationship because you didn't want to hurt the person you were with, that's not fair to either of you. Sometimes you have to be selfish in life and go after your own happiness and there is nothing wrong with that.

4 They Weren't Ready For A Relationship

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There can be lots of reasons why someone isn't ready for a full on relationship. Sometimes people only realize it when they are in a relationship. Or perhaps, they were hung up on their ex still and although they might have really liked you it just wasn't the right time to be with you and you felt it. Or perhaps they're not ready to show you off to the world yet and that can string. I once dated a bi girl who got a bit edgy when it came to public displays of affection, because even though she was bi she hadn't yet been in a relationship with a girl and for that reason she broke it off with me. I came to accept that she just wasn't ready yet. Sometimes, people have their own crap to deal with before they can get into a relationship with you. Once again, it is important to remember that's their problem not yours.

3 They Weren't Willing To Work Through Their Issues

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You may have been blamed for the demise of a relationship because you supposedly tried to change the other person, and this often happens. We can all agree that it's not right to try and change someone, they should be free to be who they are. However, if your partner had issues that were affecting your relationship that weren't healthy for the both of you then they should be willing to work on them. For example, you saw them getting into trouble at work and you suggested they try to improve or even change jobs. You were only thinking of your S/O's well-being, you don't want them to be unhappy for the 40 hours per week that they're at work. Because at the end of the day you'll have to hear about how miserable they are at work. That's just a for instance and there's lots of stuff that people should be willing to work on in order to make you both happier.

2 There Was Too Much Distance Between You

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Perhaps you were in a long-distance relationship with someone that you really loved. But, the physical distance between the two of you just wasn't working for you anymore so you broke up with your faraway boo. Long-distance relationships are really tough so you need to know that distance is a reasonable justification for breaking up. It's not that you didn't love the person, it might have been that you loved them so much that it was getting too difficult to be apart from them. It can be so difficult to care about and yearn for someone who you aren't able to touch or see. Often leaving you wondering about what they are doing or if they are truly able to stay faithful in your relationship. It may even be possible to work things out, but only if you can move closer together. However that isn't always something that's feasible so you can't be blamed for ending the relationship.

1 You Both Did Things Wrong

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If you know for a fact that you and the person you broke up with both made some mistakes throughout the relationship then you need to stop blaming yourself. We often tend to place the blame on ourselves. Even if you don't think the other person made mistakes, you need to stop the way that you're thinking because nobody is perfect. That is what relationships are all about, learning. It's so easy for one party to place blame on another after a breakup - this might be them shirking the blame towards you or vice versa. But often both individuals within the relationship are to blame in some way and you guys need to accept that, both of you, not just you. For every action or mistake there is a causation. Accept your own faults and don't let the other person blame their own faults or misdemeanors on you.

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