In the great debate between pizza and men, it's really a close call. Men do edge out pizza in some situations for sure. I mean, we can't marry pizza. There's also the whole having kids thing and dying alone thing. So, yeah, men do win in those situations, but they don't always win. Sometimes pizza is just so much better than guys. In fact, sometimes pizza is so much better than that guy you're dating, especially if that guy is being a jerk. Pizza is never a jerk. Always remember that.
There's obvious times when pizza is just superior to men, like when you're hungry. You can't eat a men - well, err, you get what I mean. Pizza is also the best binge-watch partner in the world. Even if your guy is the best of the best at remember all the names of all the characters on Game of Thrones (a true feat), pizza is still the better companion.
The romance between women and pizza is a tale as old as time. Sometimes we need guys around for things, like marriage and to open jars of pickles. We're not saying we want to get rid of guys all together by any means. We're just saying that maybe in these 15 situations, pizza is just oh so much better than the guy you're dating.
15 When he doesn't text you back right away
How annoying is it when he doesn’t text you back right away? Especially if he’s the type to always be looking at his phone when he's around you. Even if he’s busy at work, shouldn’t he have checked his phone and sent you a small answer back? Whether you texted him a question that you legitimately need to hear back about or if you just sent him a flirty text, it's frustrating when he doesn’t answer back quickly.
The thing is, pizza would totally answer back right away. What else does pizza have to do? Pizza doesn’t have any responsibilities besides being tasty and amazing so pizza would be a prompt texter. Of course, pizza doesn’t have a cell phone so you can’t really test out this theory. But, hey, when he isn’t texting you back right away, you can totally eat pizza. In that case, pizza > the guy you're dating.
14 When he won't watch The Bachelorette with you
So, this could be The Bachelorette or Scandal or Pretty Little Lairs. Whatever your guilty pleasure show is, if he isn’t into watching it with you, that’s’ lame. Sure, a reality TV show about dating may not be up his alley, but it’s really so entertaining. If he just gave it a shot, he might realize that he’s really invested in who is getting a freaking rose on The Bachelorette or who the hell A is on Pretty Little Liars.
Unfortunately, he won’t even try these shows out, which is lame because you gave The Walking Dead a chance for him and you even liked it. Pizza never complains about what is on the TV because pizza can’t talk. Pizza will be there with you through all your most favorite shows and never complain about how outrageous the plots are.
13 When he disagrees with you about The Bachelorette
Ugh, if he does watch your TV shows with you, he ends up disagreeing with you. This is not why you wanted him to watch The Bachelorette with you. You just wanted him to agree with you about JoJo being the right one for Ben. Instead, he thought Lauren B was the better choice. Um, what? Then it got even worse when he declared that he was Team Jordan this season, when you know Jordan is such a player. If you were watching Scandal, he’s Team Fitz and you’re Team Jake. It’s like war zone. You guys are supposed to ship the same team.
Pizza would never disagree with who you ship. Pizza would just sit there, quietly, waiting to be eaten, and that’s why it’s sometimes just better to watch TV with pizza instead of bae.
12 When he won't pick a place to eat
One of the most annoying moments in a couple’s day is the moment when they must decide where to eat. If he could just pick a spot, that would be great. You don't feel like choosing. In fact, you never really feel like choosing unless you're picking a pizza spot, but you know he's going to complain that all you ever want is pizza.
It's even worse when you’ve only just started dating and you’re trying to be the agreeable type - sigh, it's so much better than that stage is done. You don’t want to throw out a choice that he may not like so you just want him to pick a place. Oh, and to top it off, you’re freaking hungry.
In this case, pizza is always better because you don’t have to think of a place to eat with pizza. With pizza, you just eat and it’s glorious.
11 When you're waiting for pizza to be delivered
Okay, so you’ve ordered pizza with your man and now, you just have to wait a half hour for it to be delivered. Why is it the longest half hour of your life? It feels like days and days, especially if you’re hungry. You feel like you’re withering away. You need your pizza and you need it now.
Sure, your guy may try to occupy the half hour with fun conversation but it’s not enough, only eating pizza is enough. In this half hour, pizza is the only thing you want and quite frankly, you want the pizza more than you even want your bae. In this half hour, you’re just dreaming of getting your hands on that hot pizza and it’s all you can think about.
10 When you're drunk at 2 am
If you’re drunk at 2 am, a booty call might be fun. In fact, a booty call may feel like the answer to everything, but it’s not. If you’re drunk at 2 am, pizza will always, always beat out a booty call. Sure, hooking up with someone is a nice cherry on top of a night, but stuffing your face with pizza is even better.
Of course, you may feel ashamed the next morning for eating a whole pie by yourself, but the walk of shame is even more shameful than waking up in your own bed with a belly full of pizza. Actually, there's nothing shameful about having a belly full of pizza.
If we’re being honest, though, eating pizza with a booty call may be the best of both worlds.
9 When you're hungover
If you didn’t eat pizza when you were drunk at 2 am, you may want it the next morning. You’ll wake up with a pounding headache and an empty stomach. You won’t feel like talking or being around people. In fact, if you could spend all of Sunday on your couch binge-watching Orange is the New Black, that would be awesome. In this case, you’d rather your man not see you looking like a train wreck and feeling even worse. In this case, you’d rather only be around your sofa, TV and some pizza. Pizza doesn’t judge you for how hungover you are. Pizza just makes you feel better.
8 When he doesn't like your post
Whatever form of social media it is, you totally notice when he doesn’t like your post. If it’s a hilarious status, why didn’t he like it? If it’s a cute selfie, why didn’t he like it? I mean, you’re always liking all of his posts. What bullshit! It makes your mind wander. Are you his secret hook up? Is he not into publicly dating you? Now, you’re on a whirlwind, analyzing everything in your relationship, from how he acts on social media to how he acts in private.
Pizza would never do this to you, never make you feel this insecure about your relationship. You know exactly where you stand with pizza.
7 When he likes another girl's selfie
Even worse than him not liking your post is him liking another girl’s post. What is up with that? If it’s a selfie, that is just not cool. Liking a selfie is some straight up low-key social media flirting. Not okay, especially if he’s not liking all of your selfies. Now, you fall into a deep hole of stalking this poor girl on social media. You know all about her trip to Miami in 2007 and her favorite Aunt Susie. Why have you wasted four hours of your life on this person who you don’t know? It’s all because he liked her selfie.
Pizza would not do anything that would make you cyber stalk a stranger. Pizza is all about giving affection, in the form of warm, gooey cheese.
6 When you're really hungry
So, like, this one is pretty obvious. Unless you’re dating Gordon Ramsey, pizza is always better than bae when you’re hungry. He might be sweet and try to cook something for you. It might even be a decent meal, but is it better than pizza? Is anything better than pizza? No, no, oh hell no. Pizza is pizza and it trumps almost all food. It even trumps the guy you’re dating when you’re hungry because food is a necessity that keeps you alive and you don’t need need a man to live.
5 When he makes a stupid joke in public
This could actually be a stupid joke or just anything he does in public that is stupid and embarrassing. When he is meeting your friends and family, all you want is for him to be on his best behavior and win everyone over. Unfortunately, nerves may get the best of him or, perhaps, he lacks social graces. Whatever the case may be, it usually ends with him doing something embarrassing.
Pizza is never embarrassing. I mean, there are maybe the times when you can’t wait for it to cool off so you bite into a super hot piece and burn your tongue. That’s embarrassing to some extant, but also, you’re eating pizza so you don’t care.
4 When he farts or does a 'guy' thing
Guys think they get a free pass in the gross department. Sure, for the first few days or weeks, he may act like a complete gentleman but, at some point, that disappears and it’s fart city. Us ladies pass gas and do other weird bodily functions as well but, for the most part, we’re discreet about it. Guys are not as discreet and can even be proud of it.
Well, pizza doesn’t stink up the apartment. Actually, that’s a lie. Pizza does stink up the apartment with the aroma of deliciousness. Pizza does not smell like dude farts.
3 When he leaves his stuff lying around
What is it with guys leaving their stuff lying around? If you live with him, it may be worse than if the two of you are just dating. Either way, though, how annoying is it to calmly pick up his jacket that he just tossed across the ottoman? Oh, hell no. This apartment is meant to look like an Instagrammable haven, not some sloppy frat house.
Guys can be complete slobs and it's frustrating as hell. Some of us may yell at them to pick up their stuff and stop being such gross slobs, while some of us just turn to our one true live: pizza. Pizza never leaves his stuff lying around and comes in a handy box that’s easy to recycle. Pizza is love.
2 When he doesn't care that Taylor Swift is dating Tom Hiddleston
The Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston romance is just one slice of juicy celeb gossip, but it could really be anything in this arena that your guy doesn’t care about. He doesn’t care about Kylie’s latest lip kit drama. He doesn’t care about Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds going to Taylor’s 4th of July party. He doesn't care about the lyrics to Calvin Harris' song that is most likely about Taylor. He doesn’t care about the latest controversial Kim K social media post. He just doesn’t care. You can talk to him about it but he won’t have much of an opinion.
True, pizza doesn’t have an opinion either, but you can eat pizza while reading article after article about the latest celeb gossip so pizza wins.
1 When you’re binge-watching TV
Pop quiz: what goes better with a binge-watching marathon of House of Cards? Bae or pizza. Pizza wins by a landslide. He might try to talk during episodes. He might hog the couch. He might even, horror of all horrors, suggest that you guys turn off the TV and do something outside. It’s Sunday, the day of rest, binge-watching and pizza. A good pie of pizza goes with binge-watching like peanut butter and jelly. You can eat two slices every two hours and bam, that’s eight hours of food to go along with your eight hours of TV-watching. It's like god created pizza for binge-watching.
In the case of pizza vs the guy you’re dating, pizza wins in all of these situations. You can keep the guy you’re dating around for sex and stuff but pizza, 9 times out of 10, is where it’s at. Sorry, dudes.