Many elements come together to make a relationship amazing and to make two lovers happy. It goes without saying how important intimacy is to the success of a relationship. Think about it. Without it, we would only have a platonic bond. Physical intimacy is what elevates a close relationship among the bestest of friends to that of lovers. But it's not as simple as putting your body parts together and boom, making magic happen. A lot has to occur to get from point A to point B. Lovers need to be in sync with each other in so many ways, beyond just connecting on a physical level in order to have satisfying levels of intimacy. Relationships take work to be successful, or one or both partners can lose interest over time. It's ok to acknowledge that men and women need to work on loving each other a little better. And hey, we can always benefit from a little self-reflection, right? Don't we all wish it was easier to express our concerns and feelings about intimacy to our significant others? Well, men of the world, today is your lucky day, so you can stop wondering what you're doing wrong and revel in learning all the secrets to making your woman happy. Without further ado, I've compiled a list of the top 15 things we women wish men knew about intimacy.
When it comes to getting off, we women are complex. For us, our physical pleasure is greatly influenced by our emotional state—how emotionally connected we are to are to you and even to how connected we are to our own bodies. Because with so many things on our minds (work, laundry, dinner, etc.) we can literally become disassociated with our own bodies and needs, constantly putting others first. Ugh, so many factors come into play. I know you sometimes think that we’re just as ready to go like you guys are. But it's not just press play and go! We lovely ladies need to be warmed up a bit. Maybe we're stressed out and had a bad day. See how you can help us get into the mood first without assuming we're already there. You don't always have to race straight for the money parts. Our other body parts need some sweet caresses and lovin' too! And for that matter, women love a man who is sensitive and in tune with a women's emotional needs. We value a guy who takes the time to truly and fully appreciate us.
So foreplay doesn’t have to be just physical, you know? Personally, I feel that while foreplay is unique to every relationship, it can define how intimately connected you and your partner are and determine how successful the relationship ultimately will be. Couples who have an intimately healthy relationship check in with each other, show their affections and even flirt the whole day - way before bedroom activities even come into the picture. This can be as simple as sending a quick " I love you, just thinking about you" text, or can involve other romantic gestures - cooking for her, sending flowers just 'cuz, or even doing the dishes. When couples consider each other's feelings, making an effort to make each other more happy all day, it makes a world of a difference when they end up in the sack together later that night. Instead of physical intimacy just being an act to check off a to-do list, for them it's like a culmination of their love and affection for each other that have been building up the whole day. And you can only imagine how good it will be with such a buildup, right?
So, honestly, you guys can be a little selfish sometimes. It's not that you think sleeping together is all about you and your pleasure—it's that you don't always realize some of our, let's say, ahem, physical needs. Love-making is all about the art of giving and receiving. And honoring the dynamics of this give and take will make your intimacy so much more rewarding. After all, lovers in a successful relationship enjoy giving pleasure to their partner as much as they do receiving it. Also, we women can be very insecure about our bodies, as you know, and this includes our parts down below too. When you appreciate all of our body parts, especially the ones down there, it's as if we can finally feel fully appreciated and loved. It makes us feel that much more beautiful and desired, and trust me, satisfying us in this way will be very worth it for you as well. So when you're lucky enough to find a girl with no qualms about pleasuring you, make sure you're reciprocating.
Let's start off with getting this out of the way. Stop having a panic attack because we turned down your physical advances one night! Don't worry, you didn't necessarily do anything wrong. It's just that were not always love-making machines like you guys are. Sometimes, we need some time to just rewind and chill. Or maybe it's nearing that time of the month, or maybe we're just stressed out. Whatever the reason is, understand it's perfectly normal and natural to not always be in the mood. Just because you're in a steady relationship, and even living together for that matter, doesn't mean you need to go at it all day every day. And yes, sometimes we actually just want to order in some takeout, cuddle up, watch some Netflix...and actually finish the movie. Sharing these PG experiences is quality time with each other that will only strengthen our bond. So, no, it's not a failure if the movie doesn't have a happy ending...if you get my drift.
Communication is key to any relationship. And in regards to our intimacy, being able to express our concerns and desires to each other is paramount for both partners to get what they physically and emotionally need from the relationship. However, sometimes it's honestly hard for us to open up about our feelings. There can be something that we want you to do in bed, like a move we want to try, an interest of yours that doesn't align with ours, or something you're doing that could be improved upon. Whatever the case is, we don't want to hurt your fragile male ego. Yes, I know we're sexually liberated, empowered, maybe even feminists and whatnot, but at the end of the day, it can be hard to express our deepest desires to you. Both men and women need to work on learning how to open up to each other—that it's okay to be vocal about each other's needs but to always be loving and as nonjudgmental as possible. And yes, maybe in the moment it feels awkward to open up, but in the long run it will be so much more rewarding.
Focus! Ok so this one goes back to what we previously addressed before. Some of you from the male sex forget that just because you've enjoyed yourself and reached your happy ending, doesn't mean we necessarily reached ours. Again, physical pleasure is about both of us. Remember it can be hard for us to get there sometimes with just the insertion of body parts, which means that we may need a little more help to reach our optimal levels of physical pleasure. For you guys, its 1,2, 3 and BOOM (cheers and applause). For us, it's not as straightforward. For a good comparison, refer to a game of Tetris. Anyway, because it's more complicated for us, that means you have to be that much more in tune with us emotionally and mentally. And honestly, a little more patient and giving too. How about start with making sure we're pleasured first?
Yea, Queen B says it best. Listen, I know sometimes we can take all day, and even all night, to reach our peaks of physical pleasure. And you're trying because you love us and want us to feel good. We appreciate that, we do. But sorry, I 'aint sorry. Remember to appreciate the beautiful female who's in bed with you in the first place. She decided to be with you and share her body with YOU. And it shouldn't always be a race to the finish line; we can enjoy ourselves along the way. After all, focusing less on the destination and more on the journey and overall experience of being together will make our time ultimately that much more satisfying. Stop putting so much pressure on yourselves and us to get there... Just savor being with us, and yes, again, a little patience doesn't hurt.
I know I've addressed that sometimes we have to mix things up in order to make our love sessions more interesting. However, it's one thing to inject some thrill and excitement into our love lives and it's another to expect us to imitate moves you saw in some raunchy video. Just telling you right now, uh - uh honey, not doing that, 'aint gonna happen. Remember, those videos are created to titillate and arouse you; they're not realistic representations of what women actually do in bed or how partners should behave in an intimate relationship. It's okay to enjoy those videos once in a while, as long as at the end of the day you remember to pay attention to the real live woman who's in bed with you and who loves you. And don't worry, just because we're not going to contort ourselves into some crazy wild positions, we do want to please you and have our own fun as well. So stop having unrealistic expectations, please and thanks.
So we women are, shall I say, delicate sensitive creatures. And our softer fragility is the perfect counter to your masculine prowess; opposites attract you know. This dynamic is what helps us connect with each other so well physically in the first place. We like it when you overpower us, dominating us, exciting us with your lust and passion. That being said, please remember we are sensitive, and our body parts should be approached with care. But, literally, we mean slow down, again, luxuriate in the moment of just being with us. You're always in such a rush to get there, and sometimes for us, in order to get there... we need you to approach us and our bodies more gently. Think of it this way, we're not machines. We are warm, live, soft flesh. It's not rocket science, just appreciate us and our tender bodies.
This goes back to the importance of communication addressed earlier. It is so vital that we are open to one another about our fears, concerns, hopes and desires. This is the only way we will ever be fully and truly happy together. We realize you guys can get insecure too, and it's hard for you to allow yourselves to be vulnerable. Remember, in order for us to be happy, we need you to be content and satisfied as well. We have to make sure each other's needs are met. Again, who's in bed with you? And why? We chose you, we love you and we will be there for you. So don't be afraid and think your manhood is being threatened by opening up and being more sensitive about your needs and desires. Just tell us what you need. Trust me, since your pleasure is our pleasure, we will be happy to help.
Let's dig into some science. So studies show that 75% of women aren't able to reach physical pleasure through means of sexual relations alone. That's a whopping majority of us. It doesn't mean we can't reach our peaks at all... it just means that you may have to be a little more creative and tenacious to help us get there, is all. I know for you guys, as it's easier and more automatic, it may be harder to understand our female struggles. But this can be frustrating for us, which is why we need you to be that much more considerate and understanding. So, men you know what to do—instead of feeling like our lack of pleasure is your personal failure, work with us. Enjoy the process of discovering our bodies and help us discover them too. That way, we will figure out other ways of reaching those levels of pleasure. And who knows, maybe it will be even better that way!
So this one can just be annoying. Women are unfortunately used to a lot of sexual objectification, so, it goes without saying that we would like our partners to treat our bodies with love and respect. And I get it, sometimes you're just having fun. But our lovely lady lumps are not playthings, or squeeze toys, or ok, you get it. You guys can literally entertain yourselves for hours with our body parts. And by all means, with some of them at least, knock yourself out.. if you get my drift. And yes, we know our bodies are wonderlands, but you have to realize some of those moves you're doing with our parts are doing nothing for us. And if it's doing nothing for us, we won't be as turned on to continue getting hot and heavy. So really, men it's in your interest to not act like you're seeing a female's body for the first time and pounce like an overly hormonal 15 year old. Tread with extra care; it's more seductive.
After sleeping together, I know that you may just want to roll over and conk out, or get some of your "man space," but this actually goes back to science. Male and female biology determine the vast differences between our behavior after sleeping together. Oxytocin, the hormone that is released is literally called "the cuddle hormone". The rush of physical pleasure activates women's emotions, enabling them to feel more deeply connected to you. We want to stay close to you and open up to you emotionally as well, so we need you to be understanding of our needs.
After all, the way we engage after having physical relations can be so telling about what kind of relationship we have and if we have what it takes to go the distance. We just shared our bodies, our hearts, our souls with you. You have seen us at our most vulnerable, and now we need you more then ever. We need you to hold us in your arms, and to show us that even though we've let you see it all, you still care, that you're not going to get bored and leave us. So stay and cuddle a little. It won't kill ya, ok?
I'm not going to deny it—a strong physical connection is, of course, important to a relationship, but what's at the foundation of healthy intimacy? A fervent and passionate emotional bond. Think about it. What is the act of sleeping together without the depth of the emotion? Meaningless. This is why we need to be cognizant of nurturing and cultivating emotional health in our relationships, alongside of growing our physical intimacy. In fact, strengthening emotional intimacy will only help our physical relations. This begins with improving our communication, opening up to one another, having deep love and respect for each other, and putting each other's needs first. We needs to always support each other, revel in each other's happiness, and be there for each other through thick and thin. Remember to hold on to the intention of love each other just a little more every day. That's it. And the world will be a better place too.
Okay, so onto some fun stuff! Improving intimacy in a relationship includes incorporating some spontaneity and building up excitement. This can mean taking a creative approach to heightening your intimacy and spicing things up. This doesn't mean getting hot and heavy in a bathroom stall of the neighborhood dive. Let's be classy. There are so many places where you can take your love-making outside of the bedroom and out of plain jane zones (aka vanilla territory). And of course, making things more interesting includes experimenting with different positions. Think about it this way—don't look at it like we're being hard to please primadonnas. Instead, realize that it's ok and perfectly normal to sometimes fall into a bit of a rut. And please, by all means, make some suggestions too. We need to be open about our desires and fantasies so that we can make some of them happen!
Sources: abcnews.go.com, webmd.com