You can be totally blind to the fact that you're in a bad relationship. Many of us struggle to accept that the person that we are attracted to can be a difficult, mean, selfish person. Instead, we focus on our boyfriend's good traits, and we pretend that the bad traits don’t exist. Some problems are okay because, after all, no one is perfect, and you may need to lower your expectations a bit if you expect your boyfriend to be Prince Charming 24/7. Often we have to compromise and accept each other’s strengths and flaws and still find happiness together. As the relationship continues, we hope that the two of us will grow and change and that the relationship gets even better. However, some problems are unforgivable and cannot be resolved. In this case, the only healthy solution is to completely cut ties with your boyfriend so that you can both find happiness. Here are 15 things that you should never let your boyfriend do. And if he keeps doing them, it's time to end things and fast.
15 Read Your Private Messages
Of course, you have been tempted to do this at some point or another. When your BF leaves the room, you find yourself itching to pick up his phone and look through his texts and Facebook messages. However, looking through someone’s private messages will only lead to problems... and it makes it seem like there is a lack of trust in the relationship. If you catch your boyfriend going through your messages, sit down and ask him why he doesn’t trust you. There is nothing to hide in a healthy relationship, but when he checks your messages he is assuming that you do have something to hide. If you have betrayed his trust before, it is likely that the relationship is damaged and needs repairing. However, this behavior is unfair on you if you haven’t betrayed his trust. Ask yourself, "Why does my boyfriend think that I am secretly doing things that would hurt him?"
14 Shame You For The Way You Look
When you are with your boyfriend, he makes sly digs about your weight, appearance and fashion choices. He might say something like “Wow, I did not know Halloween came early this year!” if you choose to dye your hair or wear something a bit different. His words make you feel insecure and upset, but when you mention this to your BF, he says he was just joking and that you are being too serious. No one should ever put up with their partner shaming their appearance. It is mean and childish, and it can be a sign of emotional abuse. It is possible that your partner makes cruel comments intentionally to lower your self-esteem so that you are less likely to leave them. If your partner makes cruel comments about your appearance, end the relationship. You are beautiful, and lots of other people know that, too.
13 Shame You
Does your boyfriend get annoyed when he hears about your past relationships or your history of people you've been with? Does he judge you for the number of people you have slept with? Does he expect you to dress in a certain way, and get angry at you if you show too much skin? All of these signs show that your boyfriend is shaming you. They may try to pass it off as a concern, saying “I don’t want other people to judge you for your outfit” or “I don’t want people to assume you are a certain type of way." But he's being extremely manipulative. If they think that other people will assume that about you, it probably means that they are the one who is actually thinking it. If your boyfriend shames you, it's probably time to break up. You don’t need a man who bases your value on how many men you’ve slept with. You need a man who judges you based on your personality and kindness.
12 Ignore Your Needs
Let’s be honest, one of the best parts of being in a relationship is being intimate. Most people love to pleasure their partners, as they love and respect their feelings and emotions. However, some people can ignore their partner’s needs when t comes to the bedroom because they are selfish. Maybe they rush through foreplay, or they do not bother with foreplay at all. Maybe they are unwilling to try the positions that you enjoy, but they expect you to try their own favorite positions. If your partner does any of these things, sit down with him and ask him why he does not think that your pleasure is a priority. If the issue continues, end the relationship. You deserve someone who feels honored to sleep with you and bring you physical pleasure, rather than someone who just sees you as a tool for their own. It's about the both of you, even in the bedroom, remember that!
11 Act Jealous And Insecure
If your boyfriend always acts super jealous and insecure, this is bad news for you and your relationship. He hates the idea of you going for a night out without him, and he worries that other men will hit on you or that you might cheat on them. He even worries about you going to work, as you have male co-workers or a male boss. This is a huge red flag for most people... especially if you have never cheated on your partner, or broken their trust. Your partner should judge you for your actions. If you are constantly loving, kind and faithful, they shouldn’t worry about your behavior when they are not around. You haven’t done anything to break their trust, so their jealousy is probably a personal issue for them. If your boyfriend constantly behaves in a jealous and irrational way, you may want to think about ending the relationship. Being unable to trust someone who is trustworthy is a sign of emotion immaturity and paranoia.
10 Act Like He Doesn’t Care About You
It often feels like your relationship is all about him. You always hang out at his house, but he is reluctant to make an effort to travel to your house. You are always happy to order his favorite takeout, but he never wants to order your favorite takeout when you are together. He expects you to watch films that interest him, but he flat-out refuses to watch a TV show that you like. If you can relate to this, your boyfriend isn’t acting like he cares about you. Relationships are about giving and taking, but he is only taking. This is disrespectful and implies that he doesn’t really care about you or your interests. This can lower your self-esteem, as you end up questioning his feelings for you. Next time you see him, ask him to do something that you enjoy. If he refuses, it may be time to end the relationship. Remember that your interests are just as important as his!
9 Compare You To His Ex
Your boyfriend often compares you to his ex-girlfriend. Sometimes it seems like a compliment because he will say things like “You are so much more relaxed than my ex-girlfriend” or “I prefer spending time with you than my ex." However, this certainly is not a compliment, even if it seems like it is. No one likes being compared to someone else, as it makes them feel like they are in competition with a total stranger. It is even worse to be compared to someone’s ex-girlfriend, as it means that your boyfriend still regularly thinks about his ex. This could mean that he still has feelings towards her; feelings of anger, feelings of love, or maybe feelings of betrayal. If your boyfriend compares you to his ex, tell him that you do not like it. You are both different people, and he should not be looking for comparisons between the two of you.
8 Constantly Ignores You
Whenever you talk to your boyfriend, it seems like he isn’t really listening. When you tell a funny story he doesn’t laugh, and when you ask him for advice he just says “mmm” or “yeah." He also spends a lot of time on his phone when you are talking, and when you ask him to put it away he says that he can do both at once... and he doesn’t put it away. Most people can be guilty of occasionally getting wrapped up in their own heads, but it is insulting if your boyfriend never listens to you. As your boyfriend, he is supposed to be one of the people that you can rely on for support and advice. He isn’t supposed to ignore you and seem disinterested in your stories. If your boyfriend treats you like this, you need to sit down to have a serious conversation with each other. After all, what is the point in dating someone who gives you no attention?
7 Judge Your Life Plans
Sometimes life can be hard, and in tough times most of us need a push from a loved one. If your BF is the total and complete opposite of loving and supportive -- if it even seems like he doesn't want you to succeed -- then that's a real problem. Whenever you talk about your dreams and goals, your partner insults you, mocks you and tries to convince you to change your mind. They don’t agree with your life plans, and they are more than happy to say so. If your partner behaves like this, you are in an unhealthy relationship. They are not offering constructive criticism, or genuinely trying to help you; they are just judging you and seeing you in a negative light. You may want to think about ending the relationship so that you can find happiness. Life is already difficult enough without your loved ones dragging you down too!
6 Stop You From Seeing Your BFFs
If your boyfriend doesn’t like it when you spend time with your friends, that's a massive red flag. A healthy, emotionally mature person has zero problem with their partner spending time with their friends. In fact, they would be happy for them because their partner gets to spend time with other people that they love, and it shows that they are not emotionally dependent on you. It is unhealthy and unrealistic for your partner to try and stop you from spending time with your friends. It could mean that they want you to be emotionally dependent on them; if you don’t have any friends, you will have to entirely rely on your partner for fun, support, and love. Your partner must understand that you are not defined by your relationship; you have a personality outside of the relationship, and there are other people in your life who you love to spend time with.
5 Keep Your Relationship A Secret
You’ve been dating each other for a few months now, but you haven’t met his family or any of his friends. He hasn’t met any of your friends either, and when you suggest plans involving other people he always says no. If your boyfriend is trying to keep your relationship a secret, it's a really bad sign. Most people are proud to show off the person they love, as they think that they have found a catch. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to show you off, it could be due to a few reasons; maybe they aren’t ready for a relationship, or maybe they are being unfaithful with other women. Maybe they are simply embarrassed to be seen with you. All three of these reasons are horrible. You deserve someone who is proud of you; someone who wants to introduce you to his friends and family, so they can see how awesome you are.
4 Tries To Change Who You Are
If it often feels like your boyfriend is trying to change you, then that's a problem that you need to deal with. When you go shopping together, he is dismissive of the clothes that you like and he tries to point you towards a new style that you dislike. He thinks that some of your interests are pointless and shallow, such as your love of reality TV and gossip magazines. When you fight, he often brings up the same issues. Maybe he always says that you're childish, or maybe he thinks that you are too loud. If you can relate to this, your boyfriend might be trying to change you, which is never a good thing! When you date someone, you must be willing to accept the bad with the good. No one is perfect, but the ideal partner will find your flaws cute or charming. Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to grow as a person, but you shouldn’t try to change your personality. You are who you are, and pretending to be someone else will make you feel seriously confused and low.
3 Take You For Granted
When you first started dating, your boyfriend couldn’t believe his luck. He thought that you were fascinating and beautiful and he couldn’t get enough of you. However, a few months have passed and now he has started to take you for granted. He often shows up late, and he doesn’t make an effort with his appearance. He also doesn’t make an effort with conversation; he rarely asks about your day or listens to your stories. Although this sounds like a deal breaker, it is actually very common in long-term relationships. After months together people can start to get comfortable, and they stop thinking about how fantastic their partner is. If you think that you partner is taking you for granted, sit down together and talk about your feelings. He may not realize that he is taking you for granted, and he may be willing to work on the problem. If not, it is time to leave; you deserve someone who thinks that you are special.
2 Emotionally Manipulate You
Having an emotionally manipulative boyfriend is literally the worst. He can say awful things, act controlling, send insults your way and basically make your life miserable. And why would you want to stay in a relationship with a person who treats you like this? Another way he could be doing this? If he becomes emotionally unavailable when you need him. For example, maybe he is in a bad mood and super uncommunicative when he knows that you have had an extremely tough day at work. Sadly lots of people accept emotional abuse without even realizing that they are being abused. If you can relate to this, it is definitely time to end your relationship. Emotionally abusive people have their own problems that they need to work through, such as insecurity and the need to control everything around them. You can’t fix their problems. Only they can do that and you need to remember that.
1 Harm You
If you are being physically abused by your partner, it can be very difficult to gather the courage and strength to leave. Your boyfriend has probably lowered your confidence and self-esteem so much that it's really hard for you to leave. But he's never going to change and he doesn't deserve a second chance. You have to try to find the courage to leave so that you can be safe and happy again. The idea of breaking up will seem daunting, especially if you live together or have been together for many years. Start by telling yourself that you do not deserve this treatment. Speak to your friends and family; can anyone offer you a place to stay? Remember that the most important thing is your safety. If you are in danger, contact the police or a women’s charity to find out what your options are. It may feel like you have no choices, but you have lots of options. You are brave and strong, and you can find happiness without your partner.