You've been on a lot of first dates with a lot of guys you really like. However, for some reason, things never seem to excel past the first date. Instead, he drops you off at your house, thanks you for going out with him and then never calls you. Time and time again this keeps happening and you can't seem to figure out why. You replay the night in your head too many times to count and analyze everything you said. In your mind, it seems like everything went perfectly. You avoided small talk and got right to the point. You asked all the "right" questions and said all the "right" things. In his mind, though, it's a totally different scenario. Why? Because you got way too personal way too fast and scared him off. Let's be honest, there's a few topics you should definitely avoid on the first date. After all, it's nice to leave a little bit up to the imagination. Read below to find out fifteen things you should never ask a guy on the first date.
15 How Much Money Do You Make?
Guys try to avoid two things: Women who are with them for their money and women who care too much about how much money they make. Of course, most women could care less about how much their partner makes as long as they are employed and doing something they love... but that does not mean we are not curious. That being said, though, it is a good idea to save the money discussion to a later date. Avoid questions like, "how much do you make annually?" or saying things like, "can you actually make good money in that field?" Do your best to keep the details of his business affairs out of the conversation unless it seems like he wants to tell you about it. It is not important to know all of his financials right away, it is only important to get to know who he is as a person.
14 Are You Dating Other People?
We always want to know right away: Are you a player or are you a one woman kind of man? And that is completely fine! However, you will probably be able to pick up on that fact without him telling you. If you ask him straight out if he is dating other people, he is going to feel as though you are putting him on the spot. Why? Because chances are, he is gone on a few dates with other women lately but does not feel the need to tell you. Or maybe, he has not and that is embarrassing for him. The point is, he has not committed to you yet and doesn't owe you anything. Therefore, it's unfair for you to ask him. What's worse? Asking a question like that right away might make you come off as either desperate or extremely jealous which won't make him want to get closer to you.
13 What Was Your Last Relationship Like?
If this guy is a stranger to you, give him time to open up to you. When you ask such personal questions about his past relationships, it can be off-putting, especially if he's reserved. If he recently got out of a serious relationship or went through a bad break-up, he might not be ready to talk about it. If his last relationship was tumultuous, he may not want to share that with you in fear that he'll scare you away. Remember, you're on a date, you're not committing to each other just yet. Therefore, you don't need to know every single little thing about him right away. Keep it light and simple. Give him time to get comfortable with you and enjoy the mystery in the meantime. If he wanted to think about girls he's dated in the past, he wouldn't be out with you, he'd be out with them.
12 What's Your Deepest Darkest Secret?
We get it. You want to get to know him and you want to get to know him quickly. So, you ask him the one question that'll help you do that. What's your deepest darkest secret? If someone asked you that, you'd answer them honestly. He, however, isn't as open as you. Even if you can't tell, you probably put him on the spot and made him feel extremely uncomfortable. Chances are, he doesn't know his deepest darkest secret off the top of his head and if he did, he probably doesn't want to share it with someone who's pretty much a stranger at this point. After all, what if it's really, really bad or embarrassing? Long story short, if he wanted you to know his deepest darkest secret, he'd tell you without you having to ask. Wait until you know him a bit better before you try and get that deep.
11 Do You Have Debt?
What a lot of people don't understand is that debt can be extremely embarrassing, especially if they don't have it themselves. Chances are, most people don't get into debt on purpose and if they do, they do their best to get rid of it in any way that they can. Long story short: It's not something people want to brag about let alone talk about. Therefore, avoid asking him about his financial state until there's an actual reason to. If you're tempted, remind yourself that it doesn't make a difference in your life right now if you know or if you don't know. In the future, you can ask as it may ultimately affect you but for right now, just enjoy the company. On top of that, if you ask him about his debts, he may think you're only with him for the money and you may unintentionally push him away.
10 Do You Want To Have Kids?
The second you ask a man if he wants to have kids, his heart rate rises to extreme heights. He imagines his single life disappearing and himself giving away all the independence he's worked so hard for. Okay, maybe it's not that dramatic. However, that's a big and loaded question to ask someone on the first date, especially if you're just getting to know each other. If you ask the question, you make it obvious the idea of having children or not having children is on your mind, even if it's not with him. Therefore, if he likes you, he may feel pressured to give you an answer he thinks you want to hear when in reality, he hasn't even thought about whether he wants kids or not. Or, he may feel like running for the hills because you've accidentally come off as the most desperate woman in the world who's only dating men because she wants to have children. Either way, the question can lead to an awkward situation and is best left for a later time.
9 What Was Your Childhood Like?
We get it. You like him. You want to get to know him and you want to avoid petty small talk that leads nowhere. That's totally normal. However, there still needs to be certain boundaries set on the first date. If he starts talking about his family and his childhood, it's okay to ask questions and further the conversation. However, if he doesn't, there's probably a reason for that. Maybe he had a terrible upbringing and does everything he can to avoid rehashing the past. Or perhaps he just had a parent that passed away and isn't ready to talk about it. Whatever it is, childhoods tend to be a sensitive subject. If you bring it up and he gets uncomfortable, you may accidentally embarrass him and/or make him not want to see you again. We can't say it enough: Enjoy getting to know him, don't rush the process because you're nosy.
8 Do You Want To Get Married Someday?
Although the question seems innocent, what comes along with it isn't. If you ask him, "do you want to get married someday," you may accidentally make him want to run for the hills. Even if he does, he's certainly not looking at you across the table and imagining you walking down the aisle as his future bride. He's simply enjoying his date and not thinking that far ahead. Of course, you might not mean to come across as in a "rush" to settle down, but you will. If you bring up the topic, it's obviously something you've been thinking about. Don't make him think that you only said "yes" to going on a date with him because you've been actively searching for a husband. Wait to talk about marriage until you're sure you want to marry him. That being said, do your best not to be "sure" on the first date.
7 What Are Your Political Views?
Although it is an interesting and stimulating conversation, it can often lead to arguments when you bring up political views with someone you hardly know. Why? Because you hardly know them, therefore, you have no idea where they're coming from or why they may think a certain way. Chances are, you and the person you're on your first date with aren't going to have the same opinions on every different aspect of politics... but that doesn't mean you can't eventually have a fulfilling relationship. After all, opposites tend to attract. However, if you bring up the topic on the first date, you might not ever have a fulfilling relationship as these debates rarely end well. In fact, they almost never do. Save conversations that surround politics until after you've gotten closer so that if you do get in an argument, it won't be the last time you see each other.
6 How Healthy Are You?
Sure. You can talk about food, diet, exercise and the various routines you find yourself in. However, when it comes to disease, disorders, and serious health problems, it is important to once again, make boundaries. Listen, on the first date, you do not need to know his medical history and he does not need to know yours. If he has a disease or if he has dealt with some massive health scare in his life, let him tell you on his own time. If he has, you asking may make him feel like you don't want to be with him if he's unhealthy or may struggle with health issues down the line, and make him nervous to divulge his past. If he hasn't, he's just going to wonder why in the world you're asking him such a personal question on the first date. There's a reason medical records are confidential.
5 What Kind Of Boyfriend Are You?
Okay. There are so many things wrong with this question. First of all, if you ask him this, it may come across as if you're testing him. For example, if you ask him what kind of person he is when he's in a relationship, you're basically saying, "Is it worth falling for you or should I just go home and never think about you again?" Second of all, the kind of person he is in a relationship most likely depends on who he's in a relationship with, therefore, it's almost an impossible question to answer. Third of all, this question is just creepy. No matter how you spin it, it's most likely going to lead to an awkward moment or some sort of miscommunication. If you want to find out the kind of person he is in a relationship, don't ask it. Instead, be yourself and enjoy getting to know him.
4 What are you "looking for?"
Men and women constantly get asked this question and every time they do, it's always as awkward as it was the first time. Sure, you want to know "are you looking for a serious relationship?" or "are you just looking for a hook up from time to time?" or "are you wanting to settle down?" and that's totally normal. However, he probably has no idea what he's looking for in you and isn't making any rules. Chances are, he didn't go into the date thinking, "I'm going to fall in love with this woman" or "I'm just going to sleep with her once and then be done with it." As everyone knows, you can't choose who you care about and who you don't. Instead, he most likely just went into the date with an open mind- just as you should've. Remember, whatever happens, happens. All you can control is your behavior.
3 Can You Describe Yourself In A Few Words?
Um. No. Can you? Describing yourself in a few words is nearly impossible to do. Even the greatest scholars in the world would probably have a hard time describing themselves in a few words. He's a complicated person just as you are and if you want to get to know him, you're going to need more than just a few words to go off of. In addition to being an insanely hard question to answer, requesting someone to do it is highly immature. Instead of asking him to describe himself, come up with questions- simple, light questions- that will help you get to know him. Then, decide for yourself what kind of person he is. You're an adult on a date with another adult. You don't need to play silly little games to get closer with him. All you have to do is listen, respond, and be true to who you are.
2 What's In This For Me?
If you've been burned in the past, you're probably a bit hesitant when it comes to getting close to guys, especially if you feel as though you've been taken advantage of. Therefore, you might've turned into someone who's extremely direct from the start in order to avoid getting hurt. Now, that's not always a bad thing. It's important to make your wants and needs a priority. However, when you come off as someone who's only looking to get into a relationship (or even go on a second date) for their own benefit, you risk the possibility of coming off as selfish or self-involved. Relationships revolve around two people. What's in it for you depends on what's in it for him and vice versa. In order to make it work, there has to be compromise. Don't make him feel like he's being tested or analyzed so that you can decide if he's worth your time.
1 Do You Like Me?
As much as we hate to admit it, a lot of us want to know right away how men feel about us. We need to know if they had a good time, if they were into us, or if they're going to call us for another date. This is why it's always tempting to ask "do you like me?" or "are you into me?" Unfortunately, though, it's best to avoid those type of questions. Why? For starters, you don't want to come across as desperate and asking him for his "approval" can make you seem as such. Second, he literally just went on the date with you. It might not even be over yet. How can he know so soon if he actually likes you when he hasn't even had time to process things or reflect on the date? Resist the temptation and remind yourself that you'll eventually find out how he feels about you in due time.