The cliché still exists that men never know what women want, but truth be told, men can be pretty mysterious too. When it comes to relationships, men and women often clash over issues of communication, misunderstandings, and incorrect assumptions and it can leave both parties feeling frustrated and hurt. Society tends to think that men don’t vocalise their emotions or their desires as freely as women, and as such, we may not even register that beneath their strong facade, they have just as many deep-rooted feelings and worries as we do.
It can be tough trying to get to grips with who your man is and what he wants, especially in a new relationship. However, there are some fundamental things that most guys probably want you to know that you may not be aware of. Asking your man straight up what it is that he wishes you knew about him would most likely leave him feeling under pressure and you’d likely end up with a less than satisfactory answer. So here are 15 things to keep in mind that he definitely wants you to know. Take it as a guide to getting to know your man better, and in the process, making your relationship stronger than ever.
15. Needing To Spend Time Alone Or With Friends Doesn’t Mean He’s Not Into You
When you’re in a relationship, especially a new one, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and novelty of having a romantic partner. It’s natural to want to spend all your time with your new man, and because of your investment in your relationship, it’s natural to want your S.O to feel the same way. And while it’s important to dedicate time to hang out together, it’s also paramount to remember that you both need a break from one another sometimes in order to pursue your own individual friendships, commitments, and hobbies. Just like you sometimes need a break to spend some time alone or with your best pals, so does your man. And just because he may want to go hang out with his boys for a while doesn’t mean that he values the time he spends with you any less. When he goes out with his pals, it should never be viewed as him “escaping” from you or “ditching” you. In fact, your relationship will be stronger if you both take time to do your own thing now and again. Relationships are about two people coming together, and with that comes new sets up friends and new ways to spend time both together and apart. Embrace each other’s needs, and you’ll have a strong foundation for your relationship.
14. He Doesn’t Care If You Don’t Look “Perfect”
If there’s one thing most women need more of, it’s self-confidence. We’re constantly bombarded with advertisements and magazines filled with perfect-looking women, and it’s hard to escape these images of unattainable beauty in the Photoshop age we live in. It can be easy then to become demoralised and lose confidence if we feel we don’t match up to these false standards of beauty, and as women, we regularly put ourselves through torturous routines and exercises to try and imitate perfection. The thing to remember is that your partner loves you for who you are, no matter how you might look, even on your off-days. It’s more than ok to let him see you make-up free or with greasy hair, in fact, it should be encouraged! Letting your man see you without all the veneer you usually put on shows him that you’re comfortable with him, and for a man is a major turn-on. Don’t feel like you have to constantly be “on show” for him. Of course it’s nice to look good for your partner and yourself, but don’t ever think he’ll like you less if you aren’t sporting your perfect makeup or your best clothes. All that’s just an added bonus when you do it. The rest of the time, he just wants you to be you.
13. Sometimes He’ll Say Stupid Stuff
There’s a good chance that if you’re in a relationship, your partner has said something stupid to you. Whether it was a stupid joke, or an off-hand comment that slipped out and was taken the wrong way, chances are you’ve gotten annoyed with your partner for saying something wrong at one point or another. Unless it was incredibly offensive or caused irreversible damage to your confidence or well-being, it’s likely that he didn’t mean for his words to be taken badly. If your man is used to hanging around his buddies a lot, he may be used to banter-filled chat that he engages in with his friends. Often guys are aware that this type of chat isn’t necessarily appropriate when talking to their S.O, but every once in awhile, a stupid comment or a laddish joke might slip out, and it could be cause for you taking it the wrong way. If it’s an innocent, stupid comment that he’s made, it’s important to remember not to dwell on such things. He’s only human, and if you know he loves you, there’s a good chance he would never say something to really hurt you.
12. Occasionally He Wants You To Be The Proactive One
Traditionally, we tend to think of men as being the ones to initiate things in a relationship. Many women still think that it should be the guy who asks them out and that the man should organise dates and activities when together. However, what you may not realise is that most men would actually like you to take the initiative sometimes in the relationship. Being part of a couple should be about equality, and learning to be the one in control instead of your man is both important and attractive. Instead of waiting for him to always be the one to take charge, why not be the boss sometimes? Whether it’s date-planning or bedroom-time initiating, your man will appreciate and love seeing you take the reigns. Don’t think that because you are a woman, you should just sit back and let him do everything. In fact, as a woman, you should be exercising your power and your proactivity, and more than anything, you should enjoy being in charge! Bringing fairness and equality like this to your relationship will not only show him that you’re actually invested in him, but it’ll also show him that you have the confidence and the go-getter attitude to take some initiative, which are both very attractive qualities to have.
11. Trust Him Even When You’re Not Together
One of the biggest things to ruin even the best relationships is a lack of trust. If you’re in a loving, committed relationship, then there should be no reason for you not to trust your partner, even when they’re not in your direct line of sight. It’s important to remember that just because your man isn’t with you, doesn’t mean he’s using his absence as a chance to be with other women. Jealousy and distrust are two dangerous and highly unattractive emotions, and have no place in a loving partnership. If you’re constantly accusing your man of cheating when he’s out without you, you’re certain to be doing more harm than good. Your partner wants you to be able to trust him enough to let him go off and be with his friends or go to a party without you, without you suspecting him of infidelity. Have enough confidence in your relationship to go let him have fun. If you don’t, there’s a good chance there will be trouble ahead.
10. He’s Not A Mind-Reader
Unless your man has some kind of telepathic superpower, he won’t be able to read your mind – no matter how much you wish he could! In relationships, there’s often a lot of pressure on couples to feel like they know each other inside and out 100%. But no matter how well you may be acquainted with someone, there’s no way to know at all times what they want or what they’re thinking. Women often tend to get upset with their partners for not doing or saying the right thing, and often the phrase to come up as an argument is “Don’t you know me?” This retort is an unfair one, and should not be thrown around as a go-to response to every one of your man’s wrongdoings. If you’re annoyed with him and he doesn’t seem to know why, there’s a good chance he’s not pretending. And, while him not knowing what irked you can be frustrating, expecting him to know because “he’s supposed to know you” isn’t always a productive way to resolve issues. Nine times out of ten, if you explain to him why you’re upset, he’ll realize it and say sorry. But don’t expect him to know that you need something or want something if you don’t say so. Speak up, or forever hold your peace!
9. Just Because He Doesn’t Call or Text You Throughout The Day Doesn’t Mean He’s Not Thinking About You
Every couple is different, and each relationship has its own unique way of working. While some couples are glued to their phones, and seem to get a constant stream of consciousness texted or voiced to them over the phone over the course of 24 hours, that doesn’t mean that your relationship is failing if you and your partner don’t connect via technology just as much. Obviously if you and your man don’t talk or message each other for a certain period of time, it may be cause for concern. But just because you’re not waking up to a “Good morning Beautiful” text or getting constant, live updates on how his day is going doesn’t mean that he’s not thinking about you or that he’s not in love with you. In fact, not talking constantly throughout the day is often a good sign, as it shows that you both trust each other enough go about your own days, and it’s also a healthy sign that both of you are living your individual lives outside of one another. If you feel like there is a problem though in the amount you communicate (or don’t communicate), don’t be shy to tell him. As previously stated, if you have a problem, it’s better to express it. Better out than in!
8. Grudges Aren’t Fun
All relationship have their ups and downs and it’s normal for couples to experience small spats, disagreements, and misunderstandings. Usually though, issues will be resolved, apologies will be made, and things should go back to normal. That’s why grudges are so dangerous in relationships, and are more often than not the cause of underlying issues in a relationship as opposed to the actual fights as some might think. If you and your partner have had an argument but you’ve accepted each other’s apologies, there’s no reason to hold on to angry feelings of resentment. Bringing up old history about previous fights or keeping hold of disgruntled feelings when everything seems to be getting back on track is a recipe for disaster. Couples should never “keep score” about who did what wrong when, and drudging up issues of the past just to provoke your partner should never be done, even if you are annoyed with him. If there’s still something that’s bugging you even after you’ve both said sorry, then let him know. Otherwise you’ll be holding on to bitter, ugly feelings that will only serve to sour the relationship.
7. Don’t Tell Him Not To Do Something And Then Do It Yourself
This can refer to big things and small things, but uttering the phrase “How come you can do it?” is dangerous territory in a relationship. If you set certain boundaries or rules for your partner and then break them yourself, not only does it send confusing messages to your S.O, it also sets a double standard in the relationship, which is never a healthy thing to do. Boundaries are set for a reason, and unless they’re for things that are specifically only relatable for one of you, then you should respect your partner enough to not break the very rules you’ve set. Show your partner some courtesy and abide by the lines you’ve drawn, just as you’d expect him to respect them. As they say, “Treat others how you would want to be treated.” If you don’t, then you can’t expect to get away with being angry when he breaks the boundaries.
6. Respect His Need For Privacy
It’s considered normal for two people in a relationship to share everything with one another and to know the ins and outs of each other as the relationship develops. And, while you and your S.O. should be completely open and honest with one another, it’s also completely normal for you both to retain an element of privacy. That’s not to say you should keep secrets from one another – on the contrary, you shouldn’t hide things from your partner whom you care about. But it is important to consider your partner’s need for privacy and their comfort levels with telling you everything all of the time. Sometimes, your man won’t want to talk about something. That’s not to say he won’t ever tell you what’s on his mind, but some people need time in order to share certain things with their partner, and this should be respected, not reprimanded. If it seems like he needs some time alone or some space to think, it doesn’t mean he’s trying to keep something from you. Relax and let him come to you. He’ll be ready when he’s ready.
5. He Doesn’t Want You To Fix Him
Going into a relationship with the aim of “fixing” your man is not a way to start a healthy relationship. Nor should you start trying to “fix” your man once you’re in an established partnership with him either. It’s important to remember that your partner is not a project, and trying to change him in drastic ways to suit your desires will only ever end in disaster. If you decide to be with someone, it should be because you want to commit to that person for who they are, not for who they might become. Setting out to change your partner is not only foolhardy, but it’s also pretty insulting for your man. Wanting the best for your partner is a good thing, but getting them to change the foundations of who they are is never a good thing. Men aren’t moldable pieces of clay, so don’t force change upon him if he’s not open to it.
4. He May Not Like Everything You Like, And That’s Ok
The things that make us interesting as individuals are our personal tastes, likes, and dislikes. If everyone were the same, that would be pretty boring, wouldn’t it? When you start a relationship with someone, it’s often the things you have in common with that person that make you instantly connect. But naturally, there will be things that you don’t agree on and you’ll both have unique opinions and tastes relating to different subjects. And, just because you might have different likes and dislikes doesn’t mean you should change for that person. Just because you love folk music and your man loves hip hop, doesn’t mean you have to change tastes for him. Nor should you expect him to change his opinions for you. Of course, it’s good to try and give each others’ preferences a fair chance, but if you can tell he’s not into the same things as you, don’t take it personally!
3. Comparing Him To Other Guys Isn’t Constructive
If there’s one thing your man is sure to want you to understand, it’s that comparing him to other guys is not acceptable. If you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re with them for a reason. Comparing your man to other guys will do nothing except erode his confidence and make him not want to spend any more time with you. How would you feel if your man was constantly comparing you to other women? Wouldn’t feel too nice, would it? If there is something you would like your man to change about the way he does certain things, then tell him directly in a straightforward manner. Comparing him to your exes or to other men that you know won’t resolve things in a constructive manner. All it will do is create tension and make him feel uncomfortable around you. He’ll start to wonder why it is that you’re actually with him and make him doubt the love you have for him and the commitment you have to the relationship.
2. The Silent Treatment Is Never The Answer
Here’s the truth – the silent treatment doesn’t work. You may think you’ve gotten your way a few times thanks to giving your man the cold shoulder, but by doing so, you’re actually putting extra, unnecessary strain on your relationship. Part of being with someone is learning to communicate with that person and using your words and emotions to express the feelings you have. You might think that by giving your man the silent treatment, you’ll get him to apologize and come running to you, begging you to talk to him again. But if you do it enough times, eventually your man is going to get sick of always being frozen out like that. Again, this goes back to the same old story about speaking up if something is wrong. What’s the point of being in a couple with someone if you’re just going to block out the person you love through petty silence? Your man is 100% sick of the silent treatment, so cut it out before he cuts you out.
1. If You Want Out, Tell Him. Don’t String Him Along
One of the worst things you can do to your man is string him along when you know you want out of the relationship. Any man will tell you that he rather just hear the truth from you then to have you keep pretending to have feelings for him, or worse, for you to start acting cold and distant from him and not just break things off. There could be one hundred different reasons that might keep you from breaking up with someone when you want to, but more often than not, it’s the fact that you’re too afraid to call it quits that’s usually the reason. No man wants to waste your time and no guy wants his time wasted either. So, if you’re positive you’re done with the relationship, tell your man to his face. Cut the passive aggressive stuff, and don’t ghost him out. If you have any care and respect for him, you’ll have the guts to be truthful.
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