Don’t misinterpret this article. This article is not trying to promote hiding who you are or giving off a false impression of who you are. On the contrary, you want to keep things one hundred and that also means knowing your boundaries and respecting the limits you put on your personal space, things, and energy. You can’t let him in on everything. You’d no longer be so mysterious and you’d also be giving him too much of yourself and you’re not even sure if he’s worthy yet. Some stuff, no matter how tight y’all are or how long the relationship has lasted, is not for him; some stuff you gotta keep for yourself. Call it selfish, call it rude; but I’ll call it what it really is –healthy. It’s healthy to keep things to yourself not because you like being sneaky or dishonest, nope, not at all. It’s healthy so you can maintain a semblance of who you are because so many of us get caught up in relationships and morph into another person and we quickly lose touch with our former selves. Keeping and hiding things allows us to preserve those parts of ourselves until we’re ready to share them; and we may never be ready and that’s one hundred percent our right, too.
15 Favorite food
Sharing is caring, sure OK. We all say that and believe it to some degree, but there are, we must admit, things that are off-limits when it comes to how much we share. We share pizzas, we share deserts, we share popcorn, but when it comes to our gallons of ice cream, our chocolate, or even our favorite bag of salty snacks, we can be selfish af. And because men love to eat, most do anyways, and they can eat their weight in anything and often do and are more like garbage disposals than bodies, they will eat our favorite, treasured gem like anything else out there on the market without having any real sense of its value or its magical powers. Hence, those foods that make us happy when we’re sad, make us feel lighter and brighter and mythical, turn our frowns upside down and stuff are not to be shared with him, period. Be sure you hide your gems well; men have noses like a Bloodhound.
Your little private stash. It can hardly be considered a stash, it’s so small and insignificant, but you have a little stash of weed for those moments when you need to escape this world. He might be into it or he might not. You don’t know him well enough and even if you do, the point is it’s your stash and you want to have it for those private, quiet moments. Smoking together might not be something you’re into. You might be a lone toker and that’s cool, too. Hide your stash next to some strong smelling incense or coffee grinds; and be sure to hide any and all paraphernalia, too. Even though pot has become legal in many states, there is still a huge backlash against smokers and free thinkers. He might be one of those. He might not. But just to be safe, keep your stash to yourself.
What, you thought only men were into porn? Studies have shown that women are increasingly interested in porn and more so now than ever before. Some companies, cultures, and countries, are producing porn that caters to women’s likes because clearly much of what we like varies from that of the quote unquote opposite sex. While you’d like to think he’d be into that and he very well may be, until you know for sure, until you’ve explored those topics with him, it’s best to keep those sorts of things to yourself. Hypothetically, it seems hot, but a number of men might be threatened by a woman who is so sexually liberated and comfortable. Take this one slow, but first close all windows and tabs and clear your browser history. If they’re your own videos hide them in a folder with a misleading title like taxes or grandma’s funeral pix.
12 Love letters
You still have a few love letters left over from the last relationship, an old crush, or your first real love. And from time to time you read them over a cup of hot tea or wine while you wax nostalgic. There is nothing wrong with this. It’s normal to relive past relationships, wonder what could have been, study where things went wrong, and adore the moments when things were so right. We learn about ourselves and our relationships that way. But he probably won’t see it that way. He’ll think you’re still in love with the person from the letter, he won’t be able to look at the situation in an objective way because he’s in too deep, and he won’t be able to rebuild his ego fast enough. Don’t just have these letters slipped between the pages of a book you have on your shelf, make sure your hiding spot is legit and official.
11 The cup
Hiding your Diva cup or any other environmentally friendly piece of period paraphernalia is not about hiding your period. This is not about shame or saving him from our dreaded, disgusting time of the month. Not at all. And if he’s a man worth any amount of time those sorts of things won’t make him squeamish; he’ll be all mature about your period which is what all of us ladies hope. But it’s not very attractive to have it lying about. At least place it in the container it came in or if you’ve lost that, put it in any container that can easily be slipped into a panty drawer. Some men might freak out if they have never even heard of the cup and think you are bizarre for using a piece of plastic to catch your period blood. Little do they know it’s equally as strange that tube shaped pieces of cotton are placed inside of our vaginas for the very same purpose. Talk to him about the cup first before you just have it sitting on your bathroom shelf, out in the open for him to see.
No, no, no don’t go collecting all your panties to hide them, that would be ridiculous. The panties you should be hiding are the ones you don’t want anyone to see, but least of all him. These are the granny panties, the period-stained panties, the panties so old and thread-bare that they have now become sheer. We all have these panties. No woman’s wardrobe is complete without them, but this is not what we want him to see when he makes a visit to our abode or boudoir. We’re not hiding who we are, we are simply covering that part up until we’re close and comfortable enough to share those panties with him. Those panties get us through some hard times and save us when we think we’re out of clean panties and laundry day is still one day away. It’s doubtful he’d even judge you too harshly anyways, after all, there’s no doubt that he’s got some delicates he’s hiding from you, too.
Wait, wait, wait, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that women must hide books to hide the fact that we read or that we are highly educated and articulate beings. No, not all. I’m talking about hiding books that might give him the wrong idea about you. Oftentimes we read things that spark our curiosity or we read things that help us escape the madness of the world. This means we might read books that don’t necessarily represent our belief systems or who we are as people. How else can we learn about the world if not through reading? Some of us don’t have the luxury to travel to get to know the world and other cultures, hence books. You might even read something that’s completely against what you believe just because you want to know your enemy better and have solid counter-arguments. Until he knows you like that, don’t let him get any wrong ideas about you or the books you read.
8 Makeup and Personal Products
He will get the wrong idea, trust me. Some guys don’t understand the need to have so many varieties underneath one roof. When he sees your 100 bottles of 'face paint' he will assume you use all of that just to look the way you currently do. Men don't understand that we use a quarter of what we have, but that is for another article. They don’t get the fact that the properties in one product are not the same as the next and that we prefer coconut oil for our feet and almond for our faces and castor for our hair and olive for our cooking. We also prefer different moisturizers for different times of the day. And our makeup, well we have a color and product for every mood. The point is you don’t want to give him the wrong impression. He might get it because he has a few sisters or is close with his mother. Who knows. But you surely don’t know yet. Try to tuck all of that away just in case.
7 Unfinished projects
Oh the unfinished project, the unfinished example of how we get excited about something, but don’t follow through. The signs of laziness, tiredness, inconsistency, boredom, or excuses. They are not the best parts of us, but those unfinished projects might be sending another message. He could find your projects to be daring and inspirational, but we don’t know him like that yet, so we don’t want to risk hurting our egos. Those projects waiting on the line mean something special to us and even if we never finish any of them, they taught us things about life and ourselves. For some, revealing unfinished projects messes with the energy of the project itself, like letting the cat out of the bag too soon sort of stuff. Whatever your reason, it’s best you keep your projects to yourself.
Whether it’s legitimately prescribed or not, what medicine you take is not his business. I’m not just talking pharmaceuticals here, but anything that you can buy at your local drug store. We are all notorious medicine cabinet snoopers. Name me one time when you used someone’s bathroom and didn’t open the medicine cabinet. Point made. So, we all do it. He’ll do it, too. So, if there’s anything you want to get rid of, do it now. There’s probably old creams and ointments that don’t need to be there anyways. Some of the stuff you’ve got lying around has expired anyways, so now is the perfect time to do a little spring cleaning. Forget that it’s winter. Clean out your medicine cabinet and enjoy all the new space. Now you have a place to put all the stuff that’s been piling up in your nightstand.
5 Witchy stuff
You might be into it, you might not. You might just have a few witch-like things like crystals or tarot cards or occult pamphlets. It might be more of a spiritual thing than a witchy thing. Most girls use witchcraft as a rite of passage during adolescence; if not as a rite of passage, then out of sheer curiosity. We are drawn to witchcraft because it empowers us and most of us are natural born witches anyways. He won't get that, not yet anyways. Nor should you even consider sharing that with him, not yet, not any time soon. That will be a few years yet. But until then, should he stick around that long, put that stuff in an unassuming box in the back of your closet or underneath your bed. We don’t want him getting the wrong idea about us and we don’t want to scare him off, at least not yet anyways.
What you spend is your business. What you pay for rent is also your business. Your electricity bill, your phone bill, and your credit card statements are all private and you should be wise to keep it that way. Men often think women are big spenders or not good with money. Oftentimes, in many families around the world, it’s the mother who keeps things together through her thrifty shopping, her penny pinching, and her resourceful way of using and thinking about money. It’s men who want to gallivant around town buying booze and boobies. The truth is, from both genders there are spendthrifts and misers; but right now you don’t want to entertain that type of conversation with him because you are in the beginning phases of the relationship. Enjoy it now before pieces of paper become a big reason for most of your disputes.
Not sure if you have all your passwords memorized or if you have them written down, but those should be kept out of his view always and forever. If you have a piece of paper with all your passwords on it, you’d better laminate it and carry it with you always. If you have a notebook with that information in it, hide that thing immediately and never let him touch it. Don’t accidentally talk about passwords or play the guess-what-my-password-is game. That’s silliness. And that is you asking for trouble. He should not have access to your passwords at any point nor you to his. Today, the computer is a private space and that means it’s treated not just as a person’s personal property, but also as their own private bedroom. You are not allowed in until invited and even then you should be skeptical.
We’ve all had one or two or maybe a few more. You might even still have some or you might have gotten rid of most of them. For some of you, your collections have grown. Whatever the case may be, hide your toys. Toys can be anything sexual or sexualized that you use in your bedroom to turn you or your partner on. It does not have to be obvious. But most of them are. And as a man he will read anything as sexual, especially should you have it in near your bed, in your bedroom, or in your house. He is likely to read anything as sexual, so be careful he doesn’t actually see the sexual stuff. Again, not because you’re trying to hide your sexually free self. Not at all, girl. You just want him to get to know you better before you break out the whips and chains or any other games.
Never ever, ever, ever leave your diary laying around. This is rule number one of how to be a girl and a woman on planet earth where we are repressed, shamed, policed, ridiculed, and abused. We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. There’s no better place to talk about all those frustrations and fears than with our diary. Some of you have a stack of those things. Girl, you’d better get a safe and put those diaries in there, then sew the key to your earlobe. Diaries are more than just secrets and confessions, they are the visible, readable versions of how we came to be, how we became women, and how we are still surviving. You should guard it with your life. You should also do the same with your heart. You don't want your guy, or anyone for that matter, to know all of your private thoughts and feelings. Don’t even tell him you have a diary; lie.