Let's face it: Tough girls sometimes have a hard time opening up to people. Perhaps it's because we've been through hard times or we feel misunderstood. Or maybe, it's simply a disguise. Either way, we tend to be a bit secretive and find it difficult to tell people exactly how we're feeling or why we might be feeling a certain way. We take pride in being able to handle things ourselves, even if we know deep down it'd be a lot easier with the help of someone else we trust. We're independent beings because we've forced ourselves to be that way. It's almost as if we have a chip on our shoulder. And, as much as we hate to admit it, it can be exhausting navigating the world alone. But, don't worry, you're not the only tough girl in the world. We're all here with you. Read below to find out 15 things tough girls will never tell anyone.
15 I Know How I Am
We know how we are. We know that we use toughness as a defense. We know that the chip on our shoulder might be preventing us from being as happy as we could be if we didn't have it. We know we can be stubborn. We know we're difficult to be with as we make people "fight" to break down our walls. We know we expect a lot from those closest to us. We know that when we act out in anger, it's not right. We know we're not 'super humans' that can conquer the world, but sometimes, we just like to believe that. Underneath it all, though, we know we're simply human- no matter how challenging that concept may be for us to grasp. Of course, we'd never admit that there are things about ourselves that we'd like to change, but they're are.
14 I Need Help
With the "tough girl" facade comes a huge ego when it comes to asking for help. We are the last people to ask for someone else's assistance, even for small tasks. For example, if we can't figure out a problem at work, we'd never run to an employee or our boss for advice. Instead, we'd stay up all night to do it ourselves. We take pride in our intelligence and tend to see "asking for help" as a weakness. If we're going through a hard time, we expect other people around us to push us to open us because that's the only way we're going to. On top of that, we hate to ask others for favors. Therefore, we even hesitate to ask for a ride if our car is getting serviced. Why? We simply see it as another way of saying, "I need help."
13 I'm Lonely
Basically, we've shaped our whole lives and personality on the fact that we're independent, tough women. And as great at that sounds (and it is great at times), it totally prevents us from ever admitting that we're lonely. Even if we go years without having a partner, we convince ourselves and everyone around us that it's "better this way" or it's "what we want." If we admit to anyone that we're lonely, including ourselves, to us, that basically means that we're not the people we thought we were. Of course, we're probably the only people that would think that about us, but hey- we're not always rational. If we do finally confess that we're lonely, it's devastating. Why? Because we promised ourselves we'd never someone that needed other people to make them happy.
12 Communication Freaks Me Out
It does. For some reason or another, communicating really freaks us out. And by communicating, we mean talking on a deep and personal level. Of course, anyone can talk to us about everything on their mind as we tend to be extremely open-minded, but when it comes to spilling our own thoughts and feelings, forget about it. Perhaps it's because we have a hard time trusting people or maybe it's even because we haven't exactly solved whatever it is going on with us. Either way, we're terrible at communicating. This is why, whenever we have a problem, we tend to look to ourselves for the answer. Additionally, we're intuitive so we pick up when other people are struggling. Therefore, we expect them to do the same when it comes to us so when they don't, we retreat and get closed off.
11 You Hurt My Feelings
Whenever we get into a fight with a loved one, our first instinct is anger. For example, if we catch our boyfriend flirting with another woman while we're out at a bar, we throw a huge fit. We drag him outside and yell at him to let him know how angry we are at him. What we'll never say, though, is "I'm not actually angry. I'm embarrassed and hurt by what you did and it made me feel insecure." If someone cuts us off while we're driving, we freak out and honk the horn as if we're mad at him. Why? Because we're scared but of course, we'll never admit that. Like acting "tough," we also act angry in a defense. We have a hard time processing what we're feeling and why we're feeling that way. Therefore, getting angry tends to be our first reaction, even if it's not actually what we're feeling.
10 I Doubt Myself
We act as though we've got everything figured out. "Everything's going to be all right," or "everything's fine" are the two mottos we seem to live our lives by. If we have a problem, we pretend like we're not terrified that we won't be able to fix it. If we go through a bad break up, we say it's actually a good thing and we're glad it happened. News Flash: We're only telling half of the truth. While it is true we tend to believe that everything's going to be all right, that doesn't mean that we don't doubt ourselves from time to time. We have moments of desperation, moments where we think "what am I going to do?" and have no idea, and even moments when we look in the mirror and don't recognize ourselves. As much as we pretend we're the most self-confident person you've ever met that knows exactly what we're doing all of the time, we're not.
9 I'm Just Like You
We have a hard time allowing ourselves to be relatable to other people. If one of our girlfriends is going on and on about boy problems they have, we tell them to "get over it," or that "he's not worth it." Even if what she's saying or talking about has happened to us, we pretend like it didn't in fear of coming off as helpless. We act like we've got even thing figured out but we know deep down, we're just like everyone else. We're messy, sad, scared, confused, etc. We just don't like telling people about it. As I stated before, being "tough" is just a defense we throw up when we're feeling insecure. It's not some brave personality attribute that we've worked years to perfect as say courage or patience is. In fact, it's quite the opposite. We'd like to be more relatable and better at expressing ourselves.
8 I've Been Through A Lot
We hate drama. In fact, we do our best to avoid it at all costs. This is why you'll never hear a tough girl talking about her past or how bad she's had it. Why? Because even if we do have a terrible past, we've convinced ourselves that we never really had it "that bad," since we obviously survived whatever it was that was thrown our way. Chances are, though, if we're tough, we have been through a lot and bringing the past up would probably upset us in some way. So, instead, we just block it off and pretend like it never happened. We tell ourselves "shit happens," and then do our best to move on. The last thing we want is for our past to affect the present, (even though, deep down, we know not dealing with it does exactly that) so whenever the topic comes up, we normally avoid every question that comes our way.
7 I'm Not Really Over It
Saying "I'm over it," is perhaps one of the most common things you'll hear a tough girl say. However, it's just a defense. Chances are, we're not really over whatever it is that just happened, we just really don't want to deal with it. If we get into an argument with a friend and they apologize, we say we're over it instead of admitting that they hurt us. We hate talking about our emotions and we will do anything to avoid it, even if we know it's probably a good thing to do. We try to convince ourselves we're over things all the time, especially huge events, just so we can move on with our lives. We do our best not to make our feelings a priority. Because they annoy us, we assume they'd annoy other people. To avoid them, we persuade everyone around us they're unimportant and only temporary.
6 I Push People Away On Purpose
We're stubborn and we're able to compartmentalize things. When we get hurt by someone we care about, we cut them out of our lives in an attempt to protect ourselves. We have the ability to temporarily convince ourselves that they didn't matter to us, even if they did. Therefore, we have a habit of pushing people away the second they make one tiny mistake out of fear they're just going to make more in the future. In a way, it's sort of like a test. For example, if they come back, we know that they actually care about us and are sorry for acting the way they did. If they don't, then we assume they probably weren't worth it. What we really want is for someone to prove they want to be with us, no matter how much we may pretend like we don't want to be with them. We want someone that will stand up to us and break down our walls.
5 My Heart Is Broken
If we go through a bad break up, we're never the first person to admit that our hearts are broken. We hate admitting that we're "weak" and even though saying we're sad isn't a sign of weakness, the chip on our shoulder tells us it is. As I stated earlier, we hate being vulnerable, especially in the presence of other people. If a guy screwed us over, we'd act as though we're fine, even if we're completely falling apart. One of the hardest things for a tough girl to do is admit that she let someone hurt her as it goes against everything she stands for. We hate feeling dumb, therefore, if we think the other person may not be as upset as us, we don't want to be the "more upset person." We know it's irrational to think like this and that we should be honest, but it's in our nature to pretend we're stronger than we really are.
4 I Have A Hard Time Trusting People
Whether we act tough because we've been hurt before or simply because it's our nature, we have a hard time trusting people. We're the type of people that trust only when someone proves they're trustworthy, not the type of people that believe everyone should be trusted until they prove they shouldn't be. If you want our trust, you must work for it. We never feel the need to let just anyone into our lives because we're completely fine standing on our own two feet. We'd rather have one best friend that we trust completely than ten best friends that we sometimes trust. That being said, though, when you do get our trust, we believe you and in you for life. We're loyal and we assume that those who we trust are loyal as well.
3 I Care What People Think
We'll never admit that we care what people think about us. Why? Because in some twisted way, that's like admitting either a complete stranger has the ability to hurt us. Sure, we may care less than other people do about the opinions of our peers, but that doesn't mean we aren't affected. We still get offended by dirty looks and rude comments from strangers. We want to be cherished, accepted and embraced just as everyone else. Additionally, we care deeply what the people closest to us think about us, even though we may pretend we don't. If they hurt us in some way- such as blowing us off or insulting us- it hurts tremendously. Why? Because we don't let a lot of people in. Therefore, if they're close to us, we trust them so we automatically think what they're saying must be true.
2 I'm Sensitive
We are. Underneath every wall we put up, we're just as sensitive as other people. However, for whatever reason, we don't run to the first person we see to talk about our feelings. In fact, we don't even run to the people we trust when something happens to us that we want to talk out. We turn to ourselves. It's what we're used to and chances are, it's the only thing we know how to do. Just because we may not cry during every sad movie we watch or break down every time something terrible happens to us, it doesn't mean that we don't feel emotions just as deeply as the next person. We're guarded so we keep our emotions inside, not on our sleeves. That being said, though they still exist and they're very much alive. We're the farthest thing from heartless, even if we may appear that way on the outside.
1 I Love You
We say "I love you" to those closest to us. And you better bet, when we say it, we mean it. It's not a phrase we throw around lightly. That being said, though, we truly have a hard time letting ourselves fall in love. Why? Because strange things happen when people fall in love. We've been in love before and gotten hurt. Therefore, we're scared the same thing may happen again. On top of that, if we love someone, that means we trust them too. We tell them things that we don't tell anyone else- things that are sacred to us. Finally, we let the people we love see us for who we truly are. What is that? It's not a tough girl. It's a sensitive, kind, and loving person. And, for some reason, being that is the scariest and hardest thing for a tough girl to be.