Whether it's your boyfriend, your husband, a one time thing, or simply someone you're just having casual fun with, there's almost an unwritten law of things you shouldn't say after you do the deed. We get it, you feel comfortable with whoever you're with. Your hormones are raging, you're thinking clearer thanks to the ecstasy that was just released, and you're on cloud nine. You just shared an extremely intimate experience together that undoubtedly brings you closer to the person you're laying next to. Still, it's highly important you refrain from bringing up certain topics or even openly stating your thoughts. Why? Well, not only could you seriously offend your partner, but you could also end up receiving information or feedback you had no interest in knowing. Not sure what we mean? Don't worry. We'll explain. Read below to find out fifteen things you should never say after the deed.
15 Was That The Best You've Ever Had?
Sure, you want to know about your bedroom performance. Who wouldn't? You want to know if you've pleased the person you're with more than anyone else ever has. However, let them tell you if that's the case. Why? First of all, if you're not, you don't actually want to know. And, let's be honest, even if they try to lie to you and say you are, you're going to be able to tell if they're telling you the truth or not in the way they respond. Second of all, it's not important that you compare yourself to all of their other partners. Being intimate with someone is unique and greatly depends on both the person you're with and the situation you're in. Don't ruin the amazing experience you just had by hearing or getting an answer that you don't want to hear and don't ruin future experiences by becoming self-conscious due to their answer. Appreciate it for what it is.
14 Can You Leave Now?
No matter who you're with, asking them to leave right after you have finished your business is a huge no-no. First of all, if you ask them to leave after it, you're basically saying, "I was only using you for one thing and have no interest in hanging out with you in any other way. Now that I've gotten what I wanted, you're no longer any use to me." Even if you don't mean to, that's pretty much a direct translation. Some advice? If you're going to sleep with someone, make sure you have enough time so that you can spend it with them after the fact. If you don't have enough time, make it clear to them before you engage in the act that you don't have all the time in the world to lay around. Then, let them decide if they still want to sleep with you. This way, things are on their terms, not yours.
13 Do You Want To Be In A Relationship?
You've been sleeping with someone casually for a few months now. You go on dates or meet for a drink and then always end up at either your place or theirs. At first, it was nothing serious but you've grown to actually have feelings for them. After great bedroom fun, you feel emotional and attached to them. So, what do you want to do? Let them know, of course. Every part of you wants to ask them if they want to take your relationship to the next level and at some point, you should. However, right after the deed isn't the best time. After all, if they say "no," you're only going to feel like they're using you for one thing and might end up disappointed. If they say "yes," it may only be because they feel obligated. Wait until both of you have a clear head that's not clouded with ecstasy and raging hormones.
12 I Think We Should Break Up.
We know what you're thinking, "no one would say this," and we wish you were right. Unfortunately, though, it happens all too often. If you're in a relationship with someone and thinking of breaking up with them, don't spill the news right after you have finished your business. Why? Well, for starters, not only will you be sh**ing on the experience the two of you just shared but you'll also make the break up way harder. After all, if you're sleeping with them, they're going to think you care about them, especially if you're romantically involved. Remember, intimacy is supposed to bring two people together, not tear them apart. A bit of advice: If you want to break up with someone, do if after you sleep with them. It only gives them the wrong idea and complicates things even more. Even if you're tempted to, wait until a later time or force yourself to spill the beans before you sleep with them.
11 We Need To Talk.
"We need to talk" is one of the most ominous phrases in history as whatever follows normally ends badly. Usually, if you say to someone that you need to talk to them, it means that you have some important news you've been waiting to break. As soon as you say the phrase, your partner's imagination is going to start running wild. In a matter of seconds, they're going to try and guess a plethora of things that you're going to say. For example, they may think you're pregnant, that you have an STI, or perhaps that you cheated on them. Even if all of those things seem out of the blue, saying "we need to talk," can make anyone crazy. Instead of starting your sentence like that, simply tell them whatever it is you need to tell them. If it's going to disappoint them or upset them, wait until a later time.
10 That Wasn't What It Seemed Like In My Head.
You are someone who likes to reflect on the experiences that you share with other people. And that's great. However, there's a way to go about it so that it doesn't offend the other person. If you've wanted to sleep with someone for a long time and had an idea of what it might be like in your head, keep the description of what you had in mind to yourself. Of course, you can tell them that you've wanted to sleep with them for a while, but don't compare what you imagined to what actually happened. If you do, you may risk making them feel as though they didn't reach the standards that your fantasies set or that they weren't as good as you thought they might be. If they were better than you imagined in your head, let them know. If they weren't, don't even think about going there.
9 How Was I?
As we stated earlier, it is normal to want to know how you performed. However, as we also stated earlier, let the other person tell you instead of asking them outright. When you ask this question, you make yourself vulnerable to a million different answers you might not want to hear. For example, if they found your performance less than satisfactory, do you really need to know right away? If it is your partner, discuss it at a later time. If it is a one time thing, who really cares? Additionally, when you ask a question like that, you come off as either extremely insecure or highly narcissistic. Remember, being intimate involves two people, not just you. Therefore, when you ask questions that only involve yourself, they might feel disregarded or unimportant. It shouldn't be something you use to boost your ego or self-esteem, it should be something you enjoy.
8 Anything About An Ex.
We can't say this enough: A passionate experience should only include you and the other person or people in the room. Therefore, after you engage in the act, the conversation should only include those people as well. Even if you're having break up bedroom fun to get over an ex, don't let the other person know. The last thing a man wants to hear after being with you is anything about an ex or another partner that you had before you were with them. No matter how comfortable or safe you feel, keep it to yourself or call a friend when you're alone. Let's be honest, is there are few things worse than letting someone know you were thinking about someone else while in the act with them or right after having being with them. As a rule of thumb, just remember that any topic regarding ex-lovers is strictly forbidden in the bedroom.
7 I Wish You Lasted Longer.
So your partner, lover, one time thing, or even your husband had a hard time lasting while you were being intimate. It ended way too soon and left you a bit disappointed. Maybe you didn't get to finish or maybe the end result was less than exciting. Either way, it sucked for you. However, complaining to them about it isn't going to make the problem go away. In fact, it's going to do just the opposite. Don't forget that a huge part of being intimate is also mental. If you make them embarrassed or self-conscious about what they do in the bedroom, it's not solving anything. Instead, have a discussion about your wants and needs at a later time when the two of you aren't as vulnerable. On top of that, they might've had an amazing experience and saying something negative to them about their performance might take away from it.
6 I Cheated On You.
You're in a relationship with someone. You love them but a while back, you cheated on them in a moment of confusion. Since the time you cheated on them, your guilt has just been building and building. So, after you finish the deed one day, you feel as though you reached your limit and every part of you wants to come clean. Well, we've got some advice for you: Don't even think about it. First of all, if you did cheat on them, it's a good idea to let them know before you sleep with them again. Not only will telling them sooner increase your possibility of staying with them but it will also aid in rebuilding your trust. Second of all, telling them right after it is only going to make them think that the moment you just shared with them reminded you of your infidelity and that you were thinking of someone else while being with them.
5 That Was My First Time
There's nothing wrong with never having been intimate with someone. In fact, waiting until you're ready is extremely respectable. However, if you are a celibate, it's a good idea to let whoever you're sleeping with know before you engage in any acts with them. Why? Taking someone's v-card is a big deal. The old myth "you always remember your first time," isn't actually a myth at all. Most women end up getting attached to the men that take their it away. Additionally, men often feel a deep responsibility to the women who's v-card they take. It's a special experience for both parties involved and different from just "casual fun." In a way, it has a deeper meaning and holds more weight. If it's your first time, let your partner know. Telling him after the fact may make him feel either tricked or obligated to you. Avoid an awkward situation with honesty.
4 Anything Revolving Around Family.
No matter your relationship with the person you're sleeping with, avoid talking about your family members at all costs after you engage in the act, especially your mother or your father. Not only is it really creepy and even Freudian for intimacy to remind you of certain family members, it's also uncomfortable for the other person. First of all, it goes without saying that the moment you just had sparked some sort of familial memory for you. Second of all, you never want your partner to feel like you're comparing them to one of your parental figures. If you do have thoughts about your family members while in the moment, talk to a therapist or a friend about it, not your partner. The last thing you want is for them to wonder if you're thinking about your parents whenever the two of you are intimate. You can understand how that'd be a huge turnoff to them.
3 How Many Partners Have You Had?
We get it. You want to know how many partners the person you're sleeping with has had and that's completely normal. In fact, we suggest you do ask the question for your own safety. But at the same time who really wants to know the number of people their partner has been with? That being said, a good time to ask is before you two become intimate, not after. If you ask after you've been intimate, you're basically insinuating one of two things. Depending on the way that you ask the question, they may feel you're either asking because you feel they lack experience and didn't satisfy you or because they came off as way too experienced and you're worried about getting an STI or getting played. Either way, they're going to feel uncomfortable. On top of that, asking someone about their history is highly personal and asking at an inopportune time may come off as nosy.
2 Well, At Least We Tried.
We get it. You've probably had some terrible experiences in your lifetime. Maybe the person you were with could not get it up, lost their mojo in the middle of being intimate, or even finished prematurely. Or maybe, they couldn't get you to finish. Whatever it is, though, it happens and at the end of the day, it's no one's fault. Saying things like, "at least we tried," is basically saying, "well that was awful and unsuccessful." Instead of being passive, take some time to cool down before having a conversation about "what went wrong," if you feel the need to talk it out. As we have stated, both your hormones and his hormones are going to be raging. On top of that, being intimate is an extremely private act in which both parties are vulnerable. Therefore, approaching the topic with patience and understanding and without judgment is more than important.
1 Anything About Size
Okay. So maybe your partner is not lucky when it comes to his manhood, it really does happen. Guess what? That's not his fault, it's genetics. He didn't get to decide the size of his package, he was born with it. Therefore, it's not your job to comment on what he was given by his parents. Commenting on someone's man size in a negative way is almost the equivalent to calling someone ugly for having freckles. On top of that, he's probably self-conscious about it and doesn't need you to remind him of his so-called inadequacy. Even if you're trying to make a lighthearted joke about it, think again. Size is a sensitive subject. Think about it this way, would you want someone commenting on the appearance of your lady parts? No way. It's not important, anyway. It's not about size, it's about how they can use what they have.