You’re a few months into a relationship with someone new. You really like him and he really likes you. The attraction is there, you get along well, and you can’t stop thinking about each other. And then, all of a sudden, things change. He starts distancing himself and before you know it, your new relationship burns down to embers.
If you’ve ever experienced this, you’re not alone. Sometimes, it takes someone a few weeks or months to realize that they don’t like you as much as you thought they did. Other times, they might still like you, but they start questioning why that is. Their head tells them that they shouldn’t be liking you, that you’re not for them. That could be because of their own issues, but it could also be things that you’re subconsciously doing to sabotage the relationship.
A guy having strong feelings for you is not enough to sustain a relationship—he also has to believe he’s doing the right thing, and there are actions you might be doing to ruin that. It could be something big like betraying him and breaking his heart that gets him to rethink his feelings for you, but it might also be something subtle, like sending him too many mixed messages or acting overly jealous.
Read on to find out what 15 things you might be doing to make him doubt how he feels about you.
15 Sending Mixed Messages By Showing Interest In Other People
Even if a guy has strong feelings for you, they might not mean much if you keep sending him mixed messages by appearing to be interested in other guys. While some guys might see this as a challenge, a lot of them will have hurt feelings if they think you’re more interested in somebody else than in them.
So even if they like you a lot, they might try to tell themselves not to like you anymore because they anticipate that if they stay in the relationship, they’re going to end up with a broken heart. At this point, feelings don’t matter as they try to make the best decision for their well-being, which includes steering clear of anybody who’s going to break their heart.
14 Constantly Letting Him Down When You Should Have His Back
One move that almost always brings two people in a relationship closer together is showing the other person that you have their backs and you’re there to support them. Having unconditional support is an appealing element in any good relationship, and if you do this, your partner will be less likely to have to think twice about how they feel about you.
But if you leave them hanging by not coming to their defense when others put them down or by not backing them up when they need it the most, they could start to question the relationship and their feelings for you. Even though they might still feel strongly about you, they could wonder why that is, since you’re the kind of partner who doesn’t give them the support that they need.
13 Seriously Betraying Him And Losing His Trust
Of course, if you seriously betray your partner, he’s probably going to doubt his feelings about you. While everyone makes mistakes and we can all have slip-ups, the truth is you don’t continuously hurt the people that you love. If you do end up hurting your significant other in a serious way, you risk them not forgiving you for that. And in the case that they do forgive you, they still might see you differently and view their relationship with you in a different light.
The obvious example of betraying somebody seriously is cheating on them, but there are other ways that you can cross the line too. One is abusing them in any way, whether that’s physically or emotionally. Understandably, this sort of thing would lead any normal person to question how much they really love someone.
12 Tearing Down His Confidence On Purpose Or By Accident
He might have strong feelings for you, but they probably won’t matter much if he doesn’t feel good about himself when he’s around you. It’s exhausting to constantly be around someone who makes you feel bad about yourself, so even if he’s attracted to you, this could be a deal-breaker.
How do you make someone feel bad about themselves? One effective method is to frequently say things that destroy their confidence. You might not even realize you’re doing it! These could be things like mocking what he’s wearing, questioning his taste in music, putting down his work or challenging his dreams. Some people will put up with this kind of thing for far too long, whereas others will get sick of it pretty quickly and do something about it.
11 Using Him For His Money, His Name, Or His Affection
Anybody will tell you not to put up with somebody who uses you. Whether they’re keeping you around to take advantage of your money, your connections, your name or even your body, it’s not a good idea to stick with somebody like this. So of course, the same is true for anybody that you use: they’d be well advised to leave you ASAP, and in most cases, they’ll start to notice what you’re doing for themselves, which will change the way they see you.
A relationship that only exists so one person can use the other one isn’t healthy, nor is it fair. If you take advantage of your partner’s generosity you might slip into a situation where you are using them without even realizing that you’re doing it. To avoid this, make sure you’re giving as much as you’re taking in a relationship.
10 Failing To Get Along With His People
It’s always tough when your partner doesn’t get along with your friends or your family. All those people are important to you since they are a significant part of your life, so in an ideal world, they all get along and you never have to worry about awkward moments. Depending on how much you care about your friends and how family orientated you are, something like this could change your feelings about your partner who won’t get along with your people.
Of course, relationships work all the time where partners don’t get along with each other’s family and friends. All we’re saying is in some cases, where those networks are important to someone, this could cause a person to ignore how much they like their new partner and be turned off by this problem.
9 Playing Too Hard To Get And Letting Him Do All The Work
You’d be surprised how many guys suffer from a lack of confidence. It’s a myth that all men love to pursue their love interests relentlessly and won’t take no for an answer (which is probably a good thing!). In many cases, if you make it seem like you’re not interested in a guy, his feelings will get hurt, and he’ll avoid trying again and risking rejection.
So when you make a guy feel like you’re not interested because you’re playing too hard to get, it could end up being a problem. Once he sees he’s always the one doing the work and you don’t care enough to reply to messages or call him back, he might talk himself out of liking you so much because he anticipates that he’s going to get hurt if he sticks around any longer.
8 Being Too Clingy And Dependent At All Times
While you don’t want to play too hard to get and drive him away, you also don’t want to go the other way and be too clingy. Being overly attached, clingy and dependent on a person could change his feelings about you or just overwhelm him, so it’s better to avoid this if you can help it.
If you can’t spend a second away from him, always have to know what he’s doing, can’t make any decisions without him and make it clear you’re going to marry him when it’s way too early to even think about that, you could scare him off, no matter how much he likes you. You could also make him feel sorry for you because you’d be portraying yourself as an insecure, needy person, which might then have him wondering whether he ever really liked you to begin with, or whether you were just a sympathy case.
7 Acting Jealous And Paranoid Without Reason
A little bit of jealousy in a relationship helps to keep things interesting. But too much? It usually ends up in disaster. Acting paranoid that your partner is going to cheat on you, leave you or fall out of love with you usually don’t have great consequences. He might really like you to begin with, but this sort of behavior usually scares people away and has them forgetting their feelings for you.
Being with someone who’s questioning your every move is like a full-time job. It’s stressful and tiring, and can even make you feel guilty like you’ve got something to hide when you don’t. These effects of jealousy and paranoia tend to cancel out how much someone likes you. And if your partner has given you a reason to be jealous or paranoid, are they worth keeping around?
6 Being Hot One Minute And Cold The Next With Him
Being hot and cold emotionally with someone might not seem like a big deal, but it can get annoying after a while, and could very well lead someone to question whether you’re really the person for them. Consistent inconsistency like this keeps people on their toes in a bad way because they never feel sure of how you feel about them, or what state the relationship is in.
In truth, nobody deserves to be stuck in limbo like this. Your partner might get so sick of feeling excited when you’re warm toward them and disappointed when you go back to being distant that they end up throwing in the towel, even though they have strong feelings for you. For best results, try to keep things consistent so everybody’s on the same page.
5 Showing Him That You're Not A Nice Person
We can’t help who we fall in love with, and sometimes, when people do despicable things, we still love them. Life would be a lot simpler if we could control this part of our lives, but since it comes down to emotions rather than logic, we can’t. So even if you’re a horrible person, there’s a chance that your partner will love you anyway.
That said, we can control how we react to situations, even if we can’t control how we feel about them. While your partner might still love you even though he knows you put down the waiter, steal things from work and gossip about all your friends behind their backs, he could decide to break up with you anyway. It might hurt him but he could choose to go with what his head says rather than what his heart says.
4 Stopping Him From Pursuing What Makes Him Happy
It’s hardly ever a good idea to keep somebody from following their dreams. Even if you have your reasons for not wanting them to pursue something in particular, it usually leads to a lot of resentment. If your partner feels like you’re stopping him from living the life he wants to live, he might decide that he doesn’t care how much he likes you.
By all means, a reasonable person will appreciate honesty, and you can help him see things in a realistic way if he’s having trouble doing that himself. But what will probably make him doubt his feelings for you is brutal pessimism. You don’t want to be a dream-crusher, especially if he’s actually got a chance at achieving what he wants to achieve!
3 Having Different Or Opposing Morals And Desires
This one isn’t something that you do, and it’s nobody’s fault. But the truth stands: if the two of you have differing beliefs, morals, and goals in life, a strong attraction between you might not be enough to sustain your relationship. That attraction is important, but it’s not all there is to a relationship. If you want to make a life together, there’s going to have to be harmony, and some of the puzzle pieces are going to have to fit together.
Things probably won’t work out if you’re exact clones of each other, and things would get boring pretty quickly if that were the case. At the same time, though, there are certain things that should be similar, like your values and the directions you want to take in life. If those things differ too much, he could feel like the relationship’s not going to work, even though he loves you.
2 Lying To Him About All Things, Big Or Small
Lying is something that many people refuse to tolerate from their significant others. Basically, if you’re going to be in a long-term relationship with somebody, you want to trust them. And can you really trust somebody who lies to you? Probably not.
Of course, there are different levels of lying, and we’re not saying that he’s going to question how much he loves you if you tell a white lie with no consequences every once in a while. There’s no harm in telling him you love the awful tie he’s wearing if he walks in at the end of the work day and asks you how he looks. The truth can be brutal, after all! But if you’re always lying about everything, to the point where he doesn’t believe what you say, he’ll probably doubt his feelings for you sooner or later.
1 Hiding Your True Self From Him
Hiding who you are can seem like a good idea at the beginning of the relationship. Doing this and pretending to be someone you’re not means that you don’t have to deal with your insecurities, and you get to be somebody you think your partner will like. But this never ever works.
Your true self will come out eventually (unless you’re planning on spending a lifetime being miserable and repressed). And when it does, your partner could feel cheated and lied to if it’s different from who you’ve been pretending to be. He might have fallen in love with someone that you’re not, so you being yourself again could obviously make his feelings change. Even if he still loves the real you, he might not be able to ignore the way you masked yourself and pretended to be someone else.