Relationships take hard work on both ends; even if two people are willing to dive in and give it their all, there are no guarantees that it’ll work out unless they put work into it. That's what makes romance such a gamble: the payoff can be huge, but it depends on a lot of factors falling into place. One factor that a relationship depends on most is honesty. As Psychology Today reports, when two romantically–involved people are honest with each other, they're able to be their "best selves." When someone finds that person with whom they feel the most comfortable, they've done what many others hope to accomplish in a lifetime.
A common misconception is that only men lie, while women remain honest till the very end. In reality, women are also capable of lying — though it’s true that the nature of lying can be very different between men and women. In fact, what a woman lies about in a relationship — especially in the early stages — can reveal a lot about her. So, it's in one's best interest to know what she's lying about in the early phase of the relationship. Here is a list of the top lies she'll tell early on!
15 She Lies About Just How Many Men She's Been With In The Past
Our society places a lot of pressure on the intimacy in a relationship. It's enough that in the early stages of a romance, two people are dealing with their own affection for each other...but what can present a problem for any relationship is bringing up past relationships.
It can really mess with a guy's head if he finds out that the girl he's into has been with a lot of other guys.
For some guys, a girl's past promiscuity could be hard to confront, while for others, it doesn't matter at all. As psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith writes on Psychology Today, society doesn't look down upon women who have had numerous boyfriends as much as it used to. But that doesn't mean it won't prevent her from lying about how many partners she had in the past.
Everyone has a 'number' when they go into a new relationship that represents how many people a person has been intimate with in the past. There's a possibility that a girl might not be completely honest about this number, or not entirely honest about who those relationships have been with.
But why would she lie? For some guys, it can make or break a relationship if a girl has been with many people. But above all, it's important to know whether you care about who she's been with before you. Otherwise, if she means more to you than her history, you'll do whatever it takes to make it work.
14 She's Not Totally Honest About What Her Parents Think Of The Relationship
If you really hit things off with her in the beginning, eventually the relationship will mature. More dates and more time together will result in a closer bond. One factor that inevitably comes up at some point down the line is meeting her parents, but there's not really a set time that this should or shouldn't take place in a blossoming relationship; it's more based on the speed of a relationship's progression, and how comfortable two people are around each other.
When the time for meeting her parents comes around, it can either add depth to a relationship or tension, depending on what terms she is on with her parents and how they act towards you. One of those things that can add tension is if her parents aren't really your biggest fans.
In situations when the guy doesn't feel really secure in his potential in-laws' opinion of him, he may go to her for affirmation. This opportunity can lead women to tell a fib about what her parents really think about you.
According to Thought Catalog, it only works in her favor if she reassures him about her parent's approval. It's easy for her to say, and usually, he ends up feeling better as a result. This is the kind of fib that serves as an easy pitfall for guys if he's unsure about what the parents think about him.
13 She Lies About Just How Many Guy Friends She Has...
Does she have male friends? If so, that can lead to some potential tension in any relationship. While some guys don't mind if she has guy friends, others won't tolerate it. There's a wide spectrum of what guys are willing to deal with when it comes to her male friends. But according to Susan Shapiro Barash, a published author who shared her thoughts on the website Muscle and Fitness, there are men out there who don't believe men and women can just be friends.
Women know that most men feel insecure or threatened by her male friends, and therefore take measures to prevent any conflict as a result of having a lot of dudes hangin' around.
If a woman who has guy friends starts dating, she doesn't want to make all these major life adjustments from the get-go. It's going to work more in her favor not to talk about or reveal her guy friends right off the bat. Otherwise, her boyfriend might get envious from the beginning. Otherwise, if there's no avoiding it, Barash points out that she'll devalue her relationship with any guy friends. If he ever brings up any concern about her and those friends, she'll simply talk it down like there's nothing going on. However, sometimes this might just be a little white lie.
12 She's Setting You Up For Second Place
If you're dating a girl, chances are you're not her first. Unless it's her first date ever—which may have its own set of challenges altogether—then she knows what romance is all about. Part of dating someone is recognizing they more than likely have exes and learning to deal with it. As Cheatsheet points out, if she has an ex, she invested in someone else before you. It's more than just attaching labels to a relationship. It's spending time with another person, depending on them and opening yourself up to them. A common cliché is that you give a little bit of yourself to each person you're with. As corny as it sounds, there's actually some truth there. Each person you seriously date takes something emotionally from you.
Naturally, she might have some trepidation around you whenever her ex-comes up. This kind of concern could lead her to tell a lie. One reason Susan Shapiro Barash, author of Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets by way of CheatSheet gives for your girl doing this could be to protect your feelings. Another is that she doesn't want to turn you off when feelings of jealousy arise. Although she could be doing this with good intentions, a lie like this can actually self-destruct the relationship.
11 She Says She’s Au Naturel... Ahem
Some girls feel the need to make changes to their bodies. It can come in the form of something minor, like a new hairstyle, or verge on the extreme, like getting a cosmetic procedure done. Our society tends to put this pressure on women, emphasizing unrealistic depictions of beautiful models to make 'regular' women feel inferior and in need of physical change. With that being said, she may carry some of this into dating.
It's important to make her feel secure and reassured in her body image and about how she looks, no matter what.
If she's already had work done, she may not be open to fessing up to it. Maybe she regrets doing it and doesn't want to admit it. Or maybe she wants you to think she's all natural. Whatever the case may be, this area is ripe for lies.
Relationship guru Sarah Jones shared some advice with Muscle and Fitness: "If she's not opening up to you at a normal level for how well you know each other, and how long you've been together, she might be hiding something." More than likely, she's not going to own up to body enhancements on the first date. But over time, hopefully, she feels comfortable, to be honest about it. Otherwise, she may live with the lie for a long time.
10 She's Nothing Like Her Online Profile Shows Her To Be
Social media makes dating easier and harder at the same time. On the one hand, it makes communication and meeting people easier than ever. On the other, it creates ambiguity and other complicated dynamics. In a sense, a part of dating these days takes place digitally. While traditional dating mostly happened face-to-face, social media allows for nuanced interactions through SMS, message boards and more in order to connect with others. But since the face-to-face aspect is missing, people now communicate through a digital medium where the other isn't always physically visible. That leaves room for deceit and facades.
While her intentions could be good, she may lie about herself over social media to appear more presentable. If one even considers dating sites like OkCupid, eHarmony along with others, people create profiles to appeal to others. Their wellbeing and future in many ways depend on that first impression and how others perceive them online. As reported by psychologist Ryan Anderson by way of Psychology Today, 53% of participants in a US study admitted to lying online when creating their profiles. In pointing out the obvious, that means more than half of the dating profiles online contain false information. If you take everything in her profile as fact, she might be playing you.
9 She Says She Loves Your Team—But Never Makes It To A Game
People say the whackiest things sometimes in order to stay together. What's the harm in little white lies if it gets someone what they want, after all? It's not unusual for her to pretend to be interested in some of the things that you're interested in. If she starts liking your favorite sports team, there's probably more behind it than a genuine love for the team. On Muscle & Fitness, relationship expert Sarah Jones thinks you should heed what your gut is telling you. If something feels fishy, pay attention to it. But don't jump to conclusions. If you've been dating her for some time, Jones suggests looking at her past.
Is there anything that indicates she might be lying about her interests? If she pretends to like your favorite sports team or pretends that she enjoys playing catch with you (when she really doesn't), I think it's safe to say that her lying is pretty harmless.
But most of all, you should want a relationship to have open-communication without illusions or pressure to do things each of you doesn't really want to do.
If you get the sense she's not being truthful and doing activities only for you, it's worth exploring that feeling. In the end, it could present an opportunity to talk it out with her and bring the relationship to a deeper level.
8 She Says "5 More Minutes" When You're An Hour Late
Who hasn't heard her say that she only needs "5 more minutes" when getting ready? As innocuous as it might seem on the surface, most times it's a fib nonetheless. In actuality, when someone says this, it takes them much, much longer. As Dan Scotti (a lifestyle writer for Elite Daily) points out, she usually says it to buy more time. It's a little bit of trickery in a sense. She knows that you're not going to be happy to hear her say how long it's actually going to take to be ready. So she tells you what you hope to hear. Maybe the real problem is that guys fall for this every time.
When it comes down to it, it's not really a major lie. Really, she's doing it because she's worried about how you'll react. She already picks up on your frustration (more than likely) when you ask her when she'll be ready. She may even tell you to wait outside, as Scotti notes, just to make you think it'll be quick. It's really sneaky when a girl does this and gets away with it. They always say it so convincingly. But really, she's lying through her teeth. When she needs to buy time to get ready, she's a seasoned expert.
7 She Says She's "Fine"—We All Know What That Means
There's plenty of things she's not telling you in the early stages. It's best not to take it personally. Unless she's totally crazy and doesn't want to be with you (which is pretty unlikely in the early stages when two people are still getting to know each other), she's doing it to get something she wants. But the focus here is not on what she wants, rather what she's lying about. As reported by the Daily Mail, an Australian study revealed that one of the biggest lies women tell is: "Nothing's wrong, I'm fine." It was actually at the top of the list, the single most-told lie women tell in relationships!
She's not always going to be honest about how she feels, even if you ask her directly.
Sometimes, a woman wants you to already know something is up without needing to ask. She doesn't' want you to find out how she feels from asking her. What she really wants is for you to pick up on it an either apologize or comfort her in that situation. What's surprising, according to the Daily Mail, is that the Australian study (conducted by experts) revealed that "Nothing's wrong, I'm fine," is also the top lie men tell in relationships. That's quite an interesting twist.
6 She's Broke But Ballin' On Your Dime
Women are notoriously stereotyped as shopaholics. It's an unfair stereotype considering how diverse people are and that it's not possible for all women to act exactly the same. Whether it's shopping for something they want or related to a more professional manner like someone's wages or paying off loans, as an example, white lies about money happen all the time.
Before and after she makes an expensive purchase, chances are she's internalizing it on her own. Plenty of emotions can come out as a result. She could feel embarrassed for spending so much, or even angry at herself for doing something rash. But chances are when it comes down to it, she'll either hide her expensive purchase completely or lie about how much it cost.
While it may sound like women are dishonest if they make this choice, they're actually being smart. As Dr. Gina Barreca by way of Psychology Today points out, there are some women who put away small amounts here and there to save up over time. Then, if she ever encounters an emergency or wants to treat herself, she can use that money she's saved up. That scenario may be a little more old-fashioned considering women work professional jobs just as much as men today. But it also shows that there's a reason behind what women do financially. They just may not always be honest about it with their guys.
5 She Says She's In No Rush While She's Already Making You The One
There comes a time in every thriving relationship when a couple is head-over-heels for each other. It becomes hard to hide their emotions. When both sides are caught up in a blossoming romance, it becomes harder to see things clearly. Having an objective point of view becomes much more challenging. So when the emotions strike and she keeps telling you the things you want to hear, you won't be as inclined to look at those statements from another angle. If she's ever said "You're the one," then it's worth examining deeper.
Where are you both at in the relationship? Has it been long enough to warrant a major admission like this?
If there's any doubt about her motives, don't hesitate to ask her about it. Something as major as telling someone they're "the one" is worth exploring. Relationship expert Sarah Jones gives some sage advice to Muscle and Fitness: "If you're worried something's up and you come to her with it, does she avoid your eyes?" If you notice she doesn't want to explore something further beyond simply, "You're the one," then something may be up. Does she suddenly become shy and not want to talk about it anymore? If so, then she could be lying.
4 She Says She Loves Your Bestie While She Trashes Him To Her Friends
Hanging out with each other's friends is important in a relationship. Although her friends may not be your type, part of showing that you're into her is spending time with them. Is she willing to do the same for you though? Dr. Kat Van Kirk by way of Muscle and Fitness thinks that if she shows jealousy towards your friends, she probably isn't their biggest fan. She may even keep tabs on you in order to gauge whether you're with your friends or not. As in, she wants to avoid being with them and will go to extra lengths to prevent her from having to interact with them.
Although she may say she likes hanging out with them, she may not at all. It would be almost too good to be true if she loved hanging out with your friends as much as you did. It's not the end of the world if she isn't a fan of your friends. But it could be a problem if she lies about it. While it'd be hard to hear that she's not a big fan of your friends, it'd be even harder for it to remain a secret. It's important to find out what she feels about your friends before letting any lies slip out.
3 She Plays Coy When You Buy Her Things That She Expects You To Buy
For women, gifts are important, especially if that's their love language. Not only do they enjoy the actual gift, but they really value your thoughtfulness. When they think about the time you've spent getting that gift for her, sometimes it means more than the actual gift itself. So there's no pressure right in what you get her? Wrong. It's extremely important. Plus, the gift should be something she really wants. Or it should be something personal that only you know she would like. Otherwise, if the gift doesn't fit those criteria, she might lie about how much she likes it just to be nice.
By way of Muscle and Fitness, Susan Shapiro Barash, who wrote Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie, says that women won't express their disappointment if it's something they aren't stoked about getting. But deep inside, they'll be thinking about how disappointed they are to receive it. This might rub you the wrong way if the truth ever came out. She's not going to wear her feelings on her sleeve in these kinds of moments. But she'll certainly want to be thinking about how she can avoid it in the future.
2 She Says Couldn't Care Less About Your Female Friends As She Seeths With Jealousy
No one wants to come across jealous. It doesn't help improve one's image in any way. So it's only natural that she'd lie in order to avoid this perception. The challenge is that jealousy finds a way of cropping up in dating. Depending on the situation, it requires one side to adjust in order to help the couple at large. If she's jealous, maybe you need to be aware of her feelings and that you're spending time with someone she feels threatened by. On the other hand, she could be jealous, and your behavior is completely in line. Either way, jealousy can't go on unaddressed or it'll hurt the romance down the line.
When she lies to cover up her jealousy, it only fails to address that there's a problem in the first place.
With there being a problem admitted between two parties, it can't be resolved. If you sense she's jealous and wants to talk to her about it, there are ways to open up the conversation without sounding combative. Relationship guru Sarah Jones by way of Muscle and Fitness has a method on how to open the conversation saying, "'I might be totally nuts here, but I've been a little worried about X lately. Is anything up with that?'" Taking a calm and caring approach like the one Jones outlines may disarm her lies and get down to the heart of the matter.
1 She’s On The Pill—She Just Doesn't Take It Perfectly
Don't take your chances when it comes to intimacy in a relationship. The best practice a couple can take is clearly drawling agreed upon lines before two people go down a road they may regret later on. Within the realm of physical intimacy, there's plenty of opportunities for dishonesty. One of those areas is contraception. For some relationships, intimacy comes into play very early on. It may only take a few dates for things go to the next step. If it does go that way, and the couple is responsible, the issue of birth control will probably come up.
In a moment of closeness where two people just want to go forward with it, she may bend the truth about her birth control practices.
According to Cosmopolitan, in a survey by the CDC's National Center for Health Statistics of teens found that condoms were the most common method of contraception. The pill doesn't even make it to the top two methods of birth control that most people practice. So a woman may not be truthful when she says she's on the pill in order to round the bases with you. It's a slippery slope when one person in the relationship decides to put both their futures at stake.