Love is an awesome thing and when you’re lucky enough to find it, it can be amazing. Unfortunately, not all kinds of love last forever, and some can actually turn sour before you’re even aware of it. If you’re unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of a breakup that blindsides you or a relationship that’s gone south without you realizing it, you might want to check out these 15 things that men will do when they hate the relationship they’re in.
Breaking up is hard to do, because no one wants to be the bad guy. However, it can be just as worse to drag things out and witness the love you once shared wither away and die. Guys can be especially hesitant to end something that was once good, particularly if the two of you have created a life together. While he might not be able to tell you to your face that things are over for whatever reason, if he’s doing any of these 15 things, then it’s because he’s already unhappy – and likely has been for a while. Save yourself the potential heartache and worry and read these, because everyone deserves love.
19 He’ll have major mood swings
If you’re in a situation you just can’t stand, you’re probably going to have a short fuse, even about the most trivial of things. The same goes for a guy who hates the relationship he’s stuck in. His moods will swing all over the place: one moment, he’ll be pretty content to do whatever, and the next he’ll lash out for absolutely no reason at all.
When he hates your relationship but doesn’t have the stones to end it, he’s likely to pick fights in order to plant seeds of doubt. Clearly, something is wrong between you two, but he’s not ready to pull the plug, or feels like he can’t for whatever reason. If you can’t keep track of what’ll make him angry from one moment to the next, it’s likely because he’s just not happy.
18 He’ll stop apologizing
Look, if he gave two craps about your relationship, when he made a big mistake he’d own up to his error and do whatever he could to set things right. However, if he doesn’t care much for you or your relationship, he’ll simply stop apologizing when he does something wrong. Why would he waste his breath if he wants things to be over and done with anyway?
Refusing to make up after a fight creates a lot of tension and resentment between the two of you, and he probably thinks that if he acts like a jerk often enough and for long enough, you’ll kick him to the curb so that he doesn’t have to be the one to do the dirty work. It’s a crummy move for him to pull, but nevertheless an effective one.
17 He’ll give you the silent treatment
No one likes a pouter, and this guy can sulk with the best of them! Shutting off all contact with you, be it in person, online, or via text, is his way of creating distance within your relationship.
If you’re hearing about his big news from mutual friends before you hear it from him, it’s because he’s trying to cut you out of his life, but he isn’t being direct about it. Sure, he might be genuinely busy, but if he’s ceased contact with you all of a sudden and he’s being distant when you’re together, too, then it’s likely because he’s not having a good time in the relationship anymore, and ghosting on you is a way to say bye without actually having to do much of anything!
16 He’ll nit-pick
This is a crappy move a lot of guys pull when they want their GF to know that they’re not happy with the way things are. Nit-picking can come in a couple varieties: everything you do can start to annoy him, even if they never bothered him before, or – arguably worse – he can start to pick out all your flaws and put you down constantly.
It’s a jerk move, but one that guys do in the hopes that you’ll break things off before he has to (sensing a theme here?). Finding issues with everything involving you is his indirect way of telling you that you’re just not right for each other, and the more items he finds to list, the worse you’ll feel. If he was adoring and gracious before but is now letting his jerk flag fly, cut him loose before you suffer any more abuse.
15 He’ll stop making plans
A pretty obvious sign when a dude is unhappy with his relationship is that he’ll simply stop making time to see you. If you’re the cause of his unhappiness, why would he want to spend more time around the source, right? He doesn’t want to go places where the two of you have to pretend to be the happy couple when he isn’t feeling it, and rather than be straight with you, he’s instead bailing on any plans or he stops making them altogether.
Distancing himself from you physically is one of the first ways men will signify that they hate their relationship. There will always be something else he just HAS to do, even if that thing isn’t nearly as attractive as spending time with his lady. Is he choosing dentist appointments over Netflix and chill evenings? Definitely a red flag.
14 He’ll leave you out
Maybe you two used to do things together all the time, but now he’s insisting that he needs “space” and more “me-time”. While it’s totally understandable to want some chill time to clear your head or just be alone, if your guy is asking for it more and more often – but seems perfectly content to be around other people – it’s a clear sign that something is amiss in your relationship.
Similar to when he stops making time to see you, leaving you out of everything or choosing to be alone instead of together can mean he hates being around you, but hasn’t quite screwed up the courage to end things. Instead, he’s hoping that if he spends enough time away from you, you’ll just get the hint and realize that the two of you are done.
13 He’ll no longer make an effort
When you guys first got together, it was no issue for him to drive through rush hour to pick you up from work all the way across town or pick up your favourite wine when he’d heard you had a bad day. Those little things defined the sweetness of your relationship, and proved how thoughtful he was in word as well as deed.
Now, however, it’s a different story.
If he hates the relationship he’s in, he just can’t be bothered to do nice things for you anymore because he just doesn’t care. He’ll forget your anniversary and not see what the big deal is, or make bacon for breakfast even though he knows you’re a vegetarian. When he stops making an effort to be kind, thoughtful, or even know who you are, it’s because his heart just isn’t in it anymore.
12 He’ll change his mind about everything
For a lot of couples, when they get serious, they might have discussions about what the future looks like. Do both people see marriage in the cards or is someone vehemently opposed to the institution? Are kids a possibility or will this be a fur baby-only family? These are the subjects that, if not discussed, can have a major impact later on. If your guy has suddenly changed his mind about what you had planned – say, you both agreed on having kids sometime in the future but now he’s totally against the idea – it can drive a wedge between you two. He may have had a change of heart and that could be what’s causing his unhappiness in the relationship, or he could just be lying so that you realize that he’s not the person you fell in love with!
11 He’ll text other women
If a man hates the relationship he’s in, he’ll start looking to get what he wants elsewhere – namely, from other women. Maybe he’s begun to text a certain coworker a lot more, or is spending his time scrolling through Instagram and liking photos of random women. It’s not that he’s cheating – yet. Instead, he’s looking for an escape plan. It’s far easier for him to end a relationship if there’s someone to push him to take that final step, but it’s also a way for him to feed his ego and stroke his self-esteem.
Technology has made it way easier for people to cheat, and texting other women is dipping a toe into the grey area of what constitutes infidelity. Obviously, if he hates his relationship, he’s not concerned about paying you any respect and would rather just have a good time, even if it hurts you.
10 He’ll flirt with other women
One step up from texting other women, we have guys who will flirt with other women – sometimes openly, in front of you!
When a guy does this, it’s because he wants you to know that he’s unhappy with your relationship. Maybe he’s sending a flirty message on Facebook that you can see, or he’s actually chatting up a woman while you’re within earshot. Either way, not okay. Unless he’s incredibly stupid, he knows exactly what he’s doing and the message he’s sending you is loud and clear: I want out. If he was at all worried about how this would look in public, he wouldn’t put you in such a compromising position. Instead, he’s willing to risk humiliation if it means that you break up with him so that he can finally feel free at last.
9 He’ll make excuses not to be intimate
When someone is unhappy in their relationship, intimacy is usually the first thing to go. Beyond the bodily mechanics that are required to make it happen, he’s just not in the right headspace to get it on if he hates the relationship. If he’s making excuses not to get frisky with you, or his libido suddenly plummets with no explanation, it could be because his interests lie with someone else. Or, it could be that he is so tuned out of your relationship that he’s distancing himself physically, emotionally, and s*xually.
Getting intimate is something that should be enjoyable, but if your guy has lost all interest in doing the deed and would rather fake being asleep than get it on, it could be because what was once his favourite thing to do is no longer fun because he hates this relationship.
8 He’ll only get intimate if he’s angry
On the flip side of refusing to get intimate, a guy might show that he hates the relationship – and, by association, you – by choosing to only get it on when he’s really pissed off.
Unlike makeup intimacy, which can happen after a fight, this dude would rather bang out all your issues. This makes for an extremely volatile and perhaps even violent relationship, which is definitely not healthy. He’s become so unhappy in his current situation that he’s only able to get excited when he’s angry, which isn’t fair to you. Instead of being about love or something else sweet, doing the deed has simply become another extension of your fighting. He might only get turned on by you when he’s mad at you, and if that sounds like your personal life, it could be because he wants out of that relationship ASAP.
7 He’ll stop saying “I love you”
This is a hard one to talk about, because how do you handle it when your BF stops saying “I love you”? Unfortunately, this isn’t usually a sudden occurrence, it’s more likely to be something that happens over time. It may begin that he simply stops saying it for no reason, then he stops saying it after you’ve said it, and finally he will respond with something else that is more noncommittal, like, “Thanks” or “Uh-huh”, which is the verbal equivalent of a knife to the gut.
If a guy hates the relationship he’s in, he won’t be able to keep up the façade for much longer, and even saying those three little words will become too much for him, because he’ll know them for what they really are: a lie.
6 He’ll cheat
When a man has no respect for you or your relationship, and in fact can’t stand either, he’ll cheat, plain and simple. Especially if he doesn’t have the courage to actually walk away, he’ll keep stringing you along, thinking everything is okay (or at least fixable) when it reality he’s already moved on.
This is the final nail in the coffin if he hates the relationship he’s in. He can’t bear to be with you in any sense except perhaps a Facebook status (although the clock is ticking on that, too). Maybe he’s already struck up a relationship with someone else, or maybe it’s become an emotional affair – he spills all his hopes, dreams, and secrets to someone else, when that role used to be occupied by you. If he’s unhappy in the relationship, though, he won’t think twice about it.
5 He’ll leave
Finally, if a guy hates the relationship he’s in, he’ll leave. Really, what’s the point in sticking around in something you can’t stand with someone you don’t love anymore? Even if there are extenuating circumstances, like children, pets, or a house, if he wants it badly enough, he’ll figure out a way to get out of there.
In all honesty, leaving is probably the best course of action if you’re unhappy in your relationship. Why beat around the bush and waste everyone’s time instead of pulling the plug when things aren’t right? This move is the one that takes the most courage, rather than playing the games of the other 14 (unless he does those first). Leaving and saying goodbye to a bad relationship – or at least, bad in his eyes – can save you both a lot of trouble and, ultimately, a lot of heartache.
4 He’ll Accuse You
If a guy is feeling like he’s not as into you as you are into him – without having asolid reason for his change of heart – he may start playing defence and accusing youof being the one to love him less. Like a lot of things on this list, he wants to makeyou feel like the bad guy so that you end things, or so that he has no choice but toleave. In a weird, reverse way, he’s acknowledging his own behaviour, because insome twisted sense, he might want you to know that he’s unhappy and these are theexact things he’s doing to deal with it.When your man starts levying accusations at you from out of the blue, itmight be a red flag signifying that all is not right in your relationship and he wantsthe green light to get going.
3 He'll Stop Flirting
A major component of a solid relationship is flirtation. You don’t want to riskbecoming impersonal roommates or friends without the benefits, right? Flirtation ina relationship is a way of acknowledging that you’re still totally into your SO andthat even though you’ve known them for however long or seen them go to thebathroom or plucked that stray hair, you still find them sexy as hell and can’t resistletting them know it.A sudden drop-off in flirtation is a warning sign that your guy’s attentionsmay be elsewhere, because they’re definitely not on you. Clearly, he’s not happywith the person he’s with, and so he simply can’t be bothered to be flirty in the wayyou were when you first got together. A gradual decline is normal, but an abruptchange in intimate behaviour could mean he’s far from happy.
He'll Compare You To Other Women
Like nit-picking, comparing you to other women is a way for him to undermine youand make you believe his heart and mind are drawn somewhere – and to someone –else. It could be that he’s comparing you to his ex, and putting you down in theprocess, or mentioning female friends or coworkers he’s more favourable of,whereas you don’t quite measure up.Any guy who does this wants you to know that he thinks about other women,and he considers them to be better than you, even if it’s not exclusively romantic.He’s playing the part of the jerk so you pull the trigger before he has to, so then hecan continue to compare you (his new ex) to his future conquests – something youdefinitely don’t deserve. If he thinks he’s so perfect, he can prove it by being singleagain!
2 He’ll Re-Open Wounds
When you’re in a serious relationship, you’re bound to have fights and arguments.Some might be smaller tiffs while others could be drag-down, knock-out fights. Ifyou’re able to, you forgive one another and move on with your lives. Or, if not, yousplit and go your separate ways, right?
Well, that would be the mature thing to do, but the guy who hates therelationship he’s in but doesn’t have the courage to end it is far from mature.Instead, he’ll choose to open old wounds in the middle of the fight, reminding you ofall your indiscretions and failures, of all the times you’ve hurt him. He’s knockingyou down a few pegs to make himself feel better and remind you that he has everyreason to hate the situation he’s in.
1 He'll Forget The Details
When he hates the relationship he’s in, he stops paying attention to you. Beyond nolonger doing nice things for you, he starts to purposely forget the basics of who youare and your life together. He doesn’t care about your relationship anymore, so whywould he take up valuable mental space by remembering silly things like your coffeeorder or your birthday? This isn’t being absent-minded – this is a deliberate attemptto undermine your relationship and your recollection of what it once was. After all, adude who can’t remember your star sign must not have been that into you, so youmust not have been that serious in the first place, right? It’s a crappy way for him toshow you how little you mean to him that he can’t even remember the basics.