Most men are not interested in the whips, chains, and how many shades of gray you can hit in an evening. In fact, what men want us to know about hooking up is far tamer than any work of fiction. I would even go as far as to say that men want the same things women want but are too afraid to admit.
Think about that for a moment. From birth, we are taught to be modest (even in the United States where women are supposedly equal to men) and that if we are sexual, we are also somehow dirty. Strip away the social demands placed on women, and you will find that most of us want and desire the same things in the bedroom that the guys do. The only difference is that men are often allowed to be more open about what they want, as long as they don't sound weak in the asking.
Relationships work best when we break down these societal differences and get into what we really want in bed: trust, closeness, and pleasure. Learning what he wants in bed will give us equal time to explore what we also want in the bedroom. After all, giving leads the way to getting.
The traditional relationship dictates that the man initiates the sex. That might have been fine back in the 1950s, but we are in the 2Ks now. Men want us to want sex, too. Otherwise they think that we just aren’t into them, and who wants to be in a relationship where the other person doesn’t desire them? Reach out to your man and let him know when you are in the mood for some action. Give him some surprise sex and he will love it even more.
Believe it or not, guys like it when we are prepared for sex. According to Women’s Health Magazine, men actually like it when we come over with a condom. Instead of thinking we are out on the prowl for sex, they are happy to know that we take responsibility for our own sexual health. Carrying a condom shows that we are mature and stable enough to be in an adult relationship with someone who is also concerned about his own health.
The game of cat and mouse, and pretending you don’t want to have sex gets old real fast for guys. According Shape, men view sex as a way to express their love. When you consistently turn your man down, you are hurting his feelings and making him feel rejected. Instead of giving him an absolute no, tell him why you are not in the mood for sex and schedule a time when you will be less stressed or feeling better.
Men love to look at our bodies. We are beautiful to them even if we think we are less than perfect. Stretch marks, belly fat, and a bit of extra rump don’t matter to him. What matters is that you are willing to be open and intimate with just him, so get up on top to give him the full view or make love to him in front of a mirror. Give him all that he wants and more.
Guys are terrible mind readers. They can only guess at what we might want and even then they wonder if they are doing it right. Take the guessing out of the game and tell him exactly what you want in bed. Guys think it is hot when a woman knows what she wants in the bedroom and are all too often willing to give us exactly what we ask for.
Guys get devastated when they can’t get or keep an erection, but they don’t want us to make a big deal about it and they definitely don’t want us to take it personally. It just happens sometimes. The best thing we can do is use the down time for some snuggling, back massages, and have him perform some oral on you. Get his mind off his situation and back into the game of love.
Men love to hear a bit of praise. Between work and life's other obligations, praise is probably one of the things that is missing from his life, so give it to him. In the bedroom, men like to know what they are doing right instead of always being told what they are doing wrong. In fact, if you keep pointing out all the things he does wrong, he will begin to feel that nothing he does is right and he will want to give up. Give him encouragement and when he does something that makes you feel good, let him know about it.
Men are visually turned on and that is one of the many reasons why skin flicks are so popular among men. It is not that we aren’t everything in the world to our man, he just likes to watch and, yes, get turned on. Studies are showing that more and more women are also watching adult movies for pleasure. It is not cheating and, as soon as we realize that, we can relax and maybe enjoy a few adult genres in our spare time, too.
When you are in the throws of passion with your man, say his name. Scream it, croon it, and purr it in his ear. Men love it when we say their names while making love. It makes a man feel like the king of the mountain and like he is the only person in the world that matters to you.
One of the biggest complaints I have heard from my guy friends is that their girlfriends don’t make any noise when they are doing the deed. This really confuses guys who expect at least a bit of a moan or some heavy breathing. Break out of the silent treatment and give your man some clues that he is pleasing you. While you don’t have to break out with the loud oh yeses of an adult movie queen, you could easily give him a soft "ah yeah" when he hits the right spot.
As women, we know what it is like to be treated like a slab of meat on the bed, but what we don’t realize is that some men feel that we treat them as though only the penis matters. Men do like foreplay. They love the slow buildup and the tease. If you feel that your man doesn’t want foreplay, it could be that he thinks you are not interested in it. Take initiative and slow the bedroom action down. Tease him with light touches and tell him what you want in return.
Dr. Joe Kort told Woman’s Day that, "Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them.” Remove you man’s fear of sharing his sexual fantasies with you by having a conversation with him. Make him promise that he will not judge you for your fantasies and that you will not judge him for his. Take back and forth turns talking about things that turn you on and things you both would like to try. Make an honest effort to fulfill a few of his fantasies and, no doubt, he will want to please you in return.
We have all been there. We spend an hour picking and choosing the right lingerie set to turn him on and when that special moment happens, he barely even notices the effort we put in for him. According to Women’s Health Magazine, guys do notice the lingerie and they like it, too. It is a huge turn on for them, and that is why the lingerie is so quickly removed and toss onto the floor. He wants to get to the prize underneath the wrapping.
Drop the prissy, too-perfect-for-smut act. He gets that you aren’t a tramp, but he wouldn’t mind it in the least if you would get a bit dirty with just him. Take the time to drop a few sexual hints in his ear before he heads off for work. It will drive him crazy for the rest of the day. Text him a few thoughts on what you would like to do to him the next time you see him. Pique his interest and get him going. Men love it when we talk dirty to them.
Missionary sex in the bedroom can get boring after awhile. Don’t be afraid to change things up. Guys want us to be more spontaneous in the sex department. This includes doing it in different places, trying different positions, and even trying out a few kinks. Sometimes nothing says “I love you” better than handcuffs and a blindfold.