In this day and age, it can feel like no one is looking for a real relationship anymore. People don’t seem to want to settle down early in life—they would rather play the field and see who’s out there than stick with one person for years and years. On one hand, that can be a good thing—no one should settle down with someone they don’t truly love out of fear of being alone. But at the same time, this attitude towards relationships means that a whole lot of people are getting their hearts broken because some people are truly scared to commit.
Thankfully, wondering whether or not someone is ready to commit doesn’t have to be a blind guessing game. There are some signs that anyone can see if they are really looking. And when someone knows what to look out for, they won’t find themselves chasing someone who isn’t ready to give them what they really deserve. They will be able to move on and date people who are actually ready for something more serious. Here are 15 things he’ll do when he wants to stay casual, and five things that show he actually wants commitment.
20 Committed: He Gets Real About His Feelings From The Start
A guy who is seeking commitment won’t be vague when it comes to his feelings. He will be honest about the way he feels from day one. He won’t try to play it cool or play hard to get by acting like he just sees a girl as a friend with benefits or someone to have a fling with when he is actually feeling something much deeper—if he wants to get serious with her, he will tell her that he’s truly falling for her.
According to Psychology Today, being honest is definitely the key to honest communication in a strong relationship.
19 Casual: He Won’t Open Up About His Romantic History
It’s understandable that a guy won’t want to tell his new girl all about his ex. But according to Cosmopolitan, being cagey and closed off about his romantic past is a sign that a guy isn’t taking their new fling all that seriously.
When two people want something more serious together, it is generally understood that they will both want to talk about their experiences with past relationships so that they can do better going forward and get to know each other on a deeper level. When a guy won’t talk about it, that important learning period just can’t happen.
18 Casual: He Keeps Plans Low-Key
When a guy only wants to make casual, laid-back plans with a girl, it’s a sign that he really only wants the relationship to be casual. According to Allure, a guy who only seems to suggest things like going to parties or watching a movie on Netflix when it’s time to hang out may not view the girl he’s seeing as relationship material—or maybe he does genuinely like her, but does not feel like he is ready for a real relationship just yet.
Either way, it’s a sign that she should not get too emotionally invested in him.
17 Casual: He Texts Her At Odd Hours
A guy’s texting habits can tell a girl a whole lot about his intentions. According to Cosmopolitan, a guy who only seems to text a girl he’s seeing late at night is not taking things seriously. He’s just looking for a friend with benefits and nothing more. He probably has no intention of making this an official relationship, and he just wants someone around so that he doesn’t have to be alone.
If that’s all the girl wants too, then it’s not an issue, but if she is looking for something more serious, this guy is not worth her time.
16 Commitment: He Plans Classy Dates
A guy who really wants to make things official with the girl he is seeing will go the extra mile to plan fancy dates. According to Glamour, this is a major sign that he sees her as much more than just a girl to have a fling with.
For example, he will make reservations at her favorite restaurant and tell her to wear something nice. Or he will get tickets to a fun event that she has mentioned wanting to go to. He will put in the effort to plan something special for the two of them, and make it exciting.
15 Casual: He Doesn’t Go Out Of His Way To See Her
A guy who really wants to be with a girl will never make excuses about not being able to spend time with her. If he wants to see her, he will make it happen whenever possible! According to Cosmopolitan, a guy who is always making excuses as to why he can’t hang out is just not taking the connection seriously.
He doesn’t feel like he has to put in that real effort because he just doesn’t care too much about the potential of their relationship. Therefore, she will only end up seeing him when it is actually convenient for him.
14 Casual: He Hasn’t Deleted His Dating Apps
This one is a surefire sign that the guy in question is not ready for a real relationship yet, and he may still just want to play the field for quite a while. According to Seventeen, there are plenty of guys out there who will keep dating apps downloaded on their phones until they are ready to ask someone to be their official girlfriend.
If they are not exclusive with anyone yet? Well, they are going to continue using the apps, even if they are seeing someone on a regular basis. If that’s the case, he is not ready to settle down.
13 Casual: He Cancels Plans Last Minute
A guy who is always canceling plans at the last minute is a guy who does not care too much about committing to those plans in the first place.
And according to Cosmopolitan, a guy who can’t even bother to commit to a plan with a girl is not the kind of guy who is going to commit to a real relationship with her!
It just makes sense—commitment does not just mean committing to the label. It also means committing to spending lots of quality time together, and taking those plans seriously. Couples have to make each other a top priority.
12 Casual: He Only Comes Around On The Weekends
This is pretty common in casual flings, and this is one of the qualities that separates a casual fling from a committed and serious relationship. According to Cosmopolitan, a guy who only comes around on the weekends just isn’t interested enough to make time for his girl during the week.
Sure, he’s busy with work—but so is everyone, and plenty of people make time to see their significant others during the week. It’s not difficult if both parties actually carve out the time and prioritize those plans. If he’s only around on the weekends, it’s just a casual thing.
11 Committed: He Sees Her On Weeknights
Now, a guy who has no problem making plans on a weeknight is a keeper. According to Seventeen, this guy knows that going the extra mile and rearranging his schedule a bit during the week is worth the effort. This shows that he sees his girl as one of the most important things in his life.
Even if he is balancing work, school, and family, there is always time for the one that he loves—it might just be a quick coffee date on his lunch break or spending an hour with her in the evening, but every minute counts.
10 Casual: He Isn’t Shy About Flirting With Other Women
This is a surefire sign that a guy is not into commitment. According to Cosmopolitan, it’s perfectly normal for even people who are in committed relationships to flirt once in a while, as long as they stick to relationship boundaries and don’t try to turn it into something more.
But, if a girl is casually dating a guy who flirts with other women right in front of her, well, he is sending her a signal that he is definitely not going to be exclusive, and he wants that to be obvious. He’s not even close to committing.
9 Casual: He Spends A Lot Of Time With Other Women
It’s perfectly normal for guys who are dedicated to one woman to still have some close female friendships. But according to Allure, a guy who is still technically single and spending time with a lot of other women is probably not looking to lock it down with just one girl any time soon.
He probably likes the attention that he gets from being around other women, and he knows that he will have to say goodbye to that if he commits to being in a relationship with one person. Let’s face it, some men just love to be the center of attention.
8 Casual: He Doesn’t Treat Her Like A Priority
This one is simple: if a guy is only kind of interested in a girl, she is not going to be at the top of his list of priorities, and that will always shine through in his actions. According to Allure, it’s actually easy to tell if a guy sees a girl as a priority or not. The answer?
It’s simple—he actively makes an effort to spend time with her, communicates on a daily basis, and plans dates that they will both enjoy. That’s really it. If a guy can’t manage to do those three things, he’s not committed.
7 Casual: He Says He’s Not Sure What He Wants
Sometimes, a guy will admit that he’s not sure what he wants in terms of relationships, and the girl he is casually seeing will take that to mean that she still has a chance of getting him to settle down and commit.
But according to Seventeen, a guy who doesn’t know what he wants really has no intentions of committing any time soon. Maybe in the future he will be totally ready to settle down, but that day is not right around the corner, and girls are better off not waiting around for these guys to get their acts together.
6 Commitment: He’s Clear About His Intentions
What is the difference between a guy who is ready for commitment and a guy who is going to just lead someone on? There is one major thing to look out for: clarity. According to Cosmopolitan, a guy who actually wants to be with the girl he is talking to won’t beat around the bush.
He will not pretend that he wants something serious if he doesn’t, and he won’t have trouble communicating what he sees in the future. Even if it is uncomfortable to talk about, he will just be clear about what his intentions are for the relationship.
5 Casual: He Doesn’t Invite Her To Special Events
There is a point in a relationship where it becomes the norm to invite each other to special events. Holidays with the family, a cousin getting married, a friend graduating from college, that kind of thing. According to Cosmopolitan, if he’s inviting you to special events like this, it means that he is taking the relationship seriously.
But if months have gone by and he’s not asking his girl to come along, it could indicate that he either doesn’t get along well with his family and is nervous to introduce her, or he isn’t super-committed to their romantic relationship.
4 Casual: He Doesn’t Talk About Their Future Together
What separates a serious relationship from a casual fling? The future, of course. According to Psychology Today, a relationship in which both people actively talk about the future is a secure and comfortable one. It shows that both people are committed to making the other person a part of their future. And they aren’t just going to give up and run when the going gets tough.
What if he refuses to discuss the future? Well, the harsh truth is that it means he just does not think she is going to be a part of it, but he’s hesitant to say that.
3 Casual: His Friends Have Never Met Her
This is one is a major red flag that he has no real intentions of committing. According to Seventeen, a good sign that a guy really sees a particular girl as being super-important to him is that he makes the effort to get her involved with his friend group.
He wants her included in many different aspects of his life, and that means that he wants her to come along when he hangs out with his friends. If he doesn’t do this, it means that he just views her as someone he can see on the side when he has time.
2 Casual: He Says He Doesn’t Want To Be Exclusive
Now, this line should speak for itself, but unfortunately, many women will keep hanging on even after a guy tells them that he has no intentions of exclusively dating them. According to Cosmopolitan, lots of men these days will put off being exclusive for as long as they possible can, and women who actually want a serious relationship need to be wary of this.
If he says he does not want to be exclusive, believe him—if you know that you do, you will have to look for that somewhere else. Otherwise, both people will just end up feeling brokenhearted.
1 Committed: He Actually Wants A Label
Want to be with a guy who is ready to commit? Wait for the one who says that he is head over heels, and that he wants a label. According to Allure, men who know what they want and are ready to be more than a fling make the best boyfriends.
A woman shouldn’t have to pressure a guy into dating her—he should be eager and ready to use that label. A guy who does not want to commit will always have a million and one excuses for why he does not want a relationship label.
Sources: Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan, Allure, Glamour, Seventeen