Enough is enough. Maybe you’re in a relationship, or maybe you’re recently single. Maybe you haven’t even gotten to the relationship phase yet. For some reason there’s something you’re doing, or, more likely, something he’s doing that’s keeping you two from really being together. From really being happy. Whatever the reason for distance or displeasure might be, we’re sure that it’s connected to one of the reasons in this article. If your guy is doing things that you’re not sure you like, that’s a good enough reason to not want to stick with him. It can be hard to tell sometimes what’s okay and what’s not. We tend to fear the silly trope of “anxious girlfriend”, for no good reason. If you’re a girlfriend and feeling anxious, there’s a totally valid reason. Sometimes you need some help figuring it out, though. Read on, and see if one of these points is what’s getting you anxious. Trust us; if your man is doing ANY of these 15 things, it’s definitely not okay.
15. He Doesn’t Make You Happy
It seems silly, doesn’t it? Through no fault of his own, he’s just not doing it for you. You’re not excited by him, and you don’t look forward to when you get to see him again. You’re losing out on a world of happiness and butterflies by staying with him. Trust us; he won’t all of a sudden seem exciting again three months down the line. Maybe he’ll do some exciting things, but if you’re not feeling it now, you never will. Hoping for something to get better is silly. It’s not okay to waste your time with men that don’t matter. You’re worth so much more! It’s not his downfall, but it’s definitely not an okay thing for your relationship. If his existence is just “meh”, don’t feel pressured to entwine it with your life. You can do better, and you should. You deserve someone that’s more than just okay.
14. Choosing The Wrong Words
You’ve heard of backhanded compliments, right? Those nice phrases that are actually a little questionable and mean when you think about it? If your guy has ever said anything along the lines of “that dress really hides your lumps” or “that haircut is way nicer than your last one”, you can be sure that he’s not actually complimenting you. In fact, he’s really trying to tear you down. By talking about something in a way that accentuates the flaws you have rather than highlighting your assets, he’s actually inevitably trying to insult you. While he might not know the maliciousness of these words, you can be sure that it’s there. Whether conscious or not, he’s not actually being nice. We recommend you call him out on his wrong word choice, and tell him exactly what you think of these “compliments”.
13. Texting Troubles
No, we’re not talking about messaging other women. You and your guy should be able to have friendly relationships with anyone you both want, without either of you worrying about the truthfulness and abstinence of them. Just because your guy has girlfriends doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you! That being said, if you find that he’s making plans behind your back, sweet talking, and flirting with other women, that’s a totally not okay thing. Emotional cheating is on par with physical cheating, and it can take the form of many different things. We’ll go into some of them later on, but for now know the most obvious sign: If your guy is still speaking to his exes, making plans to move back to their city and growing old together, and not breaking off contact when you ask him to, that’s a total red flag. SUPER not okay.
12. Sneaky Side Gigs
And no, we’re not talking about Craigslist jobs. We’re not unreasonable; we know that guys and gals need to have their own lives and relationships to feel fulfilled. Outside of their relationships and significant others it’s important to have a support system and group of friends that fulfill and satisfy you emotionally, creatively, and intellectually. You can’t make your life all about one person. But, if your guy is being elusive and sneaky about whom he’s hanging out with, that’s definitely a warning sign. He needs to be transparent about whom he’s seeing and spending time with, if only so it sets the same standard for you. If he won’t tell you about his friends, and if he won’t ever invite you out with them, be careful. There might be some sneaky side business going on that you don’t know about. Or, just maybe, you’re the sneaky side business! Uh oh!
11. Blowing You Off
Okay, so some people don’t mind plans changing. They don’t mind someone saying “hey, I need a night to myself” and rescheduling. However, if he keeps blowing you off night after night, there’s definitely something wrong. He might be dealing with some intense personal life stuff, or maybe he has some health issues that are affecting how much he can do. If it’s a new relationship you’re trying to start, it’s totally worth asking point-blank what’s going on. If there isn’t a real thing that’s happening, or if he just doesn’t “feel” it, we recommend cutting him off. He doesn’t care enough to prioritize you, and he definitely doesn’t care enough to make any sort of rescheduled plans. If you’ve been with your guy for a while and he’s just started blowing you off, definitely confront him. There might be something going on, but it also might just be a sign that it’s time to move on.
10. Making Fun of Your Interests
Sure, you don’t understand his passion for disk golf. He doesn’t get your fascination with troll dolls. News flash: you two don’t need to like the exact same things in order to be together. Part of the joy of a new relationship is learning about each other’s music tastes, movie preferences, and favorite foods. If you’re lucky you’ll have found someone that will not only embrace your interests, but will share theirs too. You don’t need to love everything, but you definitely need to give it all a try. And he’ll do the same. If he’s making fun of your interests though, that’s a bad sign. You need someone who cares about you and what makes you happy. A guy making fun of your paintings, music tastes, or TV show preferences is not okay. It’s not a good sign for your relationship either. Maybe rethink this partnership. If not, you might be stuck going to sports games you don’t care about for the rest of your life.
9. It’s All About Me
No, sir, it is not. And if you’re making it all about you, that’s an issue. We’re pretty forgiving of someone if they’re having a really good or really bad day and want to talk about it. It should be a part of any good relationship to catch up, support each other, and keep each other grounded. Not to mention how you want to learn about the other person, which can only happen if they talk about themselves a little. If they’re spending every conversation talking solely about their trials, tribulations, and triumphs, there’s something off balance. You deserve a guy that will ask about you. One who won’t just say “me me me” and leave you out. We recommend calling him out on his bad habits. While some people will suggest you just insert yourself into the conversation, we know that that doesn’t actually change anything. Let him know you need more than his stories to build a relationship on.
8. Not Listening to No
If ANYONE does this you should know that it’s not okay. Unfortunately, sometimes we let our significant others get away with it. We tend to give our partners a special pass for messing up. Even if they’re doing something you’re not totally okay with, you let them do it because you don’t want to confront them or get mad. We know we’ve let things slide despite our better judgments. Don’t be like us, though; if you’ve said no, don’t let them change your mind. If you’ve said no, the answer is no. For example, tickling fights. If you don’t want to be tickled, and they keep tickling you after you’ve said no, that’s not a good thing. If you say no two or three times and they’re still going, you really need to talk to them about it after. Let your boundaries be known and respected. Hardcore respected.
7. Being a Bad Influence
Sure, we all get convinced now and then to put aside our homework and hang out for the night instead. Do this too often though and you can get trapped in a vicious cycle of procrastination. The papers pile up, the studies start to slide, and the grades ever so slowly go from “graduation ready” to “get back in first year”. Have you ever experienced something like this? Sometimes it happens because we pick up a demanding job. Sometimes it happens because our friends like to be party animals. More often than not though, it’s because of a boyfriend. “Just come hang out for a bit” is usually the phrase that gets us. With every intention of coming home early, we unfortunately never make it back in before 4. If he keeps doing this with no regard as to how your studies are, stop seeing him. He’s just a bad influence, and you don’t need to waste your time with that.
6. Hygiene Hardship
Are you dating a man that chews with his mouth open, forgets to shower, and neglects to brush his teeth? That level of disregard should be enough to turn any woman off. Sure, maybe he’s got a killer smile and a master’s degree in nihilism, but that’s no excuse for poor hygiene. The men of the world expect to get away with too much. We believe that if you let yourself get enamored with a guy, that guy should (ideally) feel the same about you. This means putting the same sort of care into his appearance that you do. Showering, wearing deodorant, and making sure he’s got on fresh underwear are all a way of showing his respect for both himself and you. If he shows up to a date looking like a slob and smelling worse than the compost bin after Fish stick Fridays, dump his butt. It’s SO not okay.
5. Inviting Himself Along
We all need some quiet time. Or time with our Mom. Or time with our bff. Or even time with our roommates without another person hanging around. While sometimes, at the beginning of a relationship, we’re eager to spend as much time as possible with our new person, it can get to be a little bit too much very quickly. We start to feel that we need space, or need some separation before wearing each other out with too much time spent together. It’s valuable to spend time together, but if that time gets to be too intense, or too constant, the spark starts to dull. Not to mention how you’ve got your own life to lead. If he’s stuck on always being with you, it gets kind of smothering. While it’s sweet that he likes you so much, it’s definitely not the most okay thing for him to invite himself along. Make sure he knows when it’s time to be apart, and reassure him that it’ll just make your next date all the sweeter.
4. Questioning Everything
Sure, good intentions brought that curiosity-killed cat back, but it definitely won’t repair whatever’s happening between you two. While your guy might have the best of intentions with ensuring you two both have clarity and “open communication”, it can get to be too much. Like almost everything on this list, it’s the too much aspect that really makes this not okay. Yes, he should be able to ask about who you’re with. But questioning every detail, every motivation, every photo and text message is a sign that he’s got issues. Probably trust issues. Plus, if he’s questioning your suggestions, you can be sure that there’s some ego at play too. It’s always a bad sign if he can’t be wrong, or can’t trust your judgment. You don’t need that in your life, so why stay with it? Let it GO!
3. You OR Your Body
No sir! It has to be both. If you and your guy have to part for whatever reason, you want to know that you two are going to miss each other for all the right reasons. Not because he misses being in between… Well, whatever you two do in the evenings after a bottle of wine. We don’t judge what you do, but we will judge the respect (or lack thereof) he chooses to do it with. Oftentimes if you have a man that’s very handsy, that translates into text messages, snapchats, and all other forms of s*xy stuff. Unfortunately, that stuff does not make a relationship. It’s for sure an essential part of most relationships, but it can’t be your only means of communication. If he’s only messaging you to ask for pictures or fun fantasies, there’s a problem. He’s not actually crazy about you, and no doubt the relationship is lacking in some important aspects. Tell him that you’re not okay with it, and rest assured that he’ll either shape up or ship out– Both are good options.
2. Talking Behind Your Back
There’s nothing worse than friends talking about you when you’re not around. Even if they’re saying good things, there’s a feeling of betrayal, or maybe a little suspicion. You’ll never really know what they were saying. They could tell you they were talking about anything, good or bad. There’s just not enough trust there to continue being close friends. If that’s the case with friends, why do we let our significant others get away with that stuff? You all know your partners have probably ranted about you to someone else at least once… But does that make it okay? We don’t think so. If your significant other is having an issue, they should be able to talk to you directly. Not put it off and whine to their friends. If you find out he’s gossiping about you, confront him. Tell him that it’s not okay… Because it’s totally not.
1. Not Committing
This one is really for all you ladies in limbo out there. If your man isn’t committing to you, and you can’t figure out why, that’s definitely a warning sign that something isn’t sitting right. Maybe he’s not ready for a relationship, or maybe he doesn’t think you’re exactly right yet. Maybe you’re in a position where you want a label, but he doesn’t. Whatever it is, you two are still stuck in that awkward description of “we’re seeing each other but also we’re together but not in a relationship”. That’s not a real relationship. That’s you two hooking up, and if you want more commitment you’re totally allowed to ask for it. If he doesn’t give it to you, or if he hesitates or puts off making a decision when you ask, it’s definitely an arrow pointing to “try someone else”. The other option? Confront him about it, and see if there’s something else going on under the surface.
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