We have all been there. Alone, crying our eyes out, with a heart so heavy it hurts to breathe and walking, talking, and eating feel impossible. Yes, the broken heart is nothing new. And sadly, this might not be the last one. Whatever heartbreak comes you way, take it as it is and grow from it. They are challenges in disguise. The disguise is some chump who thought he was a man, but turned out to be a boy. So here you are again, bent over and sobbing into your own body. You’re tired of the broken hearts and you really thought this one was the one. He had you fooled and in ways that you didn’t even see coming. He was supposed to be the one. And before you realized it, he had flipped the script. It came out of nowhere and you’ve found yourself alone for the millionth time. What’s a girl to do? Ask the universe for revenge of course...what else?
15 He won’t ever find the right one
Even worse than marrying the wrong one would be to never find the right one. This would mean he would be lonely forever. While some don’t see this as so bad, there are guys who are genuinely looking to be loved. To remove the possibility of love from his life, you’re sentencing him to one failed relationship after the other. And hopefully along the way he gets his heart broken on several occasions. You want his destiny to be one of utter loneliness and a longing for true companionship, a longing that can never be met and one that ends each and every time with disastrous results. It would be the perfect plan for you to feel better, but in the long run, is that what you really want –to make someone else suffer and feel good as a result. Consider your wishes carefully.
14 He loses his touch
So he might have been some sort of Casanova. I mean, he got you didn’t he. He wasn’t terrible in the flirting department, but he wasn’t killer either. But he does have his charm. You’d love for him to lose that. Not altogether because that would be too easy. You want him to lose it when it counts the most. When he’s striking it up with a smoking hot girl or even when he’s trying to charm his way around his boss –it would be the best sort of revenge for all of his skill to suddenly evaporate. Kind of like he did to you, just sort of went up in smoke and poof disappeared. If his magic touch could disappear you’d be happy, delighted actually.
13 He doesn’t do that one thing he did with you
You know he had that one thing he did with you that was like your thing. It does not have to be all the way sexual or even naughty, as a matter of fact it can be romantic and rather simple. But whatever it is –eh hem, was, you want him to never do that again with another lover. You wish so hard that that thing would be eliminated from his memory so there would be no risk that he would even attempt it on another. It breaks your heart in a thousand pieces thinking about how that special thing could become another’s special thing which cancels out how special it was in the first place. Either he forgets it or, should he attempt it, everything goes wrong. That would be your wish.
12 He gets fired
Bye job and bye security. When he lose both of these things, you know things will do downhill from there. And hopefully, by your calculations, quickly. Men pride themselves on their jobs, their careers, their ability to make money. A man’s salary can feel like his worth. And for many women it is. Without a steady income, he’ll surely lose a number of prospects. But what’s even better is that he’ll start to dig himself in to a very deep, dark hole from which you hope he’ll never crawl out of. After all, it feels like a hole in the ground is where he should be living in the first place. Either that or the doghouse. Point being –he’s a snake and a dog and he doesn’t deserve to have a decent job.
11 He gets a taste of his own medicine
Clearly, this is what every woman wishes for her ex is a good helping of his own medicine. Find the largest spoon on the market and make him say, Ahhh, by any means possible. Getting a taste of his own medicine means he might actually realize what a jerk he was to you and change his ways. However, that’s not exactly what you want. Or is it? You might want him to become a better person, but chances are, your main objective is for him to suffer in ways that he made you suffer. No matter the cost, you want him to get a taste of his own medicine and perhaps keep tasting it until his dying days. Ok, maybe not that dramatic, but you’re pushing for this medicine thing big time.
10 He can’t maintain his physique
Yep, guys worry about their bodies as much as we do. Well, that’s no exactly true, but they are preoccupied with their physique and go to great lengths to look good. Their physical state is important because it gives them confidence and that allows them to catch another fish. Without all that physical agility, how would they dive back into the treacherous waters? So you want yours to lose his muscle tone, huh? Better yet, you want him to put on more than a few pounds. Long story short, you want him to become physically repulsive and then you might be able to sigh a sigh of relief knowing that karma has done its work. However, beware, your wish for him to lose physical appeal might come back to bite you in your behind one day, a behind that might be a bit plumper than usual, but not in a good way.
9 He goes bald
You don’t just want him to go bald, you want him to be that awkward bald that isn’t attractive what-so-ever. There are sexy bald guys, no doubt about it. But as many that can get away with the look, there are many that cannot. You are on your knees praying that he not only goes bald, but looks horrible doing it. Some guys shave their heads when they start balding. If he’s one of those, you wish him a misshapen head. For many men, a full head of hair equals youth, vitality, and sex appeal. With all that potency gone, you’re hoping he loses not just his hair, but his confidence.
8 He goes grey
Equally as scary for men is the grey factor. While there are salt and pepper hotties roaming, you are not betting on him being one of those. You want it to go grey overnight and you want it to look atrocious. And in losing his natural hair color, you hope he goes through some mini-crisis that causes him to lose it, lose his job, lose his mind, lose everything. Asking for him to go grey would be too easy. You’ve got to take things to a new level and really wish all the hurt on him. That’s what revenge is all about, pushing it to the limits. Going grey may not be the worst wish, but with a limited arsenal and with integrity involved, this is what you’ve got.
7 He finds the worst new bae
Here is revenge at its very best. By wishing him to find a new bae who’s totally wrong for him, you will get a sense of satisfaction. Not only that, but you will be able him struggle and be utterly miserable. Of course, you want the new bae to have the worst possible qualities. You want her to be a nag, you want her to be needy af, you want her to be insecure but yet bitchy at the same time, you want her to have annoying habits, and you want her to be uglier than you, clearly. The new bae should have no redeeming qualities. She must be a con artist and manipulator because that’s how she’s gonna get your ex in the first place.
6 He gets arrested
It doesn’t even matter why he gets arrested. You want him to crap his pants from fear. Getting arrested might do that. For many guys, going to jail might seem cool or even a status symbol, but for others it’s their worst nightmare. With an arrest on his record, so many things will then become a challenge for him. Getting a job or an apartment could become next to impossible. And this is exactly what you want –for things to come crumbling down around him. Be careful, though. Some girls dig a guys who’s got a sordid past. And what’s more, if his arrest is minor, nothing but a slap on the wrist will happen. If you’re wishing for an arrest, you’d better wish big.
5 He falls off a cliff
Ok, you don’t literally wish him to fall off a cliff. Or do you? Ok, you sort of do. But this wish is more figurative than anything else. When you wish him to fall off that cliff, you want him to face a fear he’s not ever faced before. You want him to cry out in fear, in fear of losing his life, in fear of losing period. You want him to have all his life flash before his eyes. But what you really want, more than his fear is for him to disappear. Falling off a cliff means he’s gone forever. And for you, that would be ideal. Now if only he didn’t live so far away from the edge of a cliff.
4 He gets horrible adult acne
Acne drives people to the brink of insanity and depression both. It drives them up a wall and it drives them to drastic measures to escape it. It has been the cause of many low self-esteems and reason for invitation rejections. Adolescent acne can scar someone for life. Literally and figuratively, actually. For your revenge plan, this sounds perfect. You want him to be scared, big time. Adult acne are like adult braces. It’s awkward, but you can’t help but stare. You want him to feel like a walking spectacle. Whatever he did to you must’ve been really bad to wish such a thing. Acne isn’t a laughing matter, but if this is the type of revenge you seek, then you’ve got your karma to answer to, not I.
3 He gets sick
That’s right, you want him to get sick. And stay sick while he’s at it. You don’t want the sickness to be deadly, but you’re also not saying it shouldn’t be. But you want him to be miserable. This means a variety of symptoms. They can come and go as they please, come in the middle of the night to prevent him from sleeping, or come all at once to really pack a punch. Here are some symptoms you’d love for him to have for at least a few weeks, if not months: non-stop runny nose, diarrhea, dry itchy throat, excessive gas, unexpected nausea, heartburn, and uncontrollable sneezing and/or farting. If all of these symptoms could come and ruin an important date or meeting, then all the better.
2 He marries a nightmare
When you think about him being unhappy forever after, you know it has to be with a woman from hell. Wishing him to marry a nightmare is wishing for a lifetime of hurt and maybe even sorrow. He will suffer. Be advised. If that’s what he deserves, only you know better than anyone else. Although divorce is a possibility, when one gets involved with a nightmare partner there are things that are left behind long after the partner actually departs. You should know –you’re walking around with some sediments of your ex right now. That’s why you're plotting all these revenge schemes in hopes of giving him what he’s got coming to him.
1 He breaks a leg, literally
Good luck is the complete opposite of what you wish for you. You are not offering him anything of the sort. That’s how low down and dirty you are –your revenge looks like broken legs. Yep, that’s right, you wish he’d break a leg. Well, now that you think about it, any appendage would do. You wish him pain, the sort of pain he caused you. Whether or not your pain was physical or emotional or both, you want him to feel a bit of what he gave to you. With a broken leg, he’s less likely to get into trouble with another girl or, better yet, he’s likely to sit at home, mope, and perhaps even feel some sort of regret for what went down between y’all.