It’s long past your bed time. The respectful tea time visit your mother requested has come and gone. Your eyelids are heavy, but you’re committed to the first kiss with that special someone. Yes, watching romantic comedies while tucked safely away in your bed would be so much easier. Nevertheless, here you are, at this hour, waiting for that dazzling moment when you lock lips and your world collides into love-fueled splendor. Your hands are clammier then you would like; you’re done with the small (although charming) talk and while you wish there was a Marvin Gaye soundtrack playing in the background to set the mood, you’re ready. You moisten your mouth and lean in…for that clumsy, tongue fumbling, slimy, awkward first kiss.
Sometimes, the magical mouth melting moment you anticipated doesn’t measure up to your expectations. You built it up so big in your head that the real thing paled in comparison. Was it your fault for doing that? Is he maybe just not a good kisser? You have had good first kisses before, and you think you are a pretty good first kiss as well, so what's the deal? This can be for a number of different reasons -- chemistry or compatibility, timing, mood, experience. The great news is that kissing is like a muscle. It can be flexed. Bad kissers can be helped. There is not an island of bad kissers somewhere where people get banned for opening their eyes or using too much tongue. Those people have turned into wonderful kissers and boyfriends and husbands and fathers, with help.
To help you in your journey towards that Nobel Prize-worthy make out, here are 15 things all good kissers do, so you can be armed with the necessary tools and know-how to enhance your experiences and most importantly, increase your pleasure.
15 Keep Your Eyes Closed
To put it nicely, kissing someone with their eyes closed is about as creepy as it get. What are they looking at? You are too close to get a clear picture, and how attractive can your eyelids be? When you kiss someone, it is natural for your eyes to open slightly as if to reverse blink, and that is totally normal. So what if that happened and you caught their eye? Yikes! Maybe it was just bad timing with their blink, so you open your eyes briefly again, and you catch their gaze. It's enough to pull back, break embrace, and walk away. It is like a breach of personal space (if that is even a thing while already kissing). Good kissers know that eyes closed is key to a romantic, non-awkward, comfortable kiss. So keep those eyelids touching and avoid that strange moment when you lock eyes inches apart from one another.
14 Choose the Right Partner
Choosing the right partner is key to swoon worthy romance. You wouldn’t start a project with someone with whom you’re not compatible, so why would you kiss an unsuitable suitor? It takes time to build trust and communication. Get to know your current crush before hopping on the couch with him. Hang out as friends first to gauge whether there is potential chemistry. You will most certainly not be compatible with everyone you pursue and that’s okay. You have specific preferences and others do too. By taking time to cherry-pick the best selection, you avoid potential heartache further down the road when you learn that Mister Right was mister so-not-for-you. Choose someone who makes you feel your best. Choose someone who makes you laugh. Choose someone who carves time out of their day for you. Good kissers recognize their value and do not settle for partners who don’t treat them right.
Routines are a healthy part of day-to-day life, but shouldn’t have to be part of your bedroom experience. One thing kissing should never be is a boring, monotonous routine. If you’ve fallen into the stagnation trap, it’s time to shake things up. Good kissing becomes great kissing when you send your ego out the door while you enjoy some non-judgmental, spontaneous play. Experiment with your rhythm, tempo and breath. Try incorporating your hands into your next steamy session. Alternate between open-mouthed, wet kisses and gentle, close-mouthed lip locks. Engage in a range of tongue twisting techniques to enhance your experience. Mix it up and try something unexpected and different. Surprise your partner (and yourself)! Shedding your inner critic allows you to create comfort with your partner to explore and experiment. Experiment with a wide array of techniques and see what feels best for you. Step outside of your comfort zone and you may be rewarded.
12 Openly Communicate
Kissing, like most things in life, is better when you communicate your needs and desires. You have no problem communicating what you want for breakfast, or how many spoonfuls of sugar you like in your coffee, so why should kissing be any different? Having preferences is what makes you a unique individual. Having the self-confidence to voice what you like or don’t will help you and your partner get to know each other more intimately. If your guy is too forthcoming with his tongue, and you’d prefer a softer approach, communicating this will allow your partner to adapt and meet your needs. You might experience an unspoken connection that allows you to communicate your smooching must-haves, but for most people, knock-your-socks-off kissing requires practice and communication. Communication while kissing will help you become better acquainted with your likes and dislikes, and will lead to more memorable, toe-curling, amazing kisses.
11 Prioritize Dental Hygiene
Even if you are a top ranked tongue teaser, strong odors and remnants of the evening’s dinner are a sure-fire way to send your partner running for the hills, or at least to the bathroom. While long-term partners may be more understanding of your garlicky cravings, your most recent foray may not be so forgiving. If you have kissing on your mind, take simple and preventative measures to ensure your mouth is fresh and smoochable. If you’re out for dinner, drink water to flush food particles from your mouth. If you have access to dental floss or a toothbrush, brush your teeth prior to close proximity with your significant other. Carry a loaded pack of gum in your purse or back pocket, ready to aim and fire at a moment’s notice. Having fresh breath and pearly whites will help you feel more confident (and your partner will definitely thank you)!
10 Aren’t Afraid to Initiate
There was a time when making the first move was considered a man’s role. Ladies, those days are over. Thank goodness! Initiating that first (or hundredth) kiss is an empowering move that allows you to take charge of the connection you feel and not miss a potential life changer. Initiating communicates courage and self-confidence. Kissing is a balance of gentle intimacy and respectful aggression. You might take turns playing the dominant hunter, or the submissive prey. You might be feeling brave enough to initiate that first heart fluttering kiss. On other occasions, you might kick up your heels and wait for your lover to sweep you off your sneakered feet. Good kissers recognize their amazing and unique qualities, and aren’t afraid to pluck up the courage and pucker up when the mood is right. Knowing what you want is an attractive trait and communicating these desires can be a major turn-on.
9 Have a Sense of Humor
Intimacy can be soft and romantic, and it can be awkward and laughable. Your body can be wonderful and weird all at the same time! Exploring your body and your specific, and potentially quirky, preferences can be giggle inducing stuff. Have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at the small stuff! This will better allow you to relax and enjoy the wide spectrum of intimacy available to you. On the big screen, moments of sexuality and intimacy are often portrayed as serious, pokerfaced encounters. Not every romantic romp means a shag carpet beside a wood blazing fire. In reality, our sensual moments are sincere and authentic, and sometimes, that means pausing mid-kiss, to smile, laugh and savor the deliciousness that presents itself. Indulge in the absurdity of it all. Intimacy can be hilarious and the more you appreciate this, the more relaxation, play and pleasure you can experience.
8 Listen to Their Partner
Nobody likes a partner that doesn’t listen. This applies to romantic companions in particular. Listening is much more than just hearing what your partner is saying. Listening is an art form that involves all the senses. You hear your partner’s heavy breathing. You feel their fingertips caressing your hair. You taste their (hopefully compatible) saliva as your mouths exchange. You intuitively listen and respond to your partner and yourself. You may not always be consciously aware, but as you engage with another individual, you are listening to all the subtle (or not so subtle) hints your body is giving you. It is important to pay attention to these cues so you can best respond to the heated moment. Good kissers listen to their partners and most importantly, to themselves. If you sense the other party pulling back, listen to these prompts. If you’re covered in goosebumps and craving deeper connection, make yourself comfortable and move in a few inches closer.
7 Set the Scene
All good stories start with a descriptive setting. The scene is set for the reader or viewer so you can sit back, feast your eyes and ears, and be swept away to another dimension. Skillfully set scenes can pull you in and be sinfully seductive. Kissing is no different. Taking time to set the scene prior to lip lock can heighten the experience and be a wonderful first course for what is sure to be an extraordinary meal. Prepare a beautiful meal. Light candles. Wear something that makes you feel alluring. Compliment your partner. Engage in mentally stimulating conversation to engage all parts of yourself. Savor the moment and take your time to relax and indulge. Setting the scene allows the romance and anticipation to build so you can maximize your pleasure. Of course, good kissers are also wildly adaptable. So if a set scene is impossible due to circumstance, improvise accordingly!
6 Stay Hydrated
It may sound rudimentary, but good kissers know that staying hydrated before and during an erotic encounter is important. There is nothing worse than a bad case of cotton mouth during that dreamy date of yours. Nerves can cause your mouth to be drier than usual, so drinking water keeps your mouth moist and allows for more prolonged lip exposure. If it’s a planned meet up, drink plenty of water beforehand, so you feel hydrated. If you’re not already drinking eight glasses of water daily, this just might be the incentive you need. When your mouth is hydrated and moist, tongue teasing technique is a much smoother and enjoyable experience. If you’re feeling dehydrated, keep a glass of water close at hand so you can pause, sip and get right back into the action. If you don’t have water on hand, a good alternative for succulent, lickable lips is lip balm.
5 Have Patience
The right moment will present itself if you let it. Be patient and don't force something that may not be meant to be. Rushing a first kiss has potential to lead to blundering bumps and bruised egos and the premature ending of something beautiful. Pay attention to the hints you are given, and listen and respond to the right magical moment. Impassioned sessions do sometimes happen, but more often, it is important to trust the process and allow the moment to naturally unfold. Kissing is not an exam. It might take some preparation and perseverance, but it does not need to be rushed. Building anticipation is a crucial part of foreplay that can lead to gratifying and passionate transactions. Waiting for that special moment can increase the tension between you and the other individual. When the moment is right, the heightened arousal and anticipation will be undeniably tangible, and so wonderfully worth it.
4 Mirror Your Partner
When you stare in the mirror, your reflection reacts and responds in sync with you. Good kissers are mirrors for their partners, intuitively replying and reciprocating to the other. By mirroring your romantic mate’s breathing, you create a natural alignment that allows you to be in better sync and will lead to steam. Kissing is a balance and blend of what you like, and what your partner likes. It is a sensual dance of likes and preferences, flow, and taking turns leading and following. Focus on matching your partner’s pace, breath and kissing style. Take turns mirroring and following each other’s lead. You can learn more about your partner’s pecking preferences by responding to and mirroring his actions just as your partner will be able to pick up on yours. This balance of sharing roles allows you to be acutely in tune with your partner, and increases empathy, connection and pleasure.
3 Stay Connected through Breath
Relax and breathe. Kissing is meant to be exciting and fun! It is natural for your heart rate and other senses to be heightened, but ensure you are taking time to breathe. You are intimately experiencing and getting to know another, not being resuscitated by CPR. Take routine intervals to check in with your breath. Paying attention to breath allows you to center and be in the wonderful, present moment. Notice if your breath is naturally flowing, or if it is slow or heavy. By checking in with your breath, you take time to return to your body. Moments of returning to yourself are important after so much time wrapped up with another. Awareness of your breath also allows you to be in better sync with your partner. You might experiment with matching your partner’s breathing, to increase connection. But most importantly and rule number one, don’t forget to breathe! After all, you want to be energized and awake to experience all the action.
2 Create Connection
Kissing is an intimate experience. You probably wouldn’t kiss someone you just met on the street. Creating connection and building intimacy is a crucial step to fantastic foreplay (if you are headed in that direction). Take the time to get to know your partner and build trust before lip smacking. This will look differently in every partnership, and only you will know when you feel intimately connected to your partner. You might be pleasantly surprised at the chemistry that unfolds when you focus on building connection first and attend to the attraction second. Deeper connection allows you to more intimately know your kissing companion, and (warning!) can lead to enhanced sensuality and delight. Before engaging in intimacy, connect with your partner through conversation, a shared hobby or sport. Engaging in shared mental and physical connection before intimacy can increase your romantic connection and the fun that is sure to follow.
1 Know that a Kiss is Not a Contract
Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. Sharing a juicy exchange with someone does not mean you owe that person anything. A kiss should never be a contract. A simple smooch can be just that, and does not have to lead to second or third base. You are in charge of your body and the intimacy level with which you are comfortable. Yes, kissing can build up to heavier, more intimate sexual experiences. Sometimes, kissing is a simple act that ends there. Just because you choose to kiss someone does not mean you have to sleep with that person. If your partner gripes and groans, or tries to guilt trip you into something you don't want, he isn't worthy of your time and adoration. Know your boundaries and don’t be afraid to assert them. A good kisser recognizes when it’s the right time to kiss that undeserving someone goodbye for good.