We have to do so much learning in this life of ours. It's pretty mind-boggling once we stop and think about it for a second. Most of us don't exactly pop out of the womb with an obvious soulmate by our side (although that would be pretty amazing!) so we end up doing a fair amount of dating. We enter new relationships and show other people who we are and do the best that we can with who we are at the time... but we often do a really bad job. This is where the lesson learning comes in, which is great... except for the part where we feel like we ruined perfectly wonderful relationships along the way and don't really understand why we did that or even where we're going next. Supposedly things always make sense in retrospect, so we'll see. But what we do know for certain is that are some really stupid love lessons that we all have to learn along the way. Here are 15 of them and you can definitely relate to these.
15 Being Clingy Doesn't Work
It's not that we want to be clingy people, but when we come across someone who we think to be the most perfect person in the world, it can be hard to stay calm and allow the situation to develop calmly and naturally. Especially when we aren't quite at the place where we have a full tank of self-esteem and confidence in what we ourselves have to offer... because if we did, we wouldn't be worried about someone getting away from us too quickly. It's entirely true that being clingy creates a stagnant atmosphere at best and completely squashes things at worst. It's a really hard and stupid lesson to learn especially since after something ends, you realize that you were accidentally doing it and that you totally know better. Lesson learned. Lesson totally and completely learned. You usually don't do this more than a handful of times before you realize that you should honestly stop.
14 Sometimes You Like The Idea Of Someone
Sometimes we get into a relationship with someone who seems awesome and might be, but the idea that we have of them is mostly a projection based on the fact that we like the idea of them. This generally becomes apparent when the novelty wears off and anything real starts to happen. Then they disappoint you, or your feelings become confused, or you're suddenly not even attracted to them anymore. The problem with falling for the idea of someone is that it doesn't give you enough room to get to know the real them, and you're bound to be let down when they don't live up to your complete fantasy ideals. If you can come to terms with the fact that you were projecting and make an effort not to do it again it makes dating a lot easier. Otherwise, it's an easy mistake to keep repeating, but you probably have seen this firsthand at least once.
13 You Stay When You Know You Should Leave
Most of us have definitely gone through the experience where we stay in a relationship well past its expiration date. We are talking seriously past its expiration date. This might be because you do not have feelings for our boyfriend anymore but feel bad about leaving them, or it might be because the relationship is not supporting your well-being anymore but you are afraid to leave. A lot of people experience the fear of leaving someone because they cannot imagine that there is another person out there, which leads people to think they might be better off where they are than taking the leap into the unknown. But if a relationship stops meeting your needs or makes your life worse in any way, it is always worth taking the plunge and leaving with the trust that doing so and honoring yourself will always take you where you need to be.
12 Warnings Signs Are Always There
Once a relationship ends, it's easy to see that the warning signs were there from the very beginning, but you either didn't notice them at the time... or you just really didn't want to. Generally, you notice that there is a red flag somewhere in your consciousness but you don't want to believe it so you try your best to ignore it. You were paying attention on some level, even if you didn't realize it, and that's honestly why you think that these red flags are so totally obvious later on. The key is to start paying attention to these thoughts and feelings as they actually come up and totally trust your intuition, so that you don't have to wait so long to find out what you knew the whole time. Everyone is always on their own journey and learning path, so it's not even that the failed relationships are bad. It's just that people really have to be on the same page to make something work.
11 Getting Back With An Ex Is Tough
Getting back with an ex is an experience that many of us have to go through. Occasionally it works because there is really love there and the two people just needed to take some time to sort themselves out. Often, however, it does not work, because people get back together as the same people that they were, to begin with, and fall right back into the same patterns that existed the first time around. This isn't something that you can necessarily learn from hearing about your friends failed romances either, it usually has to be experienced to be understood. The allure of an ex can be quite strong since you know them well and might still be very attracted to them even though you know they're not the one. But we try because we're romantic and want to give love a chance to thrive where we thought it once was.
10 Don't Overanalyze
We girls tend to think a lot, and thinking sounds like a good thing because we're trying to make rational decisions...except that very often we go into overthinking territory and seriously go overboard with over analyzing nothing. The problem with this is that it creates insecurities and imaginary issues, and it can even lead us to seek out advice from other people who have no idea what they're talking about and we might take their bad advice and mess with things even more. We need to relax, but it can be tough, and this lesson is a really bitter pill to swallow. If I could go back I would relax more and think less about a lot of situations, because it doesn't usually change the outcome for the better unless you're trying to make a situation such as when to walk away. So the truth is that we should honestly stop thinking so much about love and dating and all that. Just let it happen and see what evolves.
9 Sometimes We Get Used
There's nothing like being strung along and taken advantage of. You really get thrown for a loop when this happens to you. Realizing that a guy totally and completely used you is a really stupid lesson to learn, but it's also an absolutely necessary one. Sometimes you've been used for sex, sometimes out of boredom, and sometimes even for your finances or your home. You don't usually suspect it because you would like to think that this person you like also likes you, and they might, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they want to respect you. It's a hard lesson because it's hard to understand why anyone would be like that when you aren't, and it can also make it hard to trust the next person. The challenge is to trust that it's their problem and not yours and to let it go completely so that you can avoid assuming that it could happen again.
8 You Have To Blindly Trust People
You don't have to trust people, exactly, but when you don't have trust, you set yourself up for failure essentially. And you're pretty much asking for heartache. Many people deserve to be trusted and if you don't trust them it causes issues. The hard thing to learn about this lesson is that even if you try to protect yourself by not trusting someone if something happens to prove you right it doesn't hurt any less. So you didn't really protect yourself at all, you maybe even fed into the circumstances that ultimately led them to be break your trust. Ever heard of pushing someone away? It happens, and while it doesn't excuse any bad behavior that becomes of it, sometimes people do weird things when they are trying to get out of a relationship but aren't quite sure how to do it. You might not ever totally know why they broke your trust, but at least if you know they're in the wrong you can walk away with your head held high.
7 You Regret Break-Ups
Many of us have to learn the stupid lesson of instigating a breakup and then later regretting it. Whoops. Perhaps you walked away from a great guy because you fell for a new hottie who ended up breaking your heart. Maybe you freaked out because you didn't think you were ready for a commitment and by the time you realized you were wrong they had already moved on. Maybe what you regret is the way the breakup went down, since it prolonged the pain for both of you. Sometimes we get the chance to make things right with people, whether that's getting back together or just clearing the air. Sometimes we don't, and that kind of regret can hang around for a while. Regret is one of the ultimate tests of being able to let go of control and trusting that you did your best with what you knew at the time. It's rough.
6 No One Else Can Fix You
There are all these sayings about how no one can fix you, and that you have to be whole to meet the right person, and it's true. Of course, you don't have to be perfect, that's an entirely different concept. And naturally, the right person is probably going to change you in a lot of ways and hopefully introduce you to some new wonderful things about life so they might end up enhancing your life. But you can't expect someone to come along and fix your problems. We have to be centered enough to take responsibility for what we do and have done, as well as accept and trust who we are enough that we really love ourselves even though we aren't where we want to be in life. Good love comes along when we're open enough to demonstrate to the world that we really love ourselves. And that we have room in our lives for someone else to add to that love.
5 You Can't Change People
It is such a stupid lesson learning that you can't change people. You already knew this to some degree and yet you put yourself in a position where you expected it to happen anyway. Why? Who knows. And even if a person changes, it's only temporary. We think we know best and we think that other people should respect our needs and opinions and just fall into line? Does not usually work, which we would know if we thought about any time that someone else tried to change us. Even if you agree with the changes that need to be made that change can only come from within, which is true for everyone. Sometimes expecting too much from people even has the opposite effect and pushes them away. You can't make someone be ready for a relationship, or give up cheating, or fix their relationships with their family. They have to decide that for themselves.
4 Not Every Guy Is Your Ex
A lot of guys are the same in a lot of ways, but that still doesn't mean that you can punish people for what your ex did to you. He might have cheated but it doesn't mean that this guy will, no matter how similar their personality might seem now. Often we call this emotional baggage. A lot of us have to learn the hard lesson that assuming the worst about someone from the gate only will serve to run the relationship into the ground...whether they were actually going to misbehave and hurt us or not. It's hard to look back and see that you managed to kill the relationship that you wanted but we're too scared to open up to. That sucks. However, once it happens the lesson in place and hopefully the healing is too because you certainly don't want to make that same mistake over and over. No, you really do not.
3 Not Everyone Is As Nice As You
You were probably raised well and have good intentions going into relationships, but not everyone was and does. The strange way this lesson plays out is that we just have to accept the fact that not everyone in the world is going to be nice. Some people assume the worst in people so this never comes as a surprise, but the people who try to keep an open heart at all times can get hit with this lesson the hardest. The lesson to learn in this is not that there are bad people because there are also good people. The lesson we have to learn is that their behavior reflects on them, not us and that we can't be responsible for other people's issues even when they're directed onto us. We have to take responsibility for being involved, and then we have to stay strong and walk on. It's not easy to learn this but it is worth it.
2 Sometimes People Don't Love You
No matter how amazing and well-adjusted we are, no matter how beautiful and kind we are, no matter how much we love ourselves, and honor our feelings, sometimes people that we love just don't love us back. Technically we understand this because most relationships aren't going to workout. But in practice, it's a really stupid lesson to have to learn. This is the lesson where we have to stay strong and pretend like we believe all those inspirational quotes we live by. Where we can't let them get us too far down because we know we're stronger than that, even though sometimes we just have to cry on the floor for a while. We always have to go through the lesson that no matter how great and deserving we are some people just won't love us. But we also have to learn that it's okay because the truth is that someone better will always come along.
1 Another Guy Always Turns Up
When we're head over heels for someone, we can't even fathom that there could be a better guy out there or even one that might be equal. We found him, he's the best, it's destiny. Until he dumps us and we cry and rage and start praying even if we've never prayed before. And then at some point, we start to heal and perhaps open up to the idea that there could be some other people out there even though it seems extremely unlikely that anyone could top him. For a while, we even hold out hope that he'll be back. But somehow over time we get over it and actually do meet someone who's usually even better. Looking back this is very odd, and it's really hard to remember in the midst of heartbreak, but when you can keep it in mind it can really speed up the recovery process. So go ahead and stay the course because you never know who you could meet next. And he could be just who you're looking for.