Breaking up is never easy, but often times we do things to prepare for a breakup that we don’t even realize are contributing to ending the relationship. Whether you’ve been together for a matter of months or years, your attitude begins to change once you decide you want to break up with your significant other. You become more guarded and you’re focused on the negatives of the relationship (or your partner). You may find yourself thinking about how your relationship is holding you back or notice that your partner’s quirks have gone from a casual nuisance to a full blown annoyance for you. Even if you’re trying to be discrete about the mental (and physical) steps you’re taking in leading up to your breakup, your friends, family, and coworkers may notice a shift in your overall attitude toward your relationship. Those close to you may comment about how you and your partner aren’t spending time together (or become very awkward at joint gatherings) and how it looks as though you just aren’t happy around your partner like you used to be. You may find yourself craving alone time or notice your attraction to others is stronger than normal. When your partner talks about your future together or wants to make long-term relationship plans, you get anxious and avoid the topic. While it’s important to not be malicious and rude to your partner (remember, they did fulfill an important role in your life for some amount of time), when you’re thinking about ending things, these fifteen things help you prepare ourselves for ending your current relationship.
13 Missing Date Nights
Date nights are meant to be a fun and relaxing way to enjoy quality time with your partner. Whether it’s going out to dinner, hiking, attending a party together or having a relaxed night in on the couch, date nights help remind you about all those qualities you love about your partner. When you are thinking of ending a relationship, your motivation for date nights will whither and become non existent. Instead of feeling bummed you have to postpone plans with your partner, you’re silently grateful you have to work late or that a party fell through. Date nights are no longer enjoyable, they’re awkward.
12 You Don’t Want Your Significant Other Around Your Friends
In a healthy and thriving relationship, it’s natural to want to bring your significant other around your friends. Having the approval of your friends and letting them see how you and your partner interact is an important part of a balanced relationship. When you are starting to doubt your relationship and thinking about breaking up, you’re more likely to look at your time with your friends as a refuge from the relationship instead of a welcomed part of it. Bringing your partner around your friends when you’re planning to break up with them is hard on everyone as you will all sense the discomfort and disconnection between you and your partner.
11 Avoiding Questioning About Your Relationship Status
Even when we doubt our own motives or intentions, we can usually rely on our friends and family members to point out inconsistencies in our lives and relationships. While you may think you’re being discrete about your feelings toward your relationship, your friends will notice the shift in your attitude about both your partner and your time away from them. When your friends start to comment on your lack of a date, ask why your partner isn’t coming to an event when they know he’s available, or you make a point to go solo to a couples friendly event, you know that your feelings about possibility ending your relationship may be more serious than you’d realized. Avoiding relationship questions or making excuses is a clear sign you’re getting ready to breakup.
10 Seeking Relationship Advice
Best friends have the advantage of knowing us as well as (or better than) our family, but having that outside perspective on our lives that allows them to give constructive criticism on issues we may be facing. When your relationship is going sour, instead of turning to your partner first for advice on a situation, you’re turning to your best friend(s) for advice about your relationship. You may ask them things like “do you really think we are a good couple?” or “How do you know someone is ‘The One’?”. Instead of asking for positive reinforcement about your relationship, you’re asking your best friends to help you unearth problems in the relationship.
9 Relationships Cons List
“He never takes out the trash like he says he will”, “He doesn’t listen to me when I am talking to him about something serious”, “I’m just not feeling attracted to him anymore”. Sound familiar? Making a list (mental or on paper) of the “cons” or bad aspects of your partner/relationship are a sure sign you’re moving toward a breakup. Instead of the focus of you're thoughts about your relationship being positive affirmations about why you’re good together, you’re doing the opposite. You’re making note of all your partner’s flaws and imperfections in your relationship to help you rationalize breaking up with them.
8 You Stop Dressing to Impress (your partner)
Dressing well helps not only our own self esteem, but it also helps us feel like we’re presenting the best version of ourselves for our significant other. While it’s important to feel comfortable about yourself when you’re in your favorite comfy clothes and not wearing any makeup, dressing to impress your partner is a way of showing you care about how they view you. When you’re not invested in the relationship anymore, you’re less likely to care about what your partner thinks of your appearance. If your partner has a favorite outfit that you wear on dates, you may find yourself opting for a different look just to send that silent message that you’re not on the same page anymore and you don’t prioritize your partner’s opinion on your appearance like you used to.
7 Your (non existent) Future Together
One of the greatest signs that you’re ready to break up with someone is your tolerance (or lack there of) for hearing people discuss the future of your relationship. Whether it’s your partner, friends, family members, coworkers or the barista at your favorite coffee shop, when someone asks you about your future with your partner and your reaction is to change the subject as quickly as possible, you know something is wrong in the relationship. When you are preparing for a breakup, you’re more likely to spend your time thinking about what your future holds for you without your current partner.
6 Visualizing Your Single Self
With all the stress and anxiety that comes with a initiating a breakup, visualizing how your life with be different after the breakup can be one of the most enjoyable parts of the breakup process. Whether you’re reading reviews of the newest singles bar in town or asking friends for new hangout spots, visualizing your single self is one of the more fun and exciting ways you may be preparing for a breakup.You may also find yourself thinking about the new free time you’ll have to spend with friends or travel to places your partner may not have been as fond of. All of these ways of envisioning your new single life are signs you need to break up with your partner.
5 Poor Sex Life
When you know your relationship is coming to an end, the idea of cuddling may be unattractive let alone the idea of having sex with your partner. Whether you are constantly arguing or just aren’t making time to be around your partner, it’s likely that at this point you’re relationship is lacking intimacy. You may find yourself doing more than just withholding (or flat out refusing) sex with your partner, you might also be avoiding holding hands, looking into their eyes during conversations, and just keeping a greater distance between you overall. This lack in intimacy on a more basic level impacts your sex life by making sex awkward, dull, infrequent, or unfulfilling.
4 You Stop Sharing Your Feelings
Communication is one of the greatest strengths in any good relationship. When you’re invested in a relationship and trust your partner, you can talk to them openly about your feelings and share anything that’s on your mind. When you’re contemplating your impending breakup, it’s natural to be more withdrawn or to keep your conversations basic and unimportant. Whether your lack of communication is from your not wanting to share your feelings with them about your relationship or you’re just fighting too often to want to be so honest, it can often feel easier to avoid difficult conversations by not sharing your feelings.
3 Stop Hiding Your Bad Habits
Instead of hiding your bad habits that you know are less pleasant (or may really annoy your partner), it’s easy to let go of your usual courtesies and indulge in your bad habits when you are preparing for a breakup. You may not want to start arguments over your tendency to use a new towel every day to shower, but at this point, you aren’t going to let your partner’s disapproval of your habits stop you from doing what you want. In fact, you may even feel somewhat liberated to be more open about habits you’d otherwise avoid please your partner.
2 Being Less Considerate of Your Partner’s Needs
Even when you want to remain friends with your partner post-breakup, it’s easy to let common considerations toward your partner slide so much that it causes a great rift between the two of you. Even when it’s little things like not recording your partner’s favorite show on the DVR or not offering to pick up their package when you have the time to do it, being less considerate toward your partner shows you aren’t invested in the relationship anymore. While you may want to avoid your partner, try to keep your interactions as civil as you can to avoid making the actual breakup worse than it has to be.
1 Avoiding Spending Time Together
Spending time apart is healthy for every relationship. Everyone needs time to themselves to visit with friends without their partner glued to their hip. While it’s good to miss one another, you may find that when you’re preparing for a breakup, you encourage your partner to do anything and everything to avoid spending time together. Whether it’s a guys night out, a baseball game, or telling them not to bother checking in before going to bed for the night, sending your partner out solo to avoid spending time together is a sure way to show you’re preparing to break up by reintroducing them to doing things the way they would if they were single.
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