Ladies, why don’t we know better? Like, WHY DON’T WE KNOW BETTER?
You know what I’m talking about: the moves. Guys always do the same sleazy moves and we always, for whatever reason, fall for these moves. They are sleazy go-to moves that are somehow ingrained in guys’ DNA. It’s like they instinctively know when to lay on the compliments and pet names. They instinctively know what to say to us to get us to send nudes. (That last one can’t just be me, right?)…
The thing is, we only fall for these moves because we’re so into the dude. He’s like Mr. Big from Sex and the City, and by the way Mr. Big had ALL the moves. This guy in question is charming, smart, and successful. He has all the qualities that you look for in a guy. He’s the type of guy you could see yourself settling down with. THAT’S why we fall for their sleazy moves, because we’re so into the guy. Goddamn our hopeful naive hearts.
Even though we envision him as Mr. Right, he isn’t if he employs these sleazy moves. Mr. Right will never booty call you, never beg for nude photos, never refuse to be in a Facebook relationship, and never say his “phone died” even though he posted to his Snapchat story.
Below are 15 sleazy moves that we always, always fall for. Don’t beat yourself up, though. We ALL fall for these at one point or another.
15. He Doesn’t Believe In Labels, But He REALLY Likes You
We’ve all heard this one and we’ve all totally bought it. It happens when you’re basically dating someone. You have sleepover, Netflix binge-watching session and all the sex. You’ve met his friends. But there’s still off relationship milestones that you still haven’t hit. For example, you haven’t met his parents. In fact, the thought of you meeting his parents doesn’t seem like something he’s thought about, ever. There’s also the lack of Facebook relationship status, and we all know that’s the true hallmark of dating someone in 2017. Oh, and he still doesn’t call you his girlfriend. WHAT GIVES?
He’ll so sensitively explain to you that he really, really likes you but he doesn’t believe in labels. Or maybe it’s that his last relationship burned him so badly that he’s afraid to be in a relationship again. Or maybe he just wants to see where it goes. That’s all code for he’s not committing to you so he’s free to slay elsewhere. Be on high alert with this one!
14. Every Excuse Not To Be Seen In Public With You
A guy who is truly into will be seen with you anywhere and everywhere. A guy that is not into you, will not want to be seen with you. It’s that simple, ladies. And yet, we still believe it when guys give us excuses not to be seen in public. He may say that he’s just hanging out with his guy friends and it would be boring for you. He may say he’ll be work coworkers. He may say he could only get so many people into the event or club. Whatever his reason for telling you not to come out is, quite frankly, bull. He’s keeping you away from him publicly because he still wants to be viewed as single.
13. The Late Night Booty Call
This is the sleaziest, most obvious move in the book. In fact, it’s so obvious that we should really know what’s happening while it’s happening. I mean, if he’s texting you past 11pm and you haven’t heard from him otherwise, it’s a booty call. (We should all tattoo that sentence to our fingers so we see it while texting him back.) Hey, even if you’ve heard from him, any text past 11pm is pretty much always a booty call.
He’ll have excuses, of course, because he always does. He’ll say he worked late, just got done at the gym, just got done hanging out with his friends. Whatever his reasoning may be, just be aware of the fact that he’s totally just texting for that booty, girl. If you’re feeling lonely and in the mood for a booty call, by all means, please indulge. Get it, girl. But just never answer a text after 11pm thinking it’s going to end in marriage, because it very rarely (um, never) does.
12. His “Crazy Ex” Is Texting Him
Ladies, we are sisters and we should not let men put us against each other, but we do time and time again. Guys will use the “crazy ex-girlfriend” excuse all the time. You know the drill – you see he’s texting his ex-girlfriend (who you know is his ex-girlfriend because you stalked him on Facebook, but that’s neither here nor there) and he’ll say, ‘Oh, she’s crazy.’ He’ll say that he has to talk to her or she’ll freak out. He’ll say that, I don’t know, they share a Netflix account so they have to talk. Newsflash: we ALL share Netflix accounts, like the collective human race. Everyone shares a Netflix account with everyone at this point.
11. When He Tricks You Into Not Going On A Real Date
This one goes hand-in-hand with not being seen in public. He’ll likely make plans with you – maybe dinner, movies, drinks, comedy show, what have you. Then, he’ll text you earlier that week or day and say he’s feeling exhausted or busy at work. He’ll suggest you two just hang in together. BOOM. He’s tricked you into an inside-date. It’s that easy ladies.
The fact that he’ll trick you into doing an inside-date via being busy at work or being tired means you don’t question it. You even feel bad for him, because he’s so tired and he’s such a hard worker. Wah.
10. He “Didn’t Even Notice” He Liked That Hot Girl’s Selfie
When you’re into a guy, you STALK his social media activity. That’s natural. It’s how you get to know him. The best way to get to know him is to see the stuff he doesn’t think you’ll see. He may post sweet statuses about his mom on Facebook, tweet about interesting articles, and Instagram pictures of his dog. This makes him seem OMG perfect. But what really speaks volumes about him as a person is the stuff he likes on social media, especially if it’s a hot girl’s selfie. OH, HELL NO.
There are, of course, degrees. If he liked Kylie Jenner’s hot selfie, that’s not great but it’s also not like he’s potentially thinks he’s going to hook up with her. But still, why is he liking that selfie? It’s not like Kylie Jenner is going to see it and be like, “Sweet Jeremy Nobody liked my selfie.” The more alarming thing is when he likes a selfie of the hot girl he’s friends with. He may be out to hook up with the hot selfie girl.
9. He Suddenly Texts You After You Post A Hot Selfie
Speaking of hot selfies, we all know this game but we also still fall for it. In fact, some of us will post a hot selfie in order to get that guy to text us. And it works like a charm.
It goes like this, you post a hot selfie. It gets a ton of likes and comments, y’know hopefully. That makes you feel good, but what makes you feel really good is the fact that all the sudden, the guy who wasn’t texting you is now texting you. He’s being nicer than usual. He may even be making up excuses about how he’s been so busy and unable to text you. It’s like he literally forgot what you looked like until seeing this selfie, or like he actually believes you look like this highly filtered version of yourself.
8. When He’s Romantic While Begging For Nudes
After seeing your hot selfie, he’ll romantic. But the moment he’ll be most romantic is when he’s begging for nudes or getting ready to beg for nudes.
Maybe he hasn’t seen you in a while. Maybe he’s away on a business trip. Whatever the case, you’re likely apart and he’ll start texting about how much he misses you. He’ll bring you some old inside joke between you. This is not because he’s secretly in love with you. This is to create a seeming intimacy in order to get you to send him nudes.
Any romantic texts that come before, during or after asking for nudes are not filled with real romance. Even if he hints towards being in love with you, he totally just wants those nudes. Of course, feel free to send him nudes if that’s what you want, just know that he doesn’t really miss the sound of your laugh. That’s something they all say.
7. He Didn’t Have Cell Service Or His Phone Was Dead (Yeah, Okay)
You were supposed to hang out with him, but you can’t get in touch with him. He isn’t answering any of your texts, at all. ‘Did he die?’, you think. Because honestly, why would someone just not answer their texts when you were supposed to hang out with them? He’ll follow it up the next day by explaining that he didn’t have cell service. HE DIDN’T HAVE SERVICE! And we’ll believe that, simply because we want to believe that over the idea of him standing us up.
The other fun one is that he’ll say his phone died. He may even be theatrical with this one, texting you and saying his phone is dying before he goes radio silent. The phone dying is more believable, but only slightly. I mean, there are basically iPhone chargers hanging from trees these days.
6. Any Excuse He Gives For Not Being Facebook Official
When the time has come to be Facebook official, you feel it. You’re hanging out every day. You have sleepovers all time. You basically live together without actually living together. Or, hey, maybe you even actually live together. You’re already exclusive. And yet, he doesn’t want to be Facebook official.
Maybe it’s because he’s friends with his mom and she’ll ask too many questions. He maybe says that he’s just not too into social media. You’ll believe these reasons because you want to, but the truth is that there is someone on social media who he doesn’t want to know about you. He still wants to appear single, even if he isn’t. It may be a coworker, a friend or an ex-girlfriend, or maybe for just the general public, but this guy has a reason to appear single on Facebook. And it’s not because of his mom. It is never because of his sweet mom.
5. Every Single Time Ghosting Has Ever Happened To You
How don’t we see ghosting coming? Whenever it happens, we’re always like, “Oh, of course.” But you never realize it before then.
Ghosting, in case you’ve been living under a rock for the past three or so years, is when a guy just disappears. Like, vanishes. He becomes… a ghost. You get it and you’ve probably had it done to you. He’s there 24/7. It seems like it’s moving towards a relationship. You think you’ll maybe meet his parents in about 2 to 4 months. Then, he’s gone. MIA. In six months, he’ll be in a Facebook relationship with someone else and you’ll never understand what went wrong.
It is the sleaziest move of all, because it leaves you wondering about the relationship for forever. There is no closure. The dudes that ghost are cowards, who are too afraid to face you and tell you what’s up. But like I said, we tend to never see this coming.
4. Oh, And Bread Crumbing
Breading crumbing is kind of the new ghosting, and it’s even worse, if that’s possible. Bread crumbing is when a guy keeps you interested via texts every now and then, even though he was no intention of ever being in a serious relationship with you. He probably has six or seven girls in rotation that he bread crumbs.
Of course, we never realize we’re being bread crumbed, because he’ll have excuses. He’ll say he’s busy the next two weeks, but he really wants to see your gorgeous face maybe after that. And yes, he’ll say gorgeous face. He’ll always use compliments and pet names. The pet names help create an intimacy even though there isn’t one.
Bread crumbing is the thing the worst kind of guys do, but it’s hard for us to see that with them calling us gorgeous nonstop. I mean, the right kind of compliment always makes it hard to think straight.
3. When He Vaguely (Very Vaguely) Agrees To Plans
Oh, this. This is a fun one. This one is when you invite him out to something – say drinking with friends, bowling, a concert, what have you. He’ll say something like, ‘Yeah, let me know.’ It’s totally vague and it makes it seem like the plans are still not final, like you’re still working on them or something. He’s like, “Sure, let me know when you do.” But you already know and told him the details. It’s the same thing as a “maybe” on a Facebook event, which should probably not even be an option.
If you ask him to hang out one-on-one, he may say, ‘Yeah, let me know what day works for you.’ At which point, if you do let him know what day works for him, he’ll have to get back to you or something else noncommittal. Of course, when he doesn’t show up, it’s not like he’s in the wrong since he never actually, officially agreed to these plans.
2. When He’s So Nice To You After He’s Been MIA
If he’s the type of guy who will disappear and then magically reappear into your life, that’s frustrating. And you’d probably just cut him out of your life, if he wasn’t so damn sweet when he magically reappeared. If you even ask where he’s been, he’ll probably – very strategically – change the topic to something very sweet about you. He’s no fool. He knows that if he’s sweet enough, you’ll forget that he didn’t answer your texts for three weeks. Well, you’ll forget about it for the time being. We never really forget when he doesn’t answer our text for three weeks, right?
Be aware that his sugary sweet nature after being a literal missing person is just to distract you from his absence. He was probably absent because he was hooking up with another girl, who is now not returning his texts, so he’s back to you.
1. When He’s “Answering A Work Email” On His Phone
Okay, this one is two separate issues in one.
The first issue is that let’s say he really is answering a work email. That’s an issue of its own because he doesn’t actually have to be on his phone 24/7. There are very few professions that genuinely require him to be on his phone at 10pm at night. If he’s Brad Pitt’s lawyer, that’s understandable. If not, he simply doesn’t value his time with you. But you can kind of forgive the hustle. Plus, it’s better than option #2.
The second possible issues is that he’s not answering a work email. I mean, if he’s smirking into his phone and holding the screen away from you on purpose, that ain’t a work email. It’s a sexy Snap or a flirty text from another girl. Maybe it’s even a nude. When he looks like a little boy on Christmas morning while looking at his phone and then he says it’s a work email? Yeah, don’t buy that excuse. He’s likely lining up where he’s going to go after he leaves your apartment.
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