In reality, there should not be a blurred line when it comes to cheating. Either you are completely faithful to someone or you are messing around behind their back. There is no grey area, it is simply black or white. However, in this day and age, it seems like there is a bit of confusion when it comes to what is hurtful and what is harmless. Why? Because there is a lot of controversy when it comes to the terms "single," "dating," "seeing each other," "boyfriend/girlfriend," and even "monogamy." On top of that, there is a lot of controversy when it comes to exactly what "cheating" entails. That is why we have decided to get down to the bottom of it. We have done our research and came up with a list of fifteen different situations he does not consider cheating. And trust us, you will be just as surprised as we are when you read the results.
15 If Nothing Happened
He hangs out with a different girl behind your back. Perhaps she's someone from work, an old friend, or a stranger he met at a local coffeehouse. He gives her his number because he thinks she's nice and they have a connection. One day, she sends him a text and asks if he wants to hang out. Because he thinks you'd get jealous or angry with him, he doesn't tell you. Instead, he makes up some excuse or just leaves you out of his plans to hang out with her. They grab a drink and spend the evening together. It was never his intention to cheat on you, he just liked the attention he was getting from her. Of course, they flirt but nothing happens beyond that point. He's honest about being in a relationship with you so they keep it friendly. Therefore, he doesn't consider it cheating despite the fact he blatantly didn't tell you he was with her.
14 It Was After A Huge Fight
You and him have been fighting more than usual. It seems like everyday, a new issue comes up. One night, you get in the biggest fight you've ever been in and he storms out of the house. Both of you are beyond upset. To distract himself, he goes to a bar and gets completely loaded with his friends. His friends desperately attempt to cheer him up by encouraging him to flirt with other girls and pushing other women his way. After a few hours of this, some random girl makes a move on him. She kisses him but after a few moments, he pulls away. He doesn't want to ruin things with you. After all, he knows you two are simply going through a hard time. So, he convinces himself that it wasn't cheating because he didn't make the first move and what happened was just a result of a strained relationship.
13 It's Only Talk
He thinks it is totally okay to text other women whenever he feels like it. (And when we say "text," we really mean that there's no boundaries put on the conversations he may have with another woman.) He might compliment her, flirt with her, and maybe sexts her. In fact, he might even go so far as to send or receive dirty pictures from her. In his head, he still thinks that he's loyal and committed to you because he thinks that talking is harmless- it doesn't mean anything. For some reason or another, he's separated what happens via text message or phone call with what happens in his real life. To him, it's more like a game or a fantasy, not cheating. In short, he only considers it cheating if something were to actually happen between him and another woman in person. If it's in cyberspace, it's fair game.
12 He Makes Boundaries
He takes you out to nice dinners. He buys you fancy gifts for your birthday. He treats you like the lady you deserve to be treated like. With other girls, he might go to dinner with them, buy them birthday gifts, and treat them well... but it is different. For example, he will go out to dinner with a girl but they will split the check. If he watches a movie with her, it is certainly not a romantic comedy and they do not cuddle during the entirety of it. If he buys her a gift for her birthday, it is a gag gift and not as thought out as the one he bought you. Sure, they might flirt a little bit, but he would never put her in the same category that he puts you in. Even if she wants him to, he makes sure he is clear about his boundaries.
11 If He's A Free Bird
He's someone who thinks that no one should ever be tied down by someone else. He's filled with free love and more than willing to give it to anyone who's willing to take it. He's always been like this and from the beginning and he has made it clear that he's always going to be this way. This is why he doesn't think twice before he hooks up with other women. In his mind, "cheating" isn't a bad thing. In fact, he thinks that you should be with whoever you want, whenever you want. Why? Because being with other woman doesn't change the way he feels about you and he truly believes monogamy shouldn't be a "thing." He likes being free as a bird and expects you should be able to be free as a bird as well. In short, he's a quite the hippie when it comes to his belief system.
10 If He's Unhappy
This time, it's not him cheating on you, it's him cheating with you. He has a wife and kids. He has a career. He has a whole other life away from you. However, for some reason, he's beyond unfulfilled when it comes to his personal life. He's lost touch with his wife. They haven't slept together in years and if they ever communicate, it's either phony or nasty. He hates being at home. In fact, the only reason he goes home is to see his kids and that's all. Other than that, he'd rather be at your side, making you happy. He's beyond lonely and you're the only thing that can make him feel the least bit better. And it's true, he genuinely cares about you. Therefore, he rationalizes in his head that it's completely okay to be with you. He doesn't love his wife anymore and you're all he has.
9 It Happened While You Were On A Break
Finally, it gets to the point where the two of you decide that it is time to "take some space," apart from each other. That being said, you did not officially break-up. Because he is depressed, the only thing he wants to do is go out with his buddies and get completely hammered. As the night goes on, he gets sadder and sadder and desperately tries to distract himself from his emotions by hitting on other women. Soon enough, some random takes the bait and he ends up hooking up with her at a bar. To him, it meant nothing. In fact, the only reason he did it was because he was missing you so much. Therefore, he convinces himself that it was not cheating. Instead, it was just a desperate attempt to get over you quickly. Still, we know it was cheating. Anyone who watched Friends knows exactly this type of excuse and this type of scenario, but it's still cheating...sorry!
8 If You Never Commit To Each Other
You have been seeing him for a long time. Things are fairly serious between the two of you but neither of you are in a rush to make a commitment. Therefore, you just enjoy things for what they are and never have the "what are we doing, here?" conversation. Because you care about him and you think he cares deeply about you, you do not feel it is necessary. After all, you are not seeing other men behind his back so it hardly crosses your mind that he would see women behind your back. You thought it just went without saying that you would be faithful to each other... but you were wrong. Because you never had the talk, he figures he can do whatever he wants. This is just yet another excuse to get him out of trouble because two people don't always need to define what they are if they both want the same things.
7 If It's Revenge
You messed up. You got really drunk one night while you were out with your girlfriends and accidentally made out with some guy at a bar (and when we say 'accidentally,' we mean that you didn't mean to do it, it just sort of happened). You're madly in love with him and wish you could take back what you did so you run home and confess to him in hopes of saving your relationship. Of course, he's heartbroken. You apologize time and time again but nothing makes him feel better. To get back at you, he's going out and with his friends and allows himself to be a little more open to the idea of flirting with other women. Sure, enough, an opportunity comes along for him to make out with a girl and he does it. In his head, he convinces himself it wasn't cheating because he did it to get even but we know two wrongs don't make a right.
6 If She Started It
If he is someone who refuses to take any sort of responsibility for his actions (which, let's be honest, most cheaters are), he might blame whatever happens between him and someone else on the other person. For example, if she texts him all the time, he will act innocent and simply pretend he does not want to be rude and that is why he responds if you ever confront him about it. If he goes out with her, he will act like he feels bad for her and does not actually want to do it. If she makes a move on him while they're hanging out, he'll convince himself that it's not his fault. After all, she came onto him. Even though he knows that the only reason why she came onto him was because he let her time and time again, he'll still pull the "what was I supposed to do?" card.
5 If They Have A Past
He started dating you not too long ago. You know he was in a relationship with someone not long before the two of you started dating but you don't know any details. Because things are new with you, you haven't quite had the "are we seeing only each other?" conversation yet and because he so recently broke up with his ex, he's not sure where things stand with anyone. This is why he thinks it's okay to be with both you and his ex. If they had a hard breakup, he might be missing her and finding it hard to stay away from her. He may give in to his weaknesses and have a night of "breakup" intimacy with her even though he's truly wanting to move forward. If he really likes you, it might be hard for him to let go of a good thing so quickly and therefore, he may be hesitant to be honest with you about his relationship with his ex.
4 If He Keeps It "PG"
For some men, they feel as long as they keep it "PG," it does not actually count as cheating. By that, we mean that if you can see whatever him and whoever he is with's relationship in a PG movie, it is fair game. For example, he will kiss her but he will not make out with her romantically. He will cuddle with her but they will be fully clothed. He will flirt with her but it won't be anything dirty or inappropriate. He limits "how far" he goes with her so that he can rationalize in his head that he's not doing anything too out of the ordinary or too hurtful towards you. However, in reality, you know that it's just another way for him to bend the rules and not have to feel guilty about it. He's simply playing with the idea instead of indulging all the way.
3 He Resists The Urge
He has a colleague that recently started working with him. Even though he is in a relationship with you, he has started taking a liking to her. They started out as friends. They would get lunch together and talk during business hours. Because they enjoyed each other's company, their relationship started growing. Now, they get dinner and hang out on the weekend. Pretty soon, though, It becomes obvious to anyone who knows them and even strangers who pass them by that there is a bit more between them than simply friendship. Still, they keep lying to themselves and pretending it is innocent. Time and time again, they resist the urge to begin a physical relationship despite the fact that both of them want to more than anything. Just because it is not a physical relationship doesn't mean it doesn't count, emotional relationships with other people are just as bad...if not worse.
2 If You're Long Distance
He lives in Los Angeles and you live in New York. Of course, it wasn't always this way but life has a funny way of working out. You do your best to spend as much time as you can together, flying back and forth or meeting in the middle, but the majority of your time together is spent via Skype, phone calls, and text messages. Because of your work schedules and personal lives, it's hard to find the time to be together in the same room. Even though he loves you, he feels that he has physical needs that aren't met by you. Therefore, he thinks it's okay to have women on the side to meet those needs. It's almost as if he uses the distance as an excuse to be unfaithful. Why? Well, perhaps he thinks you're doing the same thing or maybe he's waiting for you to make the move cross country.
1 If He Has A God Complex
He's an egotistical maniac. He is one of those people that thinks he deserves everything and everyone. You know the type. He walks into a room and expects that whoever he runs into bows in his presence. (Side note: If you're with someone like this, it's a red flag). He literally thinks his presence is a present. This is why he doesn't feel the need to settle down with one person. He thinks just being with them from time to time and even having a sort of relationship with them is enough. Of course, he'd throw a temper tantrum if you cheated on him. Why? The rules don't apply to him. In his mind, he doesn't have to follow society norms or answer to the demands of his partners. He truly believes he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, no matter who he might hurt in the process.