It’s hard to fall in love with someone only to fall out of love with them. It’s hard to let go of someone who you have felt so much for, someone who you thought you would spend a life time with. It does not matter if your break-up was mutual or one-sided, it would still hurt. And it does not matter if it happened after a month or years because it is about the connection the two of you shared rather than the period of time you spent together. Break-ups can be messy but they can also be peaceful, almost too perfect. Break-ups can either make you or break you. Some people get past their break-up and others get stuck thinking that they have moved on. While in fact, they are emotionally and mentally still where everything left off. Truth is, at the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide which person you will allow the break-up to turn you in to. You can look at the break-up as a lesson or a mistake. You can treasure it in your memories or you can erase it completely. Here are some signs that you are among the second group of people, the one who’s still caught up on your ex-boyfriend.
15. You Still Talk About Him
You know you’re not over your ex-boyfriend when you still talk about him to your friends and family. In fact, he’s all you talk about. Your texts, your phone calls or facetime, your Snaps and your WhatsApp are all centric around him. You go on and on about what happened, how much you miss him, what could have happened differently and how sad it all makes you feel. You talk about what he meant to you and how devastated you are that the two of you are not together. You still talk about the things you have always wanted to do and the places you said you are going to explore as a couple. And you still talk about him with hope that you belong together, that you are meant to be, that he is your forever person. You talk about him as if you are still together and you talk about the break up as if it happened yesterday.
14. You Think About Him 24/7
You are definitely not over your ex-boyfriend if he’s all you think about. You think about him the moment you wake-up and right after you fall asleep. You think about him during that boring class or your lunch hour. You think about him when you’re in the shower, when you’re cooking or even when you are walking your dog. You think about him when you are staying in on a Saturday night watching that romantic movie. And you think about him when you go on a girls’ night out. You think about him when you see a cute couple together or when someone talks about their significant other. You worry if he’s well, if he’s happy, if he’s going to conquer the world like you always believed he will. Sometimes you don’t even realize you are thinking about him because you get used to it as it becomes a daily routine of yours. You think about your ex-boyfriend the most when you are super happy or really sad because that is when you will wish he was there the most.
13. You Miss Him Terribly
You are not over him when you just cannot help but miss him all the time, every day. You miss all of him: his smile, his face, his smell, his voice, his body and his heart. You miss hearing about how his day was and what he wants to do tomorrow. You miss how he kissed you, hugged you and loved you in general. You miss him calling you baby or bae. You miss how peaceful he looked when he woke up or how baby like he became when he’s tired. You miss cooking with him, you miss going shopping together, you miss going on dates together. You miss his clothes, his stuff laying around your place and his dog. And you miss spending boring days next to him. You miss being in love and being loved back. You miss the girl you were when you were together. You miss him telling you how much he missed you.
12. You Blame It On Bad Timing
You have not made peace with your break-up, if you still blame it on bad timing. You believe he was the one for you and that he was Mr. right. You believe that you were happy together, that he made you whole. You are certain that you were perfect. You justify that the relationship didn’t work because the two of you weren’t there just yet not because it just didn’t work. You explain to yourself that he loved you enough but life sometimes is just not fair. You tell yourself that it was wrong time but the right person. When someone asks you about what happened, you tell them that it was mutual and that sometimes, things don’t work out at a certain time because life is trying to teach us something. You lie to yourself about why the break-up happened and that you were okay with it. And you lie to yourself that it had nothing about your connection, your compatibility or your fate.
11. You Get Jealous
This one is a no brainer. You get jealous from girls he shows interests in. You get jealous knowing he’s intimate with someone who is not you, someone who’s younger or better looking. You compare yourself to everyone else and you start to forget about what makes you, you. And you become insecure about yourself, your body and your personality because subconsciously you think he fell out of love with you because you did something wrong or because you never will be good enough for him. You get jealous knowing that one day, he will commit long term to someone and build a family with her. You get jealous that he will be the father of someone else’s children. That you will not get to see him make his dreams come true and that you won’t be there waiting for him at the finish line. You get jealous that you can’t call him your man, your person or your best friend.
10. You Sabotage Any Romantic Interest
You ruin every connection you have with guys. You list all the things that are wrong with them. You judge them and you don’t give them a real chance. You also start criticizing them for who they are not and you make them feel as if there’s something wrong with them. You build a wall and you push them away. You don’t let them get to know you and you don’t let yourself get to know them either. You run away the moment you see that it could work or when you start seeing yourself getting comfortable with them. You tell yourself it’s not going to work because they are not your type, they’re not the one for, they’re not what you are looking for. While in fact, they are just not him, they are not your ex. You talk yourself out trying to start a new page because you are stuck on the previous one.
9. You Compare Every Guy To Him
You compare them to your ex-boyfriend. You compare how you felt with him vs. how you feel with everyone else. You compare the foundation you had with your ex to the one you have with someone new. You disregard that trust, communication and love sometimes grow with time. You almost forget that any relationship is about work and mutual investment. You put the sexual connection you had with your ex on pedestal. You get frustrated when people don’t understand why you’re still caught up on your ex. You compare your life right now with whoever you are with to the future you could have with him. You compare the girl you were with him to the one you are by yourself or with anyone else. You get scared that you will never find the connection you had with your ex with someone else. You fear that no one will respect, love and care for you the way he did. And deep inside, you don’t want it happen.
8. You’re Still Hurt
Clearly, your heart is still broken. Thinking about your ex hurts because it is unproductive. It’s almost like you are causing yourself un-necessary pain. It’s almost like you refuse to move on to better things, places and people. You’re still hurt that you lost someone dear to your heart. You’re sad that all the things and the plans you were excited about are gone. You’re disappointed that despite of how much you tried, the relationship failed. And you feel as if you failed as a person. You’re wounded because you feel like you lost a piece of you and you feel like you’re never going to be the same. You’re hurt because this experience is forcing you to grow-up. This experience is teaching you to let go and that things don’t work just because they are not designed to. You’re learning to love yourself in the middle of all this, and that hurts too because it shines light to the things you have been neglecting about yourself like your worth or what you deserve.
7. You Make Excuses To Contact Him
You come-up with the lamest excuses to keep in touch with him. You text him to tell him that you miss him and that you are sorry. Then you text him that you want to stay friends and have him in your life. You text him when you go to the place you used to spend time together. You pass by his work or his parents’ house just to say hi. You ask his friends about him and how he’s doing. You ask him if he still has that gift you got him for his birthday. You call him to see if he wants to go to the bar with you and your friends. You send him funny memes or you tag him on posts on social media. You face-time him when during an important event in your life. You send him a random text about something vulnerable like how sad you feel or how much you still love him.
6. You Religiously Check His Social Media
You know when it was the last time he was on WhatsApp. You know his Snapchat score. And you know when he’s usually online on Facebook. You notice girls who comment on his Instagram account. You know when he posted his last status because you liked it. You are the first to notice his new haircut because you got a notification about his updated profile picture because you listed him as a close friend. You care about what he’s doing and where he’s at. You worry if he’s moving on and talking to someone new. You check if he’s handling the break-up well or if he’s as devastated as you are. You just know what he’s up to online better than everyone else. You notice who he’s recently followed or became friends with. You are one of the first people to see his story. You even notice his new account on Twitter or Instagram if he did not have one because you’ve probably Googled him.
5. You Go Out Of Your Way To Grab His Attention
At first, you keep in contact with him on daily basis and sometimes twice a day. You tell him how much care for him. You try to shower him with your love, affection and attention. Then, as he does not respond the way you wished he would, you start to grab his attention by showing him that you don’t care, that you’re happy without him and that you’re doing great. You post stuff on social media that talk about moving on and being the bigger person. You post pictures of yourself with other guys, with your girls having a blast and of yourself doing your own thing. You try your best to show him that it was his loss and you try to prove to him that you are the one for him. You start doing the things that he used to ask you to encourage you to do more of.
4. You’re Attached To The Good Old Memories
You still keep pictures of you together at home, at your workplace and on social media. You have an adorable picture of you and him as your screen lock. You have his name saved on your phone with an emoji. You keep all the conversations you had together on your phone. You have all the things he got you throughout the relationship. You still even have the small things you kept on each date you went together. You keep recalling the moment you fell in love with, when confessed to you about how he feels, and when you became official. You frequently listen to your favorite song as a couple. You watch his favorite tv show and cook his favorite meal because that reminds you of him. You go out of your way to keep his memory alive. You keep the memories you made together everywhere because you don’t believe that your story together has ended.
3. You’re In Denial About It
You are in denial about not being over your ex-boyfriend. You lie to your family, friends and yourself about it. In fact, you lie to him about it, too. You show him that you’re okay with being friends and that you would rather have him as a friend than not have him at all. You pretend that you don’t mind him texting someone new already, that he’s been seriously dating someone, that he has officially moved on. You try not to care about it when people talk about the two of you in the past tense instead of just the future. You deny that you’re bothered by that you saw him flirting with someone at the bar or that he was dancing intimately with someone who was not you. And deep down, you know why you haven’t been able to connect with someone with guys you find interesting and attractive. You know that giving another person a chance means forcing yourself to do something because you have to not because you actually want to.
2. You Feel Like No One Gets You
You feel like you’re alone in your misery. You feel like none of your friends sympathize with you. And you feel like your family does not care about your emotional being or that you are just still not over him. You feel like nobody wants to hear about how much you miss and want him. It seems as no one wants to bother about knowing where your love life is going and if you need some help. People don’t understand when you say that you’re still hurt about it. People don’t get it when you tell him how wonderful he is and how special the connection you shared was. It’s not that they don’t care for you, it’s that they don’t realize that you’re still interested in him, that your heart is still not over him and that your mind is literately going insane. People might come off as heartless because they have forgotten that how hard and deeply you love.
1. You Secretly Want Him Back
You secretly wish that he will initiate getting back together. You hope that he will realize how much his life sucks without you. And you wish that maybe this time he will notice your love and how it’s always been what he’s been looking for. You want him to need you in the moments where he feels like he has no one to talk to and that no one will understand him the way you did. You secretly wish his new love interest won’t work and you’ve convinced yourself that she’s not right for him, that he deserves more and better. That he deserves someone like you. And you tell people that what you felt about him is in the past. You deny that you’ve got eyes only on him, that you want to be with just him, that to this day, you are still waiting for him to come back to you.
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