Being single and focusing on yourself is very important in order to discover who you truly are and to learn what exactly you want in life in general and in a partner. Being extremely single is a little less desirable and consists of a lot of third-wheeling, tindering, and purchasing both cat nip and wine at the store on the regular.
Here are 15 signs that you're single AF.
15 Your bestie is always your plus one
"This year, I'm absolutely sure that I'll be able have a boyfriend for wedding season so please make sure my invite is a plus one!"
When your string of 2 week relationships is coming to an end, there's no shame in bringing your bestie to your mutual friends party/wedding, however your extreme single-ness does start to show when you're invited to 6 weddings in one season and you bring your go-to-gal to every single one without even giving it a second thought.
14 You Tinder… a lot
Tinder is like a sport for you. And if it was a sport, you'd be a damn olympian. There's nothing wrong with an occasional right swipe and a few innocent conversations but when your entire dating life depends on how many kilometres away 'Matt with the adorable Goldendoodle' is- it can become a little problematic and probably won't get you on the right track to finding your ~one true love.~
13 You've purchased a giant body pillow to cuddle with
Who needs a man when you've got a giant body pillow to cuddle up with every night. I'd even argue that a body pillow is BETTER (no sweaty spooning or gross morning breath or actually having to spend time with another human… duh!) Getting a body pillow vs. getting a broken heart… you do the math.
12 You've adopted a cat, or two, or six
Getting love, adoration, and happiness from your animals is cute. But if you'd always rather stay in and spend the night cuddling your kitties than going out and hitting the bar scene in an attempt to find a man, you know you're extremely single. Getting a cat is what happens when you've finally given up on the idea of a functional relationship between man and woman (or woman and woman, man and man- whatever you're into) and have decided that the little ball if fluff is all you need to truly be happy.
11 You're totally comfortable being the third wheel
Hanging out with your bestie and her boyfriend has actually become fun for you- there's no pressure, you don't have to wear a bra (or even a cute outfit for that matter,) and if you're lucky he might even pay for taco Tuesday! Their excessive making out and getting all touchy-feely doesn't bother you in the slightest as you're curled up on the other couch enjoying 'Wedding Crashers' for the 798th time (until Jeremy and Gloria get married and John confesses his undying love for Claire at the altar and then you're back to being bitter.)
10 You've mastered the art of zipping up the back-zipper
If you can zip your own back zipper and can flawlessly self tan your back side, it's official- YOU'RE AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN. If you can master difficult tasks like putting together Ikea furniture, fixing your plumbing, opening that pesky jar of pickles, and changing the oil in your car all by yourself - YOU DON'T NEED NO MAN.
9 The only men in your life are Jack (Daniels), Jim (Beam), and José (Cuervo)
If a night out with your 'man' consists of you downing a handle of Jack, Jim, or José all by yourself- you're most definitely extremely single. Your friends can always count on you to bring the party because often times you're the only one without an obligation to someone else. When everyone else's boyfriends are mad about your girl's night out, the only 'person' who's giving you the guilt trip is that cute little kitty of yours and she'll get over it.
8 You drink straight out of the bottle carton
Who needs glassware when you can drink straight out of the bottle? Ummmm, I mean the milk carton? You don't have anyone nagging you about using a glass, and you don't have to worry about anyone else's germs because you're the only one backwashing into the
7 You get excited when you buy yourself gifts
If you have a prepaid flower delivery coming to your door every Sunday morning or when you're strolling around the farmers market and see a beautiful bouquet and think about yourself- you're probably definitely very single. Buying presents for your birthday, Valentine's Day and all 8 days of Hanukkah for yourself, from yourself means that you need a date, like, yesterday.
6 You only shave your legs when you HAVE to
If spending that extra 15 minutes in the shower is like spending 12 hours in the Sahara Desert without any water then you've become wayyyyyy too comfortable with being single. If you think that those precious 15 minutes could be much better spent on the couch swiping too many rights with your boyfriend of the week (José, Jack, or Jim) and your cats then you may or may not to go out a little more often. Shaving your legs 4 times a year doesn't make you the best candidate for a partner.
5 You'll flirt with just about anyone
When you've become so lonely that you've resorted to flirting with just about anyone- including but not limited to the pizza delivery guy, your younger brothers friends, the Netflix tech support guy, your creepy neighbor, and your 68 year old landlord.
Put it this way, if you find yourself dressing up for the delivery guy then there might be a problem.
4 Rom-coms and love-y movies make you way too emotional
If you consider 'The Notebook' to be one of the most life-changing movies of our generation, you're extremely single. If watching anything by Nicholas Sparks gives you the 'love sweats' (yes, the love sweats are a real thing) then you may be craving a little love and affection of your own. If you can't watch a rom-com in public without hysterically crying or laughing (or crying and laughing all at once… scary) then you should limit your movie choices to the horror genre and head out on a speed date or 10.
3 You get a little too excited when your friends become single too
While you obviously want what's best for your bestie (see what I did there?), you can't help but feel a little too excited when she decides to hop on the single bus with you for a while. There's just so many single, drinking adventures to be had and you absolutely can't do it all alone.
2 Public displays of affection make you nauseous
Muttering 'ew' a minimum of 18 times while dodging couples making out at the mall is a regular day for you. If hearing about your co-worker's summer of romance abroad makes you feel like you could throw up everything you've ever eaten then you may be riding the bitter bus.
1 Your phone is always fully charged
You often look at your phone and blame the lack of texts on bad reception… and when your phone is dead you secretly don't mind because you know that no one is texting you anyway.