You have a dream of a white wedding with your family and all your closest friends. You see your little niece as your flower girl and you know the dress you want to wear on your big day. You see your husband standing next to you and feel ecstatic just thinking about it. You've had the same vision of your reception since you were ten years old and the only thing you want to do is make it come to life. Well, we want you to too! However, before you tie the knot with someone, make sure you're one hundred percent ready to tie the knot. Many times, people jump into marriage way too soon and it only ends badly for both them and their partner. Therefore, it's important that you take the time and re-evaluate different aspects of yourself. What's more important? That you're honest in your reflection. We know, it can be hard. Still, it's worth it. Read below to find out fifteen signs you're not ready to get married.
15 You Cause Fights To Feel Cared About
It is okay to admit it. We have all started fights simply for the sake of starting fights. For one reason or another, you are feeling insecure in your relationship. Perhaps your boyfriend seems disinterested or maybe he seems like he is not as emotionally connected to you as he once was. Either way, that is not actually the case. The truth is, he has just gotten comfortable with you. He does not feel the need to fight with you over petty things. You, on the other hand, need the drama to feel cared about. So, instead of maturely talking things out with him, you start massive arguments with him. In your mind, if he yells back or you can upset him, he must still be in love with you when in reality, he has been in love with the whole time and would rather handle miscommunications or disagreements with a conversation.
14 You've Never Been Independent
Before you get married, it's important you learn how to take care of yourself. You should know what it's like to be financially independent, to be responsible for yourself, and to understand what it means to stand on your own two feet without the help or support of anyone else. Why? Because in order to have a successful relationship with someone, you must know what it's like to be an independent person. When you marry someone, both people make a promise to not only take care of themselves but also take care of the other. Therefore, if you don't even know how to take care of yourself, how can you take care of your partner? On top of that, if you're constantly asking someone else to take care of you, there's going to be an unequal balance in the relationship which always ends up badly. In relationships that last, both parties always make an effort to stay highly independent while also working as a team.
13 You're Having Obsessive Thoughts About Different Options
You've been with him for a long time. The topic of marriage comes up a lot and you like that. To you, it's comforting. However, in the back of your head, you keep having obsessive thoughts about different options... besides being with him forever. If we're being honest, we all wonder what it would be like to be with that cute coworker that always flirts with us or the barista that gives us free coffees all the time... And that's normal! What's abnormal is when you're with someone and constantly asking yourself, "Did I jump into this too soon?" Or repeatedly wondering if there's someone else out there that might be better for you. Newsflash: If you're having doubts, there's a reason for it. Even if you love your partner and know deep down in your heart that you want to be with him, it's important you wait until after you resolve your obsessive thoughts to marry him.
12 You Have No Idea How To Share
For some reason, we tend to think we're better at sharing than we really are. Maybe you had a younger brother growing up or maybe you have a roommate that you've never had any problems with. And sure, that's sharing... in a way. However, it's nothing in comparison to what you're going to have to do with your future husband. When you marry someone, it's completely different. Why? Because most of the decisions you make depend on the other person and vice versa. Before you get married, ask yourself: Can I handle having all of my Friday night plans depend on someone else's? Can I handle sharing half my salary? Can I handle living with someone else in a place we both have to decide on together? Can I handle having to share my thoughts, feelings, and free time? If not, you might have a bit of growing up you need to do before you're ready to take the leap.
11 You Have Unresolved Baggage
You know what we mean when we say "baggage." It's the stuff you carry with you from relationship to relationship or the unresolved issues that cloud your head from different events or hard times you've been through. For example, maybe your college boyfriend cheated on you and since then, you haven't been able to trust men. Or maybe, your mother left your family at a young age and you've never fully recovered. Either way, it's important you take the time to sort through this baggage before you take the big leap. Of course, you may never fully get rid of your baggage, but it's important that you attempt to dissolve at least some of it. Why? It'll help you have happier, more fulfilling relationships in the long run. After all, you don't want to have trust issues with your husband because of some jerk who didn't appreciate you almost a decade ago.
10 You Haven't Found Your Vocation
Finding what you want to do with your life career wise can certainly be hard. In fact, for some people, it can be a life long journey... and that's great. That being said, though, it's important to have at least a sense of what you want to do with your life before you tie the knot with someone. When you're single, the only person you have to be responsible for is yourself, therefore, you can basically do whatever you want and take the time to find what you're passionate about. Now, we're not saying that you have to have a dream career or that you can't change careers after you get married, were just saying that it's a good idea to have a steady career before you make the commitment. Why? Because after you get married, your life can no longer revolve solely around yourself. You might have children you have to look after, a mortgage to pay, and another human being you need to support.
9 You Lack Experience
If you have only had one or two or even only four boyfriends in your whole life, it is important that you play the field a bit before you settle down. Now, we are not saying that you should go crazy and date your entire town. However, we are saying that it is not a bad idea to date a couple more people before you settle down. For example, if you are only used to dating a certain "type" of guy, you may have a jaded opinion of what love truly is. Or, if you have only had one serious relationship, you might not know the true meaning of love or understand that love can change and grow. The only way to know what you want and what you do not want in a relationship is through experience and the only way to gain that experience is through being in relationships with multiple people.
8 You Think Marriage Will "Fix" Your Relationship
You've been in the same relationship for a while. At first, everything was great. Now, though, things have seemingly taken a turn for well... the worse. You're fighting all the time. You hardly sleep together. In short, you're making each other miserable. Because you're both afraid to be alone, you and your partner think that getting married will fix all of your problems. After all, marriage is supposed to be a happy union, right? Wrong. It's only a happy union if you're doing it because you're already happy, to celebrate finding each other. If you and your partner want to jump into marriage to fix a relationship that's already broken, it's only going to end badly for both of you. Instead of staying together simply because you have nothing else better to do, make a change. Remember, it's better to be alone and unhappy than tied to someone who doesn't make you happy.
7 You're A Serial Dater
You know this type of person. They get in one relationship, stay in it for a couple of months, then break-up with the person. Then, a week later, they're in another relationship and the pattern continues. Basically, they're a serial dater. Of course, the reasons someone might be a serial dater varies. However, all serial daters have something in common: They always need to be with someone and always end up being unable to make a commitment to whoever they're with. If you're a serial dater, it's important to intervene with yourself. Before you get married, make a point to be alone, to figure out why you seem to go from person to person, and why you have such a hard time committing to people. Chances are, if you can solve some of the demons in your head, you'll be able to have more successful, happier relationships down the line instead of constantly searching for something you might never find.
6 You're Indecisive
You're terrible at making decisions. If you get an offer for a job promotion, you ask your boss if you can "think it over," then by the time you give them an answer, the offer is already off the table. You have a hard time deciding what to wear everyday. Heck, you can't even decide what to eat for dinner. What's worse? If you do make a decision, you change your mind right after the fact. In relationships, it's the same story with you. One day, you love the guy you're dating and the next day, you think you want to break up with him. Newsflash: You've got to become way better at making decisions and sticking to them. Marriage is something that's permanent (or at least it's meant to be). Therefore, you can't just wake up one day and decide you don't want to be with your husband anymore. Not only will it completely screw up your life but it will also hurt your partner.
5 You Have Trust Issues
As we stated earlier, it is important to resolve the majority of your baggage before you get married. However, what is most important is to work out your trust issues. If you are someone who always has their walls up, refuses to let people in, and has a hard time trusting even those who are closest to you, you're not ready to get married. Why? Because when you are married, you must trust the person you're with in every way possible. You must be able to believe them when they make promises to you, know that they always want the best for you, and trust they're always going to be there for you loving you unconditionally. If you're unable to do that, you'll end up driving yourself crazy. After all, how miserable would you be if you ended up spending the rest of your life with someone you couldn't trust?
4 You Don't Know Your Future Goals
This happens to so many people, especially young people. They fall in love at an early age and tie the knot before they actually know what they want to do with their lives. Yes, we talked about career already, but now, we're talking about other long term goals more personal to you. If you're someone who has no idea where they want to settle down, how many (if any) kids they want, and if they even want to get married, you're not ready to get married at all. In order to have the future you want, you must know what kind of future you want. Before you tie the knot, ask yourself in depth questions. Let your answers be yours alone and not swayed by anyone else's opinion. That way, you can prevent waking up one day and realizing, "holy sh**, this is not the life I wanted at all."
3 You Have Debt
Now, we're not saying that you can't get married if you have debt. Debt is common, especially if you went to an expensive school and you're still paying off your loans. However, it's important that you take care of as much of your debt as you can before you tie the knot. Why? Because once you get married, that debt becomes your partner's debt as well. Sure, that might not sound like a big deal to you. After all, it would be great if you and your partner could pay off the debt... but it can lead to big problems. The last thing you want is to have to fight over money with your new husband or for your debt to get in the way of you two buying a house or doing things that you want to do. If you want to get married soon, get serious about settling your debts so you can have a fresh start with the man of your dreams.
2 You Have No Idea Who You Are
We've talked about independence. We've talked about a career. We've talked about future goals. Now, it's time to talk about your sense of self. And yes, this is a touchy subject, we know. It's something we all struggle with. Finding out the answer to the question, "who are you?" is a life long journey. However, it's important that that journey starts before you get married. Ask yourself various questions and get in touch with the kind of person you really want to be. For example, you could ask yourself, "what makes me happy?" or "what things do I hold near and dear to me?" or even "am I religious?" Find out as much as you can about yourself so that when you do get married, you don't risk losing yourself. Don't be the girl that becomes exactly who her partner demands her to be. Instead, be the girl who knows who she is and won't change for anyone.
1 You're Desperate
Your mother is constantly calling you asking when you are going to settle down and have babies. All of your friends have gotten married in the past two years. You feel like the only single woman on the planet. Long story short: You are feeling the pressure and you are ready to marry the next single guy you meet. Well, it is time to intervene. Why? Because when you make decisions when you are desperate, there is a high chance you are not going to make the best decision for yourself. Do not marry someone or even date someone simply because you are sick of being alone and hate that you feel "behind" everyone else. Instead, wait until someone you really like walks into your life, even if that takes ten years. Although it may be hard, you will be happier down the line. You have waited this long, what is a little longer?