Jealousy is a part of life. We're jealous of Eva Mendes because of the whole being married to Ryan Gosling thing. We’re jealous of Blake Lively’s hair… and legs… and, well, everything. We’re just really jealous of Blake Lively. We’re jealous of Jennifer Lawrence’s mega success at such a young age. I mean, being jealous is a natural part of life. It can push you to work harder and do better. However, when you feel jealous feelings towards the person you’re dating, that is not great.
When you become jealous in a relationship, you also become insecure and controlling. You try to control every aspect of the relationship in order to control your partner. It’s an awful game, and, unfortunately, your partner will probably not tolerate it for very long. I mean, would you want to be in a jealous and controlling relationship? Nope. You'd 'boy, bye' him so fast.
So, where is the line between normal, everyday jealousy and the type of jealousy that can affect and ruin a relationship? Oh, it is such a thin line. Luckily for you, though, there are telltale signs that you’ve officially let your jealousy go way too far. The fifteen signs below will let you know if you’re crossing into that way-too-jealous territory.
If you read this and you realize that you've been letting your jealousy rule your relationship, put your jealous feelings where they should really be - towards Blake Lively! (We're kidding... kind of.)
15 You Check His Phone
This is the most obvious sign of jealousy. In fact, if you check his phone, you probably don’t even need to read the rest of this article. Your jealousy is 100% affecting your relationship.
If you get excited every single time your man gets up to go to the bathroom – so you can quickly scroll through his phone as he pees – there is a major problem. This is a blatant invasion of privacy. If you are so suspicious of your guy that you feel like you need to scroll through his phone, there is a major issue in your relationship. Plus, this never ends well. You’ll either find nothing or you'll find something you wish you hadn’t.
This is the modern equivalent of reading someone’s diary. Just don’t do it. Also, take a step back and look at yourself as you frantically snatch his phone the minute the bathroom door locks. You look insane. You don’t look like the amazing, sane girlfriend that he deserves.
14 You Dissect His Social Media Posts
If he posts something on social media, do you dissect everything about it? That’s not a great sign. Social media isn’t necessarily a great insight into someone’s psyche, so his post about the blizzard may not mean anything at all. You certainly aren't going to find out if he's having an affair based on his Game of Thrones tweet. If you’re looking too far into his silly posts, it means you’re pulling at straws. You are grasping for anything that will give you more insight to the guy you’re into.
It takes him, like, 45 seconds to write a status, right? If you spend five minutes thinking about the status, then twenty minutes stalking everyone who liked or commented on said status, there’s an issue. You’re wasting your time trying to figure him out any way you can. You need to ask yourself why you care so much about what he is putting online.
Also, if you constantly feel like he doesn't talk about your relationship enough on social media, this could apply to you as well. He doesn't have to make a status about how much he loves you every single day.
13 You Flirt With Other People To Feel Better
Sometimes, we express our insecurity by trying to make ourselves feel better. If you are feeling jealous and insecure in your relationship, you may work really hard to get attention from men outside of your relationship. If you think that your boyfriend may be being unfaithful, you'll reason that you should flirt with people outside of the relationship too. Honestly, if you are seeking attention from people outside of your relationship, there is 100% a problem within the relationship. It may be that you’re jealous and insecure. It may also be that you don’t feel fulfilled in your current relationship. Whatever the case, if you are looking outside the relationship, there is a problem inside the relationship.
You should stop flirting with your cute coworker and start trying to work on the relationship you’re actually in.
12 You're Always Trying To Catch Him In A Lie
If you feel like "Catch Your Boyfriend In A Lie" is a fun game that you play every single day, you may be letting your jealousy control your relationship. When you are overtaken by jealousy, catching him becomes something of a chase. Of course, you don’t actually want to catch him in a lie, because that would mean you’re right and he's cheating on you.
However, there’s always a part of you that secretly wants to catch him because it would mean you’ve been right all along. You’re not crazy! He was actually cheating! You may be happy about having been right, but you’ll still be super bummed because, y’know, your guy was cheating on you.
If your conversations usually teeter on trying to catch him in a lie, he’ll feel that. You aren’t having an interesting connection when you talk. Instead, it’s basically an episode of Law and Order. That is not how healthy relationships last.
11 His Coworkers Make You Feel Insecure
Men and women work together. It’s just a part of life. If your boyfriend is in the work force, he will be working with people of the opposite sex - plain and simple. And, honestly, socializing with members of the opposite sex is something that most people do from the time that they are in kindergarten.
If the idea of your significant other talking to women at work fills you with rage and jealousy, there is an issue. You shouldn’t fear his coworkers. This may result in you not supporting him at work, which is a HUGE issue for relationships. This is how he makes his money. Down the road, it could be this very job that helps him support you and your potential family. Who knows, right?
Feeling supported is a major part of being in a relationship. Don’t let your jealousy keep you from supporting him at work.
10 You're Even Jealous Of His Family Members
If you even feel jealous when he talks to female family members, there’s a big issue. I mean, his sister is not a threat to your relationship and to think she is, is just bonkers. But, when jealousy is controlling your relationship, it takes over. It isn’t necessarily that you think your boyfriend is going to leave you for his own sister. (We know – gross.) The thing about jealousy is that it spirals and not even you can control it. If you are jealous of his friends that are girls, then his female coworkers, you may easily become jealous of his interactions with his female family members too. It has nothing to do with sexuality, but rather your desire to control him.
When jealousy has taken over a relationship, it means that you are grasping for control in every single way possible. Controlling his interactions with even his family members is a sign of this.
9 You Try To Spend Every Minute Together
On the subject of being controlling - wanting to spend every waking minute together falls under this category. If you want to spend every single stinkin’ minute together, that may not be as romantic as it seems. Sure, you totally love him and stuff, but wanting to always be together can also be a sign that you want to control his time. If you are with him, you know what he’s doing, and especially who he’s doing. He can’t cheat on you if you’re with him (in theory).
If you get upset when he announces that he’s going out with his friends or that he’ll be working late, your disappointment may be more about controlling him rather than spending quality time together. I mean, you can only binge-watch Breaking Bad so many times. Let him get a drink with his friends once and a while.
8 You Spiral If He Doesn't Immediately Answer You
If you text him and he doesn’t get back to you within, like, five minutes, you have a complete meltdown. The truth is that he could be doing any number of things. If he’s at work, he could be… working. He could be in a meeting or with a client. He could be working on a project with a deadline. Instead, you immediately imagine that he’s doing a coworker in the storage closet. If he’s out with friends, he may not answer because he’s engaging in conversation with friends. Don’t assume that he’s flirting with some hottie at the bar.
If you allow yourself to go to that dark place where you text him 46 times, call him 13 times and leave six voicemails, there’s an issue. He doesn’t want to look at his phone and have a zillion notifications from you. He also doesn’t want to feel like he has to respond to you right away. He should be allowed to have a life outside of the relationship. His cell phone is not a LoJack.
7 You Hate When He Speaks Highly Of Anyone Else
You hate when he says something nice about anyone who isn’t you. In fact, you’d rather him hate everyone else in the world and only love you. If he compliments his coworker on her intelligence, you suddenly want to claw his (and her) eyes out. Oh, she’s smart, huh? Does he know how smart you are? Heaven forbid he calls one of his friends attractive. You’ll have a friggin’ meltdown.
But, if a woman is attractive, where is the harm in him acknowledging that? A lot of people in the world are attractive. It doesn’t mean he’s going to sleep with every woman he finds attractive. There is a real problem if you even get upset when he says Margot Robbie is hot. I mean, Margot Robbie is really, really hot, and she's also an actress he's never met before and probably never will meet.
If you hate every compliment he gives someone who isn't you, he’ll start to not say anything about other people in front of you. That will create a void in the relationship.
6 You Control All The Little Things
Ah, the little things. These things seem so inconsequential but they are symbolic of much, much more.
If you control all the small things in your relationship, it may be because you really just want to control your boyfriend. Do you feel the need to arrange everything in your shared apartment just so? Do you have a rage blackout if he’s late for dinner? These are small signs of you controlling your guy. Because it’s harder to control a whole human being, you may be trying to control him through smaller details. Of course, being obsessed with the throw pillow arrangement or the dinner reservations may see unimportant, but it could be a sign of a larger issue. Also, let him control some stuff. If he feels that you are in charge of everything, he may start to feel that his role in the relationship is irrelevant.
5 You Dislike When He Has Fun Without You
In a perfect world, people would be having fun all the time. Life is short. Why shouldn’t we all have fun 24/7? That is, of course, not how life works. Sometimes we have to deal with traffic and deadlines and other things in life that are decidedly not fun. Because life is not always fun, we should be happy when our significant other can find a small portion of fun in his everyday life.
If you feel mad when he tells you about a hilarious work prank or about a fun drinking game he played with his friends, this may be an issue. You shouldn’t be jealous of the fact that he has fun with other people in life. I mean, it’s bound to happen, right? Having separate fun is fine and even healthy for a relationship.
If you make him feel bad about having fun without you, it will put a sour taste on his fun memory and your relationship.
4 You Stalk Anyone Who Likes His Posts
If someone likes his photo or status, you will know it. If a girl likes his photo or status, you will especially know it. Oh, and if it just so happens to be a hot girl that you’ve never heard him talk about before – just forget about it. You will stalk every single form of social media you can find of hers. You’ll be looking at her photos from her 16th birthday. And you’ll know she was born on April 3rd, which makes her an Aries so she’s probably domineering and ambitious since most Aries are. Does your boyfriend wish you were more ambitious? Does your boyfriend think you’re lazy? Yes, this is how a spiral starts.
Don’t even let it start, girl. If a rando girl likes his photo or status, just let it go. I mean, consider how many people like your photos. Are you cheating on your boyfriend with them? Nope, so your boyfriend probably isn’t cheating on you with that Aries either.
3 You Make Him Feel Guilty About New Opportunities
Because jealousy can lead to you being controlling and insecure, you may not be too happy when your man receives new and exciting opportunities in life. In fact, you may secretly hate when he gets a new opportunity.
This new opportunity will represent a shift in your relationship, taking away some of your control. It will drive you crazy to lose some of your power in the relationship. If you are jealous, you may all immediately imagine all the ways this could destroy your relationship. If he receives a promotion, you’ll imagine all his new, sexy coworkers. If he’s going on a work trip, you’ll imagine the fact that he’ll have a hotel room all to himself. Your mind will go crazy with horrible scenarios instead of being excited for your partner in life. The worst news is that he will definitely feel this negative energy.
2 You Pick Little Fights
You probably want to really fight about the reason your jealous. Whether it is because of a friend of his, an ex, or a coworker, you’ll want to confront him about your jealousy. But, the thing is, you probably won’t say anything about your jealousy. For fear of pushing him further away, you’ll keep your jealous feelings deep down – which is always great for jealous feelings. It doesn’t lead to festering or anything...
Since you can’t actually fight about the thing that makes you jealous, you’ll pick 1,000 tiny fights instead. You’ll fight about him not using a coaster. You’ll fight about him hogging the blankets. You’ll fight about the mail. You’ll literally fight about the dumbest stuff ever, all because you really want to fight about that deep dark jealousy of yours.
Unfortunately, these tiny fights, which are a symptom of jealousy, can also end the relationship. I mean, would you really want to be with someone who picks a fight over you using a coaster?
1 You Read Articles Like This One
If you saw this article and you were like, ‘Huh, I should read this because I’m afraid my jealousy is affecting my relationship,’ then your jealousy is definitely affecting your relationship. If you’ve done enough snooping and fighting to make you question if your jealousy is a problem, your jealousy is a problem. Trust us, by the time you think you've gone one step too far, you've probably gone thirty steps too far.
Of course, being jealous is natural in many ways. A lot of us feel jealous every day. We’re jealous of the girl who can eat anything and not gain any weight. We’re jealous of the girl who has our dream job and dream purse. We’re jealous of Blake Lively, because duh. A feeling of jealousy once in a while is okay. But, if jealousy is the overwhelming feeling you have in your relationship, that is the real problem.