Everybody struggles with insecurities of some sort, but if you don't deal with the things that you don't love about yourself, you could be in for some serious problems! There are a few hallmark signs of an insecure person, including poor social skills and unsettled body language, but there are also a few signs that don’t seem to indicate insecurity at all. In fact, sometimes, behaviors that are traditionally seen as confident actually point to self-doubt! So how do you know if you’re actually insecure beneath a poised exterior? If you display a number of these behaviors, you could be insecure. That’s not to say that you definitely are if you do any of the things on this list, but it’s just useful to be aware of what your behavior could mean! And remember, it’s natural to be insecure to a certain extent—it’s the way you deal with those insecurities that make all the difference!
15 You Can't Take A Compliment
People who are insecure usually don’t deal very well with compliments. If you’re the kind of person who isn’t able to take a compliment and insists that people are wrong when they tell you that you’re pretty or smart, you could have an issue with insecurity! You might feel as though you’re unworthy of what that person is saying about you, so you try to dismiss it in case the compliment draws attention to you; you might even fear that others would disapprove of the compliment if they heard it, because you don’t personally approve of it. We know that seeming arrogant is a big fear people have today, but there is a simple way to deal with compliments that is neither arrogant nor self-deprecating. Just say “thank you” and smile. Easy! You might feel like you’re faking it at first, but the more you say it, the more natural it will feel.
14 You Put Yourself Down
It’s pretty well-known that people who are unsure of themselves put themselves down all the time. Pay attention to the language you use for a few days, and take note of how many times you say something bad about yourself. You might be surprised! A lot of people don’t realize that they constantly say that they suck at this or they’re terrible at that, as well as making mean remarks about the way they look. Think about whether you’d say it to someone you care about, and if you wouldn’t, then you probably shouldn’t be saying it about yourself! There is a fine line between modesty and being cruel to yourself, so just keep an eye on it. It’s also totally common for people to make jokes about themselves when they’re actually insecure because they feel that if they’re laughing at themselves, it won’t be a big deal when other people do it too.
13 You Put Others Down
This might come as a bit of a shock, but if you’re constantly trying to put other people down and make them feel bad, you’re probably not as confident as you think you are. You might possess the confidence to say something that another person wouldn’t dare, but why are you going there in the first place? Insecurity might not be the cause of every single belittling comment, but many people drag people down to make themselves feel better. Of course, they wouldn’t need to do that if they were feeling good to begin with! This sort of behavior happens when being insecure becomes a problem that could seriously come between you and the people you care about, so if you catch yourself always trying to say mean things to others, you should think about the real issue. Feelings of inadequacy are normal, but responding to them with insults is immature and problematic.
12 You Need To Be The Center Of Attention
This is another sign that we bet you didn’t associate with somebody who’s insecure! We tend to think of people who love being the center of attention as being super confident, whereas we would say that insecure people are the ones hiding in the corner. Yes, some insecure people hide in the corner for sure, but just because you always have to be the center of attention doesn’t mean you are comfortable with yourself. Rather, you might secretly feel like your own approval and opinion isn’t enough, so you constantly need other people to tell you you’re great in order to believe it. That’s a pretty clear sign that you’re dealing with a few insecurities! It's a basic human thing to want to be desired and loved, but if you’re taking the whole attention thing too far, and remind yourself of a seal doing tricks to get laughs and pats on the back, you’re probably feeling vulnerable and incomplete.
11 You Have No Empathy
If you find yourself unable to care about anybody else’s problems because you’re so focused on yourself, you might have some issues! Those who are insecure always think that their flaws are about ten million times more obvious than they are, and in their minds, they see the things they’ve done wrong as being far more severe than they are. So the result is that they don’t really care about what other people are going through because they’re convinced that they somehow have it worse. Basically, selfishness might be a sign that you’re insecure because you’re so convinced that you are a big, walking problem that you can’t bring yourself to pay attention to anything else. Everybody is the center of their own universe, but you can try to break this cycle by making an effort to listen to what people say and trying to put yourself in their shoes when they need you.
10 You Can Never Be Happy For Others
This is one of the most classic traits of an insecure person! People who aren’t happy within themselves find it really hard to be happy for others. If you love someone, whether that’s a family member, best friend or partner, you’re supposed to want the best for them. You’re probably still going to be jealous if they win the lottery, lose the weight you’ve been trying to lose all year or fall in love before you, but there’s jealous, and then there’s toxic. You can feel jealous and still feel happy for someone at the same time. If you find that it upsets you when the people in your life experience blessings, that’s a big flashing red warning sign to sort out your own insecurities! It's a good idea to remember that nobody else ever really has anything to do with you. Just because your friend loses ten pounds doesn’t mean you can’t if that's something that you need to do.
9 You Hide Parts Of Yourself
Another sign that you’re insecure is if you find yourself constantly trying to hide things and conceal truths from the people in your life. There is obviously stuff that is appropriate to keep private, but if there’s something that you’re keeping secret when there’s no real reason to be, it might mean you’re embarrassed about it. This could be something like lying to your friends about the kind of job you do or the person you’re seeing. The most secure people are usually the ones who keep it real and aren’t embarrassed for people to see the parts of their life that are maybe a little different to the norm. If you really want to keep something to yourself, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re drowning in self-doubt. But if you want to show the world something and you’re afraid to do it, remember that you’re much harder on yourself than others will be!
8 You Can’t Stop Talking About Yourself
If you’re one of those people who can’t listen to anybody else’s problems without bringing up themselves, people might assume you’re overconfident. That might be true, but it also could mean that you’re actually insecure. What's the logic behind that? If you’re always talking about yourself, then you’re always thinking about yourself, too. Sure, that could mean that you think you’re amazing and can’t get enough of you, but it might also mean that you’re obsessed with fixing yourself and analyzing yourself to monitor how you appear to others. If you’re always bringing yourself up, you might subconsciously be looking for people to talk about you because, as we’ve mentioned, you don’t think your own opinions and approval are good enough. Interestingly, if you’re on the opposite end of the scale and change the subject every time you are brought up in conversation, that could also mean you’re insecure and not important enough to be discussed. Watch out for these extremes!
7 You Push People Away
Sometimes when you push someone away, it might be about them. If you don’t like someone, then you don’t like someone! But if it happens continuously and you find yourself completely unable to get close to someone, it could mean that you are secretly insecure. You might feel that you aren’t worth getting to know, or you might expect someone to break your heart or betray you because you aren’t deserving of decent treatment. This sucks! Remember that you teach people how to treat you with the way you treat yourself. If you’re worried about someone not treating you right or loving you fully, they’re definitely not going to do it if you don’t treat yourself that way first. You know how the old saying goes: you can’t love anybody else until you love you! So try to see how amazing you are, and give someone else a chance to see it too.
6 You Accept Less Than You Deserve
If you don’t think much of yourself, then you’re going to expect other people to view you the same way, and you’re going to accept it when they do. Think about it: if you saw somebody you loved being treated horribly, you would absolutely take a stand. If you saw the same thing happen to someone you despised, the reaction probably wouldn’t be the same. So if you find yourself constantly running back to people who aren’t good to you, or allowing people to walk all over you, the problem might be more than just your huge heart or your tendency to see the best in people and stay hopeful. It might mean you don’t have very much respect for yourself, and that’s a real shame because you totally deserve it. You don’t have to be completely ruthless with people, but you do have to demand respect by respecting yourself first!
5 You Try To Control Everything
You might actually be feeling a little vulnerable and insecure if you have a relentless urge to control everything around you. Lots of people are control freaks, and we’re not saying that every single one of them is insecure. However, the need to control suggests that there could be an underlying issue with trust. Yu might want to be in charge of every little thing because you think that otherwise, it’s all going to end in a huge disaster! Trust and security go hand in hand, and when it comes to you personally, you might have to spend hours controlling the way you look, the way you talk, the things you do, and the circumstances around you because you think that if you don’t, you won’t be good enough. It all comes back down to not having a high opinion of yourself, and relying on altering the things around you to make you better.
4 You Get Majorly Defensive
Getting defensive is a huge sign that your mind is on your insecurities instead of on the world around you. It’s okay to defend yourself when the need arises. If someone attacks you or says something out of line, defend away! But if you take offense to something that objectively speaking isn’t offensive at all, and take things personally when a reasonably minded person probably wouldn’t, you might be feeling embarrassed about an issue in particular. Try and keep track of how often you bark at people or how often you find yourself selling something over and over again when saying it just once would have sufficed. We all have bad days and moments, but doing this a lot could mean that you feel badly about something in your life. And if you think you’re guilty of this, don’t beat yourself up. You can’t work on insecurities if you don’t identify them first!
3 You Won’t Support Others
This is a behavior that stems from an emotional trait we’ve already listed. If you aren’t happy for other people when good things happen to them, you might take it one step further and avoid supporting them in their endeavors. Unless someone has done something to hurt you first, this almost always means that you feel insecure! It could be things like not wanting to like your friend’s post on social media because you’re jealous of all the likes they have already, or not wanting to buy a product from a family member’s business because you don’t want to see them do well. Sorry to break it you, guys, but this is officially toxic insecurity territory, and you should try and fix your ways ASAP! Like we said, it’s okay to feel jealous. We’re all human! But rather than try to bring them down, why not boost yourself to join them up there?
2 You Have A Temper
A fiery temper could be a sign that you aren’t feeling too great about yourself. Without wanting to sound too much like a shrink, the response of anger might be a subconscious way for you to divert attention away from your own flaws and insecurities because in doing so, you kind of scare people away from prying and you feign a tough exterior. But you might also genuinely feel angry at yourself for having whatever it is that you’re insecure about, and you might be unable to stop yourself from taking it out on other people in your life. Everybody’s personality is different, but (excluding grumpy old men who yell at shop assistants) continuously angry isn’t really a normal factory setting for any of us. It’s very likely that there’s some overarching cause that’s making you mad at the little things, and it’s possible that the cause is insecurity. Just a thought!
1 You Put Up A Front
If you're obsessed with creating a perfect image of yourself for other people to gawk at, then it's super likely that you’re uncomfortable with the real you. We all like to post a nice filtered selfie in which we look a-freaking-mazing, and that’s fine... if it only happens sometimes, that is. But if you find that your whole online presence is basically a big illusion, and you’re determined to mold people’s opinions of you into something positive, it’s kind of obvious. You care a lot about what people think, and you don’t think you are enough to impress them, so you give them something that will and it’s totally fake. We all feel insecure to some degree and we’d all prefer that people like us, but at some point, you have to realize that you aren’t as embarrassing or unacceptable as you think. You’re actually pretty great!