There’s no doubt that being in a new relationship can be really fun and exciting. You’re getting to know everything about this amazing new person in your life, you’re constantly dishing to your friends about all the great dates you’re going on, and you’re utterly smitten. You feel like you may have finally found someone you could start a serious relationship with, but soon, things start to seem… a little bit strange. Take a step back and assess the situation, because you could very well have ended up being drafted as his rebound.
Obviously, it’s no fault of your own – you’re likely a huge catch that any guy would be totally lucky to have. You just happened to find your guy at a time in his life when he was still not totally over a past relationship, so he’s muddling up what would have otherwise may have been a great relationship with his twisted up feelings and emotions. He wants to put his past behind him, but his ex still keeps popping into his mind; he wants to move on, but he’s just not ready. He may not even be aware that he’s using you as a rebound relationship – but you definitely want to be in the know.
Here are 15 signs you may be the rebound girl.
15 He’s in love with you right away
Everyone has felt the tug of infatuation that sometimes comes when you’re in a new relationship. After all, everything is new, everything is exciting, and you can’t believe that this amazing person you’re crazy about likes you back! You’re basically seeing the world through rose-colored glasses and everything is just a little bit happier. However, there’s a difference between the new relationship glow and falling in love way, way too fast. When you’re in a new relationship, you want to spend as much time as you can with the person because you want to get to know everything about them. If your partner seems to have fallen in love with you almost immediately, despite not really knowing that much about you, it might not just be that he falls in love way too fast. The reason very well might be that he’s not necessarily in love with you – even though you’re probably a huge catch – it’s just that he’s desperate to be in love again and is projecting his feelings onto you.
14 He’s made snippy comments about his ex
There’s no doubt about it – getting over a relationship, particularly one that lasted for quite awhile, can be really tough. For most people, it takes a bit of time to truly shake it off and put the past behind them. However, when the past is behind you and you’re totally over a relationship, that should be it. You may not necessarily want to get stuck in an elevator with your ex, but they no longer take up any real estate in your mind when they’re not around. You know that saying about how the lady (or gentleman) doth protest too much? Well, it’s kind of true. If your partner is constantly saying awful things about his ex, it may be a sign that there are still feelings there, and he’s trying to squish those feelings by reminding himself of all the negative aspects of the relationship. Or, he just treats all his exes horribly – either way, you don’t want to be a part of that.
13 He wants to post pics of you two on social media constantly
Okay, if your new partner is the type of person who Instagrams every bite of food they eat and every outfit they wear, the type who tweets twenty times a day about every little thing, then it’s no cause for concern if they want to incorporate you into their social media life. However, if your partner is an average social media user who posts occasionally, it’s definitely a sign you’re a rebound if all of a sudden he wants to post endless pictures of you, your date nights, and your adorable life as a couple. Why is it a bad thing? Well, chances are he’s trying to put on a bit of a show. Perhaps it’s for an ex who he hasn’t blocked yet, perhaps it’s just for himself, but either way – if he’s constantly trying to brag about his amazing new bae and the amazing, romantic things you two do together, the alarm bell should be ringing in your head.
12 He wants to become a veteran couple ASAP
Let us explain this one. You can get intimacy in a relationship pretty quickly, in the physical sense at least, if that’s what you desire. However, it takes time to develop the kind of intimacy that true veteran couples have. The ones who know what their partner wants or needs with a single glance, the ones who have an endless list of inside jokes and stories together, the ones who are more than happy spending the night watching Netflix with a bottle of wine rather than getting all dolled up to go to the hottest new restaurant in the city. If your guy wants to pass that exciting new relationship phase and immediately go into the routine of an established couple, it might be that he really just wants to be in a ‘couple’ again. He wants that feeling of security and confidence in the relationship, the kind that takes time to build – and he wants it now.
11 He just got out of a long term relationship
This one is tough, because it really varies. Some people take longer than others to get over a relationship; some relationships get serious very fast, so the length of time isn’t always the most accurate indicator. The point is, people are over a relationship when they’re over it – and that takes however long it takes them. For some people, that might mean they’re ready to jump head first into another relationship and form another long-term commitment a few months after they ended their previous serious relationship. However, in most cases, if your partner broke up with his former girlfriend mere weeks before the two of you started dating, there’s a very good chance that you’ve been stuck into the rebound slot. We’re not saying that you have to immediately break up with your partner if you find out the two of you started dating a week after he broke up with his ex – we’re just saying to proceed with caution until you’re sure he’s totally over her.
10 You’ve ‘accidentally’ run into his ex when you’re together
As much as we’d all like to think we’re spontaneous individuals, the truth is many of us fall into certain routines. We get coffee from the same coffee shop, we do our grocery shopping at the same store, and we browse through the same places when we just feel like a bit of retail therapy. When you’re in a relationship with someone, you get to know their ‘places’ – I mean, how would you surprise your partner with their favourite beverage if you didn’t know what that was and where it was from? There’s definitely an element of chance in the world, so if you run into your partner’s ex at a new restaurant in town, it may just be that all of you wanted to see what the fuss was about. If you run into his ex a few times at places that seem fairly innocuous, like a certain coffee shop or a certain friend’s house, that could be because your partner knows he might spot his ex there and has made an effort to run into them.
9 He tells you he doesn’t want anything serious
You should definitely be concerned if your new partner all of a sudden starts viewing your relationship as way, way more serious than you do. However, on the other end of the spectrum, if your partner is constantly saying that he’s looking for something light, that he really doesn’t want to make a huge commitment, it may be because he wants a rebound relationship. It means that, no matter how fantastic you are, he’s not really planning on anything long-term because he’s still nursing his wounds – he just wants someone to nurse them with. He wants someone to cuddle with and laugh with and just generally take his mind off his ex, since the alternative is being miserable and alone until all the drama and hurt is dealt with. If you’re also just looking for a casual relationship, then by all means go for it – just don’t enter into things thinking he might change his mind and realize you’re ‘the one’ when he’s just looking at you as ‘the one for now.’
8 He doesn’t seem to want to get to know you
There’s a reason that many couples in a new relationship spend countless hours talking over drinks, in bed, at the park, wherever – they’re trying to get to know every little thing about this incredible new person in their life. They want to know absolutely everything, from their family to their interests to their goals for the future. That’s just kind of a given – the whole reason you pick your partner is because you’re into them, it only makes sense that you’d want to know more about them. If your guy seems to have no interest in getting to know you, and really just keeps most conversations at the surface level, talking about things he’d talk about with a casual acquaintance, then he may not really be into a relationship with you – he may just want to be in a relationship, period. You deserve someone who wants to know everything about you because he’s crazy about you.
7 He has mood swings
There are some people in this world who can get over a relationship with a level head – they can assess the situation, realize that things are becoming toxic and the relationship just isn’t working, and make a clean split. However, for the vast majority of people, ending a relationship is an emotional thing. You’re happy to be free of a relationship that just wasn’t right for you, but you’re also missing them like crazy, you may very well be angry with them for something they did that caused the break up, you might just be sad, you might be terrified of being alone forever… the point is, break ups usually come with a huge dose of emotions. If your guy is happy one day and upset for no reason the next, and you can’t ever really seem to get a good read on his mood, he may still be working through all that post break-up messiness while enjoying a rebound relationship.
6 His friends are surprised he’s already dating someone new
Be honest – sometimes, your friends seem to know you better than you know yourself. They can be impartial judges on relationship issues because their judgment isn’t clouded by emotions and feelings and all that messy, complicated stuff. They see the situation clearly. So, if you’re dating a guy and his friends seem really surprised that he’s already found a new girlfriend, then take a moment to pause. Maybe that surprise is because you’re just a stone cold fox and they think their pal has outkicked his coverage (hey, rock that self-confidence girl!). However, unfortunately, the more likely scenario is that they know he’s not over his ex and they know he’s not ready to move on yet – even if he doesn’t know that himself. They know the whole story, when you might not, and can clearly see the writing on the wall – and that writing usually indicates that you’re the rebound girl.
5 It’s all about the sex
Without question, physical intimacy is definitely a huge part of any relationship. When it comes to a long-term partner, you want to be compatible on all levels – intellectual, emotional, physical, everything. And yes, usually in a new relationship the physical intimacy is really, really exciting because everything is new. You’re getting to know how your partner’s body ticks through trial and error and doing a lot of really fun exploring. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying that. However, if you get the feeling that your relationship is pretty much 100% about sex, that may be a sign that you’re just the warm body he’s choosing to rebound with. If you’re fine with a casual relationship, then by all means enjoy all that loving. However, if you thought that you were embarking on a meaningful relationship and you find that you spend more time in the bedroom than you do in public, chances are you won’t be happy in the long term.
4 He seems kind of bitter about women
It makes sense that a guy would be a little bit bitter towards his ex in particular, if things ended on bad terms. After all, sometimes relationships don’t really fizzle as much as explode into a pile of wreckage. However, if your partner is constantly making little comments about women in general, that’s a sign that he might still be nursing his broken heart and licking his wounds a little bit – and it’s a sign that he’s absolutely not yet ready for a relationship. Even if he hasn’t directed that negativity towards you, you don’t want someone who makes those kind of comments and has that kind of negativity in their life. Eventually, he might be a great partner, but for the time being, you’re most likely a rebound who has unfortunately gotten caught in the cross hairs of his broken heart recovery – and that’s not what you want to be.
3 You have a gnawing feeling that you could be anyone
This isn’t really a behavior so much as it is a weird feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. Your guy might be perfectly pleasant and doing all the right things. He takes you on fun dates, he makes you feel special, and he’s totally attentive when you’re together. However, there’s that little voice inside you that asks – does he really like me, or does he just like the idea of me? You might be tempted to quickly dismiss your concern as mere paranoia, but stop and listen to your gut – more often than not, your gut is right about things. He may not be interested in you as much as he’s interested in the idea of being in another relationship. While his date ideas are sweet, they’re not particularly tailored to your interests or things you’ve expressed you want to do – you could essentially insert any girl in the scenario.
2 He has mentionitis
Sometimes, a little mention of your ex slips – it could be because you stop by a place they used to frequent, or because your partner finds something in your apartment that the ex bought for you and they ask you about it. However, on the whole, if your past relationship is truly in the past, you don’t need to be bringing it up all the time. That means if he seems to find any excuse to bring up his ex, and everything on earth seems to remind him of her, there’s a really good chance that he’s just not over her yet and is just using her as a rebound. I mean, in order to truly have mentionitis, someone needs to have some serious real estate in your brain – and you definitely don’t want to share space in your guy’s head with some ex. You just don’t need to be talking about exes unless absolutely necessary. Plain and simple.
1 He doesn’t want to talk about anything meaningful
In a relationship, you’ll find yourself talking about all kinds of things – from silly gossip you heard to debating serious issues you see on the news together. You talk about pivotal moments in your life and hopes you have for the future. That is, in normal, serious relationships, at least. However, if you’re in a rebound relationship, chances are he won’t want to talk about anything that’s tough, sensitive, or serious – he’ll just want to keep things light. He’s not ready to have those intense heart-to-heart conversations – he’s too busy trying to sort through all the conflicted feelings he has from his break-up. If the two of you spent a lot of time together but really do very little in the way of talking, he’s probably not ready to build a solid foundation for a relationship – he just wants someone to hang out with while he deals with his heart break.