You start dating someone new and things are going pretty great… until you wake up one day and realize that you’ve basically become your boyfriend's mom. Um, what?! He tends to put all his responsibilities on your plate because he knows you’ve got him covered, and he totally takes advantage of your willingness to make him happy. You definitely don’t want to fall into the mom category and you need a real man instead of a boy. Don’t get discouraged if you’ve noticed that your guy treats you like he treats his mom, it’s something that happens to the best of us. Even J.Lo released a song earlier this year called "Ain’t Your Mama", so there are a number of other women who can definitely relate. If you have a funny feeling that you’re starting to become more like a second mother to him rather than a girlfriend, you definitely should pay close attention to the red flags. We’re here to help, of course. Here are 15 signs that you’re his mom, not his girlfriend.
15 You Do His Laundry
News flash: if he’s an adult, he’s definitely more than capable of doing his own laundry. Since when does the title of girlfriend entail washing your guy’s dirty clothes? You both know that doing a load of laundry isn’t exactly rocket science, so why are you willing to take on the role of being his personal launderer? Perhaps he was super spoiled by his own mother growing up and never had to learn how to wash, dry, and fold his attire – but that doesn’t mean that it’s your responsibility just because you’re with him. At some point, he really needs to step up to the plate and come to terms with the simple fact that you are his girlfriend and not his mom. Relationships are a give and take, and there has to be a distinction between how far you’re willing to go to appease him. Helping him out every now and then is acceptable enough, but being expected to take care of his laundry along with the mounting list of things that are already on your to-do list is definitely not something you need in a man (or man-child, for that matter).
14 You Make Excuses For Him
A proud and protective lioness will go to the end of the world and back to stand up for her cub, and if you find yourself constantly making excuses for your guy’s bad behavior, then you might actually be more of a mom to him than a girlfriend. At some point, you should probably accept the obvious: nobody is perfect and even bae makes mistakes sometimes. You shouldn’t always have to come to your man’s defense because he really shouldn’t be making that many flawed decisions. You need to see when your guy is in the right and be okay with calling him out when he’s wrong. Covering up his poor choices by making excuses for him isn’t protecting him and it will only do both him and yourself a huge disservice in the grand scheme of things. What you need is a BF who can admit when he messes up and take responsibility for his actions (you know, the way adults are supposed to do). When you find yourself shielding him from reality, you’re assuming the role of his mother when you should be more focused on being his partner instead.
13 You Cook All Of His Meals
It's super sweet that you like to cater to your boyfriend's needs, but when he takes your kindness for granted and starts expecting you to work your magic in the kitchen for him at every meal, it’s a pretty clear sign that you’re more of a mom than a love interest. So what if he’s used to his mommy cooking home-made meals for him all his life? Your job isn’t to be your man’s personal chef, and the mentality that a woman’s role is in the kitchen is totally outdated and completely unrealistic. We’re pretty sure that there wasn’t a relationship contract you signed when you first started dating that said you would play house and prepare his dinner every night. Does he want you to cut up his steak into perfectly bite-sized portions while you’re at it? Let’s be honest, it's pretty simple: he’s definitely old enough to fend for himself and you waiting on him hand and foot is only making things worse.
12 You Take Care Of Him When He’s Sick
Are you really his girlfriend or do you moonlight as his personal nurse, too? As women, we have to go through a lot of stuff in our lifetime… like dealing with that time of the month and, you know, childbirth. It’s no surprise that we tend to have a decent tolerance for feeling less than one hundred perfect and we definitely have a higher threshold for pain than most men do. So, when your BF is sick with a cold, does he turn into a full-blown baby about it? If your guy can’t handle getting the sniffles sometimes and acts like it’s the end of the world and he needs you to take care of him, it’s safe to say you’re assuming the role of his mother. Of course, there's nothing wrong with helping him sometimes, but it's a whole different story when he acts like he's on his deathbed when he's not feeling well. You shouldn’t be responsible for coddling him when he’s supposed to be a strong man. If you find that your boyfriend turns into a needy child when he’s feeling a bit under the weather, maybe try suggesting he put his big boy pants on and handle it like a grown-up.
11 You Nag Him 24/7
Okay, so maybe we all nag our boyfriends sometimes, but if you’ve noticed that you constantly have to ask him to do something and he always resists you, then congrats, you are the proud parent of an angsty teenager. “Could you take out the trash? Did you remember to pay the bills on time? Did you make a dinner reservation for tomorrow night?” If you have to ask multiple times, he’s just totally not listening to you. You shouldn’t have to repeat yourself over and over and over again in order for him to pay attention to you. If sounding like a broken record stuck on repeat has become a regular thing, it’s about time you put your foot down and let him know that you definitely aren’t his mother. Nobody wants to become badger a grown man to do what he’s supposed to do, and as his GF it’s just not your job. Save all that drama for his mama.
10 You Financially Support Him
If you are the main breadwinner in your relationship, your boyfriend shouldn’t be reaching into your purse to collect spare change. That’s something a child would do. Unless you actually have children of your own, you shouldn’t be responsible for anyone else’s finances except your own. Let’s be clear here: you’re his girlfriend, not his mama, and you’re most definitely not his sugar mama, either. It’s not your place to give your boyfriend handouts because he expects a free ride. There are a few choice words for that sort of thing, such as "deadbeat" and "freeloader." You earn your income by working hard and hustling, so you don’t need to be forking over any cash to your penniless partner. If he’s a real man, he will 100 percent get a job and support himself. You know he’s not a kid anymore, so doesn’t let him walk all over you and treat you like it’s your duty to take care of him financially. It’s not, and you totally know it.
9 You Clean Up After Him
He leaves out dirty dishes, he throws his dirty clothes on your bedroom floor, and he knows that you will totally take care of it. Excuse me, but are you his GF, or his maid? Any guy who relies on you to clean up after him is super lazy and is acting like he still lives at home with his parents. You aren’t his caretaker, and he isn’t a toddler, so you shouldn’t be picking up the messes he makes. At some point, he needs to be held accountable for his actions and understand that you aren’t going to treat him like he’s your child. It’s definitely unattractive when a guy assumes that you will just pick up after him and it’s not fair to put all that on your plate. You surely have enough things to do without having to follow your boyfriend around the house with a trash bag. This sort of thing is unacceptable and you shouldn’t have to be your boyfriend’s mother/cleaning lady.
8 You Run His Errands
At this point, it sounds like he sure expects a lot from you in this relationship, so what exactly does he even bring to the table? You go out of your way to go to pick up his dry cleaning, go to the store to grab his favorite dessert, and make sure that his life is all-around easier with your help. Of course, it’s super nice and considerate that you would be willing to take on his long list of errands, but him dumping more of his responsibilities on you becomes a habit then it’s time to remind him just who you are. Um, hello, you’re his companion, his better half, and his partner. At no point in there did you agree to be his second mom! If he knows that you’re a pushover when it comes to tending to his every need, he’s definitely more likely to take advantage of your generosity. Help him understand that you have your own set of errands and things to do without the added stress of doing all of his, too.
7 You Drive Him Everywhere
Oh look, it’s your turn to carpool the kids around again! If you find yourself driving around your boyfriend here, there, and everywhere like you are his mother then he’s totally not treating you like a proper girlfriend by any means. He doesn’t have a car? He never got his license? He had his license suspended? Let him learn his lesson the hard way, don’t get sucked into becoming his personal chauffeur. He is supposed to be the man in the relationship, not a little boy. It’s even worse if you’re driving his friends around too. Can someone please just get it together already? Come on… why would anyone want to live this way? Unwilling falling into the role of motherhood for your own BF can be absolutely frustrating. This sort of thing definitely sounds less than desirable, so try to help him understand that you aren’t going to be his free ride. Having a mature, responsible, adult for a boyfriend sure sounds a lot more appealing, wouldn’t you agree? Perhaps he'll be getting a bus pass for Christmas this year.
6 He Throws Temper Tantrums
When a guy acts like a baby by taking a temper tantrum every time things don’t go his way, it's super unattractive... and there's not much else that is as crazy unattractive as that. If he doesn’t get what he wants and he resorts to whining, stomping around, and screaming, he’s definitely treating you like you’re his mommy instead of his better half. While it’s fine for him to vent his frustrations and even complain every now and then, it’s definitely not okay for him to have a meltdown of epic proportions whenever he feels like it. Honestly, do you really want to be with a guy who can’t control his temper anyway? It’s totally not your job to pacify a full grown man as if he’s your very own. If he’s acting like a poor sport all the time it might just be time to rethink this whole relationship thing all together. You need someone who is calm, cool, and collected – not someone who needs a timeout.
5 You Practically Dress Him
You buy his clothes, you pick out what he’s supposed to wear, and you do everything short of actually dressing him. It sounds like you’re his mother and you’re doing all of his back to school shopping. We get it, some guys just don’t want to deal with going shopping for clothing and trust their GF’s judgment when it comes to hand-selecting a wardrobe. Odds are, you can probably do it a lot better than he can anyway. But if he fully depends on you to supply him with new clothes and lay them out for him as if he were a child, then he’s definitely giving you the mommy treatment. We’re pretty sure he’s more than capable of dressing himself, and you don’t need to cater to his every whim. Having some independence is a good thing when it comes to relationships, so him being completely co-dependent on you is likely to cause problems down the road. Let’s be honest, wouldn’t it be nice to have a boyfriend who buys his own pants and underwear?
4 You Wake Him Up For Work
First, you were his girlfriend, and then you became his maid, chauffeur, personal shopper, and now he expects you to be his alarm clock, too? There is something seriously wrong here. If he can’t set his own alarm and pluck himself out of bed in time to make it to school, work, or important events then he’s just not being realistic. Responsibility is supposed to come with being an adult, and if he can’t manage to handle simple tasks such as getting somewhere on time then you definitely shouldn’t be picking up the slack. Let’s remember one thing: you aren’t his mother, and you don’t need to remind him when to go to bed and when he needs to get up. These are life skills he should have learned a long time ago, and he’s just using you as a stand-in for his mom because he’s void of all responsibility.
3 He Has More Toys Than Any Kid You Know
You know what they say: boys will be boys, especially when it comes to their love of toys. Yup, we’re talking about video games, action figures, even adult Legos. You name it; your man-child probably has it. While it’s great that your guy has his own unique set of interests outside of your relationship, it’s not cool when he starts spending more time playing World of Warcraft than with you. You definitely don’t want to be the girl who has to compete with his Xbox for attention. If he develops a habit of brushing you off in favor of playing with toys then he’s treating you more like his mother than his lady. He should be able to separate playtime from his real-life responsibilities, but if all he wants to do is sit on the couch all day and catch Pokémon in his spare time, you’re totally the more mature one in the relationship. You aren’t his mother, so you shouldn’t have to remind him to put his toys and games away to focus on something more productive… like your relationship.
2 You Give Him A Curfew
He goes out with his friends for the night and he doesn’t answer your calls. He comes home way later than you expected after you sat up all night like a worried mother. Sound familiar? If your guy constantly puts you in "panicked parent" mode, he definitely treats you more like a mom than a girlfriend. You shouldn’t have to give your boyfriend a curfew because he should be able to care for himself and know when it’s appropriate to head home. Staying out till 3am sounds pretty shady if you ask us. Your BF should totally take time out to be with his friends, but he shouldn’t leave you hanging either. Falling into a pattern of telling him where he should be and when he should be back sounds exhausting – and frankly, you shouldn’t be doing any of that. Your boyfriend surely doesn’t need a curfew, he needs to be trusted because he should be respectful of you, your feelings, and your relationship.
1 He’s A Mama’s Boy
You already know it, and he’s not ashamed to admit it: your boyfriend is a bonafide mama's boy and he doesn’t care what anyone thinks. There’s a pretty good chance you were already well aware of his ‘mama’s boy’ status long before making your relationship official, but you figured it was something you could deal with. Now that you’ve been together for a while you might have come to realize that the neediness he has towards his own mother has trickled down to you – and it’s wreaking havoc on your love life. It’s likely that his own mom probably pampered him all his life, and now that’s what he’s grown accustomed to. What can we say, your man loves his momma, and that’s super awesome – but what isn’t awesome is that he treats you like you’re the next best thing. Of course, it’s fine to care for your boyfriend and help him out at times, but it’s not a good look when he becomes totally dependent on you to do things that his mother never made him do growing up. Sure, he might be a mama's boy but that definitely doesn’t mean you’re supposed to pick up where his mother left off.