Many women like a strong man to protect them and make them feel safe, but there is nothing worse than a man who tries to control your every move. It is important to maintain a certain amount of independence when you are in a relationship. If you feel you are losing your freedom, then you will feel like your boyfriend is suffocating you. It is crucial to have a healthy relationship filled with trust, love and positivity. You need to have your own space and be responsible for your own choices. You can not let another person dictate every aspect of your life. Your boyfriend should not try to change you, he should love you for the person you truly are inside. If you discover that you are already dating a control freak, then you need to point out his bad behavior, and if he can’t change then maybe you should start searching for a new boyfriend. Take a look at these 15 signs, which show that you’re dating a control freak!
15. He Acts Like Your Boss
Remember you are not your boyfriend’s slave, servant or employee. You should never ever allow him to make you feel like this. You are his girlfriend and your relationship should be equal. If you feel like he is micro-managing you and giving you tasks, then you should also give him tasks because he is not your boss. A relationship should be informal and comfortable, there should be no feeling of hierarchy. If he behaves like your boss, then ask him, “Sorry are we at work or are we at home?” Control freaks often don’t even realize what they are doing. Their behavior is subconscious. If you are serious about your relationship and you want it to work, then you need to find ways to improve your current situation. You can make light-hearted jokes and tell him you feel like he is being a control freak. He might actually be surprised by your comments and back off a little bit. Instead of it becoming a problem, it will become your inside joke!
14. He Doesn’t Want You To Be Ambitious
You can share common goals and dreams with your boyfriend, but you must not let him destroy some of your own dreams. If he is a real control freak, then he might not want you to achieve all of your dreams because he is afraid of losing you. He likes to control everything you do, so it is easier for him if you are at home or doing some simple job. A control freak doesn’t want an ambitious woman as this scares him. An ambitious woman is someone who is strong and knows her own mind. If he is a control freak, he will not want you to become this powerful confident woman. He will be more focused on achieving his own dreams. Your boyfriend will want you to put your energy into him, rather than on your own aspirations. If you feel your boyfriend is trying to prevent you from reaching your goals and is attempting to ruin your confidence, then he is not the one for you. A good boyfriend will support your dreams.
13. He Controls Your Finances
It is important to be in control of your own finances. I have friends whose ex boyfriends had all their bank details and would try to control their spending. If you have a serious problem and have an extreme addiction to spending, then maybe he is just trying to help you. However, you really need to take control of your own life and be responsible for your own finances. Money is always a tricky topic and can destroy families and friends. Your boyfriend does not need to know what is in your bank account. You should be able to manage your finances yourself. He can offer his advice, but you should never allow him to tell you what you can and cannot buy. You need to be sensible and independent. Do not let him control every aspect of your life, so take control of it yourself. It is important for you to be self-sufficient, it will make you feel happier and stronger.
12. He Controls Your Wardrobe
It is important to have your own unique sense of style. If your man makes you get rid of all your favorite dresses and takes you shopping, then this is a major sign that he is a control freak. If he wants you to wear certain clothes, make your hair and makeup the way he likes it, you will start to lose your own identity and sense of style. It is nice occasionally to dress up for him, especially for a romantic date, but don’t forget who you are. Wear the clothes you feel most comfortable in and don’t let others influence your style too much, but you can be open to suggestions. Unless he is some fashion guru with amazing advice, you should try to listen to your own head and gut. Some men would love to see their girlfriends in high heels and tight dresses every day, but if you look like that every day, then it won’t be special when you dress up for dates or special occasions.
11. He Tries To Control Your Friendship Circle
Sometimes we lose our friends when we enter serious relationships, especially if you’re dating a control freak. If your boyfriend really hates some of your friends for no real reason, except jealousy, then it sounds like he is a major control freak. Do not let your boyfriend ruin your friendships. If your boyfriend becomes the only person in your life, this is dangerous as you may find yourself alone if you break up. It is healthy to spend time with your friends and family, as well as your boyfriend. You do not want an unhealthy, toxic relationship. We don’t always like our boyfriend’s friends, but we should never dictate who they spend time with, and vice versa. If your boyfriend is telling you who you are allowed to hang out with, you then need to put your foot down and tell him that you are an adult and you can decide for yourself who your friends are.
10. He Invades Your Privacy
Reading someone’s messages is a huge breech of privacy. Your boyfriend is reading your messages because he doesn’t trust you, and feels you are keeping secrets. If there is no reason for him to feel like this as you are completely open with him, then you need to sit down with your boyfriend and explain the boundaries to him. It is just not OK for him to invade your privacy. Trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship and if he doesn’t trust you, then this relationship will never work. If he feels he needs to read your emails and messages, then he is trying to control you. He wouldn’t like it if you started to read his, so do not accept it and tell him exactly how you feel. If he doesn’t listen, then maybe you should reconsider this relationship. Everyone is entitled to have their privacy and we must respect this.
9. He Always Knows Your Location
I have friends whose boyfriends would track their location via GPS. If your boyfriend needs to know where you are all the time, then he is definitely a control freak. You want a boyfriend, not a stalker. There is also nothing worse than trying to have a nice evening with your friends but having to spend the whole time responding to your boyfriend’s messages. Don’t you spend enough time with him that you can switch off for a few hours to actually enjoy your friend’s company? If your boyfriend is a control freak he will be jealous of you spending time with others, and will find reasons to call or message you when he knows you are busy. However, if he is out with his friends and you call him, he would get very angry and switch off his phone. Control freaks are very one-sided, they like to control everything you do, but they need to have their own freedom. He would never let you try to control him, so why should you put up with his bad behavior?
8. You Are Not Allowed To Speak To Other Men
A small amount of jealousy is pretty normal in relationships. It’s a problem if your boyfriend becomes over the top jealous about every single man you encounter. If he forbids you from having lunch with a male colleague or he doesn’t even allow you to speak to any man at a party, then you have a control freak on your hands. Some believe men and women cannot be friends, but we have to work with the opposite sex on a daily basis, so you can’t just exclude them from your lives, just because your boyfriend is jealous. If you really love him and want this relationship to work, you need to explain to him that he must change this behavior. The truth is that you will make people feel uncomfortable if you are not allowed to speak to them. You can’t say to your boss, “Sorry I can’t have dinner with you because my boyfriend is a control freak.” This means that you have to tell your boyfriend that you will speak to whoever you want to, and he has to trust you.
7. He Controls Your Diet
Does your boyfriend ever make you feel guilty about eating certain types of food? Does he try to order for you in restaurants? If your boyfriend is trying to control your diet then it really seems like he is trying to control your entire life. It is sometimes nice if a man takes the lead and orders for you in the restaurant, but in general this is just not OK. You are in charge of your own body and you are responsible for the food you eat. Do not let him make you feel guilty about eating snacks, and never allow him to call you names. A control freak will want to control everything about your life including your diet and body. At first it can seem like he is genuinely caring about you, but if he crosses the line, you must tell him to back off. You can accept friendly advice, but do not let him bully you and dictate what you put inside your body.
6. You Are Always Wrong
Control freaks can seem so loving and caring at first, but after awhile they show their true colors. If you feel like he criticizes everything you do and makes you feel like you are always wrong, then you should really take a serious look at your relationship. Do not let him put you down or bully you. You should talk to a close friend about it, a friend who will tell you the truth. She will be honest with you and tell you that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Friends can provide a lot of strength during tough relationships. Do not feel like you are alone and do not keep any negative feelings to yourself. You can’t be doing everything in your life wrong, so you need to be aware that he is putting you down to make himself feel better. If he is berating you for something that is not your fault, do not take the blame, make sure you stand up for yourself.
5. You Are Not Allowed To Go On Vacation Without Him
If he refuses to allow you to go on vacation with other people, even your own family then he is clearly a control freak. He needs to control everything you do, and he just can’t do that if you are away from him. He will also not like the idea of you having fun without him. It is healthy to go on vacation with your family and friends without your boyfriend sometimes as it’s a very good bonding experience and way to catch-up. We all need a little reunion from time to time. If your boyfriend is always there with you, then you just won’t have the same space or freedom. He should not be jealous of you going on vacation with someone other than him. A control freak believes that he is the only one that can really make you happy and show you a good time. This is because he is afraid of losing you. He wants to make you feel like you need him.
4. He Is Reluctant To Try New Hobbies
It will be quite difficult to introduce your boyfriend to new hobbies if he is a control freak as he likes his own routine and his own interests. He will not be very open to trying new things. You have to make him think it is his idea, so you need to find a way to plant it in his mind. If you are too obvious about it and try to encourage him in a strong way, he will immediately refuse to go. Control freaks are very sensitive and they need to feel like everything is their idea. Trying to get him to start salsa classes could be a real challenge, if he has never taken dance classes before. Control freaks never want to feel silly among others. You need to gently introduce the idea to him and once he tries it, he might really love it. Control freaks take things seriously, so once he starts a hobby, he will try his best to be good at it.
3. You Are Afraid Of Him
You should never feel like you are constantly walking on egg shells. You don’t want a boyfriend who always gets out of the wrong side of bed. And if he does, then you can tell him to go back to bed and get out of the other side, because you will not tolerate his bad moods! You need to be strong, otherwise your relationship will never work. It is true that opposites attract, and if you are both too strong you might clash and your relationship will crack. However, you cannot marry someone who causes you fear. You should never be afraid to speak your mind. You should be able to be yourself, and not do everything he wants because you are afraid of him. Fear will never bring anything positive to your relationship. Do not let him be a street angel and house devil. You should not be his verbal punching bag, so just don’t tolerate it!
2. He Believes He’s A Perfectionist
Control freaks consider themselves true perfectionists. They don’t like chaos and have found certain ways to create an environment where they feel most comfortable. They are incredibly critical of others and are often not very self-aware. A control freak will definitely want to change his girlfriend and will be unhappy with many of her natural habits. Control freaks have a special way of trying to show you that they are perfect. This is the reason they don’t like to try new things as they want to always be in control and do things they are good at. Many control freaks are actually perfectionists as they try very hard to become perfect in everything they do. It is healthy to remind your boyfriend that he also makes mistakes sometimes, and that it’s OK to not be a perfectionist all the time. So if you start dating a man who seems like a real perfectionist, then he could also be a control freak!
1. He Is Insecure
Control freaks may appear to be strong characters, but at the end of the day they are incredibly insecure deep down. This is the reason they feel the need to control everything in their life. They can’t handle losing control. They will never truly be comfortable if they are not in the driving seat. He will feel awkward and uncomfortable in an unfamiliar environment. This is why he likes to do everything his way, and doesn’t like to try new things that often. This is also why he doesn’t allow you to speak to other men and tries to keep track of your every movement. It is important to identify if your boyfriend is insecure as soon as possible because you can easily fix this before he develops into a major control freak. You need to break down his walls, and show him that it’s OK to not always be in control of everything. Let him open up to you about his true feelings of insecurity and find out why he is behaving this way.
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