No one wants to admit that she’s dating a manipulator because that would just be too much. It’s too much because we don’t want to confess that we are weak and vulnerable, especially as females. This is not to say we are not strong, on the contrary, we’re probably way stronger than men in many ways. However, this does not mean that we don’t have moments of fragility. We are made of gumdrops, lollipops, rainbows, unicorns, and emotions like you wouldn’t believe it. Use emotions to pray upon us and chances are that we’ll fall victim. That being said, we can learn from our mistakes, move on, grow up, and teach others about what not to do when it comes to men and overexposing ourselves. We can protect ourselves and do it together, but first, we must identify where we are failing in the manipulator’s game. It is a game. He loves making moves and watching you debate on where your next move should be. At some point, he’s have you under his control that he’ll know your next move before you do. This is dangerous stuff, ladies. Learn about how to identify one of these creeps because knowledge is power and power gives us the strength to leave.
15 Second-guess yourself
So you’re doing some back and forth debating with yourself on a regular basis, like all the time and more and more as time goes on. You feel like you can’t be certain about anything, not about yourself, the relationship, the other person; and you are getting annoyed with yourself for being so indecisive. Perhaps you were once a rather decisive person who has now become unsure –that can be a huge sign of manipulation. Perhaps you were always indecisive, but now it’s gotten out of hand and you’re not even sure who to trust anymore and surely you can’t even think about trusting yourself because things are far gone –that can also be another sign of manipulation. The fact of the matter is, if someone makes you doubt of second-guess yourself about things, yet your pretty certain and on top of it your gut says differently, that has master manipulation written all over it, dear.
Out of nowhere you became depressed and you haven’t really thought about why. Well, let’s do that now, shall we? Have you become more depressed since being around or in a relationship with this person? Is being around this person a chore or a joy? Does this person invite feelings of wanting to stick around or wanting to leave? Do you look forward to spending time with this person? Are you relieved when the person leaves? Do you dread seeing the person again? Do you become sad thinking about how you can get out of this relationship? You see, manipulation isn’t in your face, it happens in the subtle spaces, in the cracks and crevices you might not notice and before you know it you’re already trapped, but you don’t know how or why. Depression can be an indicator that you are miserable with your current situation, but which area is making your miserable isn’t so clear. Ask yourself questions similar to the previous ones about the person you suspect of manipulating you and anyone else that you doubt makes you happy or is really team-you.
Fear can be difficult to detect and is usually, if not always, paired up with depression. They are like two peas in a pod and tend to come in moments when what you hate most starts to come around or is about to come around. Fear can also be confused or synonymous with anxiety. Fear means that your body and brain are reacting to a stimuli that you do not like. Unlike depression, which can sometimes be hard to detect, fear is a little easier as its symptoms are usually physical. If you are quiet enough and study your body closely, you will see the symptoms clear as day. Do you feel your heart racing? Are your hands shaky? Do you feel the need to leave the situation or hide away? Have your pupils dilated? Do you feel nauseas or dizzy? These are all signs that you are in a state of fear and that your body is telling you to get out. Might you listen?
12 Feel crazy
When someone manipulates you enough and in an effective way, they can have you feeling like the crazy person when, in fact, he is the one who is crazy for manipulating another human being. Manipulation happens on many levels. We are manipulated by society to buy things. We are manipulated by society to hate our bodies. We are manipulated by our families into certain career paths. And we are even manipulated by our partners. The manipulation doesn’t stop, but what can stop is how we react to it. We can notice it from afar if our heads and hearts are in the right place; and we can stop thinking that we’re crazy for feeling certain things. You’re not crazy, those things are happening and he probably is manipulating you. He’s just so good at what he does that he’s got you thinking it’s you who’s gone off the deep end. Rethink the situation –study things with a critical eye and see who’s the crazy one in this situation.
You said something a few weeks ago, something you don’t even remember, something maybe insignificant or maybe something you don’t remember. But he does, he remembers; and he will hold onto those words and use them against you whenever he can. Maybe you said you don’t like something, but you’ve since changed you’re mind. He’ll bring it up. He’ll say, I thought you didn’t like such and such and you’ll be like, Well, I didn’t, but since then I’ve had a change of mind. And he might be like So you change your mind quickly, huh? or Does that mean you might change your mind about me? or You aren’t very stable if you change your mind so frequently. Something like that, but something definitely crazy and something that should not be happening, like at all, ever. The fact that he’s trying to use something you said against you shows you that there’s something wrong. There’s so much other stuff to remember and hold onto. Not only that, he’s holding onto it to use it for evil. That’s textbook manipulation, honey.
If this isn’t the classic sign of a manipulator, then I’m not sure what is. Being passive aggressive shows that the person with whom you are associating wants you to feel bad and will stop at nothing to get what he wants. They use words like never and always and all the time and they pout for no reason and they make comments out of nowhere that leave you feeling like, Where did that come from? They will say black if you say white and down if you say up. It stems from not having a place to vent their anger and frustration as children and as adults they are stubborn and juvenile, often playing the silent game or dishing out unnecessary comments that could be considered rude. They refuse to accept responsibility for snide comments of which they have plenty; and their favorite pastime appears to be making others feel bad for what they have and what he doesn’t have which leads us right into our next point.
9 Sour grapes
Very much related to, if not a brother, passive-aggressive behavior is the sour grapes attitude. If the person you suspect of manipulating you makes you feel bad for things that he has not yet achieved, that’s sour grapes. To avoid feeling guilty or depressed about something that didn’t go as planned, this is a method to avoid hurt feelings and maintain ego. Because for the manipulator, everything is about ego. Maybe you didn’t do something the way he wanted to, don’t worry, he didn’t want it that badly anyways. Maybe a special event got cancelled and you know he was dying to go, don’t worry, he was just going because you wanted to go. Maybe didn’t get that job he wanted, don’t worry, he only applied for something to do and didn’t really want the job anyways. If he can use sour grapes, he will. And he will surely use them on you, to pull away emotional from the situation and leave you feeling lost, confused, and maybe even shocked. Eventually, all those sour grapes turn to wine that you can drink to forget that you ever met the manipulator in the first place.
8 Reverse psychology
Whatever happens, the manipulator wanted the opposite to happen, so in the end whatever happened is really what he wanted to happen and not what everything thought would or should happen. Confused? Yep, thought so. Basically, if he says he wants you to do something, deep down he wants the opposite and by pushing you towards the thing he says he wants you to do, he thinks you’ll do the opposite. And the truth is, you probably will and you probably already have. The truth is, the manipulator is insecure and feels powerful and thus, to control the situation, he guides you into his trap by supporting your ideas and almost pressuring you into doing something so that it doesn’t seem so inviting anymore. In the end, whatever idea you had and whatever that something was that you had wanted to do no longer seems inviting and you do the opposite or nothing. Hence, the manipulator wins. If he seems overly supportive or always guiding you in a direction, study what the outcome is and then study what his true intentions are. He’s a slimy, slippery little eel, isn’t he?
You were once very social. You attended all the latest, greatest events, you went to art galleries, you chilled at festivals and such, but somehow and somewhere along the line, you lost touch. Now you’re feeling not only miles away from everyone, but you also feel years away –you feel unreachable and that you can’t reach out either. This isolation is what the manipulator wants. He wants to get you alone. He wants to get you in a state of depression or anxiety where the only thing that looks like salvation is his face. He wants to confuse you and make you think he’s helping, but it’s he who got you here in the first place to trick you into thinking he’s the one that can get out of this isolation. You see, the manipulator knows what he’s doing. This is not his first time manipulating someone nor will it be his last. But you can make it your last time with a manipulator if you get up and leave right now. That’s it, walk out the door, away from isolation and back into reality where people have been wondering where you’ve been, girl.
6 Goodbye friends & family
That leads us to your friends and family who, more than likely, will be left behind while you’re kicking it with the manipulator. You see, if you have support and real love around you, then you’re like likely to get brainwashed. The manipulator likes to get you alone, to himself, and far away from those who care about you. It won’t happen overnight and he probably won’t even ever say anything bad about your friends or family, but you will see them slip away in the distance as much of your time will be spent with him and him only. He does this by showering you with quote, unquote love, over-the-top compliments, and busing your time with romantic and dramatic dates. He pulls out all the stops, ladies. Nothing is too much or too expensive for his girl. You’ll realize a growing pressure which is the result of him pinning you down; he’s got you under his thumb. That’s what that feels like.
5 Goodbye hobbies
You can’t even remember the last time you did the stuff you love. Maybe it’s been so long that you can’t even remember what you love doing. All of your hobbies, like your friends and family, have gone out the door and window. You are now a zombie and everything you like and do is related directly to him. If he likes soccer, guess what, you like soccer. If he likes pasta, even if you hated it before, now you, too, like pasta. If he plays video games, you guessed it, you also play video games. You’ve almost become a mini-he; and he’s loving the transformation. This means that his whole world, which now includes you, revolves around him. All things are marching to the beat of his drum. He no longer has to control things because now you like what he likes and you do what he does. This is major manipulation, this is not just common couple mirroring –this is new level stuff.
You were once lively and spritely and full of energy bubbles that you affect those around you. Now, you barely have the strength to get out of bed. That may be from all the time you spend arguing with the manipulator, it could be from all the time spent debating with yourself about whether or not you’re crazy, it could also be from feeling that the life force has been sucked right outta you. People who love and care for you should not produce feelings of exhaustion. Yes, a long night out or a big family dinner –things like that leave us with minimal energy stores. But if you are feeling exhausted all the time despite not having done much, you have a vampire on your hands. He comes in the shape of a human, but he’s really a heartless monster who’s ultimate goal is to transform you into what he wants you to be. Your exhaustion is a result of the transition you’re making from human to vampire. It’s a long process and it takes pruning, but if you’re reading this and recognize that you’ve been selected as the vampire’s next victim, there’s still time to get out. Run now, child, and run fast.
3 Victim card
Somehow you’re to blame for everything. Well, not exactly, but nothing will be the manipulator’s fault and everything bad that can and will happen seems to happen to him and him only. Poor thing, he’s the only person in the world who’s got the worst luck. While everyone around him is free from the chains of bad luck, here he is suffering time and time again. And you’re the lucky one, look at you with all your stuff and all your whatnots –you’ve got it made over there while he’s there writhing around in his victim jacket. He’s purposely calling your attention to the negative aspects of his life so that you will show him some sympathy while at the same time feel like you can or even save him from that which clearly has it out for him. He’s done a very nice job of setting everything up. He’s even made it seem like your life is peaches and cream. Wake up, girl, it’s a real set up complete with psychopath lurking in the background.
The guilt will come from the pulled victim card. He pulls this card for any and everything. Out of orange juice, of course, right when he would want some. No more cookies, he never eats cookies but the now that he wants one they’re all gone. Public transportation out again and it just so happens it’s the route he uses to get to work. You get the picture here. You’re probably even living the picture. Do you see yourself there? He’s pulling the victim card so you will feel guilty for all the good things that happen to you. In this way, you will try to make things better for him. You will buy him his own bottle of orange juice. You will bake him a dozen freshly baked cookies. You will give him money for a cab so he doesn’t have to suffer the injustice of public transportation. Do you see that? Do you see how he just did that? He’s good, but you’re better. Get out while you can.
If you’ve noticed a discrepancy between what he says and what he does, you’re onto something. You’ve noticed a manipulator in action. Clearly, we’ve all been guilty of saying one thing and doing another. Doctors tells us not to smoke and in the next breath puff on a cigarette on their lunchbreak. It seems like this type of behavior is common to the human being. However, if one does this on a regular basis, it shows a real lack of character and unwillingness to face reality. Manipulators will often tell you not to do something, yet that same action has not consequences for them. Manipulators will claim to be kind, but when a situation requires kind they fall short. They are the first ones to say that action speak louder than words because they don’t believe in the power of words; they also use this as a way to manipulate you and distract you from calling attention to both his actions and his words that all lead to his manipulative behavior.