Being kind and loving is all good, until people start taking advantage of it. If you’re a people-pleaser, you know exactly how that feels. But if you’re a people-pleaser who doesn’t know what it’s all about, well, that’s exactly why we’re here. Girl, if you think life is all about pleasing others then you’re wrong. If you think your calling is to spend the rest of your time here on earth to make others feel loved and important and happy, you’re also wrong. You have your own life, remember? You have your own amazing self to love. Stop allowing other people to treat you like a doormat because you are so much more than that. Find a boyfriend. Explore the world. Get a life, for god’s sake! Because you wouldn’t want to spend your life pitying yourself because others are genuinely happy and you know deep inside that you’re not. So how do you know you’re a people-pleaser?
15. You Worry Too Much About Other’s Feelings Than Yours
Worrying about other people is something normal. Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with worrying about them because hey, we all have loved ones. We all have amazing people whom we love and whom we worry about oh-so-naturally. But when you worry about every single person you interact with – every single friend and every single colleague and every single family and relative, girl that’s so not normal anymore. That’s called being a people-pleaser. You worry so much about how other people feel that you don’t even remember to at least, think about your own feelings. Stop thinking too much about what others feel and just start paying more attention to yourself. Until you decide to stop this toxic habit, you’ll just continue sabotaging yourself., and you’re practically doing it unknowingly, which makes this entire thing uncool. Is that what you really want for yourself? Do you think you were born to worry about others and not about your own feelings?
14. You’re Really Good At Lying
Lying isn’t too hard for people-pleasers like you. If other people lie to get what they want, people-pleasers lie so they can get what the person they’re pleasing wants. This means you’re willing to put anything and everything on the line, at risk, and make all the lies you can imagine just so you can please other people. What kind of life is that, woman? Do you really want to make big risks just so you can please others? Stop putting your name on the line if it’s for the benefit of other people. Keep in mind that you have yourself to please, and sometimes, you need to make lies to get what you want as well. If we only get to make 500 lies all throughout our lives, we’re pretty sure people-pleasers would run out of chances to lie even before they turn 18. Keep in mind, woman, your reputation is so much more important than making others happy.
13. You Hate When People Take Advantage Of You…
Just like any other people-pleaser, when you realize that people are just taking advantage of you, you’re not happy about it. In fact, you hate that they do it. You often find yourself wondering why some people are like that – fond of taking advantage of others. You feel like all you want to be is the kindest person you can ever be, but these people who take advantage of you are making that desire really difficult. And because of this, you despise them. At some point, you even make a promise to yourself that you won’t interact with these kinds of people anymore, but for some reason, you end up hanging out with them. Well girl, this is because they’re already part of your life, and you’re the kind of person who wants to please everyone who’s a part of her life. You’re the kind of person who ends up choosing others, still, even when they don’t value you anymore.
12. …But You Don’t Do Anything About It
If you despise the fact that other people are just taking advantage of you, well, you better do something about it. There’s no point in hating them and hating what they do when you yourself aren’t doing anything about it. You better learn to stand up for yourself, woman, because nobody else will do that for you. Even when all you’ve ever done is stand up for others, you cannot expect them to do the same, because, well, as we’ve mentioned, some (or most) of these people are just taking advantage of you. When it’s your turn to ask for help, you cannot really expect these advantageous a-holes to be there. So you better stop simply despising them and start acting on it. Start doing something about it, before it’s too late and you’ll end up not only hurt, but super disappointed too! Save yourself from that, dear reader.
11. You Crave Compliments
Compliments are like the bread and butter of your life. If you use harmful means to sleep the night away, you tend to use compliments to survive the rest of your day. People-pleasers usually drain their energy without noticing so, to compensate, they crave compliments. Now if this is something you do, if you secretly wish every person you meet or you work with would compliment you for anything, that’s a clear sign you’re a people-pleaser. You may not know you’re trying to please this person, but if you secretly want them to thank you or compliment you for your efforts, then deep inside, you know you did something for you to ask for compliments. Craving compliments isn’t something that has an on and off switch, it’s rooted and it has a deeper source. You just need to get to know yourself more.
10. You Always Want To Be Noticed
To be noticed is probably one of the best things that can happen to a people-pleaser’s day. As in, your day is not complete until someone – a new friend, a stranger at the coffee shop or the mall, a new colleague – would notice you. And no, this is not when they notice your hair or your dress. This is when they notice your attitude. You want others to think you’re doing them a favor and they need to respond. You do everything in your power to make these people have an easier trip to the mall or an easier set of tasks at work (thanks to you) and you want them to notice your efforts and your good attitude. Now because some people (okay, most people) don’t really notice the good ones all the time, you end up doing things repeatedly until they actually see what you’re doing. This can be super tiring, girl, especially if you’re doing this every single day.
9. You Keep On Saying YES To Everything
For most people-pleasers, they think saying NO is a problem. You may not notice it, but come to think of it, when was the last time you said NO to something? When was the last time you REALLY meant to say NO? See what we mean? If you’ve been saying yes and yes to every single favor asked, chances are you’re a people-pleaser and you just don’t know it yet. Girl, there’s nothing wrong when you say NO to something. Keep in mind that you have a life to live and if a friend asked you for something that’s not right up your alley, you can say NO. You’re not going to be penalized or cursed or hated forever if you tell them NO. Besides, saying YES to everything is way too overrated. A lot of us have made it a habit to say YES to everything without even thinking about it, and this usually ends badly.
8. You Pay Too Much Attention To New Friends…
People-pleasers are naturally friendly. It’s like no matter what kind of person you’re talking to, you always know how to interact with them. You always have a new topic to talk about and you never fail to make this new person feel safe and comfortable with you. This, dear reader, is your special power. And if you come to think of it, this is actually a beneficial attitude. Your ability to make others feel comfortable to open up to you is something. However, you tend to pay too much attention to your new pals. Even if you two just spoke for a few minutes, you think this person is already your new pal, and you two would end up being friends on Facebook and then you end up paying more attention to her and to your other new pals. Now this can be good if you know how to balance new and old pals, but if not, your old and loyal friends may not like this attitude so much.
7. …And Too Little Attention To Your Loyal Pals
In fact, because you pay too much attention to your new friends, always wanting to please them in any way, your old and loyal friends may feel a little jealous. And don’t think they’re just being immature because they’re not. They were loyal to you. They’re probably your friends since high school! And now, just because you have your new pals, you chose to forget about your old pals. Does that sound okay? Does that sit right with you? Do you think it’s fine to keep this kind of attitude? Definitely not! So stop treating your loyal friends like garbage. Stop getting in touch with them only when you need something. Sure, your new friends are still in the process of getting to know you more, and chances are, they keep on showering you with compliments (because that’s what new friends do) but that doesn’t mean you should keep your attention to them and to them only. Your loyal pals need you too, you know…
6. You Always Have A Fake Smile On Your Face
Of course! Because you want to please others so bad, you spend your days walking in a bubble of happiness. You plaster a big smile on your face and you make sure that smile never vanishes. Because you’ve been doing this since forever, you’ve actually perfected it already. But girl, let’s be honest here, that smile is fake. The world knows that your life is not that perfect, that you never frown or cry or have other emotions. Stop pretending that you’re happy because people already know how fake you are. Well, by people, we mean your friends. Strangers are the only ones who would actually believe you’re happy, because they really don’t know you. But your friends? Your co-workers? They all know you’re just faking happiness. Heck! They’ve probably figured out already that you’re a people-pleaser even before you yourself figured it out. Good luck with that fake smile, girl.
5. You Can’t Take Criticism
Criticism kills no one but you. Seriously, you cringe at the smallest criticism you hear. You feel like when someone notices your chipped nail polish, they’re automatically accusing you of being a social climber who tries to make people believe she is rich when really she could barely feed herself. Don’t be too hard on yourself, dear. People will always think, whether you like it or not, and there’s really no such thing as pleasing everyone. You can’t expect to spend hundreds of dollars to appear perfect and have nobody say something bad about it. So when someone criticizes you or just notices something that’s not so good about you, don’t take it personally. We’re pretty sure that person doesn’t really care about your nails anyway – she just had to mention that the polish is chipped. Keep in mind that criticism is healthy. It helps you and guides you through life. Take it lightly and you will be fine.
4. You Agree With Everybody’s Opinion
For you, everybody’s right. Everybody gets a point or a star or something. You’re kidding, right? Girl, we’re telling you, you’re just tiring yourself out. No matter how hard you try to agree with everything, even when it’s fake agreement we’re talking about, you will still be caught up in a situation where you will be asked about which side you’re on because you seem to be on everybody’s side. People, especially friends, will still end up asking you about your own opinion, your own thoughts. What are you gonna say, then? How are you going to react to it? This is basically the problem with people-pleasers. They think when they agree with everybody, when they say everyone’s opinion is a great opinion, they think they’re doing the right thing. Well, girl, you are so not doing the right thing. You’re doing the total opposite of it.
3. You’re A Leveled-Up Version Of A Social Butterfly
If social butterflies had a queen, that would be you no doubt. Girl, you’re exhausting yourself way too much! We already get it, you want to be that one and only person in the room who has perfected the method of getting everyone’s attention. For you, there is no need to study one’s actions before trying to attract them. You can just go up to someone, talk to them, and instantly, they would want to hand out with you because you’ve perfected being a social butterfly like that. And woman, really, nobody would want to argue with you. We get that you don’t need liquid courage to socialize. Since you’re a people-pleaser, one of the most important abilities you have and you cherish is being very social. Not only does it work perfectly, it also works flawlessly for you. Now you may not notice this yet, but being a leveled-up social butterfly is actually exhausting you. It is killing you deep inside and once you notice it, you will hate yourself for being a people-pleaser.
2. You Can’t Survive Without A Love-Life
This may sound harsh but yes, one of the most common signs of being a people-pleaser is that you cannot survive a night on your own. For some unknown reason, you always feel the need to sleep with someone, anyone. If not, you usually drink yourself to sleep or you turn on the TV and not turn it off until the next morning when you wake up. This is probably because you feel so empty on the inside. You spend your entire day making other people happy, compromising and adjusting so others can have the most comfortable, stress-free life they could ever have, and this toxic habit secretly drains your energy. It is literally killing you on the inside that when night time comes where the only thing you need to do is rest and sleep, you can’t bring yourself to do it, at least not peacefully. This is because you’re so bothered by the fact that you feel empty and others feel just fine.
1. You Easily Attract Broken People
What’s the worst thing about being a people-pleaser? Perhaps the fact that you often attract broken people. Whether that’s a new friend who you think is going to be your new bestie or a guy at a club who you clicked with and feel like he’s your Knight in shining armour, all these people you find yourself close to are often broken. They’re not necessarily bad people or terrible company, they’re just, well, not on the same level as you. Because this keeps on happening, you being with someone who is full of feelings and often confused with their own life, you easily fall into the wrong idea that it is your job to fix them. Girl, that is so not your job. You don’t have to beat yourself up because you can’t figure out how to fix them.
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